Amy Finds Her Muse

Since Amy had left the emotional strains and pressures he had been under had almost completely submerged any thoughts he'd had of an erotic nature. On the two occasions he had attempted to relieve himself by hand while in the shower the mood had completely evaporated as soon as he thought of how he and Amy would shower together.

These showers had always ended with some form of sexual release for both of them, sometimes orally but usually with Amy bent over, her hands against the shower wall while John entered her from behind. Thinking of her now in that way was the equivalent of turning the temperature control to an ice water setting. John would completely lose his erection.

As the one month anniversary of Amy's departure approached John discovered that if he restricted his erotic thoughts to images of its first girlfriend, with whom he'd had a mutually satisfying sexual relationship during his first year at University, he was able to maintain his erection and complete the act. It became a part of his morning ritual. While John still spent much time every day thinking of Amy, and always fell asleep with her image in his mind, he had begun to accept the painful emptiness in his heart and move on to life without her.

He had also begun to wean himself from the nightly glass of Scotch he'd needed in order to sleep. He was afraid it would become a habit and he could ill afford the consequences if alcohol were to take over his life. He had too much to live for with Amanda.

-Sunday, March 10.

June and Fred joined John, Barbara and Amanda for supper and a pleasant evening together. On the next day the two of them were planning to leave in their motor home. After an enjoyable meal they all moved to the living room, where they talked and watched Amanda playing on the floor.

At one point in the conversation June said, "I'm really looking forward to this trip but I'm really upset that Amy hasn't called us once since she left. We don't even have a number to call her. It's like she's disappeared from the face of the earth."

"Well, I can't say I'd really want to talk to her but I'm surprised she hasn't called you," Fred replied.

"I'm certainly not expecting her to call me," John said. "I'm sure that since I've coerced her into cutting herself off from Amanda and me I'm at the top of the list of least popular people in her life."

Their conversation continued until John realized he had a question for June and Fred. "By the way, Barbara has her driver's license doesn't she? It seems to me I've seen her in your car."

Fred replied, "Yes she does as a matter of fact. She's actually quite a good driver but we're taking the car with us so we can shop and sightsee while we're away."

"Well, that's good to know," John said. "I have Amy's car here and I don't need it. What I'll do is insure Barbara to drive it and she can use it for school and anything else that comes up. So long as that's OK with you."

"That will be fine with us," Fred said. "In fact, it would be helpful to us, as Barbara could check the house periodically on her way home from school. She could pick up the mail and make sure everything is secure."

Barbara, who had been playing with Amanda, turned to the adults after this last exchange. She had obviously been listening to their conversation. "You mean I'd be able to use your car?" she asked. "That would be awesome! It would be easy for me to check the house every day if you want. And I could do some grocery shopping even."

"As long as your promise to drive carefully I have no problem with you using the car Barbara," John replied.

"Oh, thank you so much! I'll be very careful. My driving instructor told me I was a very good driver."

Barbara got up from where she was beside Amanda, rushed to John's side and gave him a big hug. She had a smile from ear to ear and her eyes were sparkling. She gave him a second hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. When she realized what she had just done, she blushed and returned to play with Amanda.

As it got later Barbara announced that she would be putting Amanda to bed and then would spend some time studying. June and Fred decided it would be a good idea to get to bed early if they were leaving in the morning so they said their goodbyes to their daughter. They made the usual parental admonitions to her that she do well at school and listen to John.

After promising to phone at least two or three times a week, they left. They seemed excited to be able to finally start their real retirement. John and Barbara waved goodbye to them from the front door.

-- Wednesday, March 27.

The last two and half weeks had flown by for John. He and Barbara continued to refine the details of their individual and collective responsibilities around the house. Now that she was able to use the car, besides checking on her parent's home, Barbara did most of the grocery shopping. She would generally do this on Saturdays while John tended to Amanda.

