My Country Tis of Thee

The woman nodded knowingly. "They only come in here after one of their funerals." Passing the cold mug across the bar, she placed her neatly manicured hand over his where it rested on bar. "If the beer don't drown it, baby, I can think of other ways. Join your buddies. They'll be closing this place down tonight anyway. Then if you want, you and me can hook up."

Mike picked up the cold glass and took a long swig of the beer. He looked the woman up and down again. It was certainly not the first time he had been propositioned. Frankly, he admired the woman's straight forward approach and she damn sure was hot. Hotter than anything he had had in...well, in a long time.

He shook his head and called himself a fool. "Thank you, Ma'am, for the kind offer. It certainly is intriguing, but I think that I'm going to have my hands full with that lot tonight. Perhaps another time."

The woman shrugged her shoulders and the t-shirt stretched even tighter across her ample chest. Mike cursed himself again. "The offer stands. I'm Kay by the way. And yes, I own this shitty place."

Mike extended his hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Kay. I'm Mast..." his voice trailed off. "I'm Mike," he corrected.

"Hey, Mike, don't you be sweet talkin' my woman, boy," Luke said as he slapped Mike on the shoulder.

Kay looked at the bear of a man and laughed, "Yeah, right. I have Kim's number on speed dial. Want me to call her up and tell her that? You know damned good and well that there won't be no more wives for you, old pal."

The man's laughter boomed around the bar. "Aw, sweetie, but an old man can dream, can't he?"

The woman giggled and nodded her head, "Get your ass back there with the others. I'll have Stacy clear off the table and bring over another round. But be warned, I'm not having any trouble tonight, Luke. One misstep and I'm picking up this phone and calling her."

The man brought his hand to his forehead in a mock salute, "Yes, Ma'am."

Turning to Mike, he grabbed his hand and pumped it up and down rapidly. "We were beginning to think you weren't gonna show, buddy."

"Sorry, like I said, I just had a couple of things to handle back at the Hernandez's. Thanks for inviting me."

"Hell, like I told you yesterday, us guys got to stick together you know," the man's speech was beginning to slur and Mike could tell he was already less than steady on his feet. Mike was half glad when he wrapped his arm about his shoulder, it would allow him to guide the man's bulk more easily back to the table before he fell.

"You any good at pool?" he asked as they passed the tables.

"Not really. Wish I had back half the money I lost at the tables," Mike replied as he eased the giant into the booth. He nodded at the two other men remaining at the table.

The white haired gentleman Mike recognized as the one who had worn the officers' uniform earlier, but he was now attired in khakis and a Hawaiian shirt. The other man was the African-American man that was about his own age. He nodded to both of them. "Hello."

"Oh that's right. We didn't have time for formal introductions earlier. Mike, this is Colonel Shaffer, but we just call him Bob. And that is Larry. You guys might have served together in Desert Storm. Me, I'm Nam, dirty, nasty hell hole of a jungle. The Colonel, well, he's seen more than the rest of us; Korea, Nam, and Desert Storm. So you're among friends, boy."

Mike nodded at the other men as Larry scooted over to make room for him on the bench. The group fell into casual conversation over beer after beer after beer with more than the occasional shot thrown in for good measure. Luke and Larry got louder and louder as the drinks flowed. They took turns bragging about their women and wives, each trying to best the other.

Until it all ended in a challenge. The winner would be decided at the pool table. Although both men could barely stand, they stumbled together to the table just a few feet away. They used the pool cues and the table to hold themselves upright as they played, scratching more than their fair share of balls.

Mike chuckled at the spectacle as he lifted his third mug of beer to his lips. He was barely feeling anything, having carefully nursed each drink slowly.

"Things never change, do they, son?" asked the Colonel.

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Those two trying to drink enough to forget it all. Bragging about things that never happened. Trying to be men. All of it just a show to hide the pain."

Mike stared at the bottom of the glass as he nodded. "I suppose so, sir."

"You said that boy today was one of yours?"

"Yes, sir, he was."

"It's never gets any easier, son. Being the one to give the orders. The one to lead other men to their deaths. There are times you just wish it could have been you."

