A Secret Even to Myself Ch. 03

DISCLAIMER: This novel will be MESSY.

This is purely an experiment to get writing. I do not know where this story will evolve. It is something of a break from the massive series which I am also working on... but more of a forgivable weekly sprint to see where a story will take me.

My goal is to publish every week. It's my challenge.

This is not really a novel, although I do have a plot with an end, but I am approaching it more like a serial.

This is a pure rough draft. I do not have an editor. My goal is to publish an episode at least once a week. Think of it as a live studio soap opera.

This novel will be MESSY and thank you for joining me on this scary journey.

Happy Reading

-Talyis

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A SECRET EVEN TO MYSELF

(C) 2017, Talyis Ellison

CHAPTER 3

Tobias hummed under in the warmth of his soft Egyptian cotton sheets. He didn't want to open his eyes, he just wanted to remain in the bliss of sleep. He always wanted to stay in his dreams. Especially the dreams where she visited him.

His hand feathered the other side of his bed where the sun hit and greeted his sleeping eyes.

He couldn't help it. Every morning, he'd glide his fingers over her side of the bed and instantly he felt the ache return heavier than the day before. It depressed him and dashed all hope that a new day brought.

He took a deep breath trying to ease the throbbing in his heart and strained his lithe body around to check on the alarm on his bedside table.

He liked his world to tick like a clock. A life without change and a steady tempo kept him balanced. Yet, Mahin in his life was like jamming a rusty crowbar through a beautiful antique grandfather clock.

She broke her a rule, already. Tobias shook his head already resigned his day was off to a rough start and recoiled that he would soon lay his eyes on her. He would have to deal with the actress expediently and exacting if he wanted to have some semblance of life.

But first, he had to take care of himself.

Tobias pulled himself out of bed and stretched. A rumble of pleasurable groan spilled from him when his back muscles fell into place and his bones cracked.

It had been over two years since he slept very well. All of his dreams were so vivid. She looked like she had been. She was gorgeous with an amiable smile that made all his rough edges soft. He could never deny her and he wanted to give her the world on a platter because she deserved it.

But during his dream, she would glint away as soon as the sun came up, yet last night she remained. Last night, his love flickered into the actress. Dream Mahin was beautiful, cleaned up and everything he desired. Mahin was attractive to him and despite her constant insolence that irked him in his waking life. In the dream, Tobias liked the challenge Mahin presented.

He wished he could tan her ass for breaking his first rule. He would give her a thorough punishment and then dipped his fingers down her crack to the smolder center making the strong-willed girl melt into his lap, a puddle full need for him, his touch, and his guidance.

Tobias roared angrily at himself. He admonished himself for thinking anything beyond the fact that she was a terrible person. It was most likely the actress would never change, anyways. Above all, she represented everything that took his beloved away from him.

Tobias had to put it out of his mind.

He fell face forward to the floor but caught his body over his hands. Up for a second down for a second, he quickly did 100 push ups as he did every morning. And then, flipped over, onto his back and did 100 crunches. With each up and down, his conscious mocked him for not letting the actress disappear from his thoughts. He had built up a sweat, even the menial movement of a push up reminded him above crawling up that girl's body. Roughly hooking her legs with his strong arm to take pleasure with her body as if she hadn't a choice. And finally, only allowing Mahin to voice her opinions with delicious screams.

A cold shower is what he needed... he jumped to his feet and padded into his bathroom.

His shower was large glass and stone shower the size of a large walk-in closet and a bench under the shower head. In the past, Tobias would sit on the bench while she bathed him and then his beloved would give him a show while bathing herself.

After taking a cold shower, he immediately felt better. Now the task of beginning Mahin's rehabilitation was all that he could focus on. The alarm clock glowed 9:00 AM. This day was already starting too late, and Mahin hadn't even bothered to make amends for missing her 7:30 AM assignment. Frustrated, he pulled on his jeans, his hair was still dripping wet from the shower and ran down the stairs to her room.

He wiggled bedroom the doorknob - locked - another rule. His jaw tightened, his eyes seeing red with every second. He stomped his way to the kitchen mess drawer, violently pulling it open so it's contents that jangled loudly. He easily found a ring of keys. He unlocked the door.

He took her in with surprise, the effects of his cold shower and turned scalding hot. Mahin partial nude caught him off-guard and his stomach tightened, pulling every muscle in his groin taunt. The actress was sleeping in the small bed, without a care. She looked graceful, not a monster, a killer. He mind was lost in her... lost for words.