On this particular morning Barbara had slept in, as she knew her morning classes had been canceled for a teachers' meeting. She had asked John to get Amanda up, something she now normally did. He had done so and had just finished feeding Amanda when she began crying and looking around. John had hoped these instances of missing her mother would stop eventually. Amanda continued to fuss however.

It happened that at that point Barbara came downstairs, still in her pajamas, to have her breakfast. As soon as Amanda saw Barbara, her tears and crying had stopped. John noticed that immediately and said, "Barbara, she was fussing because you weren't here!"

"I guess both of us are on the way to being able to live without Amy. You had better not decide to move back home right away," John said, half in jest.

"Not a chance," Barbara said. "I'm enjoying caring for Amanda and living here with you two." She smiled at John, picked up Amanda and went upstairs.

-- Thursday, April 4.

It was just after 10 a.m. and John had just completed reading a picture book to Amanda. She was now seated in her high chair in the kitchen, scribbling on a piece of paper with a crayon. John was having a cup of coffee when the front doorbell rang.

John confirmed that Amanda was firmly belted into the seat before he headed to the door. He could see the side of a woman's head through the small window in the front door. He opened the door to see Lynn Cameron, a longtime friend of Amy standing there.

"Well, hi Lynn, I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Hello, John. I thought I'd stop and see if you have any coffee on. Your office told me you work from home during the day."

"Sure, come on in. I have a fresh pot just waiting for you," he laughed.

Lynn walked into the kitchen with John and seated herself at the table. Lynn was Amy's age and height with long black hair and dark eyes. She was employed as a real estate agent. As usual she was wearing a sweater, this time a white one that clung to every curve. She had taken off her jacket before sitting and was now leaning back in her chair as though to enhance her obvious attributes.

John poured her a cup of coffee and sat down opposite Lynn. "So, Lynn. What brings you by here today? I'm sure it's not just the coffee."

"Well, no, that wasn't the only thing. I've been speaking on the phone a lot with Amy and she asked me to drop in. She knows she's not to contact you but she hoped I could stand in her place."

"Well, I'm not really interested in talking about Amy with you. We've been doing our best to get over her and now that we're having some success I don't want to pull the scabs off those wounds."

"I understand, John," Lynn said. "Amy has told me that while the terms you insisted on really upset her at the time she has thought a lot about it and realizes now that it's for the best. She's not asking me to reopen that issue with you; what she would like is for me to take a few photos of Amanda for her. I hope that will be all right with you."

"Photos are not a problem, Lynn. I can understand she would want to see pictures of her. Isn't she afraid seeing them will bother her? Not that I should worry about her, I'm just curious."

"I asked her the same thing, John. She knows seeing Amanda and how she's changing will likely upset her but she says she just has to see her. I've brought my digital camera and will take a few pictures while I have my coffee."

She pulled out her camera and snapped a couple of photos of Amanda as she drew lines on the paper. After setting down the camera Lynn said, "I've had a lot of long conversations with Amy, both before she left you and since. I have to tell you that I told her I thought she was wrong in her decision. I told her she had the kind of family most women dream of. I know if my ex had been like you I would never have divorced him."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," John said. "She's made her choices now and all I can do is try to live with them. It has been terribly difficult for me and if it wasn't for Amanda and my business keeping me busy I don't know what I would've done."

"That's something that has been bugging me," Lynn said. "How are you managing to run your business and raise Amanda too?"

"Well," John replied, "The first few days were difficult and I had Amy's mother babysitting for me. Now I have hired a nanny for Amanda and she takes care of her while I'm occupied."

"Oh, that sounds like a good idea. I hadn't thought of that," Lynn said. "Who did you get as a nanny?"

"Her name is Barbara and she's A..."

John was interrupted by the ringing of Lynn's cell phone and waited for her to answer it. From hearing her side of the conversation John realized Lynn had forgotten she had a hair appointment that she had made. It was 10:30 now and her hairdresser had called to find out where she was, as the appointment was for 10:15.

