A Big Shiny Blue Marble Ch. 57

To most Merren, the habits of the Grottos were crude and primitive. It was just something which they'd developed in order to survive, and they no longer had a role in their survival in the present age. But many of the dwindling families still practiced what was left of their ways.

One of those ways concerned the rites of passage for a girl when she came of age. There wasn't any stigma to it from the view of the families, though the other Merren types liked to use it as proof of their backwardness.

When a Grotto Dweller girl came of age, she spent one night with three males during a time when she was least fertile. It had nothing to do with anything other than her learning how it all went and she leaned at the hands of three male relatives over that one night.

After that, there was never any more sexual contact between the young woman and those males and they reverted back to their conventional and familial roles.

Jerrthi had forgotten about one detail in her case; there hadn't been enough males in her family for it and it was forbidden that her father be one of the three, which was very convenient as far as her father had been concerned. He cursed their coming extinction, but he didn't want to be one of the ones who taught his own daughter.

But there had been her aunt and she'd suggested her male as the third.

Even from when she'd been little, Jerrthi had always looked up to her mother's sister and learned so much from her of the old ways and the dark trade. She'd learned the art of how to love a female target before she killed her, once she'd grown old enough at the hands of her aunt and though Jerrthi had never been drawn other females, she still cherished the times that she'd spent learning from the beautiful female that she'd looked up to.

She supposed that it was one of the reasons that she still practiced. Her aunt had worked the old contacts and took work where she could, though by then, most of what she was given was usually the quiet removal of thorns from the sides of criminals with money who wanted no connection to the murders themselves.

Her aunt had a lover. And that young lover was not of the clan, but it was the best that anyone could do and he had agreed to it since it would please the one he loved.

It had happened in the blackest cave a few minutes after the effects of the calming infusion had been consumed. Jerrthi never saw more of the third male than the barest outline, but she remembered that he was large and she felt fur and that he'd been the best to her in terms of how it had felt.

She looked across the command module once more and wondered just how many Xer there might be who could speak her dialect that well. Not only that, Jerrthi now had a rather certain feeling just whose markings she'd see on the things which he'd given her when she finally got around to looking. If she was right ...

She doubted that he'd even remember her, a young woman from the family of his lost lover before she'd perished. She was just someone that he'd helped to teach that night.

He made out to be so old, she smirked as she looked at her display, but she knew that the Xer lived long lives, just like her own kind -- if they weren't killed and he was rock hard and tough from his life. She remembered that she'd wept a long time over the loss of her aunt, but now she was wondering if a popular saying carried a little truth to it even still.

The third male -- if it was him -- was from another world and had lived a long career in his armed service. If she was looking at who she thought she was, well ... she guessed that it was a small universe after all.

As the exercise wound down rather spectacularly, the shuttles made their cautious way back up to 'Mother' and began to call in. Troxi was waiting for them.

"Form up line astern at ... " she looked at her situational screen, "four two exactly and await heat pulses on your display, we're coming to a turn, but I'll give you a guide in. Watch for the baffles on this thing. I'll open and close them a few times and you'll have an attitude reference as well."

Troxi scanned her displays and as they entered a left bank, she fluttered the baffles, giving a clear heat signature to the landing craft so that they could see the tilt of the bank as they approached. They came aboard without incident.

"We can't do this on a hot field," she said to Ter'l, "It's asking to get nailed, but it was all I could think of today. A couple of small rearward-facing strobes at the wingtips would be better."

"More for the maintenance people," the large male muttered with a nod, "I'll tell them to mount them inside pipes so you have to be right behind us to even see them. Alright, get us out of here, Troxi."

She nodded, "Pilot, I need us at the following heading and altitude. Got your writing implement?"

The flight crew looked at each other and they couldn't see the way that Ter'l rolled his eyes at Troxi's laughing face in the command module at that instant.

"Troxi," Cerrith voice came to the gray Xer a few minutes later as they flew back to the base, "Look, I'm really sorry that I was such a shit to you. You didn't deserve that."

"'Sokay," Troxi said as she kept up her visual scan of her displays, "I can handle it."