He yanked the covers off of her and pushed her body off the bed with his foot. She hit the ground with a loud thump.

Disoriented, Mahin sleepily looked around her with disdain bewilderment. She noticed Tobias' stately feet and her eyes traveled up to see him standing over her with his smug face.

"What the fuck!" Malin screamed.

"Get out!" she pushed against his bare chest, but he didn't budge.

Instead, he grabbed her wrists, turned her around, and one quick move, had gathered her into his arms pulling her crossed his lap as they fell onto the bed. Instincts and his history of his life long ago took over.

He raised his hand above her ass - suspended in air tempting him to bring it down with a solid blow. His mind whined like a dying clock nearing the end of its battery. What he was going to do. And what he had been dreaming to do to Mahin was happening too soon. He couldn't help but smirk proudly at how surprising it was he was able to stop himself in this comical moment. He chuckled and another wave of amusement tumbled over him.

Tobias knew Mahin was going to be a challenge - and he welcomed it.

Quickly, Mahin scrambled off his lap. She stood without feigning modesty in just her lacy bra and panties.

"You're sick! You know that?!" She ripped through the top drawer of things he gave her for a towel. And quickly wrapped it around her body. "I felt your fucking dick against my stomach, you pervert!" She continued to berate him but he only laughed which made her furious. "What's so fucking funny?!"

Tobias stopped laughing and then stood up. He pushed her against the wall suddenly, her voiced hitched. She felt his strong chest against hers. His skin was shower soft against hers. Mahin's mind scrambled to reason why she hated this man so much. A tension of a different kind sparked and burst from his power.

He stationed her at the wall and held a single finger in warning to not move an inch. Her chest rose and fell rapidly with each nervous breath. Befuddled by what transpired in those seconds-worth exchanges of sexual tension. He picked up a piece of clothing that she refused to put away and handed it to her.

"Put that in the drawer," he commanded.

She shuffled your feet never taking her eyes off of him and put the clothing in the drawer as directed. He then picked up her suitcase and plopped on the bed. He opened the suitcase and started pulling her clothing out one-by-one.

"Hey! That's my stuff, you have no right!" She yelled and blushed at the same time as he held up a pair of lacy black underwear one of her handlers had packed.

"Sooner or later you will learn that now there is nothing in this house or about you that is not within my right."

"What the fuck! You think that I am going to stay in this house? You pervert. As soon as my probation officer arrives today, I will tell her what you did to me. You're out of your mind!"

Tobias raised an eyebrow in complete confidence, "Until then. Put these in the second drawer." He handed her bras and underwear to her. She blushed hard. "Well, isn't that a nice color on your cheeks. Pretty when is not infused with alcohol."

That did it. She attacked him with her small fists, "I am not an alcoholic, you asshole." She fought like a stray cat - all claws and body. He laughed as he easily defended himself.

"The first step is understanding that you are an alcoholic," He said in a mocking tone. She swiped at his shoulder. Humor gone, he pushed her away from him. The journey her nails raked over his skin began to raise and turn red. "Hellcat," he winced his fingers brushed over his shoulder. "You'll pay for that." He only grinned at her again and she mimicked his confident smile and rolled her eyes.

He ignored her and continued to hand her clothing: pants, then skirts, blouses, and socks. Dictating exactly where each would go. She began to wiggle and bit her lip. Once her bag was unpacked and he had her lay her toiletries and the few beauty supplies on the dresser, he started to instructing her to make the bed. She didn't want to say it, but her wiggling to abate nature was not working.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she spat, embarrassed that she would have to bring this to his her attention.

"I see," his reply made her blushed harder, her brown skin turning completely red. " Not until you finish making the bed, so I suggest you better hurry up." He then sat at the desk and watched as she quickly made the bed. His fingers smoothed the lacquer desk and the desk pad, checking unconsciously for dust. He didn't see the moleskin journal on top and was looking forward to reading her thoughts of her first day. He opened the drawers and only found the pen. "Where's your journal."

"In the trash, asshole."

"Oh, interesting place." He replied in a steady voice and she mimicked him tartly. "Keep adding up those punishments, Dear. Let's see:

1. You didn't wake me up at 7:30 am;

2. You didn't keep your room clean;

3. You didn't journal;

4. You threw away your journal; and

5. You swiped at me. Plus,

6. Your door was locked."

"Who the fuck cares. I need to use the bathroom asshole!" She spat.

"Put your suitcase on the top closet shelf." He barked his order. All amusement evaporated from his voice.

