A Cuckold's Diary Ch. 32

A Cuckold's Diary

Chapter 44 - "Thank You Both"

May 2015

NOTE:

This is a CUCKOLD story. It's completely true, and it is about how it feels to be a cuckold and to be cuckolded. If this kind of story bothers you, PLEASE don't read it - it will bother you! If you read it and it bothers you, well... whose fault is that? If you don't understand it, or if you want to know more about cuckolding, I'll be happy to respond to your feedback or emails. But if you read this huge story knowing it will bother you, then would you please take a minute to think about why you are doing that?

And as for my decision to put this in the "Loving Wives" section, it's because my wife loves me and I love her. Whether you agree with that or not is actually irrelevant, isn't it?

Sincerely,

Cuckold Paul

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Dear Ted and Sally,

Thursday was an amazing day, wasn't it? As I told Sally last night, it was simply perfect, at least for me. She said she loved it, too... and wants more.

Ted, When I asked you to give me notice of your arrival so I could pull my pants up, I wasn't fishing for permission to be undressed when you arrived. In fact, when you texted back saying, "I don't think you should. It is a cuckold's lot in life to be humiliated and to forever have their dick in their hands, not in their wife," it took me about 5 minutes before I could build up the courage to show your text to Sally. She was getting ready, so she told me to read it to her... so yeah, I actually read it to her.

When she heard what you said, she said it was fine with her. So I pulled down my pants, sat in the chair facing the couch, applied the Vaseline, and jerked off while we waited for you. When she was all ready for you she sat on the couch, reading, and every so often she looked over at me. She didn't exactly laugh, but she sort of smirked. I was really embarrassed, but looking at her in that negligee, thinking about what we were doing there and what she was going to do with you, I just couldn't stop.

Then out of nowhere she said, "You know, I don't have to work at loving you. I just love you."

Sally, I can't begin to describe how good that made me feel. I realized that even after all these years I never articulated my nagging suspicion that you resented me for being this way, and having you say you loved me while I sat and masturbated in front of you while you waited for Ted was... amazing. I felt loved and accepted, and at that moment I stopped worrying about what I would see, or what you would share with me during your date. I felt I could just BE a cuckold. Throughout the day I didn't care that you - both of you - saw me hard and playing with myself while you had your date, and I didn't care when you locked me out of the room. Actually, I DID care... and it felt right. I didn't know what you would choose to show me, and I didn't worry about it, either. Oh, I don't think I would have been happy if you excluded me completely, but that wasn't even my thought. I knew that you love me and would show me how much you love sex with a real man, and I knew that you, Ted, would not object. So I was good.

Things got insane from work the minute we left the hotel after your date, and on Thursday night Sally said she was, literally, "fucked out." Having been close by when it happened, I could hardly disagree. So when I got home Friday night I asked if we could talk, and she said yes. I asked if she wanted to play, or just to talk while I jerked off. She came downstairs in her Victoria's Grandmother night shirt, which answered my question.

I sat on the floor facing her and started to jerk off. I told her how much her words meant to me, and how they made me feel. Then I said I needed to know one thing from her, and I wanted her to answer honestly because it's a missing piece for me. I asked her to picture the scene when we were waiting for you - when she said she loved me. She took a minute, then nodded that she was picturing it.

I asked her what she saw when she looked at me then. Of course, she was also looking at me at that moment, sitting naked on the floor and jerking off, which is the only sex I get.

She said, "You're pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself, but you're not. At least, you're not ashamed enough to stop."

"But you love me, and it's not work?"

"Yes, I love you. And no, it's not work. I just love you."

"So how do you love me if you think I'm pathetic when it comes to sex?"

It took a while for this answer...

"I compartmentalize well."

I sat there on the floor, completely naked, and masturbated while my wife watched me and smiled at me. I told her about all the things that excited me while she was with you, and finally I came while she looked at me. Once again she didn't exactly laugh, but she made sure I understood that she loved me... and thought I was pathetic.

Sally, you know that I don't compartmentalize AT ALL. So here is what I have been thinking about ever since that experience. It's what I think about when I'm working, when I'm resting, when I'm eating, when I'm playing with myself, when I'm sleeping... yes, I've woken up most every night, or at least every morning, picturing some part of what I'm about to say.