Mike could see the old man's hands shaking as he lifted his glass. Mike knew it was not the alcohol talking. The mug was the same one that the man had all night and it was barely half empty.

"How do you manage, sir? If you don't mind me asking."

The man chuckled. "Not so well these last couple of years, my boy." The man paused a moment and drew a small swig before continuing, "It wasn't so bad before my wife Ethel died. That woman was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"She stood by me from the day we met in college. When I came home from Korea, we had a rough spell. Things just weren't the same. I had seen too much. And for a while it looked like we might not make it. But she wouldn't give up on me, not even when I..."

The man took a long drink this time, almost emptying the glass. Mike swore that he could see tears glistening in the corners of the old man's eyes. He waited patiently.

"She just would not give up on me, no matter what I did. Of course, when Nam came along, we both knew more about what to expect. It don't change how you feel inside, but knowing that those feelings are natural, well, it helps some." The man lifted his glass and drained the last of it.

"I was probably your commander in Desert Storm. Even though you never saw my face or might not even remember my name, I was the one commanding half of the Marine troops over there. So whatever burdens you bear from those days, don't. They aren't yours to carry soldier. They rest squarely on my shoulders."

Mike choked on his beer. Billy's head resting on his lap as blood trickled from the edge of his mouth flashed liked a scene from a movie through his mind. After all these years, over twenty of them, he was sitting across the table from the man who gave the orders. Orders that cost his best friend's life.

And all he felt was pity. Pity for the weight that the man bore. He had given orders too over the years. Orders that cost other good men their lives, men like Manny Hernandez or Tommy Samuels, but he could always justify it. He was just following orders.

And while the man across the table was in his own way just following orders as well, he was the one that had decided strategy. He had called the shots like a football coach in a championship game. And win or lose, it was his decisions that cost the game. Everyone else was just players on the field.

Mike did not want to even imagine the weight of this man's burdens. He certainly was not going to add to them by telling him about Billy.

"Yes, sir," Mike whispered. Trying to change the subject, Mike said, "Your wife sounds like a remarkable woman."

"She was. She held it all together. Me. Our children. Hell, my whole command. She was always there. Every time something happened she was there with a casserole and a hug. I miss her like hell." He paused and stared at the empty glass, "What about you, son? You married? Got a good woman to shoulder some of the pain?"

Mike shook his head. "No, sir. Afraid the Corps was my mistress for the past twenty years. Not much room in there for a woman. Besides there ain't many like your wife left."

As the words passed his lips, an image flashed through his mind...Esther.

"Yeah, that's true enough. But they do exist, boy. And here's the best advice this old soldier can give you. You look this world over until you find you one. Then you do whatever you have to do to hold onto her, because that's the only peace you will ever find in this world. In the arms of a good woman, a woman who knows your pain and loves you anyway."

Mike nodded. The Colonel could never know, never understand. This pain he bore alone. He could never wash the blood of her son from his memory and as long as it was there, he could never be the man that she deserved.

It was nothing more than one of those stupid Greek tragedies that they had pounded into his head in high school. He smiled at the irony, given that she was an English teacher and probably pounding those same stories into the heads of teenagers somewhere. He raised his glass and drained the last swallow in toast to her.

"Can I get you another?" he asked the Colonel.

"No, one is my limit these days. Plumbing is giving out on me. Prostate cancer," the man explained.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I've lived longer than I should have. Longer than a lot of good men we know. Besides I'm kind of looking forward to it. Seeing Ethel again." He motioned to the bar, "Ask Kay to call me a taxi, will you? I'm kind of tired and want to call it a night."

"Yes, sir," Mike nodded as he headed to the bar.

Luke called out to him as he passed, "Get us a couple more, will you?"

"You sure that is a good idea, my friend?"

The man laughed, "Hell, no. It is a bad one, but so were the last half dozen. I might as well enjoy it while I can cause I know I'm gonna pay for it later."

Larry laughed, "Yeah, Kim Lee gonna hit you upside that thick head of yours for sure."

"Yeah well, at least I got a woman to warm my bed. What you got?"

"I don't know. If Mike there don't take Kay up on her offer, who knows I might?"

"Now that would start a fight. You know better than to even look at that girl. Ty will kick your ass all over town. That's his woman."