She quickly complied as she didn't want to further give him power by watching her soil herself.

"Now can I go?"

His lips tugged into a smile, she was progressing already, "Yes. Grab you toiletries and follow me."

She followed him upstairs for the first time. The upstairs matched the downstairs, she was plagued to live in a house of power blues and white. Her hands drifted as she walked down the hall lined with white framed pictures of a happy Tobias and a woman. He seemed so carefree and cheery, not the scowl-of-a-man with few words that was leading her down the hall. He stopped at a door and pulled out a ring of keys to unlock it.

It opened to a beautiful bathroom with shale stone titling. She quickly ran in and tried to close the door but his strong hand stopped it from closing.

"I have to use the bathroom, move."

"You will not close the door to this room. Or any room in this house, ever again. Rule #13."

"What do you think I am going to get drunk on mouthwash?" He didn't answer, just stone cold serious eyes. "What about my dignity?"

"You lost your dignity when you nearly killed those people."

Her face flushed, "A mistake."

"We live in a world of consequences. Now go, or you'll have to deal with the consequence of not being allowed the bathroom."

"You can't do that? That's inhumane."

"I'm allowing you to use the bathroom, aren't I."

"Then let me close the door, I promise I won't do anything."

"Trust is a consequence you lost long ago. You have thirty seconds."

"Turn you back then."

"Twenty-five."

"Please, turn your back."

He complied because she asked politely and she turned the faucet on and quickly peed so she didn't have to be subjected much longer. She washed her hands and then turned to him.

"I will not have you waste water either, it's unethical."

So is watching someone pee"

"Hardly. Wash your face of that makeup and brush your teeth."

"I suppose you are going to stand there?" He didn't answer. She rubbed her eyes and quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth. "I'm done."

"Good. Come out." She did and he quickly locked the door.

"Why are you locking-" she stopped and realized for the next 4 weeks she would have to ask him for permission to allow her to use the bathroom.

"My room is down there. The door's always open and I can hear everything. understood. I can hear anything funny, so don't try my patience." He then walked down the hallway passing more closed rooms and opened another door to an airy, large library. She stood at attending behind him, shuffling her feet. "Stay right here."

Mahin shifted her hips to the side, instead of where he told her stand. Her eyes fall from the ceiling to the floor as her eyes fold from a ceiling show after show after show only to answer for that in that routine they haven't we lowered bay windows that opened 28 data that wrapped around the room giving a fantastic view of the C.

She started to imagine how many books were in the room. Every since she was little, she loved to read.

A sharp pain hit her heart remembering her mother teaching her to read and how proud she was when she was reading at age 3. Her parents showered her with books and she always wished to have a library like this one.

Even before, when she was a poor actress, she dreamed about having your room such as this one that she could fill with books, stacks of books on the floor. In sitting nooks, where she could relax and just drift into her imagination. "Books were food and symphonies that kiss your hopes and dreams. " It was a saying her mother said.

Mahin let go, quickly allow those memories fall off her as loosely as are hair drifted in the air. She was not that kind of person. Not that kind of person anymore, that is. She was a celebrity, a party girl. Long ago, Mahin killed three people and now Mahin is the one everyone looks to for fun.

She huffed this is not what she wanted to focus on, her crippling history. Tobias moved around his library like he had read every book and it made her find him smothering with sexual attraction. Women probably flock to this handsome man even today, should couldn't imagine how they reacted to the charming looking Tobias in the pictures. But Tobias was repulsed by her.

She had to stay focused, there was nothing wrong with her, she lived a successful life. If she enjoyed life a little too wildly, there is nothing wrong with enjoying life.

Tobias opened a bay door and strolled around the perimeter of the deck as if monitoring the height of the waves and putting them in order, probably dictating which rush of water was incorrect and imperfect. At least the perfectionist was ignoring her and oblivious the awkwardness that he had her stand in the middle of the room without instruction. He returned to the room, leaving the breezy doors and window panels open. He pulled books from the shelves and sat them down on the mahogany desk, three in total: one small hardcover book; a tiny hardcover book maybe 20 pages; one very large exhaustive leather bound book.

"Oh great, what am I supposed to do, study these?" Mahin whined.

"12 Step Program. I am sure you are very familiar with-"

"I'm not an addict or someone who is in and out of these..."

"I don't care." His voice resonated and stopped her from thinking. He picked up the second on the two smaller hardcover books; by Maxwell Strong and Grey's Anatomy."

"What am I supposed to do? Study them.?"

"No, first punishment."