A Simple Enquiry

Kari glowered at me and said, "How could you DO something like that. I know you're insensitive but that was a horrible thing to do."

I said, meekly, "I'm really sorry but I don't understand the problem? All I did was use your phones to make a point about security in the information age. Here, let me take the bugs off of them."

And I made a big show of wiping both devices.

Scott said with contempt in his voice, "You are an adolescent fool. I can't believe that a wonderful woman like Kari could LIVE with an idiot like you, let alone marry you."

"Kari, I need a ride home. Can you take me?" And he marched out before I could say anything.

I said to Kari, "I'll come too. I really am sorry if I caused any problem. I just want to apologize"

She looked at me like I had shit myself and said, "You've caused enough trouble. YOU just stay here."

With that, she threw on a coat and rushed out the door behind Scott. I heard the garage door open and the sound of her car backing out.

I cleaned up the dishes and the rest of the party things. But she still wasn't back. So I went up to our bedroom and fell asleep.

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Kari was very withdrawn the next morning. She answered everything I said in monosyllables.

I knew she was mad at me and frankly I couldn't understand why.

I had made her friends look a little silly the night before. But that didn't seem like something I should be punished for in the morning.

Kari also looked troubled. Her normally neat and well-kept appearance was disheveled. It was almost like she had been awake all night.

I said, just to make conversation, "What time did you get in last night? I would have waited up but I just got too sleepy."

She looked at me like I was cross-examining her. She said, "I was gone a couple of hours. Why do you care? Are you stalking me now?"

I said, "Of course not, it's just that it only takes twenty minutes to their house.

"I knew that Scott was taking care of you. But I was expecting you to be back in an hour and when you didn't return I got concerned."

She turned very white and sat down heavily in a chair.

I was about to ask her what THAT was all about when the dogs interrupted to tell me that they needed their morning constitutional, IMMEDIATELY!So I stood up and grabbed Buster's leash.

He came bustling up in his slightly awkward swaying manner, pant-pant-slobber-slobber, "Are we going for our walk now Boss?"

I said to Kari, "Are you going to walk Chiquita or do you want me to take her too."

She looked at me warily like I was trying to trick her into something and said, "You take her. I need to take a shower and get cleaned up."

There was something significant in that statement. But I didn't get what she was telling me. It was like she expected a confrontation.

So I grabbed Chiquita's leash too. She was dancing at my feet, "Hurry Senor I have to go so bad."

I walked down to the dog park with my two dog hitch.

Buster is the most accommodating dog on the planet except when he is on his way to the dog park. Then he is a little pig-headed.

I have a massive choke chain around his thick neck. It isn't a macho thing. It's something that I have to use for the times when he gets it in his head that he just wants to GO

He was gasping as we walked. That was because the chain closed off his windpipe. He's a wonderful dog, loyal and loving. But he is not too bright.

So of course the fact that he was choking to death didn't make him stop pulling any less enthusiastically. I figured I could loosen the choke chain when he passed out.

In the meantime Chiquita was tripping along next to him with her little legs a blur of motion looking for all the world like the alpha-dog.

We did our business and came back. To my surprise Kari was not there.

I tried to call her but she wasn't answering her phone.

I had a feeling that she was deliberately ducking me. I had taken all the nasty stuff off her phone but it was obvious that she still didn't trust me.

I pinged her and she was at Tysons Corner.

The doorbell rang shortly thereafter. I was in the middle of decompiling a new version of a popular tax preparation program. I sensed that there would be a considerable amount of ill-gotten booty in that mess.

Like she normally does, Chiquita went nuts. Then Buster had to bustle over to add his two cents. His bark is so deep it rattles the windows. He never barked before he met Chiquita but she has taught him a number of bad habits.

I was kicking both of them out of the way as I answered the door. So, I didn't immediately see who was waiting for me on the other side.

When I did I nearly slammed it back shut.

Standing there in all of her condescending glory was Isobel herself.

I would have probably been happier with a visit from a Jehovah's Witness.

But she is my wife's friend and there had been that misunderstanding last night. She was probably there to straighten things out. So I opened the door to let her in.