The flat sound of what she heard put Cerrith off for a moment, but then she was back, "Hey, can I buy you dinner as a re-do? Please?"

Troxi would normally have declined, but she thought about it and then looked over at Jerrthi's back as she worked on a little editing of what she'd gotten.

"Sure, Cerrith," she said, "When?"

"Would tonight be alright?"

Troxi's sigh was just barely audible, "Is this so that you can ask me about today? I'd rather not if that's what this is."

"No," Cerrith said, "not if you don't want to talk about it. I'm more interested in you. I don't care about anything else. I'm coming to see that I've overlooked somebody really interesting to me out of my shit attitude and I want to try to do it over without that. I promise you'll have my attention and not just over the way that you shook things up in here today.

Come on, please? I want to make up for snubbing you."

"That sounds good, "Troxi replied, "I'm just not in the mood to talk about today right now. It's not my fault, but I think I had a hand in the first officer losing his ride."

"What do you mean?" the dark Xer asked, "Ter'l straightened him out, that's all."

"Cerrith," Troxi said, "I can see that you haven't been with us long. If Ter'l saw no use for you after what you did to tag along on Jerrthi's system, you'd already be off-line and sitting quietly elsewhere. That you're even still here means that he needs you and that you made a mistake, that's all, but it's a fixable thing.

That pilot -- unless I'm wrong, will be really lucky if he gets to haul trash after today. You might not know it about him, but Ter'l is your best friend if you need anything. The price for that is that you do your job well."

Cerrith hesitated then, "Just one thing I'd like to know and you can tell me to shut up if you want to. May I ask what this was here today? They don't usually let somebody in here to run a whole section alone as well as pretty much turning an already planned-out flight into something way different."

She swiveled her seat around and looked at Troxi with a smile, "See? I do sometimes manage to get my nose out of my own ass long enough to pay attention."

Troxi tried to smile back and it worked -- sort of, "I dunno why they wanted me to do all this today, other than it was some kind of test, but this morning I put in a request to Ter'l."

She sighed, "I want off of Mud Six."

Cerrith stared for a moment, "But -- you're one of the ones -- I mean, well, why?"

Troxi looked up and saw that one blue eye and the shocked face below it, "That might be so, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy. Anyway, it's a long story and not fit for publication. Hey, can you tell me where you got that dirty story that Jerrthi was talking about?"

She laughed a little then, "Just kidding. Anyway, thanks for asking me to dinner. Now I've got something to look forward to and it'll get my pea-brain offa thinking that I ought to feel guilty."

Before they landed, there was a call from Ter'l requesting that they meet Xhan in his office after disembarking. The three females looked at one another during the approach and landing.

"I know, "Troxi said, "better stuff our ears with something. This is probably where we get eaten over the tagging thing."

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They walked along the flightline together, each one running the fingers of one hand through her slightly damp mane to try to revive it a little while carrying her helmet in the other. It was a bit of a losing battle but dragging a brush through it then was pointless. Just like any flightline anywhere, there was always a wind here somehow.

Troxi turned to the male who had tried to be ready to help her if she needed it, "I almost forgot. Thanks very much, Benrad. It turned out that I didn't need you too much today, but I liked knowing that you were there looking over my shoulder."

"You didn't need me at all," he said, "I was just hanging onto the back of your seat in case you did, that's all. You'd have found the jammers in a second anyway."

"Why are you coming along?" Cerrith asked and he shrugged, "I dunno. I just got a call in my helmet from Ter'l. The way that Troxi handled everything, I'm thinking that me and the others are gonna get bounced for not being able to do what Troxi did all alone."

"I dunno,"Troxi grinned a little, "If that was for real facing somebody who wanted to slap us down, I can see that this busy girl would have been swamped. I can see that I'd need some back-up, buddy.

But I've got no use for the other two. They said nothing, didn't shake my hand when I held it out, and just sat there and glared at me the whole time. Anyway, I don't know what that was all for. I put in for a transfer to another attack craft in Mud flight. I wasn't trying for a ride in a big-assed can like that one. I don't know why they wanted to try me in that thing. I ride attack craft. I'd have thought that they knew that I'm good enough for that."