"She ain't got no rings or strings. She can do what she wants."

"You keep thinking that. But when was the last time anyone took up that lady's offer. That Seal done put his own seal on the little lady and Marine or not I don't think that is a battle you want to fight, buddy?"

"Yeah well..." The sound of the men trailed off as Mike approached the bar.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," he said, clearing his throat as the woman finished filling up another mug and passed it to the waitress. The place was beginning to empty out now that it was almost one in the morning, but there were still three dozen or so men and women scattered at the bar and tables around it.

"I told you, call me Kay. What can I get you sweetie?" she purred as she pushed another mug towards the bouncer who stood at the end of the bar. The man that Mike had met earlier was now glaring at him.

"The Colonel asked if you would mind calling him a cab. And could I get another round of beers for me and the others?"

"Yeah, but this is the last one. We closing soon and I don't want no trouble with you lot," said the man.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Don't mind Ty, sugar. I'm happy to call a cab for the Colonel. How's he doing anyway?" she asked as she pulled the tap, filling three mugs with frothy beer.

"He says he's a bit tired."

"He hasn't been the same the last couple of years. He's had the cancer for years, but it was such a shock when Miss Ethel passed. By the time, the doctors found the breast cancer it was already too late. But that's how that woman was. Always putting herself last, taking care of the Colonel and everyone else without ever complaining. I sure miss her," Mike could hear her voice cracking as she spoke.

"You knew his wife?"

Her eyes clouded over, "Yes, the Colonel was my husband's commander. Tony was killed when his copter went down on a training exercise. Miss Ethel was there even before the Chaplain with a hug and a chicken casserole. All us wives knew what those casseroles meant...bad news. But we loved that woman like a mother. I'll never forget her."

She smiled through the unshed tears as she passed the beers across the bar to him. "She was there for me so many times. Back then I was nothing more than a kid myself, nineteen and a newlywed. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do."

"My parents wanted me to come home to Texas, but I had fallen in love with the surf and big city lights of Southern California. Miss Ethel helped me get settled. Find a job after Tony died, get an apartment, begin a new life. Over the years she kept in touch too. When my boss put this place up for sale, she insisted that the Colonel co-sign the loan. This place is as much theirs as it is mine."

"They just helped out a little with the financing. You are the one that keeps this place going, sweetheart," said Ty.

The woman sighed, "Well, it is the baby I never had."

Mike noticed the shadow that crossed the man's face and decided now would be a good time to exit. Lifting the mugs, he said, "Thank you, ma'am."

The woman flashed him a smile, "The other offer still stands, Jarhead."

Mike nodded, "I'm honored, Ma'am, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. Nothing personal, it's just that there is someone else," he stretched the truth.

"Good for you, Sergeant. An honorable man is a hard thing to find these days."

"I don't know, Ma'am. I know quite a few of them. I bet you do too," he smiled at Ty.

Kay laughed. "You warn Luke that I'm calling Kim Lee after this one. And tell Larry that he can sleep it off in the back room. If you drink that one real slow, I'll let you pass though; it's only your fourth."

"You keep count on all your customers, Ma'am?" he asked in shock.

"Not really. Just on my friends," she winked before turning back to talk with Ty.

Mike headed back to the table where Luke and Larry had collapsed at last next to the Colonel. "Kay says that she will call your taxi, Colonel. But she said to warn you that she is calling your wife, Luke. And Larry, she said you can sleep this one off in the back."

Larry lifted his glass high and looked at Luke, "See, I told you the little lady has the hots for me, buddy."

"You better not say that too loud or you'll be sleeping it off in the emergency room when Ty is finished with you," challenged his friend.

The Colonel laughed at them both. "Will you help me to the door, boy?" he asked Mike.

"It would be my honor, sir." Mike said assisting the elderly man from the booth. They stopped at the bar for a moment. Mike left the man with Kay, giving them some privacy while he pretended interest in the juke box.

"I don't know whether to knock the shit out of you or thank you," said a low voice.

"No need for thanks, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't kick my ass. I'm in no mood to decide the age old battle over who is tougher, Seals or Marines," Mike laughed.

"We both know the answer to that question, but I'll let you jarheads keep pretending. It's the least I can do for you."

