A Sexual Awakening

After 20 years of marriage and three kids I've finally learned to really enjoy all things sexual. Since I was a teen sex has never meant that much to me. I was always interested in teaching and becoming a good teacher. I saw family as a goal, and a good marriage as incredibly important. I always wanted a nice home and I wanted to lead a normal life, and these goals have all be fulfilled in my life. My husband Rand, has always been the sexual motivator in my life. His libido has always set our frequency of sex, and his sexual imagination has driven our life in bed to where it was. I have always enjoyed sex, and I'm not a frigid woman, but I never placed any great importance upon it in my life. For me there were too many other competing things in life that were vastly more important. The reasons for my sexuality were had much more to do with satisfying my husband, and enjoying our relational connection, than it did with any real sexual fulfillment or need of my own. Anyhow, that's the woman I was.

About six months ago, Rand and I were home alone. Our sons were staying over at their friends home and our daughter was away at the lake for her sixth grade camp. As the night wore on Rand and I talked rather openly about our lives together. THe topic of sex came up too, which it rarely did unless we were in bed. During that discussion, Rand asked me if I really enjoyed our sex or if I mainly just participated for his sake. I was taken aback. Of course I told him that I enjoyed it and then I chronicled the reasons why. Yet in my chronicling, it did seem rather evident that my engaging in sex was more about him than it was about me being a sexual person. This was clearly bothersome to Rand, and I have to say, once I had verbalized it, I began to be a bit bothered too.

That night Rand and I did have rather vigorous, sensual and loving sex. It seems that even broaching the topic had begun a rush of blood to both our sexual organs. But there was also an awakening of sorts brewing within me. I had come to realize that I was a sexual person, but that I had hidden much of that side of myself as a matter of priority or choice for far too long. That night after Rand was sawing logs I determined to find my sexuality and to find out what really turned me on and made me hum in my lower regions.

The next morning I awoke and set myself to some intense sexual exploration. For myself, for Rand and for our marriage, I guess I wanted to learn the art of getting really downright horny. That morning began with masturbation, and I rubbed and fingered my own vagina until I was close to orgasm. I was having difficulty peaking, but i did notice that because I was doing this for me and my own sexual enjoyment, that I was truly enjoying the climb. Finally, after stops and starts and more baby oil, and after almost and hour of circular motions with my middle and index finger, and rubbing my clit like it was trying to start a fire with two sticks I finally came. It was so intense, and so deep down enjoyable. I was still excited, and not coming down, and I just loved the feel of my body. I was caressing my own tits and noticed my tongue sticking out as I peaked once again. I was panting and breathless, and exhausted. I knew how to get myself off and I liked it! I felt a new world open up, as I could go into any private place and with enough time and fingering, I could get myself off with explosiveness.

But that was not all. In the ensuing days, I also began to look at some pornography. I didn't love it at first, and felt dirty and wrong, but then I came into a certain groove. I had looked at some of this before with Rand and had always helped him to realize that I was kind of put off by it all , and that I sort of disapproved, but secretly I really had alway felt something kind of horny in the process. But now, it was not Rand and I watching porn, it was me allowing myself to get completely horny looking at cocks and sexy asses on young studs. I watched men jerking off and it turned me on. I watched amateurs filming and fucking, and it turned me on. I even watched the women, and I am no lesbian, and this also turned me on; their tits and shaved pussies, and flat stomachs and round asses. I found that not all porn is porn too. Most of it is actually awful and degrading and nasty in the worst sense of that word. But some of it is really sexy and promotes horniness in me that I can't get with my fingers alone. I found that I like two kinds of, "so-called" pornography: the kinds that have stories that lead up to hot sexual activity, and the kind that is not even produced, where regular couples film their sex. I am intrigued and curious at the human animal, similar to how I enjoy nature programs on the lion or tiger. I am interested in my own species, the human species that God created, and how they interact and enjoy one another. I am interested in how they fuck, how they try threesomes, how they allow their wives to fuck their neighbor, and how they undress. I am interested in watching a man get a boner, and how a woman's chest becomes flush when she nears the big O. I know society pretends to hate porn, and I know that the upright think it a filthy enterprise, but I don't. Now, rather that berate Rand over his desire to see naked women, and people fucking each other, I have admitted to him that I think I like it more than he does, only I like my particular brand of nude copulatory cinema.

I did not stop with self pleasure and sex flick either, I also began to explore toys. I went out by myself to a sex shop and bought a dildo. I got one that approximated Rand's cock. I also bought an anal plug. I even bought a vibrating cock ring for Rand. I have began to use and ask to use these toys in bed (something I would never have done before) and I have found that we are having the sexual time of our lives. Our fucking has turned into a true playtime. Even the idea that I bring these wants and desires up to Rand turns him on and makes his pecker as hard as blue fucking steel.

