A Red Leaf & Ten Orchids Ch. 08

**I dunno how I do it, but I can write about the events which occur to a couple in a story chapter and do it in two pages. Somehow, I need at least twice that for one of their love scenes. ~shrug~

So, things warm up, but there are still issues, as I've said before. Kayla's been through a lot and as a result, she's a complicated girl.

In my head, I see her as having grown up at least a little sheltered, no matter what she says. I think it would affect her outlook on some things, and I think that in spite of everything, her experience is likely just a little narrow.

Also, I've got this irritating thought that I've used one of these scenes in another tale, but after looking, I couldn't find it. Doesn't matter, I suppose, but I thought Kayla deserved it. :)

Anyway, if you've got your munchies ready, here we go. O_o

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"No," Josh said with a smile, "Sit on it. I mean, really just ease yourself back and sit right down on it. You know, then just wiggle around to get yourself settled and all and just enjoy it."

He shook his head, "You're doing it all wrong."

"Oh that just sounds so wrong," she began to laugh in a low voice "All right, Einstein." Kayla grinned at him, "Show me what I'm doing wrong then."

"I already am," he grinned, "it looks a little nutty and you'll feel like a little kid, but if you want to get the benefit of the heat that's still in this boulder from the sun, just slide your butt right on back and sit next to me so that your legs dangle over the sides. You're just leaning against it like that. You won't feel much."

She rolled her eyes but did as he instructed.

"Oooh," she smiled a minute later, "this is really nice. Sorry for doubting."

"I'm not as dumb as I look," he said.

"No," she replied with a smirk, "You do look a lot dumber than you -- "

"Forget it, "Kayla laughed, "That's too easy. You only said that to set me up and I'm trying to break some bad habits these days."

Josh already had a fire going, and between the heat in the stones and the heat of the fire coming to their legs, the evening chill was already forgotten.

"Hey," she said, "have you ever been in love, Josh? I mean, in real, deep, meaningful, long-haul love?"

He smirked, "Well I thought I was once, but subsequent events proved my thoughts to be somewhat incorrect," he smiled ruefully. "You?"

"I thought I was a few times out of the gate," Kayla answered, "but no. I don't know if it's the same for most women, but I'd pick myself up out of the dirt and wonder what went wrong. Usually, I'd guess that it was something that I did wrong, but then I'd see that he'd just been callous, or just a dick."

She sighed, "Mostly just a dick, and not even a good one."

She looked at Josh, "But I'd get my hopes up the next time, all the same. I try to read romance novels sometimes, and every once in a while, I think that the author is taking the couple there realistically, but I never really believe it. I keep thinking of my own experience, and they lose me right about there."

She sipped her wine, "I suppose that the concept is important to hang onto, but there ought to be a disclaimer somewhere that says 'fictional events portrayed in this work may not coincide with the really lousy events relating to your own miserable existence.'

He chuckled and nodded. "Well that would pretty much kill Hollywood right there too."

Kayla was thinking back to what had happened to them earlier in the day. Part of it still seemed a little nuts to her, but she guessed that they both needed some of that, the way that they'd seemed to be so strongly attracted to each other.

She decided that she liked it, and then wondered about that as well. There seemed to be a lot less of the awkwardness that one might expect, but then, she supposed that they'd both been around their own versions of the block, so to speak. Kayla really liked that they'd just suddenly seemed fine that close together. She didn't really know all of the categories that had to be addressed in her heart, but she knew that she liked what had happened. It had to count for something in at least a few categories somewhere.

"I've got to ask you something, "Kayla said. "We seem to be able to talk pretty plainly to each other. That's like a whole new world to me. I don't know what it is, but I've always felt like we were speaking two different languages whenever I'd talk to a guy back in Phoenix, like the same words meant different things to the people in the conversation. I don't think it was the place, so I just always assumed that it was me."

She put her arm around Josh. "So tell me -- if you can, what exactly was I supposed to get from your little message back there in the bunk house? I had the feeling that you were trying to tell me that you were attracted to me, but I also had the strong sense that there was more than that. I kind of thought that it was a lot more. I even thought that you might have been headed for the 'L' word, and that you'd figured out a way to dodge the disclaimer."

