A One-of-a-Kind Divorce

She continued musing to herself, "I am sure he wants a divorce - what should I do? Fight him? Hell, those snotty-nosed kids of mine only want to hang out with their Dad and not with me - in fact, they just tolerate me. There was a still, small voice that said, 'But, Jill, what are you jabbering? You love the children!'" She rationalized, "Yes, I love them, but I want to date other men, and I like those who are athletic and in the media, not just a geek - men just like Peabody are what I want. 'But you don't mean that, Jill, because that is throwing your life away. Your mind is muddled!' "Her inner turmoil went on and on.

Sleep never came that night to Barb MacBane.

!!

Debra Wilson finally got their five-year-old to settle down enough to sleep again. When she tried to sleep herself, she only had visions of losing her husband and her home. Deb trembled contemplating the worst of possible outcomes like physical violence, for example, by her East Texas transplant Redneck. She cried to herself, "Men have hit on me daily for seven years, and I never took them seriously. Why did I tell Peabody what I did for a living and my company name in the mall? Why did he call me via the personnel office? Why did I listen when he pleaded with me to meet him for lunch? Was my attraction to him so strong until I dropped my guard, lost my Faith, and will wind up fracturing the mind of my child? Oh God! I will burn in hell for what I have done to my daughter by breaking up my home and marriage for a very overrated 'Hot' Male. But I couldn't say 'no' and have no idea why. I am going to try to get our pastor to help me understand this and get forgiveness and maybe encourage Charles to accept that I just made one horrible mistake. There is a chance that he will take me back."

!!

Allen fed and bundled up his children, and then walked with them to the school bus stop. While they were waiting, other students accompanied by a parent joined them. The usually robust Allen was silent today. Later walking back to the house, the children's father encountered Charles Wilson leaning against Allen's house, awaiting him. The Nerd motioned him, 'come on in,' and the two fractured male ego and heartbroken men went to the MacBane kitchen.

It could have been an embarrassing moment for both men. They found Barb in the kitchen where she had been since her husband had left to walk their boys to the bus stop. She was standing at the counter, trying to eat breakfast and get out of the house before Allen returned from the bus stop. She was finishing up as the men came into the kitchen.

However, they were not embarrassed at all as Barb just stood with a pleading look that was both, "Can we talk?" and "Can you keep Charles away from me?" look on her face. But, the two men insulted Barb in the worst possible manner by ignoring her, so she left the kitchen while tears streamed down her face. Moments later both heard the garage door go up and Jill's car back out of the garage.

During both trying eat breakfast with no appetite, Allen asked his companion, "Did Debra ever bring up the subject of swapping wives with you?"

Charles said, "Once. I was never so angry, and we both went to counseling with our pastor after that."

Allen said, "Barb brought up swapping occasionally, but I just shut her down by suggesting, "'Let's just get a divorce, now.' But she never had the wherewithal actually to file. I think your Debra has backslid while my Barb has suddenly found out she likes strange men - she has been going to an Advocacy meeting where many of her new friends engage in that sort of thing, according to Barbra."

Allen continued, "As for your wife, Charles, what that means, I think, is that Debra is a decent woman who was influenced by my evil wife. And, if you were to forgive Debra, I would bet money she never falls for a hot 'Boston Peabody' type again."

Charles was encouraged by what he heard while he was in deep thought mostly ignoring his neighbor. He finally replied, "Maybe Debra will want to go with me to talk to our Pastor. I will see you later, Allen." He got up and staggered to the front door like a drunk man.

!!

Alone in the house now, Allen called his office to report a day off. Then he looked up the number and called his company's legal counsel who he knew well: "Jerry Gray here, Allen MacBane."

After some company matters chatting, Allen said, "Would you please point me to a pretty good divorce lawyer and please don't say I asked you to do this to anyone."

With no hesitation he replied, "My ex-wife's attorney, Samuel Robertson. He is so flamboyant until I am still in the poor house."

