A Case of Female Hysteria Pt. 01

Advertisement posted, Winchester Star

In search of a medical professional, in due haste, who is qualified at treating Hysterical Paroxysm. Patient is considered an upstanding citizen but is experiencing fits of a violent nature. Your discretion is required. Favorable stipend. Please send all correspondence to: 138 Tudor Road. Sudbury.

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To whom it may concern:

This letter is in response to your inquiry for a medical practitioner who is skilled in the treatment of hysterical paroxysm. I am one such provider. I am interested in an interview to discuss your case and possible treatment plans. I'm attaching here a letter of recommendation from my former superior in hopes that you will consider me for this requisitioned position.

Augustus Reznik, MD

Good day to you sir.

It has come to my attention that you may possess the skills required to cure my condition.

To remain in good standing with my family and colleagues, I cannot yet reveal any personal details. They do not approve of these alternative treatments I seek, so discretion is very important.

I do have a few questions about this cutting edge treatment you provide. Tell me, would your voice be described as soothing or shrill? I am very sensitive to noises and sounds, so a calming voice to assist me during treatment is required. Doctor, can you also tell me more about your equipment?

Sincerely,

C. Gardinier

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Dear Mademoiselle Gardinier,

I have every confidence that, not only experience, but a true desire to rob you of these awful fits will provide me with the proper tools to dispose of this terrible affliction of yours.

I cannot and would not complain about any measure you might take to obfuscate your identity, therefore, for discretionary measures, I will hire a private coach to reach your location, so our practice should remain well guarded from public eye.

My voice would fall somewhere in the baritone range, though it's timbre and attenuation (or lack thereof) may change depending on what a particular treatment session calls for.

In regard to any instrumentation I'd bring along for therapeutic implementation, I can assure you it has been cared for and disinfected. I'll not speak to it's breadth nor it's depth of coverage until we have further evaluated your needs.

Augustus Reznik, MD

Dear Dr. Reznik,

Due to a recent fit of hysteria I am afraid I have not been able to catch up with the correspondence in regards to my treatment options. As you can imagine, I have received numerous letters from so called doctors practicing tomfoolery and methods that would not be deemed appropriate for a lady of my stature.

I have done my best to narrow it down to a small handful, however, I am continuing to receive vulgar protestations from those that I have declined.

Doctor, I had asked a very simple inquiry about your equipment, which you deflected so eloquently, and therefore only arouses my suspicions that your instrument may not be of sufficient stoutness to cure my malady.

In the meantime, I am enjoying one of my favorite pastimes, reading. It can calm my nerves temporarily, but when I put the book down the hysteria returns.

And there you have it Doctor, you are learning more about me with every stroke of key.

Yours truly,

C. Gardinier

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Dear Mademoiselle Gardinier,

I am troubled that you are receiving messages from alleged medical professionals. I would be happy to report this fraud to the authorities that I have at my disposal if it would ease your fragile mind.

I can no longer dissuade a fine lady like yourself from inquiring about the instruments responsible for her recovery. When in full attention, the diameter is akin to a lady's wrist, and a gentleman's hand makes the length. Not all patients are able to accept it's girth, which is why I carry other devices in my medical bag for those purposes.

I will be traveling near your domicile in the next week and would like the good fortune of consulting with you in-person. It is then that I can reassure you of my skills, proper equipment, as well as answer any questions that you may have. While our correspondence is valuable, I would like to move forward on treating your condition before it worsens.

Good day,

Augustus Reznik, MD

Dear Dr. Reznik,

May I commend you on your perseverance. I am pleased to report that I have come to a decision on the choice of doctor.

I had narrowed my choice down to 4 doctors, but it wasn't long before each one was eliminated after careful scrutiny. I discovered that one of the practitioners had treated a lady with my illness, using very questionable techniques, and with quite unexpected results. The lady then failed to have her menses, and ended up convalescing in an institution. One of the other practitioners, had fallen ill after a brief correspondence which was expected as his penmanship was abominable. And finally, the third doctor found our home out of his jurisdiction and was uneasy about making the trip.

Doctor Reznik, due to your consistency, qualifications, and intelligence, I would like to take the next steps in securing an appointment with you as soon as possible.

And now I must cool down as an onset of hysteria is forthcoming.

Sincerly,

C. Gardinier

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Dear Mademoiselle Gardinier,

I can tell you that I was very pleased to receive your post today. Your decision will come with no regrets as I am much obliged to service you as your doctor.

Since this is our first private interview, I will need the appropriate amount of time to review the nature of your condition in it's entirety. I would like to propose I spend a full day with you on the 20th of this month.

In preparation for our meeting, I would ask that you keep your hands idle and refrain from interfering with yourself 48 hours prior to my visit.

Sincerley,

Dr. Reznik

Dear Dr. Reznik,

I will honor your restrictions, as I would always refer to your doctorly advice upon these matters. I have secured the full day of the 20th and have given the entire household staff the day off.

If you would please indulge me though on what activities I should pursue to quench these fits of hysteria until your visit. I am at a loss and find myself unable to do the most simple and mundane of tasks. I do need a divertissement to keep my thoughts and appendages from causing more harm, or any interference with your recommended innovative treatment.

Also, Doctor, tell me what type of refreshments you take. I want to be sure there is something ready for you after your long travels.

I fancy that I may appear too eager, or that I am taking your attentions away from more ailing patients. It's seldom that I accept visitors into my domicile, which is why I want to make certain that all the arrangements are made to your liking, with the hopes that you fervently look forward to our sessions.

Yours truly,

C. Gardinier

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Dear Mademoiselle Gardinier,

As a traveling doctor, I always carry refreshment when visiting patients. Upon my arrival I would be pleased with just a cold glass of water.

You are right in asking what pastimes are befitting. I will ask that you continue reading as you wish, but refrain from gazing upon intemperate texts as they may provoke an onset of hysteria.

As our first session is fast approaching, this may be the last letter from me. I can assure you that my instruments will be primed and ready so that you will benefit from the administration of its medicine.

Sincerely,

Dr. Reznik

Dear Dr. Reznik,

I am not sure you will receive this letter in time before our interview.

I wanted to prepare you for my state of being because the waiting appears to be worsening my fragile condition. I feel as though I have fallen victim to this affliction. I have gone through our library in its entirety, and every time I discover a book that appears benign, I find myself being mocked by a phrase or sentence. The staff is at their wits end enduring my cries and collecting books and papers off the floor.

Please excuse my salacious behavior Doctor. I am sure a professional like yourself must be very au courant with the plight of a hysterical patient.

My apologies,

C. Gardinier

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