A Drow's Dilemma Ep. 10: Frustration

Ashyr stayed with the group for most of the day this time. Aside from the normal bathroom break, she could always be seen walking somewhere amongst them. She was more quiet then usual, though. Many a troubling thing plagued her mind and heart. Ashyr wished the whispered rumors about them were not spoken so often. If they were going to taunt her about it, she wished she'd at least done the deed that was implied. Trying to refute the rumors would probably be entirely futile. There was something about a rejection of such things that was always either too adamant or not adamant enough, and both were always suspect. She wasn't sure if it made the rumors worse or better that Caleldir seemed to be avoiding her for the rest of the day. It certainly made her feel worse. For whatever reason. She let him have his space.

At least the town was only a good day and a half walk away. Ashyr had seen the walls of it a couple years ago while exploring. The drow as a group seemed to have little interest in the small town. Not a lot of people resided there. They had no great wealth or magical items. They didn't even seem to participate in any war or dispute that popped up from time to time. It was a good place for refugees to hide if they were allowed within its walls.

That night Ashyr sat at the very edge of the firelight while the others were eating the last of the food she'd hunted for them. If Bard had more energy she would have tried to find some more, but everyone seemed happy enough with the little bit of meat and foraged vegetables. The wolf was sleeping at her feet happily and was well on his way to being his usual bundle of energy by the time the sun rose.

Checking around nervously to make sure that no would-be voyeurs were watching him, Caleldir sought Ashyr out. To say something to her, not just to be close. Definitely. Which is why it was so troubling that he could not think of anything to say, instead standing near her looking like something important was just on the tip of his tongue.

She looked up when Caleldir approached. A genuinely happy smile came unbidden to her features when she realized it was him. He looked like he wanted to say something. Instead, he just stood there. "Come on." She said with a smirk. She got to her feet. "Remember how I was going to train you how to fight? I got a good feel for your skill when we sparred. Let's work on some of those techniques you seem to know." Maybe it would get her mind off of how he looked with just that surcoat on. And, if she was lucky, enough vigorous motion would cause his makeshift outfit to fail.

A look of relief swept across Caleldir's face. Yes. That. That was definitely why he sought Ashyr out. For training. Not other reasons. "I do remember." He nodded. "Just let me find a good stick." He dropped his voice. "Also, if you do not mind, we can both see perfectly in the night dark, so could we move away from the camp a bit? I would prefer not to have the audience this time." Because an audience was distracting to both of them, obviously, not because of other motives.

Sure. Get away from the rest of the group, Ashyr thought. That wouldn't make everyone else talk all the louder about how the two elves were fucking in the woods. Ashyr wasn't about to refuse, however. She liked showing off to all the people who would watch, but she liked even better being alone with Caleldir. Even if he wouldn't fuck her. "Alright, come on."

Following Ashyr away from the camp, Caleldir quickly found a dense stick of sufficient size and durability to spar with. "I need a real sword, or at least another decent spear." He complained. "Given your higher skill level and my durability, not training with real weapons seems like something of a waste." He struck a stance. It was still textbook, but a far more useful textbook technique. "I have memorized the movements of hundreds of fighting styles." He said. "But for now I will stick mostly to Feldonic Practical Style."

This time she kept the focus less on sparring and more on getting him to use the right moves when appropriate. Sometimes she would halt fighting altogether and try to explain the more modern advances on fighting that Cal had missed out on. A couple times she just had him practice one single move or how to defend against an attack that seemed to confuse him. She even showed him a few tricks that she was pretty sure no one on the surface used. If they ever had to fight with her own people, she wanted him as ready as possible. Caleldir was an extremely quick learner, never having to be told the same thing twice, picking up on new theories almost instantly, and generally improving extremely rapidly.

"You're not bad for a book-learned shut in." She said finally after she halted further training. She panted happily with exertion. But working with him in such close proximity had naturally encouraged a very different heat in her body. The drow threw down her stick and tried to slow her breathing, to calm herself down. At least she resisted pulling him down and sitting on him like the last time they fought. She sat upon a log with a heavy thump and pulled stray hair from her face. Ashyr was pretty convinced that coming onto him wouldn't be very effective. Having one's chastity taken away was much different than willingly doing it. Or so she assumed.

Caleldir, meanwhile, was almost disappointed when she finished up the session, although once he actually stopped he realized how tired he really was. "Thank you." He said cheerfully. "I am good at memorization. We had one of the greatest libraries in the world at that time, and I spent my entire life in it. I memorized a great many of the books and manuals there. There was quite a lot on fighting theories. And magic, both divine and arcane, although I never got the hang of most of it. Apparently it takes more than theoretical knowledge to be any good at something."