Two hours later, Allen sat across the desk from Mister Robertson making notes as Allen reviewed everything that had happened that led to his being in a divorce attorney's office. After the recorded phone calls finished playing Counsel asked, "Does your wife know about this recording?"

Allen answered, "No. She wasn't even aware that the speakerphone was turned on for the house phone because of her anger."

Robertson said, "Say nothing about that to anyone. Since your neighbor, Debra Wilson, is a born-again Christian, she might sign a deposition that you are the primary caregiver of your two children - what do you think?"

Allen said, "I think so because I am almost certain Charles is going to forgive her. As for my children Debra will want to do what is right for them."

Robertson said, "This is Friday. If You could bring Mister and Misses Wilson here tomorrow morning for deposing that you are the primary caregiver parent for the children, there is a good chance that she would be served Tuesday. The petition will ask for joint custody and residency for children with you in your house with a modest amount of child support paid by her. All assets and debts hopefully will be divided 50-50. You ready for this?"

Allen said, "Yes, the quicker, the better, Mister Robertson."

The attorney stood and said, "You bank branch is downstairs, so let's go now and get my retainer plus you withdraw cash for a week of living expenses. Remember she works around attorneys and there is no way to predict what they will advise her to do in a situation like this."

!!

On Friday night and even Saturday night, Barbra came home late - after the children were in bed. When she came into the living room, Allen was again reading a novel while lying on the hide-a-bed. She asked, "You and the children have any plans for tomorrow."

Allen replied, "I am taking the boys on the two-hour drive to Dad and Mom's old home place in Oklahoma. We will be back late afternoon. Would you be interested in taking the children out to dinner about Six on Sunday, Barbra?"

"No. I am drawing double time for working today and Sunday and Monday on the Car Loan coming court case. I will drive with the senior attorney to Austin tomorrow. But I will return Monday afternoon. I will be here by 6:00 then. Will that work." She didn't volunteer any more information and then thought, "My husband uniquely has no interest in our marriage in that there should be all kinds of questions crowding his mind. I guess he must be waiting for me to file for divorce. But, Peabody pretends that 'Debra didn't happen,' and wants me to accompany him to Austin for Discovery research assistance. I will enjoy the overtime and travel allowance and the fucking marathon - hell, this is the first time I have gotten paid to fuck Heh Heh."

Allen replied, "O.K. They will be ready by six on Monday."

On Monday afternoon early, Peabody and Barbra started the four-hour drive from Austin. There was silence in the car as it slowly made its way Northeast. She thought, "My God, I don't like this man's personality suddenly. His mannerisms started out as a mild irritant and but now I just want to finish this assignment and get out of his presence. I would like to hold Allen again if I admitted the truth, but that is not going to happen. This oversexed Bastard will probably want me to come in when we get to his condo, but Shit! I am taking the children to dinner this evening. But, Peabody will soon move on soon, and I had better enjoy him while I can - no, we have spent too much time together and he irks me right now. "

He pulled his car in beside hers parked in an adjoining visitor slot at Peabody's condo parking lot. He touched her breast and said, "Got time for a quickie before you must pick up your children?"

Thanking her stars, she said, "No. The traffic is already picking up, and I must get on the freeway. I will see you in the office tomorrow. Thanks for an exciting two days." She pecked him on the lips and grabbed her bag out of the back seat and then hurried to her car.

!!

The two boys sat across from their mother, Barbra, picking at each other and mostly ignoring their Mom while at the restaurant's dinner table. They only responded to question about their visit to Granny when their Mom asked a specific question. She pointedly queried the older one, "Does your Dad feed you tasty food now that I am gone most of the time."

The 14-year-old replied, "Well, we were loading the suitcases Saturday afternoon when Mister Wilson brought over a roast and vegetables for all three of us?"

She replied, "Really, I had no idea that Charles could even cook."

The Teen replied, "Well, Charles said that Debra cooked enough for us three plus themselves because she was afraid we might not be eating healthy food since you left. I told him, 'Dad does the cooking because you always work late.'"

Panic erupted in Barbra's mind. Her thought was, "So Charles has forgiven Debra, and they are back together. Oh Shit!"