Sally and Ted, I want to thank you - both of you. I'm not going to pull any punches here because you both know who and what I am, and how much it turns me on to be cuckolded by the two of you. I hope you find this interesting, or at least amusing. For me it's cathartic to write it; maybe this way I can stop holding every single event in my mind at the same time, since I know it's written down and preserved. Sally, I hope you'll read it when you want to open that compartment for a little fun. Ted, being a guy, I hope you'll read it often when you want to get off remembering sex with your girlfriend.

Here we go. And THANK YOU BOTH.

Ted, thank you for telling me to go get you coffee when you arrived. I know I texted asking you to grab a cup on your way to the room since I was naked and jerking off as you instructed, but it really excited me to be told to do that for you. I like that you feel you can tell me to run errands for you while you make out with my wife, and I am so excited that Sally sees you order me around... and sees me obey. Whether it is having to put my pants on to go get you coffee, or being sent out to get lunch for the two of you while you lie naked in bed together, it makes me feel good to have you tell me what to do.

When I went for your coffee I wasn't gone long, but when I opened the door to our suite I saw you sitting on the couch with your pants around your knees and my wife sucking your cock. I don't know if you heard me say "ouch," but I actually spilled the hot coffee all over my hand as I tried to come in, close the door and not lose it completely at the sight in front of me.

When I put down your coffee and pulled down my pants again, you started to tell me how good Sally was making you feel. You told me I would never know how good it felt, and of course you are right: I never responded well to having my cock sucked because I never thought I deserved it. And we both know that Sally LOVES to suck your cock, because you DO respond to everything she does.

Thank you for telling me to come close, to see what my wife was doing to you. I didn't want to get in the way, but I got on my knees and was about two feet away from you, where I had a very clear view of what my wife was doing. I really appreciate your telling me to get so close so I could see everything.

Thank you, Sally, for not missing a beat when I came back to the room and got close. I saw you sucking his cock, running your fingers along it and gently caressing his balls. I know you were showing me how you turn your lover on... you made sure I saw every stroke, every touch, every kiss you gave his cock as he moaned and shuddered at your touch. I saw you take your mouth off his cock and without even a glance at me you said, "I want THIS" before opening your mouth wide and swallowing him. It was SO exciting to hear you tell me - tell both of us - that you want his cock, especially since we all know that you don't want mine.

Ted, thank you for pulling Sally's negligee off her shoulders, exposing her tits for you (and me) to see. I know you've done it for years, but seeing you looking at my wife's naked breasts is one of the most humiliating things that has ever happened to me. I know I should stop you, but we all know I'm not going to do that. Just the thought that YOU are showing ME my wife's tits drives me wild, as I know that seeing them drives you wild, too. Of course, you get to do much more than just see them...

Sally, thank you for guiding Ted's cock between your breasts and titty-fucking him. And thank you, THANK YOU, for turning to me and saying, "I don't think I need lunch today; I've got a sandwich right here" as I watched Ted slide his cock back and forth between your naked tits. I've never seen you do that before, and I loved it! (Ted seemed to be pretty happy with it, too.)

And Sally, my dear, beloved, loving wife, thank you for the kiss you gave me as you got up to go to bed with your lover. I always love kissing you, but we both know that the kiss you give me when you're on your way to bed with Ted is different. That one time you let me feel how it feels when you kiss a MAN, communicating that you want him to fuck you. We both know that the kiss doesn't mean you want ME to do that, but it's something special you give me once each date, as a reward for watching you kiss him that way... again and again. That kiss is sexual, aggressive and uninhibited, and it takes my breath away every time because you show me how you would kiss me if I were a real man. So thank you for giving me a taste - literally - of what you give him.

You went into the bedroom together, but I didn't hear the door close. As fast as I could, I dragged a chair from the table to the hallway outside your bedroom. The door was nearly closed, but it was open enough for me to hear the sounds of Ted undressing... or was it Sally undressing Ted? Whichever it was, I rubbed my little penis as I listened to the two of you getting naked.

