A Gentlemen's Agreement Ch. 01

"Am I that obvious?" I asked, directing my gaze at the floor, ashamed of myself for not being more careful. I wasn't ashamed of my sexuality, but after my parents' reaction to my coming out to them, I tried to be careful of who knew. I lived in a hick town with a large number of the population maintaining an "old fashioned" view of matters concerning sex. It was also a proverbial mine field of contradictory beliefs. Walk in step with the others and you're fine, but take a wrong step and the whole world will explode around you. Guys generally didn't care if you got a blow job from another guy, but giving one is another matter altogether, Wade explained when we discussed my being gay. Even fucking a guy doesn't necessarily make you gay, but if you had better not be the one getting fucked.

"No, not really," Grady said, "I probably wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't watching for it." I looked up at him, confused. "Your sketch book. You drew his portrait a lot."

"I've been hung up on him since the first day I laid eyes on him," I confessed.

"Well, that sounds like a colossal waste of time. Have you banged him?" To say I was surprised by his general acceptance of my sexual orientation is an understatement. Part of me felt like we should discuss it, but a greater part of me was relieved that we didn't need to.

"No, I haven't," I explained, keeping my voice in a near whisper,

"Have you been with a girl, or anyone else?"

"No, I've been sort of saving myself," Grady looked at me quizzically, "I wanted to make Tyler my boyfriend, but he blew Wade the night before he took off to college, along with three other dudes, and got fucked by another. I've been messed up about how I feel about him ever since."

"Dude, you're a good looking guy. You could have your choice of willing partners, maybe even find a boyfriend. You could certainly do better for yourself than go pining for a guy who probably doesn't even know you exist."

He was right, and I knew it. I just didn't know how to get Tyler out of my system. I was glad my sexual orientation was out in the air between us, and Grady seemed to be okay with it, but I kept my eyes to myself when we showered, just to play it safe.

I was relieved when he sat next to me on the bus ride home. There was no further talk of Tyler, or my being gay. It was nice to have someone to just hang out with, someone who knew my secret and was okay with it. It was something I'd missed with Wade away at college.