"I'm sorry, John, "Lynn said. "I'm going to have to go. I'll take a few more photos and head out for my appointment. How about you hold her for a couple of them, as I already have a few of her coloring."

John did as she asked and within a minute Lynn was heading for the door. As she left she said, "I'll let Amy know about you getting the nanny, as I'm sure she was a bit curious about how you were managing. If you don't mind I'll drop in from time to time and get more photos."

-- Wednesday, May 1.

Barbara's parents had returned from their first extended trip on the previous weekend. John and Barbara invited them over for supper and they had come over early enough that they had been able to share photos and stories of their trip. During their trip they had met another couple of a like mind to them and hoped to do more traveling with them.

Their new friends were already committed to a tour of the northeast states and the East Coast of Canada and planned on leaving on the 15th of May and Fred and June were hoping to leave then to meet them. They were quite anxious to hear how things had gone for John and Barbara while they were away. They were pleased to hear that everything was working out just fine.

John told them that, while his business was picking up, he still had at least two evenings a week when he was able to come home and have supper with Barbara and Amanda or help Barbara with school work. She had been doing well in school, as the tests she had shown her parents proved.

Amanda was adapting very well to having Barbara in her life and had started taking a few tentative steps. She had started to speak and referred to her father as 'Dada' and to Barbara as 'Baba'. Her grandparents were thrilled by the news.

Barbara had an important announcement for her parents. As they sat in the living room she said, "Guess what! My orthodontist told me at my appointment last week that I can get these braces taken off in June. Isn't that wonderful news!"

They all congratulated her because she hadn't shared this news with John yet. She had been planning to surprise them all. She also told them that she had made up her mind on what type of career she wanted to pursue. She had decided to become a graphic designer.

When her mother asked her what prompted that decision, she said she had heard John mention that there was a need for such people. He had been talking to a client but after hearing the term Barbara had checked into what type of career this would be. After having researched it Barbara had decided it sounded like something she would be interested in doing.

They congratulated her on having made a career choice but told her to keep her options open until she finished high school. She still had a year to go so other career possibilities had to be considered. She agreed to keep her mind open on the subject.

At that point John had spoken up and said, "You know, my business may someday need a graphic designer. Right now I contract out some of that work."

Barbara then said, "Maybe I could work for you someday," and smiled.

Later John told Barbara's parents that Amy had sent her friend over to get pictures of Amanda and they all agreed that was probably a good thing. He also told them that Amy had told her friend that John's decision to keep her away from Amanda was likely a good one. Fred and June still had not heard from Amy and now felt they probably would not hear from her at all. The beginning of the week had been routine but on Wednesday John received a phone call that put him into turmoil. Bob Taylor called to let him know that his divorce papers had returned from the court and everything would be final in three weeks.

This news upset John more than a thought it would. That afternoon while Amanda slept, instead of using the time to do office work, John lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, his thoughts on Amy. The pain in his chest was back.

Later in the afternoon, as he was getting ready to leave for the office, Lynn phoned to see if it would be all right to drop in the next afternoon to take some pictures. John asked her to hold off until the next week as he wasn't prepared to deal with anything associated with Amy right then. They agreed on the following Tuesday afternoon.

-- Monday, May 27.

This day proved to be the culmination of a bad month for John. The month had begun with notification that his divorce would soon be final and on Thursday of the previous week he'd actually received the documents proving his once ideal marriage to Amy was over.

He had gone to work that Thursday afternoon but only stayed a few hours, choosing to complete only the absolutely necessary work. He explained to Mary what was happening and she was worried enough about his mood to call him from her home twice after she left at 5 p.m.

He came home early and poured himself a stiff Scotch and then shut himself in his office. He hadn't wanted to let Barbara see how upset he was. That didn't work as Barbara had knocked on his door and then walked in, just as his tears were at their worst. Once he told her the reason for his blue mood was that his marriage was officially over, she had hugged him and told him he still had her and Amanda.