He nodded, "I think I was. I guess this is where I look stupid, but I'll be honest, or -- at least as honest as I'm being with myself. I'm obviously attracted to you, Kayla, so much that the words don't really do it any justice, but yeah, ... I'd have to say that I was trying to suggest another feeling that I guess it isn't really the time for yet."

He looked at her, "I mean, we've known each other for three days." He laughed quietly, "And if you subtract the time that we were yelling at each other, and the time that I was uh, ..."

"Sulking?" Kayla asked with a warm little smirk.

He laughed, "You can call it that if you want, I guess, but I'd have to say it was more time that was spent with me wondering what the hell had happened, and how you got that much out of me. I usually just get quiet at times like that."

"Yeah," Kayla smiled a little ruefully, "I seem to have that effect on a lot of people. But I am working on it. Go on."

"Well between all of that, plus time that went by while we were asleep, it doesn't leave much left, but I still feel like there's more than just attraction. It feels a lot warmer to me than that. And if you really knew me deep inside, you'd see that it's at least a little remarkable. I can't remember that I've felt like this before about somebody. Frankly, I just stopped thinking that the word applied to me."

He sighed, "That probably points to some underdeveloped or immature aspect of my deep psyche or some such horseshit that's too complicated for me to grasp."

Kayla laughed, "Don't look at me! I'm way too explosive to know what the hell I'M doing and why. I'm sure that I'd never be able to figure you out."

She hugged him, and when he looked at her, she kissed him softly for a moment. "All that I can think is that we've both been around long enough to know how it goes. We're not exactly spring chickens here looking at a first chance. I just get the sense that I feel kind of hopeful when I'm next to you, and I guess that's at least good enough for me to want to step out of my bunker at least a little."

Joshua smiled, "That's the word I was looking for."

"What word is that?"

Josh began to grin, "You don't even remember, do you? You just said all of that, and you don't remember the one word in the middle. I think I'm getting a handle on why women and men are so different."

He saw that Kayla's expression had suddenly turned rather predatorial. There was just the barest hint in it that she was smiling.

"What... word?"

He grinned and shook his head, "Nope. I just found out something fundamental. You can't expect me to just give it up because you were talking so much that you forgot what you said."

That was when Kayla discovered that Joshua was very ticklish in a few places.

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"So you're saying that you feel hopeful?" she demanded quietly as she looked down from where she sat on him.

He nodded with a sigh.

"Poor baby," she cooed, as she reached to wipe the tear from his eye that his laughter had brought to him. "You should just answer me when I get like that. I wouldn't have to tickle you like that and you wouldn't have to laugh that hard, would you?"

She looked around for a moment, and then back down at Joshua with a single nod. "I'm feeling hopeful too."

"That's what you said before you pretended to forget so that you could make me laugh almost hard enough to lose my wine," he chuckled.

"Come on," Kayla said as she gave in to the urge to run her hands over him a little, "I'm not THAT transparent, surely."

"You telegraph your intent with your eyes, now that I know what to look for," he smiled.

"Listen," she said, "you can't expect me to just attack you with my eyes closed."

"I think it's an acquired skill." He said, "You just need to practice."

"You're just trying to improve your chances," she grinned evilly.

"I'm not saying." He stated flatly.

Kayla began to chuckle wickedly as she raised her hand as though it was a claw.

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Later on, they sat in the glow of the fire holding each other. After a time, Kayla asked Josh where they could go.

Josh pointed at his truck. "Kayla, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but if you do, then the windows in the back over there are tinted pretty dark. You should hop in and see if it's dark enough for you to feel comfortable. If it's not, then we'll unzip the other sleeping bag, and you can stay under that. I'd personally prefer it if you could feel comfortable enough that we could get undressed, but everything is up to you, obviously."

Kayla was doubtful, but she felt she needed to continue to climb out of her shell. She opened the tailgate and climbed inside. Josh closed it after her. It looked pitch black, but after two minutes, Kayla could just barely make out the outline of her hand if she held it in front of her face. She couldn't see the bracelet that she was wearing. She knocked on the glass, and Josh opened a rear door.