It led to the Cerrith and Jerrthi sitting in chairs with wide eyes and being bellowed at for a long time and Benrad and Troxi cooled their heels out in the outer office while it went on. One at a time, a pair of others were dismissed and walked out -- one of them the former first-pilot of Xhan's ship. The other one was one of the three countermeasures specialists from the same craft.

"Man, " Benrad said, "I didn't think that Xhan had that much steam in him for how long that's been going on. Holy ... "

Troxi fiddled with one of the straps on her helmet and looking up, she noticed that the Merren office help were staring at her.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" she demanded in their language and the others looked down and got back to work.

The door opened after a time and Ter'l's head appeared, "Could you please come in now?"

As they went to be seated in the chairs which Ter'l indicated, they saw that Jerrthi had a few words of her own.

"Don't worry, Section Officer," she said coldly, "It won't happen again. I'll just do my job, unless you'd like to ask your command that I be sent away. I can get my story from any of about seventy viewpoints, Xhan, not only the one from next to the commander. I'm sorry this began over my accessing the satellites, but I shut down the Watchers who were looking in. If you think you're finished dragging me over the fire now, I'll go and clean out the drains in the barracks shower."

"Why?" he asked.

She looked at him in disbelief as she got to her feet and walked out.

"I'm changing the flight tasking a little," he said quietly after a moment. "Troxi, you have overall Countermeasure responsibility on the command craft from this point for the group. Benrad will be your second, and I'm changing the tasking of Cerrith."

Looking up, he said, "Sorry for the blast, but that was only a little of what your tagging attempt got me. I accept your apology and this won't go onto your record.

I was watching quite closely and the longer that you and Troxi interacted, the more of a working relationship that I could see forming. I would like more interaction between Troxi and Benrad, and I think that as you find your roles together, that will happen."

"But..." Troxi began, "I just wanted another attack posting."

"What do you think this is?" Ter'l asked gently, "There won't be much upside down and hang onto your tail about it, since we can't have anybody dropping a writing implement -- and by the way, that had better not ever happen to you in my presence, but this is the biggest attack countermeasures role there is in the unit. You need to ghost the ship, advise everybody on better ways to do things, and assist the other craft over their own fading. As lead ghoster, it's your job to see that everybody is hidden well."

"Did I mention that there's a pay grade increase for all three of you?" Xhan smiled, "it's a huge doctrine change, but after they took my ass out of their mouths, this was all HQ's idea, based on the way that I saw this develop. If this works, it'll lead to a formal doctrine change, so that we lose less people and equipment during landings and assaults."

"What's Mud Six gonna do for a ghoster?" Troxi asked.

"They're getting specialist Torb," Ter'l said, "the one who always looks like he's eating a chunk of alum. Now he can feel like he's doing something important -- like keeping ground fire and missiles out of his own asshole. I'm sure that Arshan will uh, break him in right if Doona doesn't kill him the first time that he snoozes and they get detection and lock alarms screaming in their helmets. I'm afraid that you've spoiled them. Troxi.

And we don't mind it if there are attachments between close-knit crewmembers. But what Mud Six crew was doing was getting stupid. You three worked well together, but that thing was never meant to be a ... well, what it was turning into. The other correspondent will be asked to return to the journalist quarters which were provided for them."

"You mean Ronkahh," Troxi said.

"Yeah, I do," Ter'l replied.

"Are we done, Section Officer Xhan?" Cerrith asked, "I have something to say -- off-record if you'll permit it."

He nodded, "I hope that you can be a little brief about it, however. I have a lot of apologizing to do, not that it will help in the least."

Cerrith nodded and began, "I have a sort of assignment to you in the event that there is an emergency and things go very badly for us somewhere. I realize that it means little, but it does earn me slightly better quarters and as well, I try to see things from the perspective of what I'd need to think like in that terrible circumstance.

I believe that, while I deserved what I received here today, almost all of it was my fault. If I had left well enough alone, Jerrthi would not be walking to her quarters in tears."

Xhan looked surprised, "She wasn't crying when she left."

