A Rolling Chair Gathers No Moss

Hi everyone

By and large, this is the story of my younger brother. In the story-world he is the brother of Magda, one of the protagonists of "Mate".

Comments are welcome, of course. I write for my own enjoyment, but I do enjoy the enjoyment even more with the occasional sign that what I write mean something to someone else. Nitpicking about grammar is welcome, too. I do, after all, write in a foreign language.

Risgrynsfisk

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Nils was rocking and rolling, the rolling part more literally than for most people. He was up on his back wheels, turning and twisting, he was throwing his hands in the air. It was a local all girl band, "Dill Dolls" who were playing. They were pretty good, he thought, particularly the girl on keyboards, Isabelle. He knew them a little, he knew most people.

Girls often danced with him for a while, or sat on his lap between songs. All the girls knew him, almost all liked him. And he was safe.

Lisa was one of the girls who appreciated that. Otherwise, guys were scary, but Nils had this gentle sadness in his eyes and this sad lower half of his body. Lisa could relax with him, which was impossible with other guys. They were large, loud and self-confident. The only thing large on Lisa's petite frame was her shock of blue hair, the only thing loud was her placating giggles and self-confidence there was very little.

Men had scared her since...she did not really know. And she did not want to know, there were things better kept in their underground dungeons. But men were scary...and impossible to say no to. If a big man-man wanted her she could not refuse. It seemed ill-mannered, somehow. And dangerous.

She went to sit on Nils' lap.

"Hi honey," she said. "You're the king of this dance-floor. As usual."

"And you're the queen of my heart, Lisa. As always."

"Aaaww, you say the cutest things. You know, you're quite comfy."

"Stay aboard, then. I'd be happy to have you snuggling there for the rest of the evening."

"I'm not too heavy?"

"How could you be heavy when you're the size of a hamster? But if you were, I wouldn't feel it."

"Shit, you don't feel nothing, too?"

"Right."

"I'm sorry if I'm insensitive."

"Not a problem. You've never been a problem to me, Lisa."

At this point I the conversation one of those man-men approached them, or approached Lisa, rather. As you may have gathered, Nils was quite taken with Lisa, in fact he fancied her like mad. His self-confidence with girls was nil, though. Being paralyzed from the waist down rather limits your repertoire as a ladies' man and as man-man approached he resigned himself to yet again seeing her walk off with a stud, probably one with a giant cock in full working condition.

Little did he know that, for reasons at this point undisclosed even to Lisa herself, his lack of a stiff dick was a point in his favor. She did not at all want to be screwed by mister man-man, she'd been there before and had not enjoyed it. She wanted to stay with Nils who did not scare her and did not make her feel stupid. But she knew that if man-man told her to, she would go with him.

Man-man talked to Lisa with a loud man-man voice, ignoring Nils, who was not a real man and thus not competition. Nils watched them, at first resignedly, then puzzledly, then amazedly. He realized that she actually did not want to go with man-man, she wanted to stay with him!

"Hey, you!" Nils said. "You're getting boring here. Why don't you just move on?"

Man-man stared at Nils like a confused bull and blew a little smoke through his ears. Lisa promptly lost herself in that cloud of male anger. Man-man must not get angry, he must be placated, she must go with him without making a fuss, or else...

Man-man left, looking like he worked hard to look like he didn't care. Lisa's relief was just a cold emptiness at first, when panic left her and nothing rushed in to fill the void, leaving her shaking and freezing.

"It's cool," Nils said. "They never fight with a cripple, it just isn't done. It's like hitting a child."

Lisa had a strong feeling that beating a kid (what kid?) was not such an impossible thing, but she was too busy shaking to reply. Nor did she want to explore that feeling any further.

"It's pretty handy," Nils said. "I break up fights now and then, works like a charm. Stay with me baby, I will protect you with my helplessness."

"Sounds like a pretty good idea," Lisa said; snuggling in, shaking less.

"Wanna dance?" Nils asked. "Dill Dolls" were getting ready for their second set.

"Sure."

"If you wanna go dance with someone else, I understand."

"Why should i? Eeeh...is it all right if we just sit like this a little more. I'm still a little shaky."

"It was just an ordinary bloke, far as I could tell."

"Exactly! Ordinary blokes scare me. They are predators and I am prey, and I freeze."