Then, Ted, you appeared at the door. You were completely naked, and as always I had that momentary jolt as I thought how inappropriately you were dressed to be in a room with my wife. Of course, I immediately realized that you were dressed just the way Sally wants you, and as that thought sank in you said, "I'm gonna take care of your wife, and your wife is gonna take care of me, and we're going to feel VERY good."

You didn't need to say that, Ted, and I am very grateful that you did. You made me acknowledge to you, and to myself, that I was going to sit there and jerk off while you had sex with my wife. Just on the outside chance that I might think you were only going to talk, you stood there with your hard cock pointing at me and TOLD me that you were going to fuck my wife... and that it was going to feel really, really good to both of you. Then you closed the door in my face, and you fucked my wife.

I thank you for that because it helped me understand why I sat outside the closed bedroom door for so long that morning. You made clear what was going to happen, and then I sat there and played with myself while it did. I heard you fuck my wife - long before you groaned, I heard her make the sounds she only makes when she is being fucked - when YOU are fucking her. I heard my wife feel VERY good as you slid your cock in and out of her; I didn't see any of it, but I knew it was happening. I also knew you didn't cum, because the noises stopped and then I heard the sound of her Pocket Rocket starting up.

I need to thank both of you for what happened next. Ted, thank you for giving my wife what I never could, and making her feel like the woman she really is. Thank you for knowing how to make love to her, and for knowing how to touch, caress and hold her to turn her on. Bottom line, thank you for making my wife feel so good that she let go and came in your arms... for the first time that day. I sat outside the door and heard it - I heard you encouraging her, I heard you getting excited as she got excited, and I heard you thank her as she came. We are so fortunate to have found a man who can do all this for my wife!

Sally, I need to thank you, too. Thank you for letting go - not just letting go and cumming, but for letting go of all the inhibitions and conditioning which made it so hard for you for so long. Thank you for letting me be nearby when you go to bed with your boyfriend, for knowing and accepting me to the point where you can fuck another man, and for knowing how much it will turn me on to hear you cum in his arms. You will never know how it feels to sit outside your closed bedroom door and hear you orgasm with HIM, but you do know that I feel your love even then. In fact, when you came I could hear your words: "You know, I don't have to work at loving you. I just love you."

So thank you both for making me nearly cum and nearly cry at the same time.

It was well over a half an hour from Ted's last taunt until he spoke to me again. "Paul, come in here," he said, so I got up and opened the door. What I saw was you, Sally, lying naked on your back with your legs spread wide, and Ted between your legs... fucking you. As I came into the room and tried to take in the scene in front of me, Ted said, "She wanted you to see this."

That was the first time that day that I thanked both of you... for inviting me in to see you fuck. And how could I NOT thank you? You let me see SEX - really, really GOOD sex - since I've never known how to do that myself. Sally, I saw you completely naked: your breasts exposed, your very hard nipples pointing up at Ted, your legs spread wide so he could be deep inside your body. As I stared at you, Ted actually said what I was thinking: "Doesn't she look beautiful like this?"

I said yes, you looked beautiful like this. And about halfway through that short sentence I realized that Ted was asking me if I thought his girlfriend looked beautiful while she was fucking him. *I* was the outsider at the moment. *I* was the one being called in for a "second opinion" on how beautiful you looked, because at that moment the couple was Sally and Ted, not Sally and Paul. But, Sally, you really DID look beautiful... as you always do, but different. I always love seeing you naked, but you weren't JUST naked: you were naked, and excited, and sexy, and feeling good, and feeling like a woman. And I don't get to see you like that very often because I don't make you feel like that. You looked fulfilled, in the real sense of the word: full, and filled, with a man.

When you told me to leave, I couldn't argue. I was so excited that you let me see you like that, that all I could do was start toward the door. But Ted wasn't done humiliating me yet, so as I started to retreat he looked at me (for the first time, because even when he spoke to me earlier he didn't take his eyes off you) and said, "Paul, would you like a close-up look before you go?"

WTF? Was he really asking me if I wanted to see, close-up, how his cock was going in and out of my wife? Did he really think I would stoop so low as to admit that my little penis would get even harder if I saw him fucking my wife?

"Yes, please," was all I could muster as a response.