Finally, I have begun to indulge some of my fantasies. I have always had them, but I guess I buried them deeply beneath my career and kids, and my belief that I needed to be upright. But now I want to enjoy my sexuality more. I want to see my Rand in heat and drive us both wild with our sex play. I have deep down within me a desire to fuck wildly while a man, woman or a couple watches. I don't want to share, and I don't want to even know who these people are, but I do want to watch them paw at themselves with sexual desire as I hump. I want to watch another woman's panties get wet, or see her as she tries hard not to touch her own breasts. I want to see some random guy lose his milky load all over his shirt. It would even be better to see some couple get horny and undress each other because of our sex show.

In the beginning, I told this fantasy to Rand, who loved the idea, but was quick to tell him that in no way did I want to bring it into our real sex life. He was disappointed but realistic. But as we explored the idea a few times during our lovemaking sessions, I began to be braver in my speech and more willing in my desire. I actually finally arranged it and we pulled it off two weeks ago today. Rand and I were going to be going on a two day holiday. We were staying in a resort some five hours from our flat. On the way there, I told Rand that I was going to blow his fucking mind that night in bed. And, though I don't ever talk that way, I actually used those exact words, and I noticed he became engorged for the balance of our drive.

Without Rand's input, I had arranged for a stripper/escort to come over to our room that night. In the end, it cost me just over 150 euro. Let me tell you it was well worth it. I had spoken with her first online and then finally on the mobile. I told her what I was looking for and that it wouldn't be a normal strip session, that I just wanted her to watch. she told me her price and said that she was really looking forward to it. She also surprised me with what she said next. She told me that she had never ever seen other people fuck before, and that she was curious to give it a try. She said her fee would be the flat 150, and no tip would be required as long as she didn't have to join in. I told her that the only participation would be for her to watch and let herself get as horny as she could.

Anyhow, it went off without a hitch. Rand was so embarrassed to disrobe with this gal in the room. I, on the other hand, was so nervous, and the nerves served to highten my horniness. I was about to shag Rand like a fucking whore in front of this girl. I wanted to show our best stuff and make her cum before I did. Rand licked at my pussy and I watched our visitor squirm. He rubbed my legs and breasts and She rubbed her own. She was in a trance like state. I suck Rand's bigger and fatter than normal cock, and i saw her slip her fingers into her panties. She was getting wet and uncomfortably hot. So was I. I love Rand's ass, especially how it firms up as he thrusts. I fucked him like a cowgirl riding a bucking bronco, and he fucked me from behind like he was trying to rub the skin off my knees. My cum didn't just cream like normal, I actually spurted it our at one point. I beared down and thought I might just piss on Rand in a horrible urine filled accident, but what came forth was my own hot and profuse cum. I looked over at our friend and she was fucking standing now and rubbing her bare naked clit with her panties on the ground. My fucking Rand was looking at her and driving his fucking cock into me like he was drilling for oil a mile deep. And I kept gushing, and gushing, and I was laughing and saying nasty words.

"Fuck me harder you fucking horny fuck man!"

Rand replied with, "You are such a fucking slut, you love looking at her fucking pussy don't you!"

"Oh fuck yes, fuck me baby! I love her fucking hot pussy and I want to see her cum!"

And then it happened, our guest unloaded herself. She blasted forth a pool of thick liquid from her cunt. It surprised her as it had surprised me. Rand laughed and came. I laughed and came again, and she laughed and kept rubbing. She even had pulled out one tit to rub it and come again before all was through.

The best thing about that night was that we didn't risk a thing, our marriage, our reputations, our jobs, or our privacy.

I would highly recommend that other women with my fantasy try my safe albeit pricey method of fulfillment. For Rand it was the gift of a lifetime and I am thinking it has helped him to finally see me a his sexual partner, a person that is a sexual peer as well as just a sexual mate. He know me to be horny and desirous of being nasty and sexy. He knows me to be a gal whose always up for a good shag and has fun getting turned on. But more important than Rand finding this out about me, I have found it out about me. I am a sexual woman. I like to fuck. I get wet when I have a Rand's cock in my mouth, when his finger pokes at my arse, and when I look at others fucking on the computer screen. I like being horny, and I like getting off. I like it when Rand, or even some hired stripper gets horny because of my sexuality.

I'm on a road to fulfill my next fantasy, and I hope to write it out for you when its complete. Maybe I'll take rand dogging (a practice in the UK of shagging in the car at a carpark where others can watch) or maybe we'll go on an all inclusive cruise clothing optional cruise on the Mediterranean. Whatever it will be, it will be for Rand, and me. We will explore our sexuality together from now until the day we die. And, I for one have gotten a bit of a late start.