They danced, they talked, they stayed close together. By now Nils had finally understood that Lisa really wanted to be with him. He had also gathered that she had problems defending herself. He was happy to fill that role, he wasn't spoiled with being someone's defender.

When "Dill Dolls" had finished playing a tallish, darkish woman appeared from nowhere and gave Nils a big hug. Lisa felt half a second of furious jealousy before Nils introduced her as his sister, Magda. She did not identify the feeling until later, and she realized that she had never felt that kind of jealousy before. That surely must mean something, but what?

Magda inspected Lisa with X-ray eagle eyes and noted that she moved closer o Nils for protection and that he welcomed her closeness. Magda smiled a big, warm I-hope-this-will-grow smile that almost made Lisa cry. Far as she knew, no one had ever hoped that she would...anything.

"Well, see you round," Magda said and gave Nils another big hug. Lisa got one too, not awkwardly big but definitely bigger than politeness required.

"Your sister seems nice."

"She's great. Always worrying about me, though. You got any siblings?"

"A big brother. We don't get along at all. He's always just punched me if I got in his way. Still does, but I keep away from him so it's a seldom thing these days."

"Shit! That's sad."

"I guess. But it's not that bad. It's just the way guys are."

"Thanks a lot!"

"Well, not you of course... But otherwise, yeah, pretty much."

There was a bit of ribbing, since their being so close that evening was a new thing, and new things must be teased about, sadly when their very newness makes them vulnerable to such teasing. But the jokes were good-natured. Both were well-liked, though some of the girls had their opinions regarding how easy it was for the man-men to get themselves a Lisa.

"You wanna come to my place?" Nils asked. "Have a cup of tea or something. Talk."

"It would feel real weird if we woke your parents up this late."

"No, I really mean...my place. I live by myself since about a month."

"Wow, you can't be much older than me?"

"I'm eighteen."

"Like me."

"But I felt it was real important for me to show myself and the world that I could take care of myself, so I got a flat. But I must admit that I'm not more proudly independent than letting my parents help me pay for the groceries."

"Wow. Okay. I would love some tea and talk. Where is it? How do we get there?"

"I get a number of taxi-rides each month, because of this disability. I get to bring another passenger – you'll be my caretaker."

"Ok. I promise to take good care of you."

The taxi-driver also, rather obviously, thought that Lisa would take care of Nils and he just as obviously had quite a few fantasies about how, leering at them in the rear-view mirror. Lisa was greenish when they arrived, but she got her usual pearly-pale color back when they were left alone in the just-right-crisp night air.

They went for a walk. Nils's apartment was right at the edge of the city, and there was a big stable close by. Some horses were out in their paddocks, having a night out in their fashion.

"Riding is one thing I regret I'll never do," Nils said.

"Yeah, me too. I always wanted to ride, but I never dared tell anyone."

"Dared?"

"Well, I knew we could never afford it and they did not like it if we wanted expensive things. Now, I never ask for anything."

"Wish I could lay my arm around you and we could walk together, but not even you are that short."

"Wouldn't mind hitching a ride to your place. If I'm not too much of a burden."

"Take your seat, fair maiden. But you'll have to be the lookout, watch out so we don't hit a lamppost. Or a badger, they seem to get run over all the time."

Lisa snuggled in while Nils drove his chair forward with steady strokes.

"Hey, you're strong. I feel serious muscle here!"

"Well, driving this chair is what I do. And I would be seriously handicapped if I didn't have a good upper-body strength to compensate for the other half. I do work out."

"Works for me," Lisa said, patting his pecs. "This is your door?" This entrance had a ramp, enabling Nils to get in.

"This is indeed my door, clever girl. Make yourself at home. Mi casa su casa."

"I wish! I'd better start my thorough examination of everything in the bathroom, I really have to pee."

"Mi lavatoria su lavatoria. Or something. Do you know what toilet is in Spanish?"

"No idea, hey I like this painting of a peeing cat."

"Magda did it, she's real artistic. She has done the ones in the living room too. They are more like her serious art, the cat is just a joke. But I like it too."

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

"Now you've made room for some serious tea-drinking. What kind would you like?"

