A Monster... A Mistress

I was fucking him, ME this time.

I could not believe how much I loved demeaning his value as a man. I did not know how much I loved forcing myself into his body, dominating him in this ultimate act of humiliation. I did not sense how numb he must be becoming, how broken this act made him. This was the one thing I have not done to him, and it was frightening him and breaking him-

Then it hit me. I felt it come smashing down on me.

In three violent thrusts.

I pressed his head down on the ground, rubbing his face into his own tears as I came, shaking the ground and his body with those thrusts. I climaxed so hard that my body convulsed and my scream drowned at his cries of despair.

Breathing deeply, I pulled out of him, looking in shock as he fell to his side, sobbing violently in response to his violation. Guilt and regret replaced the aftermath of my mental, physical, and emotional orgasm and I went to his side, freeing him from the bonds, “Baby…are-are you-?”

He pushed himself away, ripping off the tape and spitting out the trapped panties, “Don’t…don’t touch me!” He looked away from my gaze to the ground, looking at his chaffed, torn wrists, “Don’t…please don’t touch me…just don’t…”

I was shaking all over, “Oh god…Baby, my angel…I’m-I’m sorry…” I moved my hand to touch his cheek, to comfort him, as I always to after a time like this, but again he moved away from my presence, as if I was a beast that wanted to kill him.

…From that act, I had proven I was.

He curled up, trembling, trying to calm down, “Why…I told you no to that a long time ago…why…did you…?”

“But…didn’t you…didn’t you like it?” I was torn. I hated myself now.

“Like it? You…you raped me! You practically raped me! You said you would not hurt me…but look at what...,” he trailed off, shaking, “Just…don’t look at me…not now…I need....to be...alone.”

Tears formed in my eyes now, I had to…I had to get of their before I broken down and hurt him more by destroying the image of the Mistress I had buried in his mind for so long, “I…I need to…I need to be clean…oh god please forgive…please forgive me…” I too off the harness, throwing it to the ground in front of him as I walked off, sobbing when I felt I could allow myself to.

***

The hot water washed over me as I pressed my head against the shower wall, trying so hard to cleanse myself. I felt dirty; every part of me tainted. I felt my shoulders shake with sobs and I could not believe what I had done to the one person who meant everything to me.

My beautiful angel. Raped by me.

I banged my fist against the walls. I kept banging them, harder and harder, until they felt bruised from the collision. I sobbed in complete conflict and winced as I turned the water to be scalding.

My angel did not deserve that…he wasn’t ready and now I lost more than slave…I lost a friend, a lover…

“Shit!” I cursed, lifting my head to feel the water burn my face. If I ended up hideous and deformed just by the water, I did not care. It was less than I truly deserved for being so cruel. I wanted to cleanse myself of the beast, of the addiction. But I knew I would lose. It was come back and take over and I would be hurting my angel repeatedly until I finally destroy his spirit.

And it was his spirit that I loved so much.

I was still crying as I felt the shower curtains being pulled open. I didn’t turn around, even as I felt his warm arms wrap around me. I couldn’t bear look at him, yet I could not understand why he was still here, holding me, “I thought…you would leave me…after what I did…”

He shook his head, still trembling but slowly, just slowly healing, “I’ll…I’ll be fine Momma…I don’t care about that.” His voice was shaken and I knew he did care...yet I was important to him than any feeling of betrayel he had.

“But I raped you, I kept hurting you…how you can stand to even touch me and look at me after what I had done.” I finally turned around to press my face against his chest, kissing his skin gently.

“Because I love you…and besides…I…you're...what you want...is-is more important,” he murmured sheepishly yet somewhat proudly.

I smiled only barely, “I had hurt you…and I’m…I’m so sorry for it.”

He kissed me gently, pulling back to whisper, “Don’t be…you were right…I-I wanted it…I wanted to be forced…but by you…and you alone, no one else…I was just…just…stunned…”

“No one else…” I whispered in response, “…Of course.” I looked up at him, and stood on my toes to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. Though he winced, he kissed back, just as gently. No passion, or pain, just soft love.

He gently pulled me down to the tub, stroking my hair as we laid there, the burning water hurting our skin, but beating away at our flaws.