"No," Cerrith said, "Not here. But I'd lay you odds that she is walking at this moment and wiping her angry tears away as she does. That's what I'd be doing."

She looked at Troxi, who nodded her concurrence.

"It's not my role to guide you in any regard, "Cerrith said, "and we are not together. But Xhan, if she had much of any sort of meaning to you ... "

Xhan nodded and stood up, "Thank you Cerrith. I must go and do the right thing."

"The right thing would have been to temper your words even more than you did, Xhan," Cerrith said, "You held back, thinking that you only had to do so since she is not under your command. What I mean is that you should have given more to me and less to her. She is well-liked among us and I have only learned why today."

Xhan excused himself and walked out and the others filed out after him. "Are we dismissed, Master Leader Ter'l?" Cerrith asked.

He nodded, "I'm a little surprised at you, Cerrith," he said, "I'd have thought that you might be a little pleased at what happened."

She shook her head, "The assignment is nothing more than an emergency procedure. But I think that the way that I look at things, it would be less of a shock to be faced with that outcome, were it to happen than never having given thought to what must be done for the good of others beforehand."

She smirked at herself then, "I know I must sound like an idiot, but I found that I like Jerrthi today and I caused all of this. I hope that Xhan can repair it, though I know that they're only beginning." She looked over, "Hey Troxi, are you hungry yet?"

"If you can hang on a little," Ter'l smiled, "I think you'll find that there'll likely be another party tonight."

"Xantham, "Troxi said, "I don't think I want to go if there is one. Can we go and help Jerrthi first and then maybe go for dinner someplace?"

"I think I'd like that," Cerrith replied with a grin, "Let's go. If this works out right, we can get Jerrthi out of the shower that she'll be scrubbing furiously, and that will get her into the same room as Xhan and then I'd say that he's got only a million-to --one shot of getting out alive."

Troxi nodded as they set off, "That was a little stupid of him, wasn't it?"

Cerrith drew a deep breath and let it out, "Fuck, yeah."

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When Xhan arrived, he found Jerrthi fuming to herself quietly as she worked to gather cleaning implements from the utility room. She was sometimes very quiet and in the next moment, she was a lot louder before going quiet again. He watched her for a minute and then stepped forward.

She didn't even give him time to open his mouth.

"Please get out of here and leave me alone," she said as she disappeared into the depths of the room once more, looking for some drain cleaner.

"I came to apologize," he began and she threw a toilet plunger at him.

He side-stepped out of its path and the article sailed past, spinning in flight to strike the floor with the rubber end and bounce high into the air, almost striking the high ceiling before it fell with a thud and landed on the blanket of a perfectly made , but long-unused bed.

"Get lost. These are my quarters. I believe I have a right to my privacy. You said what you had to. Now go. I don't want to hear anything from you ever again."

He tried again, "Look, Jerrthi, I --"

She walked up to him glaring, "You need me to say it? Are you really this stupid?"

"Well yes," he replied, "but what I wanted to say was -- "

"Please, Section Officer Xhan, " she said, "for once, listen carefully, alright?"

He stood there as she waited.

"Are you ready?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Good," she nodded, "then try to stay focused.

We didn't get that far and we never will.

Now for want of a better way to say it, fuck off."

She spun and stomped into the showers.

What she saw amazed her. The whole long room -- and it had been made to accommodate twenty trainees at the same time -- was spotless and gleaming. She groaned.

"I called the Facilities people here from the flightline this morning and insisted that they clean the showers in there today," he said, "I just didn't know that you'd want to come back here then. I can see why, and I'd probably do the same thing in your place. I was upset and I'll grant you that I handled it poorly.

I regret that too, more than anything.

Good evening, Jerrthi," he said as he turned to go.

"Wait," he heard her say from the shower room. When he turned to look back, she was standing there, still in the doorway and facing away from him, her head bent and her long hair hanging around her head. She turned around slowly and began to walk up to him.

"I am not a soldier and I'm not under your command. I'm telling you this for the benefit of the next girl who thinks she might like to get to know an asshole like you. I don't work for you, understand?"