Nils had a bewildering number of tea-tins with kinds of tea that Lisa never had heard of. For her tea was something from a bag. This was exactly the kind of thing that always made her feel stupid and ignorant but this time she didn't. She had no feeling that Nils was judging her or wanted to show he was better than her.

"I want you to recommend something and then I'll smell it and say that this will be great."

"We'll see..how about this? Lapsang Souchong."

"Is this even tea? It smells like tar."

"It's smoked. Not every one's cup of tea (haa haa) but I like it."

"Let's try it, I'm game for everything. Hey you must give me the grand tour of this place."

"Of course. Well, this is the kitchen, this is the stove, this is my teapot. My grandfather made it, he was into ceramics."

"Wow. Nice."

"The hallway, you've seen. It looks sort of like a hallway. The bathroom, you've seen also, including the cat. Here to the right is the craproom; it's like storage for stuff I don't need. Straight on here is the living room." The rooms were sparsely furnished, with plenty of space to maneuver for Nils. A couch. TV, stereo, bookshelves. Lots of books, in English too. Well, she knew he was smart. The paintings were huge. Abstract. They were okay, but in all honesty she liked the cat better.

"Finally, the bedroom." It looked like a bedroom. Bed. Desk. One more bookshelf.

"Tea is ready to be served," said Nils. "Hungry?"

"No." Lisa said, automatically asking for nothing. "Well, maybe a little." She was actually very hungry, and her stomach growled greedily when Nils produced nice-looking bread, cheese and tomatoes.

They had their sandwiches, and their tea. They talked, the way teenagers do when drinking tea at four in the morning.

They talked about music, and discovered that they by and large liked the same music, except that Nils was a bit nerdy, the way guys are, about finding little-known groups to promote. It was perfectly all right to like Madonna, but you'd better know a few obscure bands like Soft Hearted Scientists or Neutral Milk Hotel. Again, this was a thing that guys did that often made Lisa feel stupid. But Nils was so genuinely enthusiastic about his finds that she did not feel like he wanted to score points but to share something marvelous.

They talked about their families and Nils was shocked that no one would miss Lisa if she did not come home for the whole weekend. She didn't want to talk about it but she obviously came from somewhere really fucked up. Nils was almost embarrassed with how idyllic his own childhood had been, apart from the disability.

"Were you in an accident or something?"

"Nope. Born this way. It's called spina bifida. My spine was not fully grown, no connection between brain and lower body. Cannot move, feel nothing. I have to be careful I don't break a leg or get burned or something cos I don't feel the pain that should warn me."

Eventually they got tired, as even teenagers will. Nils asked if Lisa wanted to sleep on the couch, apologizing for not offering to sleep there himself, since that just did not work. Lisa wanted very much to stay, and assured again that no one would miss her and the longer it took before she had to go home the happier she would be. The couch was great, she said, and better than what she was used to.

Next day, (not morning – definitely not morning) when Nils woke up, Lisa was still asleep. She was so cute where she lay, dressed in his much-too-big t-shirt, snoring slightly. The snores were adorable and so was the cute little drooling she had going. He just sat there for a long time, watching her sleep, feeling sad-happy that she was there but would be leaving.

He made coffee. Coffee in the morning was a must. The smell made Lisa wake up and he brought her coffee in bed – or coffee in couch rather.

"Did you sleep ok in here?"

"Amazingly. I had no nightmares. I always have nightmares."

"How long can you stay?"

"No one expects me anywhere. Far as I'm concerned I can stay forever."

"Great. That's fine with me, too. No, I mean it. I understand if you don't want, but it seems like you don't have such a good life where you are right now and I really like your being here. So...stay. We can clear out the crap-room, there's nothing in there I give a shit about."

"I couldn't invade your life like that."

"My life wants to get invaded by you. Come on, I'm not saying this out of pity or anything. I really would like to share a flat with you. There's no guarantee that things will work out in the long run, of course, but what have you got to lose?"

A few hours later Lisa turned up with two bags of clothes, some shampoo and an old teddy-bear. That was it; all her worldly goods. Nils had an extra mattress she could sleep on. Lisa was nervous about money.

"I want to pitch in, of course, but I don't make much. I get some small unemployment-money, but just a little since I never had a proper job. And I sub sometimes cleaning offices, but they don't get sick enough. They used to take most of what I made for room and board."