She said, "Is this a good time? Can I come in and talk?"

I stepped aside and said puzzled, "Kari's not here."

The bitch actually gave me a look that wasn't COMPLETELY disdainful and said, "I know that. That's why I came over NOW. Do you have any coffee?"

Then without as much as a by-your-leave she walked past me in the direction of our kitchen.

We have an open plan downstairs and the walk back to the kitchen is perhaps 30 feet straight ahead. Isobel was wearing FMPS, a pair of skin tight jeans, which must have cost $300 and a loose peasant style top with a scooped neck that showed off an impossible amount of cleavage.

If it had been anybody but my wife's bitch friend I would have been drooling. Even so, the sight of those big round buns twitching their way toward the back of the condo was making something in my pants go, Booooinnnng!

Isobel may have been a she-devil but she had an ass to die for. She was also trailing a cloud of musky perfume that suggested savage jungle mating rituals.

She sat down in one of the kitchen chairs while I popped a pod into our coffee maker. I handed the dark aromatic result to her. I just assumed that a woman like Isobel would drink it black, even though it was about the same color and viscosity as diesel oil.

She thanked me with her eyes and cupped the mug in both of her hands to take her first sip.

I sat down opposite with a quizzical look on my face. She took her time. So I studied her. She was made up to kill. Of course I have never seen her NOT made up like that.

Her features are absolutely gorgeous.

I concentrated on her face because if I had looked a little further south I would have fallen into the deep valley that she was presenting to me.

I recognize a trap when I see one. She knew that if I had looked at those two awesome peaks I would be tempted to bury my face between them and make "motor-boat" noises.

I tried the obvious conversational gambit, "So what brings you here at noon on a Sunday?"

She leaned back in her chair presenting those huge things in a way that felt like she was aiming them at me. I had the same visual image you get watching a battleship elevate its big guns before firing.

She said, "I wanted to talk to you about last night. I wondered what you were going to do about it."

I was flabbergasted. I had not even touched her phone. And now she was asking me to make some kind of amends?

I said with anger in my voice, "I don't know. What would you LIKE me to do?" I was going to put the ball back in her court.

She actually looked approving, like my pissed-off response was something that had elevated her opinion of me.

She said, "Well, you have Scott shitting a brick that's for sure. Not that he doesn't deserve it. What ELSE do you plan to do to him? "

I said, "I can't believe you are asking me THAT. I am really mad at Scott." After all he HAD called me an adolescent fool.

"But I don't plan to do anything else to him. He has already learned a hard lesson don't you think?"

He knew that I wasn't a totally hopeless weenie now.

She looked at me with newfound respect and said, "He sure did. He's terrified. He's sworn that nothing really happened and I believe him. But I still haven't decided what I am going to do about it."

I thought that is kind of a strange response. What does SHE know about Bluetooth security?

She said, "I actually want to know what you are going to do about Kari. She is terrified too you know? She called me an hour ago in a total panic."

My Kari, scared? Of what? Maybe THAT was why she was acting so strangely this morning?

I really had no idea what Isobel was talking about but I put on a wise face. If my wife was afraid of something, or somebody, I didn't want it to look like I was COMPLETELY clueless.

Isobel looked at me shrewdly. She said appraisingly, "She'll do anything to make it up to you. She's afraid that she has lost you forever and she can't stand the thought.

"She is really very naïve and stupid but she loves you to death.

"I have known her for thirteen years and I can reassure you as a woman and her best friend that you will never have any reason to doubt her."

The discussion was getting weird. I had never doubted Kari in anything. And it seemed really presumptuous for her friend to go there.

I felt like I needed to make it clear that I was NOT going to let anybody speak for my wife on a matter as important as trust.

So I said in a voice that might have been a little over-harsh, "I know Kari. And I KNOW that she will justify my trust. That's because I am going to make certain of it."

I always seek to keep the lines of communication open between us.

Isobel gave me a look. It was respect mingled with something else. She said, "You have an amazingly tough and practical mind. But don't you want a little revenge?"

