A Cuckold's Diary Ch. 21

"Then she spread her legs, and I got between them. I couldn't just apply the KY without first kissing her beautiful pussy, and I love how wet she was for me. She tasted delicious... but she's never let you taste her, has she? Well, never mind -- take my word for it, it was so exciting to lick her and finger her, and then to put the KY on her clit. Thanks for suggesting it!

"You probably heard how fast she came -- I think it took both of us by surprise, but she felt WONDERFUL cumming in my arms. You probably don't remember how that feels, either, so let me tell you that your wife is a passionate woman who knows what she wants. She had her arm around me and pulled me close as she came, and I watched her face as she let go in my arms. Her aftershocks went on and on, and by the time she was done I was already inside her.

"Paul, I know you don't remember how good Sally's pussy feels, and I know she was never wet for you, but take my word for it: she was very, VERY wet for me!

"My cock felt SO good inside your wife. She pulled her legs apart and fucked me, and told me she never liked having you inside her. I watched her face -- her beautiful eyes looking at me -- as I fucked her, and when she said, 'I want to feel you cum in me' there was no way I could resist.

"I came deep inside her, and then I stayed in her afterward, enjoying the sensations of her pussy on my cock. It's been way too long since our last date, but we made up for it now

"Now it's time for you to leave. Don't talk, just LEAVE US ALONE."

The whole time he spoke I had been standing there, naked and masturbating, facing the door. I was ashamed at what he was telling me, and even more ashamed that my wife saw me like that. But as much as I wanted to be something else -- to be assertive, to be a MAN -- I just could not do it. His words were so exciting, so hurtful, that all I could do was obey and jerk off. When he told me to leave I desperately wanted to say something to my wife -- to explain, or apologize, or something -- but I could not. I did as he said, and left the room -- THEIR room -- without saying a word or looking behind me.

I was worried about how Sally would deal with the abuse she had just witnessed; would she tell Ted he had gone too far, or had made the Good Girl in her uncomfortable? I got my answer immediately, as I heard her reach for her vibrator and start it up again.

Her second orgasm took no longer than the first one, but when she came she cried out louder than I had ever heard her cum in the hotel (Even with Ted, my Good Girl is usually conscious of who will hear when she cums!). The bed shook, the floor shook, and I heard Ted saying, "Oh Sally! Oh Sally" as she launched into her orgasm. Her aftershocks went on forever, and then there was silence.

So much for her being upset at how Ted treated me.

As I heard my wife cry out, as I masturbated furiously but kept myself from cumming so I could handle everything that was happening, I thought back to my original cuckold request: "You can ignore me, but please tell me you're ignoring me." I realized they were doing exactly that: they were most definitely enjoying each other; they were NOT worrying about me, or even thinking about me, during their lovemaking; they were sharing feelings that Sally no longer pretends to share with me; yet, in the moments in between, they found ways to show me what I have lost. They WERE ignoring me, but they told me so. And more important, in ways which did not impose (too much) on their privacy or their relationship, they showed me, too.

As I listened to my wife cum in his arms, I realized that they had given me what I needed to behave as a proper cuckold. I would not interfere; I would not protest; I would not hesitate to serve them lunch when they want to take a break from sex; and I would sit quietly and rub my own penis while my wife takes his into her body.

I AM a cuckold.

When it was lunchtime, Sally came out of the bedroom tying the belt of her robe closed. I knew the modesty was for me, and my stomach turned as I accepted that she had been naked until she reached the bedroom door. I served lunch -- Ted lives in Amish country, and he has no way to get good, Jewish deli, so I bring the Real Thing for him. The lovers talked about work, family and all the other irrelevant stuff which people talk about when they are relaxed and comfortable with each other; I sat on the couch, continuing to masturbate. I tried to catch a glimpse of sex: her pussy, her tits, his cock -- but to no avail. They were "in public" now, and I understood that it would have been uncomfortable for either of them to be exposed in front of me. They didn't mind my jerking off, though; I was basically invisible, but in a way I could accept. If I didn't bother them, then... I didn't bother them.

When they got up from lunch I expected them to head straight for the bedroom again, but instead they both sat down on the couch next to me. Without saying a word to me they started to make out, and their passion was even more intense than it had been hours earlier. Sitting on the couch right next to them I was no more than a foot away, and I had a close-up view of their mouths locked together. I saw my wife's tongue in his mouth, his tongue licking hers, and I heard their breathing get shallower and faster. I think I would have liked it if they had talked to me at that point, but I understood that they were giving me what I needed in the way that was least intrusive for them. I masturbated quietly as I watched the two lovers -- my wife, and HIM -- explore each others' mouths, and the passion I saw was further evidence of why Sally is his lover and he is hers.

