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Click hereThis is a true story and all persons are over the age of 21 as the club in question was also.
i hope you all enjoy a night that i recall with a bit of fondness.
please vote leave comment with pointers good or bad all are useful to this budding writer.
thank you.
oxoxoxox
NaughtyRednekPrnces
*
She was to be punished tonight she had broken a major rule and all she knew was that her Mistress was going to take her to a club that had a BSDM show on the weekends. The only order she had been given was how she was to dress, which was in a sexy nighty and hose and a nice pair of shoes.
She sat outside the house waiting and trying to calm down she was so very nervous. She had always wanted to go to a place with this kind of thing there, but tonight she wished she was anywhere but here.
She finally got out and noticed her Mistress was waiting for her at the door. Seeing her there she got even more nervous than she already been. once at the door she was told to enter and get on her knees. She did as she was told quickly for the last thing she needed to do now is make her Mistress any more upset than she already was.
Once on the floor at her feet she was commanded to kiss them. She quickly complied with the order hoping to make the night easier on her.
With no warning loud smack sounded in the air as her crop came down on my ass. I stopped my kissing of her feet and a harder smack hit my other cheek came along with the words "did I tell you to stop slave.". Quickly I bent back to what I had been doing and between kisses said "No Mistress you did not." Once more she began to use her crop on me as I continued to kiss her feet and toes.
"Stop now slave. you may sit there on your knees until I am ready to go. she then moved into the position she was granted and looked to the ground. I remained there until I was called. Each minute seeming like an eternity. My god what I had gotten myself into. Why had I not done as I was supposed to then this would not be happening.
They were now in the parking lot. she looked to her Mistress hoping to get reassured or calmed down. All her Mistress would say is that she would be ok after it was all over and no more.
She still had no real idea what she was in for but she had no choice she broke a rule and now was the time to pay the price.
Once inside the club she was briefly left at the door so her Mistress could tend to something. She stood there telling herself she was going to alright that nothing bad was going to happen to her. As she waited she watched various people in all sorts of different styles of clothing enter.
When she had been told what clothes to wear tonight she had been shocked that it had even been brought up. Now that she was here she saw she was not dressed all that much differently than many here. That helped make her feel better but only a little.
Finally her Mistress returned to her and in her hand was a collar and leash. she felt like bolting out the door that was right beside her but knew things would only get worse from here if she did do that. she felt the collar tighten around her neck and knew there was no turning back now.
That in place the leash was added to the collar. that done her Mistress tuned with a little give to the leash and lead her deeper into the club. They took only a few steps before they stopped and someone was talking to her Mistress. Her ears perked up when the person inquired to who was on the leash.
"Oh her she is a very bad slave." she watched as the person winched at what my Mistress said. Looking to the floor knowing I had done wrong. My Mistress told him my offense and I saw him shake his head
The two talked for a moment or two more and once more she was lead deeper inside. She found out quickly that anytime someone asked about her the same speech was given. "A very bad slave that broke a huge rule." Everyone that asked usually shook their head at her and gave her saddened looks and said she should know better.
They were all right I did know better, yet I went ahead with it anyway. As bad as the words my Mistress spoke hurt I had a good idea that my punishment was far from over.
I was led to a table where my Mistress seemed to hold court. plenty of people came by said hi asked of me and were told the same she had told all the others. At one point I was told to go and sign up to be used on stage. At this order I grew very nervous as I knew everyone would be watching me up there. I did as I was told and added my name to the list. When I finished I went back to my Mistress to wait for my turn.
Sometime later my name was called My Mistress then led me on stage. My Mistress then put me in restraints and attached me to the wall.
Then between her and her friend that ran the show they used all sorts of paddles and floggers on my back side as she stood there taking what my Mistress deemed I was due. She stood there trying not to cry out to do as she expected of me. she did her best to not disappoint her Mistress.
She stood there taking the swats as they all watched. She was about to cry out when suddenly it all stopped and my Mistress was undoing me from the wall. it was like she just knew when to stop that I had reached my limit. She sagged into her Mistress arms and hugged her slightly and said that she was sorry.
The slave should be tied with her legs wide open, and all the women of the club can use and abuse her in anyway they want. I get wet just thinking about it and wish I was the one with my legs tied open.
Your story needs some help.
- as was said, find an editor
- pick a viewpoint (1st person or 3rd person) and stick with it
- consider how to develop the characters in an interesting way
- examine your paragraphs for clauses, and separate them with commas
Asking for advice, which you have done, and accepting it will help you improve your writing skills. Please don't take these suggestions as criticism, but as ways to improve your wordsmithing. A good story should be well told.
While you have a good hook, the punctuation is severely lacking making this story very hard to read. Perhaps a little grammar, spelling, and punctuation checks using the word processor could spiff it up. Please consider using an editor to help you clean it up.
rednecks' need to know grammar too! This is the second story I have read by you and it is just hard to get through. I am not big on spelling and grammar but you're not doing your stories any justice. Please get an editor or just some one to read them b/4 posting. This one switched from 1st, 2nd and 3rd person; it was just a mess. And at the beginning of all sentences, no matter the word, use a capital/uppercase letter.
I like your ideas and your settings in the works I have read so far, but you must clean them up, please!