I said, "For what? It's over now and I am absolutely certain that it will never happen again."

I for one was finished with electronic tricks, no matter how serious the provocation was. And frankly, the more I thought about Scott and his insults the longer it would be before I saw HIM.

Isobel looked disappointed. She said very meaningfully, "Well, be sure to call me if you ever do. I'll make it worth your while."

Wow! That was mysterious. I had no idea what she was implying.

She had spent six and a half years treating me like I was four years old. And now she seemed to be offering something to make up for her behavior. But I didn't have the slightest idea what it was.

On the other hand, I knew it would be impolite to just blow off her offer. So I said with certainty in my voice, "You will be the first one I'll call if I ever do."

She looked at me with an unspoken promise. Then without another word she put her coffee cup down, got up from the table and sauntered enticingly back toward the door.

I rose to follow her.

At the door she turned toward me and said with a lot of heavy significance in her voice. "Remember what I told you. Kari knows she made a mistake and she will never make it again. You can count on it."

I knew Kari would be a lot smarter about her virtual presence in the future. But I was still going to keep an eye on her.

So I smiled back at Isobel and said, "I am going to make certain of THAT. You know the old Reagan line -- trust but verify."

She actually gave me a seductive look. My shoes nearly melted. Suddenly I understood what Kari was talking about. Isobel was indeed something VERY special.

Then she opened the door and twitched back out to her Mercedes without a backward glance.

Kari arrived home shortly after that. It was almost like her arrival was staged to coincide with Isobel's departure. She had a pizza with her and a six-pack for me.

I said, "Where have you been all afternoon? I was getting worried."

She looked indignantly at me and said, "I went shopping down at Tysons. Where did you think I went?"

I said, "Da-nada, it was just that you didn't answer your phone. So I pinged you."

I was going to tell her about Isobel's visit. But before I could get a word out Kari looked at me with considerable anger and said, "I'm getting tired of this cat and mouse game you are playing with me."

I was truly bewildered. I think it showed on my face. I felt like I had to make some kind of absolute statement in order to reassure her.

I said with some force in my voice, "I'm definitely NOT playing any games. Let me assure you that if I have a problem I will resolve it immediately, directly and forcefully. And I promise that I will not pull any punches when I do."

She clapped her hands over her mouth, looked horrified and bolted out of the room. She ran upstairs to the master bedroom and slammed the door.

I was NOW super-concerned.

I felt like my little parlor games had driven a wedge between the two of us. So I tip-toed up to the bedroom door to apologize.

As I opened it I heard Kari agitatedly talking to somebody.

She was just saying, "I TOLD you lat night. It is absolutely OVER."

She looked up and saw me standing there perplexed.

Shock and awe doesn't come close to describing her expression.

I said with a quizzical smile on my face, "What's over? Who were you talking to? Was that about what happened last night? Is Scott still angry? If he is you can tell him tough shit from me. As far as I'm concerned he's history."

She just sat there on the bed looking at me like I was a King Cobra and she was a bird.

I said amiably, "I only wanted to prove a point. I don't feel like I need to prove it again."

I knew that they all understood how scary the electronic jungle was NOW. There was no reason to discuss it any further.

I said, "But I really don't want to see either of them for a while. And I am still trying to decide what to do about Scott."

She gasped and blanched.

He had not treated me with much respect. But her reaction was so extreme I thought I would try to dial down the stress a bit.

I said as meekly as I could, "Forget him. I just hope we can leave this behind us now."

She looked at me with wide-eyed wonder.

She said with a bewildering amount of hope in her voice, "You DO? You are willing to forgive and forget?"

Well, considering how disrespectful and insulting Scott had been last night that was asking for a lot.

I thought for a moment. Then I said to myself, "What the fuck!!" It was all water over the dam anyhow.

I said, "I love you Kari, I am not going to let the past come between you and me in the future, no matter how badly I might have been treated. I just don't want it to EVER happen again."

She looked at me with eagerness and absolute sincerity and said, "Thank God!! I love you Tommy. I swear that it will never happen again!!"