Her encouragement helped him over this rough patch but it was the news she brought on this Monday that really upset him. On her way home from school Barbara made her usual stop at her parents' home to pick up the mail and check the house. This time there had been a message on the answering machine.

When she walked in the door at John's house she was not in her usual bubbly and happy mood. John was seated at the kitchen table, having a cup of coffee while Amanda was in her highchair, scribbling with crayons on a couple of pieces of paper.

"John," Barbara said, "I have some news to tell you. I'm not sure how you're going to like it but I have to tell you. When I got to my parents place today there was a message on the machine for them, from Amy."

"So what did she have to say," John replied. "I imagine she told them the divorce had gone through."

"She didn't mention that but from her message they would have known that. She left the message on Friday evening after I was there checking the house. She said she was phoning to tell them she was getting married to Peter Bridges on Saturday at 2 p.m. at the courthouse. She told him they were invited to come."

The effect on John was immediate, as his face went pale and his eyes teared up. "Oh God," he said.

"There's more," Barbara said. "She told them that she and Peter were leaving on Sunday at 6 p.m. for Paris. She has already left the country. I'm so sorry I have to tell you all this John."

A couple of tears escaped from John's eyes and he wiped them off with his handkerchief. "That's OK," he said. "We knew all along that that's what she wanted. It's just terribly hard to accept that she's gone."

John arose and gave Barbara a hug. "I'm really glad I have you here for Amanda tonight. The way I'm feeling I'd be terrible company for her. I'm going to go down to the office. I can close the door and get this out of my system."

Barbara watched as John walked out the door. After he left she said, "I wish I could help him get over her. He is such a nice guy. I would never have treated him like this." A minute later she walked to the telephone to call her parents on their cell to give them the news.

-- Tuesday, June 11.

John was waiting for Barbara when she got home. He knew she was going to be a little late because she had her final orthodontist appointment this afternoon. He hoped that finally getting rid of the braces would help Barbara become more social. She was entirely too withdrawn and too easily embarrassed for a girl her age.

When she got in the door he said, "Well Barbara, give me that big smile you've been hiding for so long."

She did just that and John said, "From now on I want to see that smile all the time. You're a beautiful girl and you don't have any excuses now for not showing it."

Barbara blushed a bit and said, "Thank you for saying that. That's the nicest thing anyone has told me for a long time."

Barbara walked over and hugged him and then kissed him on the cheek. She stepped back, gave him another big smile and then leaned forward to kiss his cheek again. This time it was John's turn to blush a little.

-- Monday, July 1.

John's work had been keeping him busier at the office lately and he was not able to join Barbara and Amanda for supper very often. He decided to make the holiday weekend a family weekend. He spent Saturday around the house doing minor chores but he told Barbara that he would be responsible for making the meals that day and that she was to make plans to go out with her friends on Saturday night.

He spent his Saturday evening playing with Amanda, reading to her and finally bathing her and putting her to bed. He sat with her and sang her lullabies until she fell asleep. When Barbara arrived home in 11:30 the two of them sat up watching Saturday Night Live. They both enjoyed the show.

On Sunday afternoon they went to the local zoo. Barbara brought along a friend, a girl from her former neighborhood. John pushed Amanda in a stroller, letting her see the animals and get a lot of fresh air and sunshine while they walked. The two teenagers entertained themselves like normal teenage girls.

They flirted with a teenage boy who sold ice cream to the visitors, engaged in a lot of conspiratorial whispering and spent a lot of time giggling about things that were not apparent to John. In short, they enjoyed themselves. This was the most outgoing he had ever seen Barbara.

For supper they all went to a nice family restaurant. They had brought along some of Amanda's food and her special spoon and the two girls took turns helping to keep her from making too big of a mess. They all enjoyed a nice meal and had a lot of fun doing it. There was a lot of laughing at the table and even Amanda joined in although she didn't really understand everything that had been said.