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Click hereNations raise us nations fail us
Though our eyes be dark we see
Children cast from life to death thus
Youth succumbs to entropy
Drifting down the river flowing
Future faded as a rhyme
Washed away to where we're going
Carried in the hands of…
No-one can hope to survive
Our bodies cool our houses fall
In your arms I was alive
In just a breath I lost it all
Wait until my love surrounds you
Stop the clock and take a step
There's no mercy when you call to
Beg for one more second yet
Also good job on referencing time and purposely not saying, you know, the word time. That’s it. I’m done.
The last line packs the punch and puts bow on your poem. But, for me, chef’s kiss to proper use of entropy. Perfectly placed, fits in the tone of your piece, and didn’t come across as someone wedging in a heavy handed word they just happened to come across.
Nicely done.