"Josh, I think it's ok, but I think I'm going to take your advice about the other sleeping bag. Please get in here with me," she said.

They kissed softly, bumping into each other in the darkness, and giggling. "It's kind of like back in the day, huh?" asked Kayla. Josh's tone was matter-of-fact as he replied; "I guess. Just a minute." He stepped out to get the cooler.

Kayla thought about him, and decided that he probably hadn't had many chances for teenage romance with the effect of his disfigurement during adolescence. When Josh returned, they lay together fully clothed.

Kayla asked, "Josh, I'm afraid that I'm about to sound like a young girl, but I need to ask this; would you ever lie to me? Please don't laugh, I can't even believe that I'm asking a man this, but it's you, and I guess that I'm wanting to believe that you're different."

Josh was mindful of where Kayla's question might be coming from, so he was careful to speak with absolutely no trace of humor in his voice. "No, absolutely not. Not to a direct question.

I might kid around when that's appropriate. I might be evasive for fun, like I have been to frustrate your inquisitiveness about me. I might even be evasive to avoid hurting you until I can figure out the best way to say something difficult, and then there's always the chance that I might say too little or too much if I'm being an idiot. That one happens a lot. But to a direct serious question, I will not lie to you. I will never lie to you."

Kayla was silent for a minute. " Josh, I don't usually talk about myself, and I don't think I've ever wanted to open up to someone other than Aunt Rose or my sister before. But, ... I've also never felt what I felt with you today. I think I owe you some explanation -- "

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Kayla. I'm taking you at face value for my part. I've only known you from last Friday, not who you were before that. So in my eyes, you're a brand new Kayla anyway. Hey, if you want to, you can forget anything that might have happened to you before, and start fresh, because I'll never ask you." Josh said simply.

Kayla sighed. "There you go interrupting again. I think I have something to say anyway, because it's dark in here, and I want to. I guess I'm still blinking and waiting for you to disappear."

"And I'm still here." Josh said. "I'll have to work on my delivery if the message was that hazy." he smiled in the darkness. "Since yesterday, I've noticed something in myself that's so unusual for me that I spent a long time puzzling over it. I finally figured out that it was something that I haven't felt for a very long time. I just thought that I was attracted to you. But earlier today, I realized that I'm falling for you.

I don't understand it, given the way that I know I am, but there it is all the same, and I can't say that I'm exactly an expert at it. I just know how I feel. I spent most of our time today in the bunkhouse debating whether I was crazy or not. I don't have a long history of falling in love with anyone. I've only ever actually been in love with one woman before, and that was like open-heart surgery without anesthetic. ...

When you slipped, and I caught you,...I suddenly wanted very much to let you know somehow. What I did was the only thing I could think of, I couldn't just TELL you that I'm falling with your boob in my face under the circumstances, so I tried really hard to tell you physically, but without overtones if possible. I've never met anyone like you before, so I can't actually believe that I'm feeling hopeful for myself. It just doesn't happen to me."

He sighed heavily. "So there. All of my cards are there on the table. And yeah, you can pretty much guess that I feel like an idiot for being this forthright too."

Kayla wanted to groan. He didn't know it, but he'd just made this a lot harder for her since she now couldn't see a way around it without hurting him at least a little. She nodded, "I'm feeling foolish too. I mean, I knew what I thought that you were saying, and I agree with you. I haven't had a great record in the romance department myself. I was acting from the heart. I was so afraid that you would have been gone in the next second, so I thought that if I was right in what I thought you were telling me, then I had very little time to tell you how I felt about you."

She kissed him, "So I did my best -- as much as I dared to do. It's funny -- and a little sad, I guess, that kids can just blurt it out. Then they get hurt and get older and careful. I guess it's a miracle if you can ever tell somebody how you feel about them after a certain point."

Josh sighed. "I wanted so badly to walk out because I'd let my guard down, and it was starting to hurt because I've gotten some 'I've got to have him, no wait, I don't want him, really' messages from women before. I have quick reflexes in everything else; it's just an extension of the same thing. But I really couldn't have gone anywhere just then because you were breaking my ribs. I can't remember being hugged that hard before."

