A Love Letter

"Loving, knowing that you are going to get hurt is like living knowing that you are going to die. Not loving, so you don't get hurt is like killing yourself before you die."

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Dear you,

I sat here for a good, long time, wondering how exactly I could write this to you in order to convey the deep emotions I feel for you, yet, I'm afraid this will not be an accurate portrayal of my feelings, as articulating something as complicated as love into a mass of words stringed together in sentences does no justice to the emotional grasp that you have over me.

I do not long for a fairytale romance as portrayed in movies; my expectations are unclear and skewed, in a manner that allows me to be completely open to your whole being, each and every aspect of you becoming like a new discovery every day, reassures buried within you for me to excavate freely, me becoming an explorer into your deepest emotions, truths, wants, needs, ideals, and everything in between that you hold inside. And I know I will not be surprised and hold back, but instead I will step forward and understand. I will be amazed of the unique differences that lay between us as I begin to study them and accept them as another part of me. .

Let me confess something that has always troubled me ever since I learned the concept of loving the other half. When I feel things, when I involve myself into things, I cannot help but immerse myself into them completely. I know that doing so increases the chances of me possibly hurting for some reason or another, but it's something I have difficulty controlling. I become utterly co-dependent on people and on these indescribable emotions I have deep within me..

When I think of you, regardless of who you may be, sometimes I hurt so much inside because I know that you will be someone who has had a life before me that I wasn't a part of. There will have been people who touched your life, and there will have been people who made it a living hell. There will have been those who you once loved, those who you lost, and those who remain because they are worthy of you. You will have a whole entire history that I will only ever hear about from recollections, and see in photographs. And for me, this will never be enough, because sometimes I will be hit with the yearning to have been there with you for every significant step of the way. I think of the people you have loved, and I will wish that I too, loved them. There will be things that made you cry that I wanted to cry for with you, times when you laughed and I will wish that I had been there, by your side, indulging in your happiness.

Because of this, I may, at times, be overwrought with a sense of helplessness, of loss, where I will find it difficult to see the good in the moment. I know I should not allow the past, your past, at that, to affect me, but I know it will happen. And this is the biggest fear I have of us, even before there was ever an us. I will need your help in overcoming this difficulty.

I need you to know that despite my fear of the future, I will be ready. I will be yours in times of need. I will be prepared to uphold your burdens when you need me to, because, selfishly, I need to know that it will be me you will come to count on. I need to know that I will be the first person to know your fears and your tears. I need to know, very selfishly, that you trust me deep enough to share your good times and even more, your bad times.

I'm fully prepared to expect the hardships and difficulties during our life together; I don't expect perfection. But through it all, we will remain strong, and I will always be there for you, as a comfort, friend, lover, companion, and others that will become a combination of things, as I get to know all of you and hold it inside of me.

There'll be gaining and losing in each and every step we will be making, but all I can offer to do is to be there beside you in good or bad. I promise I will stay by your side to support and have faith in you, even when you don't have faith in yourself. I promise to help you overcome those burdens and never cease to love you endlessly when obstacles fiercely and repeatedly hit you. I promise to reach out my hand to hold yours in darkness and in the times you fall into the deepest well of sadness and depression. I promise to be strong when you're not, to keep believing when you stop to, to keep loving when you hate, to endure any pain when you think it's too unbearable for you, to stand high and steadfastly when you're kneeling down, to listen when you feel the urge to ramble, to remind you when you stop remembering, to cure when you're in pain, to pat your shoulder when you achieve your dreams, and to wipe your tears when you weep and bleed. That's all I can offer to do, and I ask for nothing in return except you and your whole self.

Love me, that's all I ask of you...

Love,

Me.