He sat down next to her. Since it was not a big log, he ended up being rather close, just barely not touching her. He frowned, Ashyr's heavy breathing seemed to be from more than just exhaustion. There was something about her manner that returned the familiar heat to his head. "Your breathing is off." He asked. "What is wrong, Ashyr?"

"Nothing's wrong, Cal." She lied - well, technically when she felt was completely natural and therefore not 'wrong' at all physically. Caleldir would probably call it morally wrong or some nonsense like that. Her hand went of its own accord to his mid thigh. She noticed only after she touched him. Then she pulled her hand away like his leg had set her on fire. Metaphorically, it did. Ashyr then coughed awkwardly. This was ridiculous. It was almost as if she was thirty again with all her uncomfortable encounters with men and women her age who were equally uncomfortable. That fallback to a less mature time in her life wasn't complete until she did one more thing.

Ashyr fled.

Despite her attempted reassurance, Caleldir was skeptical. "Even if nothing is wrong," Caleldir said. "Something still seems to be bothering you." With faerie blood in his veins, he was no stranger to telling technical truths in order to hide deceptions. Oddly enough, Ashyr only got more antsy when he sat down next to her. Then, she did something odd. As if she was dizzy, she put her hand down on the log next to her to steady herself, but of course his leg was there. She rested her hand on his leg for a moment while Caleldir's head heated up a bit and he wondered what the polite way to move her hand was. Apparently though, all he needed to do was to wait a few seconds for her to realize what she had done, and then freak out. Or something, Caleldir had a much harder time guessing what she was thinking than normal. At any rate, whether because of embarrassment, or simply because she had something super urgent come up that moment, the Drow leapt up and ran away. Caleldir was left sitting on his log scratching his head.

--

The next day was uneventful. Well, more or less. Some in the caravan teased Caleldir lightly about his going off with Ashyr last night, but since he had returned and she had not been seen, the rumours turned from 'those two are lovers' to 'those two have something going on between them but do not seem to be lovers yet.' Of course, the gossips not having much else to occupy their time with meant that speculation was rather rampant. Caleldir stuck close to Gurzan, who spent most the day in silence.

She didn't show her face again until the next night when the caravan was making its last camp before it reach the town. She could see the hill that it was on, but nothing of its walls. The place was always a little overgrown and hard to see. When she walked into camp she had another buck slung over her shoulder. The drow had gotten lucky while hunting. This catch was a little bigger than her last. To Fucking's delight, she hefted the carcass off of her shoulder and onto the ground in front of the goblin. Before long huge chunks of it were cooking over a large fire. The caravan would not starve during the last stretch of its journey.

I can totally handle it this time. She told herself when she approached Caleldir after the fervor of dinner died down. "Sorry about last night." She said with a mischievous grin that hid her tumultuous feelings. "I think I panicked. Been a rough week, you know. I'm all better now. Up for some more training?"

"No problem." He said, puzzled. He decided not to ask what had so panicked her. "It has indeed been a rough week. I am definitely up for some more training. Why, at my current rate of progress, I will be able to win against you in a mere week! Or a decade. One of those."

"Try a century." The drow teased, though in reality she wouldn't be too surprised if he started winning at least some of the time within the next fortnight. "Stay here, Bard." She told the wolf. Then she threw him one of the raw leg bones from the buck. The young wolf seemed more than happy to remain where he was with such a prize. Once again they moved away from the camp, this time when nobody was paying attention (except Gurzan, who missed nothing), Caleldir had already spent much of the day preparing new wood sparring weapons. He had, in the end, decided on both a spear and a sword.

This time, she tried a little harder not to touch Caleldir any more than was absolutely necessary. Except, of course, when she whacked him with her stick for being particularly indecisive. And any other time he left himself open due to inexperience. As he got better, she stepped up her game a little as well. If she concentrated on fighting and pretended that he was a big ugly orc, she could turn her thoughts away from what would happen if she 'accidentally' fell on top of him. Since he had that fascinating regeneration and they were only using sticks, she didn't have to worry about getting too carried away in her temporary orc delusion.

Caleldir's worries about Ashyr intensified during the battle, noting that she went on the defensive far more than before, and attacked sometimes quite savagely, as if he was not her opponent at all: as if she was in battle with some other creature. It was certainly helpful, even more so than usual in some ways, but still, something was clearly eating at her. Was it her family situation? Probably. Caleldir did not know what he would have done in her situation, but he probably would not have taken it all well. Then again, he had been in a vaguely similar situation, and he did not recall what he had done for twelve centuries afterwards.

"I think that's enough for tonight." She finally said as she placed her hands on her knees and breathed heavily.