That apology seemed excessively melodramatic for something that was nothing more than a minor argument. But I will never understand women.

She rose from the bed and threw herself into me, clasping her arms around my neck as she did. She was sobbing now.

I was puzzled but I am also a guy. And there is nothing like make-up sex after an argument.

She turned her mouth up to me inviting the hottest open mouth kiss she had ever given me.

As we kissed, she threw those marvelous legs around my hips and proceeded to plaster herself against me hunching her mound on my rapidly growing interest.

I walked us toward the bed with her still wrapped around me. She was beginning to make little moans. I dumped her on the bed and began to struggle out of my pants.

She was frantically pushing her panties down her legs with a "fuck-me" look on her face that I had not seen since the honeymoon. It was like she had reached some new level in our relationship.

She likes missionary. She scootched back on the bed so that she was lying on the pile of pillows next to the headboard. I crawled up on the bed between her widely spread legs and plunged into the hottest and wettest hole I had ever fallen down.

She groaned loudly spreadeagled and then pulled her legs up and tightly against me and started hunching, like she was riding bareback on a horse.

Her powerful legs were working on my sides with the same galloping rhythm that a rider would have with a racehorse. And that was rocking me in and out of her white hot silkiness at a fantastic rate. Her arousal was tangible.

Then she started to vocalize. She was begging me to fuck her and never stop.

She has always been insistently loud but she had never been this abandoned. She was saying over and over, "Fuck your little slut baby!! I'm such a slut!! Oh fuck MEEEE!!"

That was something new in the script?

Then she went off on a frenzy of bucking and grunting that made me think that she was going to hump us both off the bed. All the while she was moaning, "Ohhhh Godddd!! So GOOD!! So GOOD!!"

Suddenly she stopped breathing. THEN she threw her head back and just yelled, "I'm CUMMING, OH GOD YESSSS!! And she held herself with her muscles locked in a rigid bow.

She did that for such a length of time that I was worried that she was having a seizure.

She finally collapsed in a quivering heap. That pushed me over the edge and I came so hard that I thought that the fillings in my back teeth would melt.

We lay there on our backs panting. I finally struggled up on one elbow. She was looking at me frightened and uncertain, like she needed some sort of reaffirmation.

I decided to praise her. I said, "That was spectacular. What brought THAT on?!"

Apparently, that wasn't the validation she was looking for because she began to cry hard.

She was blubbering every kind of little endearment at me. It was all gibberish since it sounded like she was apologizing. Which made no sense coming from a person who had just fucked my brains out.

I kissed her on each eye to dry her tears and said, "I love you Kari. Isn't that good enough?"

That sent her off on another round of wailing. She hugged herself to me like she was not going to let me go. I tried to lighten the mood. I said, "Hey, there is a piazza and beer waiting for us downstairs."

She just clung to me saying over and over, "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

This was getting too weird. I said, "The only reason I am leaving you is because we need to eat." And I kissed her on her forehead.

I sat up and retrieved my pants. She was still lying where we had finished, her dress pulled up, legs spread wide, fluids leaking out of her, sobbing.

She looked so vulnerable and sexy I climbed back on the bed and took her in my arms again.

I said in the most forthright tone I could muster, "Maybe you didn't understand my world yesterday. But I KNOW that you understand it now. And I am SURE that you will always be aware that honesty is the best policy with me."

She went back to looking terrified. Damn! I wish I was better with people.

She stayed upstairs for a long time. It HAD been an especially hot session but it felt like there were other things going on besides the sex.

It almost seemed like she had experienced a "Come to Jesus" moment and wanted to think about it for a while.

Her behavior since dinner last night had been absolutely mystifying.

She finally came downstairs in a short white linen dress that showed off those fabulous legs. It was so pure and girlish that it looked like she was going to her first Communion.

She was so innocent looking that I decided that whatever had been going on between us was, in the words of the great American philosopher Frank Sinatra, "Just one of those things." And it was better to "fuggetaboutit".

She and I and the dogs enjoyed the pizza together.

While we ate she wanted to talk about something we had been putting off until she got her career in order, which was kids.