Surprisingly, and disappointingly, they managed to keep their robes in place during the whole make-out session. It was clear that there were boundaries, and that this was in no way a threesome; they were merely tossing me a PG-rated crumb so I would accept it when they went back to bed to fuck. I DID appreciate it, and when they got up from the couch a croaked out a "thank you" before they disappeared down the hallway together.

An indication of how turned on they were from their makeout session was the fact that by the time I had moved back to my chair by the door, Sally's vibrator was already humming away. I beat myself up with the thought that she had been holding back while she was "in public," but now that they were alone together she couldn't wait for sex.

She took longer to cum this time. Of course, it was the THIRD time for the day, and she never came three times in a day with me in all the years we have been together, so there was no consolation in the time it took. I heard an occasional sigh from her, but I heard a constant stream of quiet, loving, encouraging words from Ted. I could not make out what he was saying, but I knew from what she has told me that he tells her how good she looks, how good she feels and how excited he is to share her pleasure with her. It's one of the things he does better than I ever did, and I heard him doing it then.

Somewhere in the middle of that encounter I had a moment of absolute clarity. I had given Sally the choice of going back to fucking me, or continuing to fuck Ted and learning how to step outside her comfort zone and hurt me. She -- my loving wife of more than 25 years, the mother of our children, my partner through all of life's ups and downs -- had chosen to do something very difficult just so she could keep fucking Ted and not have to fuck me. Right now she was having sex with HIM because she wanted that most of all, and because she would do anything to avoid it with me.

SHE WOULD RATHER LEARN TO HURT ME THAN FUCK ME, AND SHE WOULD RATHER GIVE UP BEING A GOOD GIRL THAN GIVE UP HER LOVER.

Just then, she came.

I felt my world crashing down around me as I heard her gasp, and I felt the bed shake as Ted kissed her and told her how beautiful she was. My God, it hurt so much... but being cuckolded is supposed to hurt.

No sooner had she finished cumming than I heard Ted fucking her. It began with her sharp intake of breath -- the sound I used to hear when I entered her, but which I only hear through the door these days. Often Ted jerks off the second time, painting her tits with his cum, but clearly not today: I heard the bed's rhythmic bouncing, my wife's soft cries in time with the bed's motion, and Ted's increasing urgency as he drove his cock into her again and again. I looked down at my hardon, saw it pointing impotently toward the closed door, and understood that THIS is what my wife wants.

It was all I could do to keep from cumming, but I'm glad I did. I don't think I could have handled the shame, the pain or the loneliness if I didn't keep myself on the edge.

After a while I heard them digging out their phones to set up their next date. At that point I retreated to the living room couch, so I wouldn't be crouched outside their door when they emerged. When Ted came out he was fully dressed, and told me Sally wanted to take a half-hour nap before we headed home. I thought, after all of that, that Ted would head for the door; instead he sat down in the chair facing me and started to tell me what a great time he had with my wife.

I've described in earlier chapters how this after-sex conversation plays out. Put briefly, I've never jerked off in front of another guy before, other than while he was screwing my wife, and doing so makes me terribly uncomfortable. However, by the end of their 4-hour dates I am simply a quivering mass of horniness and shame, and I just don't have enough self-respect left to give a damn. If Ted is willing to tell me about fucking my wife, I want to hear it. And I want to masturbate while he's telling me.

Picture the scene: he is dressed, relaxed and completely satisfied, having just cum twice in my wife. I am naked, horny and have not had sexual release in days. He sits back and reminisces about the experience; never insulting me, but knowing full well what he is saying.

He told me how horny they were for each other; how they started to take off each other's clothes, but were in such a hurry to get naked that they gave up and just stripped. He told me how Sally pulled him over to the bed and went down on him. "She gives such great head, and I know she never gave that to you. You have NO idea what you missed," he said.

He told me that Sally pulled out the KY, and he took the invitation to go down on her. He said she was so wet and tasted so sweet that he needed to spend time kissing and licking her before he applied the gel to her clitoris. "I think I could make her cum that way, but she's just too impatient," he added, as calmly as if he were talking to a friend about planting a garden. I grunted and barely kept from cumming.

He talked about her pulling out her vibrator, and how she came almost instantly. "Even for her it was quick," he said, showing his intimate knowledge of how my wife cums.

