A Hero Who Shrunk For His Cause

At five o'clock in the afternoon Fred felt fucked. He had been sent here by High Command to conquer this miserable little planet and all he could do at the moment was feel fucked. He rolled over on the ground where he had been lying for most of the afternoon, groaned as a splitting pain shot through his body, held his head in his hands and began cursing in a steady vindictive flow of Yrrlian cuss words. I think I should explain that Fred was not his real name, he was not human and he had just experienced his first bestial sexual encounter. The beast in question was about twenty-three, stood at approximately 5' 4", had large, firm breasts guaranteed to give any man a wet dream and all the equipment that any guy would die for. Why, I hear you ask, does an alien from another planet who has to be more advanced than the human race find himself in the situation he was. It's a sad and sorry tale.

When Fred had first arrived he had bounded down the ramp from his spaceship, looking sharply around for any sign of the enemy. As he had landed in the middle of the main car park, (squashing two dozens automobiles and a coke machine during his rather erratic landing) of the largest shopping mall for two hundred miles in any direction, finding the enemy was not the problem. Getting them to stand still was. Fred, who was fairly new at this game, (in fact there had been a lengthy discussion by the High Command on whether he was fit for this type of work at all) had pulled himself up to his magnificent height of 4 feet and had shouted, using his best, and newly acquired command voice, "Stop! Stand still! Uhh," he tried to remember the right words. They came to him in a flash. "Freeze you bastards or you're gonna make my day!" He felt quite satisfied with that. He had a good voice at the best of times, or so his pod mother thought, and he had practised long and hard to get it just right.

The trouble was these stupid savages weren't paying any attention. Fred scratched his arse thoughtfully and decided to use his weapon. Now Fred called it a weapon and most things whose last conscious sight, before they were transformed into slavish zombies, and had been looking down the business end of it would have called it a weapon. But it wasn't a weapon in the true sense of the word. Instead of blowing away it sucked things in. The purpose being to give alien life forms the pleasure of knowing that they were now enslaved by the Galaxy wide master race of Yrrlians. In Fred's universe killing was unheard of, and if it had been it wouldn't have been used in conquering the Galaxy. Why, where would all the millions of slaves come from to run the place if nobody was around anymore?

So in his usual professional manner Fred began to set up the weapon. Now again I should explain that this piece of apparatus was not what anybody would call easily portable. It took Fred several trips back to the space ship, pulling and pushing crates (although they weren't crates as we know the word). Up from the storage area, along one of the longest corridors on the ship, out of the door, down the ramp to pile up around the bottom of his only means of access back into the ship (Fred had a habit of painting himself into corners).

By the time he had completed the task he was knackered and he plonked himself on the ground with his scaly back resting against the mini-mountain he had created. He went to get something cold to drink (for it was a fearful hot day) when he suddenly remembered he had left his provision pouch inside the ship when he was making his final trip.

"Unnghhhhnhcch", which roughly translates into "Oh fucking hell", he said, and with that he just sat there, unable to move.

"Wheeeee!". That was the sound of the beast. She came bounding, and bouncing I hasten to add, between the cars that were left after everyone had disappeared in such a hurry, and approached Fred with a big grin, a big wave of her hand and a big "Hello!"

Fred, with his defences down, couldn't make up his mind what to do. Here he was, on a barbarous planet, no weapon, no energy and no thought other than to get some cold, cold liquid nourishment into his rapidly dehydrating body being approached by a gyrating animal.

"Oh you poor thing," said Alice, for that was her name, "you must be awfully tired, and thirsty and stuff." A good and kind-hearted girl she may have been but she did have a tendency to get stuck for words at times. "Stay there, I'll go and get you some ginger ale." and off she raced. Fred had more or less given up on the place. He had imagined returning as a conquering hero. Having songs sung about him and stories told about him from generation to generation down the ages. But that fond dream was vanishing quite rapidly. In fact it had all but disappeared. Soon the peculiar earthling animal returned to where he was sitting and gave him a large container with some fizzy liquid inside.

Fred was suspicious. As well he might be. He looked at the container, a bottle to you and me, sniffed the open top and shook it gently causing the gases to rise and the liquid to overflow and run down the glass sides. He repeated the whole process twice more. He really couldn't believe his senses so he took the slightest of sips and it was then his face, well head really, cracked open into two parts showing four layers of yellow pointed fangs all marching around his mouth on muscle driven gums, like a lot of tiny soldiers. Fred's ancestors had been very viscous beings in times long passed. To members of his own race Fred was laughing but to Alice, who was standing looking down at him the noise resembled a clap of thunder. Shrieking she put her hands over her ears and stamped her foot. "Stop that, you hear. Stop that. You're making my ears hurt. Now stop that I say." Fred stopped not because of any desire to follow Alice's command but because he was too busy guzzling down the ginger ale for on his planet (yes you've guessed it) ginger ale was the highest of octane alcohol that could be bought. In fact in most places it had been banned so no one could actually buy it anymore. But it was still available if you knew where to go. It had a very quick and startling affect on Fred. His eyes bugged out from his head on long stalks, his mouth sucked inwards, his long ears drooped into a servile position and he started to turn blue. He held out the bottle.

"Oh you want some more. Alright then. Don't go away," and off she shot. Fred had no intention of going anywhere. In fact he couldn't have done so even if he'd wanted to. Soon Alice was back and watched him finish the second bottle. Eight more times she made the trip until she too slumped down beside him with her back leaning against one of the crates.

"Whoooheee! I'm all tired out," she murmured before she fell promptly asleep leaning her head on the shoulder of the now almost comatose alien sitting beside her.