When the three dinner companions walked into the living room, Allen sat on a couch reading a trade journal. He stood and both children rushed to him so that he could embrace them. The older one said, "Dad, would you help me set up an 'extra credit' word problem into an equation and solve for the unknowns? The others were not that hard, but this one is brutal."

Allen then spoke to the younger son as the three walked towards the boy's bedroom. Barbra sat on the couch, not sure what to do since her children barely acknowledged her - It dawned on Barbra that her boys didn't even say 'thank you' or 'good night.' - while Allen pretended she didn't exist - The cheating Mom could not believe that her husband didn't ask one question about her work during the trip.

She finally concluded, "I will file for a divorce tomorrow so we can end this farce."

Allen neither looked at her or made a comment.

!!

Tuesday afternoon Paralegal Barbra MacBane was sitting in front of famed divorce attorney Teresa Sandiver about half finished with her explanation of why she wanted to file for divorce. At that time, the PA system announced, "Ms. MacBane, please call the receptionist."

Teresa dialed '0' and handed her receiver to Barbra. She said, "I will be right down."

She returned to the divorce attorney's office with her chin dragging the floor. She said, "Allen's just had me served with a divorce petition - that was the receptionist's page."

Teresa opened it and read it. She looked at the Paralegal and asked, "Have you been fucking Peabody, too? There is an epidemic of that going on in this office. He currently enjoys the body of another lady in your section plus at least one junior attorney who recently hired on. Hell, he would have been fucking me, also, if I only weighed 30 pounds less. My! My! Peabody is a busy man, and if he falls on his ass for the Plaintiff on this upcoming car-loan-packaging case, then there is no happy outcome for either him or any of us. Barbra, were you the one who accompanied him on the Discovery research?"

Barbra said, "Yes." Then she ran from the divorce attorney's office to the lady's room and returned with a white face and the front of her blouse wet from having been towel washed. She broadcasted a faint hint of vomit. Barbra asked barely whispering, "What is he asking for, Teresa?"

She replied, "Mister MacBane wants the house with children's residency with him, for you to pay child support, and a 50-50 split of assets and debts." There was silence for a moment, and she continued, "This petition is unusual because of the children's residency, so do you have neighbors and friends who will swear that you are the caregiver of your young Teens?"

"No, Teresa, I don't have any friends since my born again neighbor's husband became aware that his wife, too, was fucking Peabody..."

"WHAT?" The obese attorney was now shaking with rage as she stood and continued, "How did that happen?"

Barbra explained the two meeting in the mall and continued, "Now she is again lovey-dovey with her husband, and they are back together. She and her Redneck know that Allen provides 95 percent of the child care - clothes, homework drills, walks them to the school bus stop, and on and on. Allen even does most of the cooking and house cleaning."

Teresa said, obviously wanting to wash her hands of helping this stupid co-worker, "Well, you can not afford me and even I have doubts that I could convince a judge that you are a fit mother - especially after looking at his counsel's name. By the way, is Allen aware of other sexual liaisons of yours over the years? I have met your husband once and he is a computer guru, right?"

Barbra said, "There have been three men including Peabody over the years, but they were out-of-towners and were for one or two nights only. Peabody and I are in our fifth week together."

Teresa shook her head not believing how stupid this woman was and said, "So let me guess: You slept in a partner's bed in the hotel and your phone was charging right beside you, just in case your husband called. Right?"

Shock showed on Barbra's face and said, "Why, yes. He has always trusted me carte blanc until he caught our neighbor in lust with Peabody. We just trusted each other before now."

Teresa stood up and said, "Barbra, even though you and I have never liked each other, I will give you my recommendation if you want it but I won't take your case."

Barbra replied, "Please do."

"You should sign his Petition as is and save your money. If you chose not to do that, then you will need to find yourself a cracker-jack attorney to represent you. Whatever you put together, please look at the situation as if you were a judge. As far as you and your husband are concerned, you two are simply pieces of meat, as his focus is exclusively on the children." She extended her hand to the Paralegal.