He described her getting on top of him and guiding his cock into her. He said she sat straight up on him, so he had a full view of her naked tits and her naked body. After a while he turned her over and got on top of her, "because I cum best that way." I nodded my understanding, realizing with complete shame what he was saying to her husband... to ME. He said she kept trying to get him to cum, squeezing his cock with her pussy, and he held off as long as he could. Finally she said, "I want to feel you cum in me," and he explained -- to be sure I understood -- that he could not resist her invitation. He said it felt wonderful to cum in her, and casually asked me if I remembered what that felt like. When I said no, since it had been eight months since I had felt it ONCE, he said that was too bad because her pussy is so sweet. Then he told me that he stayed inside her as long as he could after cumming because he just loves the feeling of her pussy holding his cock. All I could think of was how that insured that all his semen was dripping out of him and into her while he did that.

I said I really appreciated his calling me in and talking to me. "Don't expect that every time, " he cautioned, "but I thought you could use some help accepting your role in your marriage. It was hard to concentrate with her stroking my cock like that while I talked to you, but I think that only made it more humiliating for you, right?"

I said it did. I said ALL of it was humiliating for me, and he agreed that it should be. "Seeing you standing there, facing the wall and jerking off while I was in bed with your wife, I knew you really WERE a cuckold. No one else would have stood for that."

"I didn't know how Sally felt about it until you left," he continued. "The minute you walked out the door she reached for her vibe and pulled my mouth to her tit. I guess you heard how quickly she came, but what you don't know is that she came so hard I thought she passed out. I can't remember seeing her cum that hard, and believe me, she always cums hard with me."

My mind nearly exploded, or maybe melted, when he finished his soliloquy. I had to stop touching myself because I was so close to cumming that I thought I would go over the edge. If you go back and read that last paragraph, and imagine that you are me, hearing it from him, you might get the overwhelming power of what he said. I sat there panting, cock twitching and aching to squirt, and looked at the man who had just "given my wife what she can't get" from me. I was a fucking mess, and he knew it.

"After lunch," he continued as if I was not making a complete fool of myself in front of him, "Sally wanted me all over again. I think making out in front of you did something special for her, because she grabbed her vibe with one hand and me with the other. I enjoyed every minute of it and every sensation, feeling her tits in my hand and in my mouth, kissing her, caressing her body and telling her how lovely she looked. I watched her face as she came, and the sight made me so hard I just had to be inside her again. I wasn't even planning it, but as soon as she came I got on top of her and felt her aftershocks on my cock as I fucked her."

I asked him how it felt to cum in my wife, and he gave me a lecture on how the cumming felt wonderful, but one of my problems was that I concentrated on that too much. He said every feeling of fucking her was exquisite, and I might be -- or might have been -- a better lover if I stopped focusing on the climax.

I wanted to crawl under the rug. Sitting there masturbating, knowing my wife just gave him everything, I had to nod my acceptance of his criticism of my lovemaking ability. The only man my wife wants inside her lectured me on why she wouldn't fuck me anymore, and we both knew that his sperm was now swimming inside her because she loves fucking him.

I needed that, too. I needed to be told that I'm no good at sex by the man who has taken my place in my wife. It felt terrible, but it helped me understand why I only get my hand, while he gets my wife. It helped that day, and it helps me still.

When Ted left, I kept jerking off for a while. Finally I was exhausted; actually, I think my penis was exhausted. It had been at attention for more than four hours, it had dripped an ocean of precum, and it was just DONE. I sat quietly and read the paper until it was time to wake Sally.

When I woke her, the first thing she said was, "Are you okay?" When I said I was really fine, and thanked her for everything, she relaxed and said she had had a GREAT time. "He's so good, he makes me feel so good, and I did my best to make him feel good, too," she purred. "I'm going to take a shower, then I want to go home with YOU."

We didn't talk much about the day on the way home, except for the time when she told me she had made the right choice. "I don't want to stop fucking him, and I don't want to fuck you, so I'll keep trying to learn what you need to be okay with it."

In the following days she told me a few of the things she loved about Ted. She said she had never enjoyed anyone going down on her, but he has taught her to like it and she likes being able to give that to only him. She said she loves how he touches her before, during and after sex, and that I never did that; when I was done, I was done, and she hated that.

"I don't know if this is the right word, but he makes me feel... SIGNIFICANT. I feel I matter in his arms, and I feel my pleasure really, truly matters to him. You make me feel significant as a wife, a mother and a friend, but he makes me feel significant in bed. And you never did."

Now, two weeks later, her words still sting. The events of that day, and the events leading up to that day, still hurt. But together they help me accept that I will never feel what Ted feels, even on our once-a-year mercy fuck. And they help me understand why I am sitting alone, stroking my own penis, and looking at videos of people who want to fuck each other.

They ignored me for most of their date, and Sally ignores me sexually every single day. But they TOLD me they were ignoring me, and they showed me why. That's what I needed.

Cuckold Paul