Kayla smiled. "I was suddenly terrified to let you go, Josh." She paused. "Joshua, I -- I want to say how I feel, but, ..."

She frowned. "Oh, this is just stupid. We're not kids. Surely there has to come a time when you can just say what you mean."

She looked at the outline of his head in the darkness and tried again resolutely. "Joshua, I really want to love you to death."

She giggled a second later, "Ok, not in a literal sense, exactly. I think I would like to give it a serious try though and, you know, stop before you died." She looked at his outline in the darkness, a little glad that she wouldn't be able to see his face in a few minutes. "I really wish that I'd met you a long time ago. I feel a little like a key that was made for a lock, but was always kept on a keychain and never used until when it gets tried, it doesn't fit anymore because it's worn thin from being in somebody's pocket."

She looked down. "Since we're laying our cards out on the table, there is something that you ought to know."

Kayla thought for a second, and decided sadly that the time had come. "Here --", she said, "put the palm of your hand right here, and just hold it there without moving it at all. Can you do that? With absolutely no movement?"

Josh nodded, and placed the palm of his left hand where she was directing it, though his eyebrows were approaching his hairline. She couldn't see, but she sensed his question.

"What?" she asked, "All I got to feel was your crummy kneecap!" she laughed. She turned onto her back, leaned back on her elbows and smiled as she brought her legs together so that his hand was held snugly. "Mmm." With apologies to my own kneecaps, I think this is a much better way." she said, "Though if you had tried it the other day, I'd have done some real damage. Now, comfy? Good, because I sure am." she said.

Kayla spoke. "When I was little, I wanted so badly to be a dancer, but I was only able to get some ballet and jazz lessons here and there, though I do have a lot of natural talent. As I got older I was foolish, because I didn't want to let the dream go. So I quit college early, and tried modeling. I'm not built for what they want, I'm too short, and so my possibilities were limited. I couldn't get enough work to live on, never mind live well. Don't move, Josh! I'm trusting you not to move a muscle."

She continued, "I was living with a guy who was managing my career. I told you that I've done stupid things. I was such an idiot. I let him talk me into something that he led me to believe would make me more memorable, and therefore more hire-able. It worked out for what he really had in mind, but not for me. Once I'd figured that out, I got the hell away from that relationship as fast as I could, but the next one was much the same." She paused, gathering the courage to continue.

Kayla took a deep breath. She was fairly certain that this would lead either to a drive back to the bunkhouse in silence, or that Josh would get pretty turned on. If that were the case, she'd help him only one time because she had indicated earlier that she would. Either way it would probably be the end, but she had to know. Even though she meant what she'd said to him, nobody had ever meant it when they'd said it to her anyway, so why prolong this?

Finally, she spoke again. "I ended up working as a stripper. The money was good, and I saved a lot of it. But to me, it was like dancing in front of a big pit full of howling dogs. A lot of the other dancers thought it was funny and felt some pride from it. I just felt like a steak being dangled over them, and I had to play along.

Didn't you ever go to a strip club Josh? They must have them where you come from, don't they?" I'm sure that you must have been to them lots of times with all of your soldier buddies." She looked down at the shape of the inside of his forearm leading to his wrist.

Josh felt the verbal slap.

"Sometimes I had to do more than dance for the managers, just to get hired. And I also needed to keep a meaty boyfriend dog around to keep me safe -- from all of the other dogs but him. About the only other things that he did for me was keep me hired in the better clubs and eat the food in the fridge so fast that I never had to clean it much. But I still needed to keep that dog fed, didn't I? I even let him talk me into being in a movie." She sighed, "I'm such a fool."

She looked at him a little sadly, "Well, I thought you ought to know. You were making such nice sounds to me about how you feel about me, I'd think that it's only fair to tell you that I've been in a porn film."

She looked away, "I talked to the other actresses and it was no big thing to them. I guess that I shouldn't have minded, since it was done pretty professionally. But underneath it all, it was still me being fucked by three men that I didn't even know, and I had to pretend that I loved it.