A Look. A Touch. A Breath. Ch. 01

What attracts us to one person and not another? I sat pondering this thought on my back deck. Smoking a cigarette and sipping my wine. The stars were out, sky was clear and the moon was three quarters full and shining off my wine glass. Sitting on the lounge chair in my "Life is Good" pajama bottoms and tank top, I looked for an answer in the swirls of dark liquid spinning in my glass.

My hair stirred about my face as a light wind in the middle of May blew across my life.

"Stacey! Are you coming in soon?" My roommate Beth yelled from living room.

Grinding my cigarette against the bottom of the ash tray, I stood and swallowed the last of my wine.

"Coming Beth!" I hollered back.

Walking into the room, Beth assaulted me with her energy. "I'm going out. You are already in your pajamas? What is your deal? You need to get out; it has been like weeks, months, years – a century I think!!"

She made me tired just having to listen. "Nope. Not going out tonight. Have at it babe." I molded myself into the couch and flicked on the TV.

"Ok. I will let it go – again for now." Beth breezed over and hugged me and kissed my cheek. "You will get your fun back."

I stared at her. "Me thinks I am getting my drink on this evening. Not getting my fun back."

"Nite Stac." Beth closed the door softly behind her.

I had moved to the East Coast following a bad break up after college in my hometown in California. A friend of a friend of a friend told me about a job in Pennsylvania and I took the job and drove cross country. Found Beth totally by accident – Craig's list posting for a roommate needed.

I am really not the roommate type, but, when you are in a strange place having someone to give you some guidance is helpful - even if that person is only giving advice on where not to eat, and what park not to walk through after dark. Now I wouldn't give up Beth for anything.

I went to the kitchen where I refilled my glass with red wine and searched through the fridge, finding nothing I wanted to eat. I turned the TV to a country music channel and picked up the light blanket off the couch and walked back out into the night on the deck.

Wrapping myself up in the blanket, I laid back down on the lounge, and thought about Laith and wondered what he was doing on the California coast. Got past that thought and wondered what Beth was doing.

Calming my brain I stared at the night sky, a few stars had already peaked out from their hiding places; taking the spots next to the moon high in the sky. Tried to think of nothing but slowly traces of Laith swirled back around my thoughts.

Was it my fault? Did I not give in enough? I had stood my ground or was that just stubbornness. Someone really needed to write the rule book, the guidelines for cohabitation and a relationship book for dummies.

I suddenly felt like Beth was standing over my shoulder giving me her strength. It was not my fault! I stood my ground like I should have and it was definitely all Laith's fault. Jackass.

Closing my eyes and remembering how it felt to kiss him, his smell, how good the sex had been and then, remembering the sting of his hand on my face. Not my fault. Tears that no longer could be held back erupted from my eyes.

Sobbing I wrapped myself tighter in the blanket and cried into its softness. The moon and her stars the only witnesses.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ouch! Sunlight hurt my eyes. My body ached at every point it touched the hardness. Blinking my eyes open I realized I was on the floor.

Raising my head an inch, caused the marching band playing the drums in my head to pound mightily, I recognized the living room floor. An empty wine bottle on its side rested beside me. I think it was mocking me! The wine glass lay beside it.

Slowly rolling to my side I held my head and sat against the couch. Causally glanced at the clock on the wall and realized I had exactly 17 minutes to get my ass to work. At my new job!! What the fuck was my problem!

Feeling like I was moving fast but in slow motion, I raced upstairs and started the shower. Yanking my nightshirt over my head and kicking off my sleepy pants and panties I pulled the shower curtain back. That was when I realized there was someone else in there with me.

"Morning." A deep voice said

I turned; one foot paused to step into the shower, hand on the curtain, steam already filming the mirror. A male person – in my bathroom, and taking a leak – and me naked!

He casually flushed the toilet. "Don't step in until the bowl fills back up – tends to spike the water temp in this apartment." He said casually as he tucked his shirt in and zipped his pants.

With that he was gone – and I was still standing there, still naked, with my mouth hanging open. Realizing again that I was bordering on lateness – I jumped in the warm water. Shampooing my hair and wondering if that stranger in the bathroom was Beth's boy toy from the previous evening?

Quickly forgetting everything I rushed to work. No time to think about anything but work while I was there. Eight and a half hours later, walking into the apartment, the events of the bathroom interlude were completely forgotten.

"Wahhhhh! Stac – your home!!!" Beth flew around the bar from the kitchenette squealing the entire time and hugged me. "You have like a half hour to get ready. We are going out – I am not taking no for an answer."

Beth was talking a hundred miles an hour. I dropped my keys and purse on the counter, kicked off my shoes and fell backwards over the couch, covering my eyes with my arm. "Beth, Beth. I am not going out, long day at work, tired, and hungry, nothing to wear. Not ready. Can't make it. Very busy evening." My excuses ran together.

"Stacey. I knew you were going to say that. So I picked out two outfits – you are borrowing mine –we are the same size." She said as she held up the clothes. "Your very busy evening is with the remote and a bottle of wine? You are not staying in again."

I groaned. "Noooo. Can't."

"Not taking no for an answer tonight – we are meeting some people for dinner and drinks. Move it or we are going to be late!!" She pulled my arm off my eyes and tugged me up off the couch.

I let her pull me until we were standing face to face. "Beth, I really don't want to do this."

Her breath hit my lips, smelling sweetly of strawberries and her eyes searched mine. "Stac, its ok. You can do this." Before I could say another word she kissed me full on the mouth and pressed the clothes into my hands. "Ten minutes – I mean it." She said quietly as she walked to her bedroom.

Muttering to myself I walked to my own room and unwrapped myself from my work clothes. Pulling on the jean skirt and light cotton sweater as my feet slipped into the low sling backs on the floor by the bed.

Spraying on some body spray and brushing out my hair I looked in the mirror thinking how much better that face would look lying in bed instead of going out.

"Lets go!! Time to leave!!!" Beth hollered from the other room.

Something that had been buried deep inside me was just a tiny bit excited to be going out. One last glance in the mirror and I headed out the door.

Beth hurried me out of the apartment and to her car before I changed my mind. She continued to talk, jumping from one thought to another and not really worried if anyone had time to answer her.

A few left turns and she paralleled parked on the street in front of a neon signed restaurant, only tapping the bumper on the car behind us once. She jumped out, still talking and grabbed my hand as we made our way to the door.

Beth paused at the hostess and left me no time to take in my surroundings or comment before she motioned for me to follow.

Following Beth like a puppy, I looked up just in time to hear a familiar voice say, "Good evening. You look great – even with your clothes on."