Caleldir stepped a little closer to her in concern. "I agree." He replied. "I think that I made some good progress." He was not audibly breathing as hard as she, but he was likely even more tired, given that he was less used to this type of strenuous activity than she was. He put his hand on her shoulder. "You have been acting strange lately, Ashyr. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Caleldir seemed absolutely determined to make himself extremely irresistible, much to Ashyr's annoyance. The horny drow's resolve almost completely crumbled. She backed up and turned slightly away from him. Her hands rested against the back of her neck to hopefully keep herself from grabbing the other elf. "Damn it, Cal." She said with frustrated annoyance. "I'm trying my best to resist pulling a Selene and taking you whether you like it or not. And you are not making it easy." She explained. Her tone was somewhat angry, and she was probably talking much too loudly. In fact, by the end of it, she was yelling.

Ashyr knew that he wasn't doing it on purpose. He was probably just being his normal self. The drow inhaled deeply, held her breath for a moment, then let it out as slowly as possible. She had to get a hold of herself. She had to calm down. Never in her life had she wanted something so badly yet refrained from indulging in it. Such unprecedented self-restraint was going to give her a heart attack. That was how it felt, anyway.

The expression on Caleldir's face froze. Perhaps it was because of latent masochism or just a skewed perception of sex from his first experience being raped, but the idea of Ashyr so overcome with desire for him that she took him despite his protests was the most arousing thing he had encountered since, well, Ashyr's nude body pressed against his own. Still, he took half a step back. Selene raping him was an accidental betrayal of his faith, sleeping with Ashyr would be an intentional one. Even if he wanted to almost as much as she apparently did.

So, with a worried look on his face, he cleared his throat. "Well... that is... awkward to hear." He said diplomatically. "I... err... I do not know what to say to that." Well, he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He wanted to loosen the one belt holding his entire makeshift outfit together and stand there naked yelling 'then take me!', but that was not an option he could consider. Lowering his head, he sighed. "I confess that I have a very hard time resisting you as well. You are an incredibly beautiful woman." He finally stated. "And just so you understand: despite how we met, I do not hate Selene, and you are far more important to me than she is."

A heavy sigh of despair left her lips. She sat upon the forest floor heavily. There, it seemed was her answer. It was great that she was beautiful to him and hard to resist, but the very fact that he felt the need to resist even when she told him outright that she wanted to fuck him meant that he was still trying to hold on to his vows. For some reason, she was determined to respect that no matter how idiotic it seemed. It would feel like a betrayal. Ashyr does not betray her companions.

"You'd better go, then." She told him quietly, though it hurt to say it. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of her instead anywhere near Caleldir.

Why did life have to get so difficult all the sudden? One month she was frolicking through the forest merrily killing, burning, and fucking whomever she pleased. The next, her girlfriend was dead, her other girlfriend hated her (AND was raping her friends), her mother and sisters were dead, and she was desperately fighting against fucking the first light elf she'd ever really liked. If she had any sense, she would go back into relative isolation, but she kept waltzing right back into the encampment. Of all the torture she'd endured, this was by far the worst. And she was doing it to herself.

An almost hurt look passed over Caleldir's face. He could not quite bring himself to say outright that he wanted to have sex with her, but, insane as it was, he was not rejecting her. She certainly seemed to get that impression from him though. "I do not want to leave you, though." He said. He took a step towards her. "Whatever you say or do, I will not leave you. As bizarre as it may seem, with everything that we have been through together you are probably the dearest friend I have had since I awoke from my long undeath."

Caleldir's next step closed the distance between them. He gently put his finger to her chin, leading her to look up into his concerned, evening-blue eyes. "I really do not want to go anywhere." He said. "However, I understand if you want to be alone. But perhaps we can..." He let his hand fall to his side, and a heavy blush appeared on his face. It was his turn to look down. "Perhaps we can part with a kiss?" He asked. As highly inexperienced as he was, Caleldir believed that a kiss would be enough to satisfy both of them. Despite the troubled state of his dreams brought about from Selene suddenly ending his era of chastity, he still stood firmly in the naive romantic mindset, where a simple kiss held more mystery and appeal than intercourse itself did for many others.

Light blind her, that bloody idiot kid would not get the Lolth damned idea in his stupid fucking head that she at the very edge of her self-control. No, he goes around with those beautiful fucking eyes and that sodding adorable blush asking for kisses and declaring how important she was to him. She felt like she was literally about to explode. Boom. Blood and guts everywhere. Her whole body trembled with it.

She grasped the back of his head roughly to pull his head towards her and crush her lips to his like a starving woman. This was definitely not what he meant by a parting kiss. She didn't care. She kissed him as thoroughly as she knew how. When their lips parted next she fled.

After all, it was tradition.