Now here in my tale I must mention a few crucial points. You may wonder why a young, beautiful earth girl like Alice could accept so readily an ugly looking monster like Fred. Well the truth is that Alice's name wasn't Alice just as Fred's name wasn't Fred. And she too didn't belong there just as Fred didn't. No, our heroine whom we shall call Alice anyway, was under the impression that she was having a weird, spaced out dream. To her nothing was real. Not the mall, not Fred, not the clouds in the sky nor the trees in the distance nor…well you get the idea. She knew she was dreaming you see and she also knew that soon she would wake up.

Now as far as Fred was concerned he was feeling a completely different set of emotions. To him, under the influence of ginger ale he was humming away happily to himself and feeling his body succumbing to the huge sexual appetite that was normal for his race just prior to metamorphosis. On Fred's world they didn't really mind who they had sex with as long as they were under the influence of something, anything, when they did it. In fact it was crucial for them to do it especially after strong alcohol, the equivalent of pure heroin, or at least a small joint. You see Fred's world was what we on earth would call a drug culture. Because it was only through drugs that they could procreate themselves. They had this problem of knowing they were ugly, hell they even looked ugly to themselves, so in order to have any physical contact between them they had to be completely stoned (one way or an other).

So there was Fred getting a hard on and there was poor innocent Alice lying next to him all nubile and lovely. What would any self respecting Yrrlian do? Come to that what would any body do. And so it was that Alice woke up being bounced up and down on Fred's huge cock. He was small in stature, but boy he was big in other areas. At first Alice was surprised, then shocked then thrilled then finally she joined in the fun of the whole thing.

"Yahooo!" she shouted at the top of her sweet voice, " yahoo! yahoo! yahooooooo! Ride him cowgirl." Understand that she would never have acted like this normally but she thought she was having a highly sexually charged dream. Fred was accompanying her with his own version. "Xxxccccff! Fvvvddderrr! HHHJJJGGG!!!!". This last bit came out loud and strong as he started to shoot something, I suppose it could be called sperm, into Alice's joyfully bouncing body. "Heyyy Yesss!" she shouted gripping Fred by his ears, which were now standing erect once more, and looking quite perky. With one final "Yahooo", from Alice and a last "XXssawdder!" from Fred the coupling was over. Alice got off the now not so huge cock and Fred rolled over and promptly went to sleep. Alice, who had thoroughly enjoyed the ride, went to sleep next to him.

Now we have come a full circle and we've found out why an alien being had a splitting headache at five o'clock in the afternoon after committing bestiality, and with something from another planet at that. But now the story takes a few final turns. Now that Fred had used his seed he would have to make a physical change. Yrrlian only get one chance in a lifetime and they usually hit the target with someone of their own species, but Fred being Fred. Well. He felt this huge pain in his arse and in horror he knew the end was near. His end that is. Yrrlians only had one chance at reproducing their race and after they had taken that chance mother nature or whatever the equivalent is on Yrrlia had no further use for the males of the race. They had to metamorphose into something else. And so their bodies reacted with a huge chemical and physical change, so huge in fact that most Yrrlian males were glad it happened quickly before they had time to throw up all over the place. They reduced in size until they were like mere insects running around. This way they could then go through their entire evolution again building up strength until once more they could take their one and only shot. A peculiar system-but it seemed to work. So as Fred shrunk the High Command back on the home planet, realising something had gone terribly wrong, (the red light on the wall mounted life indicator turned green and then yellow), began hastily shutting down the time/space transportation unit. It was this marvellous invention, designed to carry people (as we would call them) and cargo across space in a twinkling of an eye that had been the cause of Alice's appearance in the first place. Some sort of glich in the system as Fred had materialised in Earth's atmosphere. The High Command began busily preparing their excuses and trying hard to think of ways they could lay the blame on each other. Fred had time to see Alice vanish with a faint 'pop' just as he finished shrinking and had become a fraction of his former self. As luck would have it, he was just about to scurry for cover when he was squashed flat beneath the boot of one of three members of the local police force running into the car park at the double in response to frantic phone calls made by local residents. Later on that evening the military turned up and took away the spaceship and the still crated weapon. A press release was issued saying a weather balloon had come down out of control destroying a number of cars. It was filed alongside the file named Roswell.

But what of our Alice? Well she woke up on a hot summer's day, leaning against the hard knobbly tree trunk, with the river passing just a few feet away, not realising she had been anywhere at all.

"Are you alright Alice?" asked her friend the vicar, anxiously looking at her.

"Oh yes thank you," she replied moving uncomfortably as she felt something wet and yukky slide from her insides and down her thighs, "I must have fallen asleep. I had the most peculiar dream." And she proceeded to tell him all about it, thinking it prudent to omit the sexual bit.

"My that was a funny dream," said the vicar, "we'd best get home now before dark. As he walked with Alice by his side he started thinking about her dream and having a fertile imagination and being a bit of an amateur writer he saw in his mind's eye the monster with the huge mouth. 'A cat,' he thought, 'a Cheshire cat…a grinning Cheshire cat…' His imagination drifted on a bit further to where Fred had shrunk at remarkable speed. 'Yes,' he mused a drink that made you smaller and a cake that made you bigger…yeees.". And when he recalled her telling him about Fred's ears he knew, just knew that one of the characters would have to be a rabbit. Excited now Lewis Caroll started walking faster with Alice trying hard to keep up, her pantaloons quite soaked.

As all this happened many thousands of years ago and some of the truth may have been lost in the telling I think we should still give Fred a big, posthumous thank you, as we do every year on this day. Fred has had songs sung about him after all and tales told of him and his name has been passed down from generation to generation as part of our folklore. So he has had his wish. And of course we mustn't forget Alice. The first pod mother of our integrated race but of course we have no need of pods anymore we haven't since Alice produced the first born. We conquered this planet despite all the odds!