"They...your parents?"

"Dad is gone long ago, so it's just mom and whoever she's with at the moment."

"Well, don't you worry about money, if you could perhaps chip in what my parents give me every month we would get by, and I would feel I was finally independent from them. The rent is not too bad, since I own the apartment."

"How did you manage that?"

"My parents had an insurance. When I was born the way I was they got a lot of money. They felt the money rightly belonged to me and kept it in a fund for me until I was eighteen. And I've got a disability pension. I'm not rich but I'm not hurting either."

A time of learning to live together followed. They both had a lot to learn.

"It's strange to not be scared all the time," Lisa said. "It's almost scary."

"Scary how?"

"Back there, no one gave a fuck about what I wanted or thought. Now, you ask for my opinion on everything. I'm scared you'll be disappointed in me when I don't have an opinion, or have a bad one."

Learning to live together is always a work, harder if you are used to very different things; discussing/yelling, praising/ridiculing, healthy homemade food/prefab micro-grub. Lisa felt inferior on each count and feared the day Nils would realize how hopelessly trash she was, from birth and onward.

Sure, Nils also thought that his ways of handling things generally were better, with a hint of middle-class smugness, but rightly feeling there was a whole lot more love in his family's interactions. This was far from making him think of Lisa as trash, though. Instead he was increasingly astounded that she could be so wonderful and sweet with a background like that. And he was more bitter than ever about his broken body, because it surely made it impossible for them to be more than friends.

They often had visitors. Not many their age had their own place, and Nils' friends hung out there quite a lot. Lisa was her old giggly insecure self at first, but that faded when she realized no one was going to hit on her. Nils was liked by all, and although he thought he was cool about it, it was quite clear to all that trying anything with Lisa would not go over well with him. As soon as Lisa relaxed she loved to take part in their intellectual teenage talking-about-anything sessions, were it about all possible uses of snot or finding all imaginable similarities between Mick Jagger and Donald Duck. There are quite a few.

Nils also insisted that Lisa met his parents and sisters.

"You've met Magda, she is the only dangerous one, and she liked you. My parents will, too, they will be ecstatic that I live with a girl, since that is a normal thing. No not quite, but they will see that I am happy when I am with you and so does Magda and so will my other, incredibly old, sister. Her name is Lisa, by the way."

Lisa wished she had been smarter, bigger, better dressed and less blue-haired, but agreed to come. To her relief all were nice and obviously thought she was a good thing in Nils' life and thus a good thing to them as well.

Sister-Lisa's boyfriend, Conny, was there, too. When they talked about Lisa needing a job he said his friend needed someone who could work on and off in his pet-shop, could that be of interest?, and it was. It actually worked out. She was popular with the customers, and the owner, who had the largest moustache Lisa had ever seen live, was happy with her and increased her hours.

But that was later. That night they played Monopoly and Lisa, to her embarrassment, had all the luck and thrashed all the others soundly. Nils was obviously and illogically proud of her oligarchitude and Lisa eventually dared to release her inner Scrooge and cackle evilly at the others' destitution.

Lisa still felt kind of inferior to Nils and very grateful. She wanted to do as much as possible at home, since she lived there almost for free. Nils also wanted to do as much as possible, since he wanted to prove to the world and himself that he could take care of himself, remember? This made for some clashes, but they managed to sort out their wantings and find a workable compromise. Nils did most of the cooking, Lisa most of the cleaning.

She had nightmares. Running, hiding, hoping, then evil slimy hands catching her. She screams but no one hears or cares.

Lisa searched the net for information. Often the effects of a trauma gets worse when the victim is no longer in danger. Was she the victim of a trauma? Occasionally the traumatic events can be blocked off, something called dissociation. She did not want to be a dissociative victim, that sounded crazy for real, and she must not be too crazy. She knew Nils was ok with her being a little nuts, but please not crazy for real.

One night the dreams were worse and she knew suddenly that the slimy hand was Mr. Blom. She was awakened by her own screams, and so was Nils.

"Please, Nils, can I sleep with you?"

"NO! sorry, but no, but why, I mean..."

"No, I'm sorry. Stupid idea. I'll manage."

"No, you must not feel bad. It's me. I'm embarrassed, all right."

"Why?"