Without missing a beat - or a stroke - he leaned back so I could look. Yes, he really did give me the chance to see him fucking you, and yes, I really did look. I stood there without a speck of dignity and played with myself as I watched his cock sliding in and out, in and out of my wife's pussy. Sally, I heard you moan with pleasure, I heard Ted groan as his cock was caressed by your insides, and I shuddered as I stood there and... looked.

"NOW it's time for you to leave. I WANT you to leave us alone," you said. I think I said "thank you" about half a dozen times as I backed up toward the door, unable to take my eyes off my own cuckolding. I closed the door, sat in my chair and as I tried to assimilate what had just happened, I heard you, Ted, cum in my wife. I didn't see it. I didn't need to see it. You had showed me how you fuck, you had invited me to get a close-up look at fucking, and then, after telling me to leave, Sally made you cum. In her.

I remembered what you said: "We're going to feel VERY good." As I listened to you orgasm in my wife's pussy, it was clear that she was, indeed, taking care of you. Just as you were taking care of her. And I was sitting outside and playing with myself, since I can't take care of her like that.

Just a few seconds after you finished making orgasm-sounds, I heard the Pocket Rocket start up again. We all know that Sally never came more than once in a day with me, and here you were offering her the chance for a second orgasm in an hour. I knew better than to think it was impossible because it was only impossible with me; sure enough, in just a little while she came again. I sat as quietly as I could, given how close I was to cumming from the incredible sounds of her pleasure, and as I listened I couldn't help thinking that this was just about perfect: the two of you having really good, really fulfilling sex together, and me sitting outside, listening and masturbating.

Not long after you finished that second round of sex, Sally came out to use the bathroom. My love, no matter what has gone on before that, when you come out and see me sitting "with my dick in my hand" I'm always ashamed. I assume that's one of the moments you have to compartmentalize, because you're not in the middle of sex with Ted; you're walking by me, completely naked, and I am sitting there with an erection from listening to you fuck him. You smile at me in a way that conveys both love and pity, and leave me sitting there as you close the bathroom door. I know what I look like to you then, and I am so, SO grateful that you love me - that you CAN love me - when you see me like that.

Ted, in the caricature of cuckolding which calls itself commercial porn, the "bull" (I hate that word!) abuses the cuckold verbally or physically, or both. You, however, are a gentleman, even when you call me in to tell me how wonderful it is to fuck my wife and how good you make each other feel. You stroke your cock, which never seems to get completely soft when you're with her, even after you cum, and you tell me what I'm missing, what I've lost, and what I never had. This time you talked about how good my wife's pussy tastes, and you asked if I know that taste. I had to admit that I really don't because a) she never wanted me to go down on her, and b) the few times I did, she was never wet - since she only gets wet for you. So you told me how sweet she tastes, and how hard you get when you lick her. Then you described how she felt each time (!) she came in your arms, and when you looked for agreement on how exciting she is when she lets go I had to remind you that she doesn't allow me to lie with her, or even watch her, when she cums at home. "Oh, that's right," you said as your cock got harder and you suppressed a laugh.

Sally, that was when you came back to bed. To HIS bed. You walked right by me, and on all fours you crawled across the bed and kissed Ted. As you kissed him you settled into the bed like a cat settling in for the night, and you gave me the privilege of seeing you completely naked, from head to toe: hair, back, ass, legs and feet, as you continued to kiss you lover. Of course, your hand reached for his cock and took over stroking it as if I wasn't there... or, more accurately I guess, because I WAS there and you wanted me to see how much it didn't matter to you. You only stopped when Ted said, "I think it's time for Paul to get us lunch, don't you?"

With that you flipped onto your back, lying naked with your lover and exposed in front of your husband - your cuckold husband. You both discussed what you wanted to eat as casually as you would in front of a waiter in a restaurant, as if it was completely natural to send your husband to get lunch so you could spend every minute together in bed. Come to think of it, it WAS natural; while I used to worry about missing something, this time I felt good about being able to do something nice for the two of you. And yes, as I said earlier, I was excited that Ted would give me orders and that you would see me obey without complaint. You know I'm not one to take orders from almost anyone, so I assume that this was just one more illustration of how I feel about myself when you are with him.