Back in her cubicle, Barb spent 15 minutes pretending to study attorney marginalia for her on a Brief while her mind was grappling with what to do. Finally, the hurting paralegal called her best 'friend' in the Advocacy group. She answered, "Hi Barb, been spreading them lately?"

"Yes, Betty, but my husband found out and is divorcing me."

"Hey Honey, the first rule is 'don't get caught,' and you broke that one. And, you probably learned a lesson, and will pay dearly for it like the rest of us did. How can I help you?"

"Do you and your roommate still have that third bedroom available and would you sublease it to me? Uhhh My husband is asking for the house and children to reside with him and for me to pay a small maintenance check. I would accept the petition as is if I knew I had a home to share with you two ladies."

Barb's friend said, "Call you right back!" She broke the circuit.

Barbra tried to concentrate on the Brief notes while waiting. When her cell rang she picked it up on the first ring, "Thanks for calling right back, Betty."

The caller said, "Sherry said, and I quote, 'Come ahead, but you might wake up with my tongue stuck in your pussy' - you ready for that, Barbra?"

The housewife said, "Well, I could try. May I drop over and talk to you guys tonight?"

Betty said, "Anytime after seven we will be there."

!!

The errant wife came into the living room of her home and even smiled at her husband, Allen. They chatted about the sleeping children for a moment and then Barb reached into her shoulder bag and pulled out the Divorce Petition and said," Your terms are fair and the children would become monsters if they lived with me. I will sign this as is - if you will help me move in with some friends tomorrow evening after work?"

To say Allen was surprised would be an understatement. He said, "Done. Go look at the stuff you want to take and let me know if two cars have enough room to move you. I will ask Debra to watch the Children in my absence - for what it's worth to you, they are back together after their pastor gave them a 'talking to.'"

Barbra held out her hand and said, "Can we shake on our verbal agreement to support each other on the divorce?"

"Shake."

The End.

Epilog: Four years later, the divorced couple's six-foot tall high school senior was holding a young lady's hand outside of Nordstrom in North Park, walking towards its entrance. Donnie, at 180 pounds of muscle, was the star running back that his school was counting on for a chance to win the coming Division Championship football game. The proud youngster, who had his pick of the girls in his school, was holding the hand of his 'Steady,' a 'Number-Ten.' Like his Dad, Donnie was supremely confident in himself.

A stunning young lady, maybe a year or two older than him, walked towards Donnie and his date. Then he noticed that the Looker was holding the hand of an obese lady, and the two women were enjoying each other's company. He was shocked and suddenly stopped in front of the oncoming two women, and screamed out, "MOM! Fancy meeting you here."

Barbra and her date abruptly stopped, and an embarrassing silence ensued. Finally, Donnie broke the ice and continued, "Mom, meet Peggy. She and I are going steady."

His Mom said, "Hello, Son and Hello Peggy. Meet Elizabeth. Donnie, I read about you in the Highschool write ups in the Saturday morning sports pages every week almost. I am glad you are excelling in football and hope you remain injury free. How is your brother and your Dad?"

"Well, Barry is already at the top of the Sophomore Honor Roll, and he earns straight A's in all AP courses. He is a nerd and bookworm just like Dad, and he will chuckle to learn that his Mom likes the same thing as he and I like. Heh heh. Take care, Mom, as he and his 'Steady' started to walk toward the department store again."

She said, "Donnie, you were going to tell me how your Dad was doing?"

"Well, he telecommutes to his company headquarters in St. Louis now and doesn't travel so much - I previously explained that his local supply company had been bought. He still does the same work for the new owners but now maintains the inventory in six branch locations. Dad also has the same girlfriend he has had for the past two years, I guess, and she is a super cook," he said patting himself on his stomach. I think Dad's Squeeze is waiting for me to leave for college before she moves into our house."

Barbra ached to hug her son's neck but made do with just clasping his giant hand and held it to her cheek. She said, "Thanks for chatting with me, Donnie. Please say hello to Barry," as embarrassing but uncontrollable tears began streaming down her face. The two women hurried on their way.