Mike turned and held out his hand. "Mike O'Malley. You must be the Ty I keep hearing about."

"Tyrone Williams. And you better believe everything those old boys says. I protect what's mine," he replied squeezing Mike's hand a bit too hard as if to prove his point.

"Yeah, well, a wise man once told me if you find a good woman you should hold onto her and never let her go. So if I was you, I'd clarify my position with the little lady. Unless you like watching her make little offers to guys like me."

Mike squinted as the man squeezed his hand even harder and stared into his eyes. For a moment he wondered if he was going to be the one that spent the night in the emergency room. But then the man released his hand and slapped him on the back.

"Damn good advice. I think it is about time I made things a little clearer to the lady."

"Don't thank me. Thank the Colonel. It's his advice."

"Old man always was a wise son of a bitch. On and off the battle field."

"Well, if you will excuse me, I'd better get the old man into his cab," he said as he walked back to the bar. "Are you ready, Colonel?"

The man nodded and wrapped Kay in a hug. "You call me next week so we can get those papers signed, you hear me. I don't want no trouble when..."

Kay nodded her head. "Thank you, Colonel. You and Miss Ethel were like family to me."

"You know Ethel thought of you as the daughter she never got off this soldier. She loved you, dear."

"Yes, sir," this time the woman could not hold back the tears as they spilled from her eyes, trekking dark mascara down her cheeks. She swiped at them with the back of her hand but it only made matters worse, smudging her cheeks and nose as well.

"And sweetie, one more thing. It's way past time you stopped playing these little games. You aren't a kid anymore. Tony's been dead almost twenty-five years now. You have had your fun and played the field."

The old man looked to where Ty was talking with a middle aged couple at the door. "But you have a good man now. It's time you grew up and became the woman Ethel always knew you could be. Nothing would please this old man more than to walk you down the aisle before I go be with her."

Drawing her back into his arms, he looked her in the eyes. "You promise me you'll think about it. I know the boy is only a Seal, but we can forgive him that one mistake, can't we?" He laughed.

Kay laughed and slapped the man's shoulder. "Go home, old man, before your taxi decides to leave without you."

Mike took the man's hand and felt him lean more heavily upon him as they walked to the door. A yellow cab was waiting by the door and Mike recognized the driver as the man, who had driven him to Luke's shop just the day before.

"Hello, Colonel. How are you this evening?" asked the man as he opened the door.

"Fine, Ahmed. And how is your boy? He doing well at UCLA? Getting good grades and staying out of trouble?"

"Yes, sir." Ahmed took the Colonel's hand and helped him into the cab as he nodded at Mike.

Mike watched as the driver closed the door and walked around to the other side of the car. As the cab drove off, he considered just leaving. He was tired. So tired. This day had been long. Too damned long. But he could not leave without saying good-bye to Luke. Without making sure that this mysterious Kim Lee had the situation well under control. So he turned back towards the bar.

As he entered he noticed that Kay was talking to Ty as she scrubbed down a table near the door. She looked up and smiled weakly as Mike walked past. He noticed that the dark smudges were spreading across her cheeks as more tears brimmed over. But he figured that Ty was more the man to handle the situation. He would only complicate things...just like he always did.

Luke was laying half way across the booth and snoring so loudly that it almost drowned out the music. Larry was staring into the bottom of his empty glass.

"You all right?" Mike asked.

"Are we ever?" the man whispered.

Taking a seat next to the man, Mike shrugged his shoulders. "How long have you been out of the Corps?"

"Since right after we came back. I kept having dreams. Nightmares. They said I would wake up the whole barracks screaming. Got to the point that no one wanted to be around me. So the docs decided that a medical discharge was best for everyone."

"Since then?"

"I don't know. It's up and down I suppose. I spent some time in the Vet hospital in Long Beach, but there wasn't much they could do for me. Hell, I lost a couple of years sleeping on the streets" The man toyed with the rim of the glass. His grease stained fingers outlining its edges.

"I was holding up a sign off the freeway. You know the one...Vet needs help, sort of thing. Luke pulled over and started talking. He helped me get off the crack and even gave me a job. Let me sleep at the shop until I could get my own place. Saved my life, I guess."