A Time to Say Goodbye

I was thinking about you again today; but that's nothing new because I think about you every day, every hour, every minute, every second; even in my dreams there is no escaping you. You have taken over my mind, body and soul. Why can't you leave me in peace? Why won’t you release me from this limbo I am in? Let me move on with my life and maybe find a love that's real - a love that I can feel. A love that is given back to me instead of this total aching need I have for you.

I really do try to let you go, I flirt and dance with other men but can only imagine I’m in your arms. As they hold me to their chests; my head resting against them as their hands caress my back. They move down to cup the cheeks of my bottom pulling me in close to feel the hardness growing in them. When I push them away, do they see me as a tease or do they see the pain in my eyes of a woman still in love with another man?

When I lie alone in my bed, with darkness all around me, I can hear your breathing - feel your lips on mine, feel you moving down my body searching out all the hidden places. Brushing against the swell of my nipples as they respond under the touch of tender hands… but they are not your hands, are they? Never yours, only mine.

As I am forced to respond to the growing need, thoughts of you rise inside me. The heat spreads through my body as fingers seek out the hot moist place buried between my legs, moving slowly over my clit the juices flowing as a tingling grows. I have to have this release. I am drowning in my need for you but as I bring myself to another unsatisfactory orgasm I feel so empty, so unfulfilled. I need to have your hardness inside me. Feel you slide it in and out, our movements speeding up as our bodies become one.

When I try to find solace in my favorite place down on the beach, my thoughts turn to you as I sit staring at the sea, It laps against the shore. In my mind I can see us there – together, laughing, as we walk along the water’s edge with our hands entwined. I can see us lying down together in the shadows of the sand dunes your mouth seeking mine, your lips caressing my neck as your hands move down to remove my clothes. My fingers stroking you, my mouth licking the saltiness of the sea from your body and my hands moving down to release your growing hardness. I can see you move over me and my legs opening to receive you, wrapping around your waist as I pull you deep inside. My body grinding against yours as I move in time to your thrusts; see our bodies tremble as our orgasms take over.

I find no release from you or my thoughts even when I take a walk in the woods. You are there, leaning against a tree my fingers caressing you as my mouth loves you, my lips moving up and down your shaft, my tongue licking away your pre cum and sucking you deep into my mouth. I see your hips moving as your thrusts get faster your breathing heavier as you feel the warmth and wetness inside my mouth. I feel the swelling and pulsating of your cock as my tongue continues licking the head, plunging into the opening as I suck the shaft deep into my throat, my fingers cupping and stroking your balls. Then the shuddering of your body as your cum fills my mouth as I suck and lick you dry.

In the shower you are there. We are massaging shower gel onto each others bodies. The hot soapy water is running in rivers down our bodies, your mouth moving over my breasts, licking on my nipples as you take turns sucking each one into your mouth. I open my legs for you as your head moves down, your tongue plunging deep into my body, locking your lips over my clit as you suck it deep into your mouth. Your tongue continues licking inside me as an orgasm rushes though me. You push me back against the cold tiles and thrust your cock into me, ramming it home hard and fast. I hold you tight to me, my mouth closing over yours as our cum meets and mixes together.

I know if you could read this you would think it was not love but lust that I feel but nothing could be less true. Did you not know that you were the only man I ever truly loved and whom I felt secure enough to want to explore my sexuality with? But it does not matter now, does it? Maybe I should have told you all this before… but now it's too late and you are lost to me.

Why did you leave me alone to live everyday with this emptiness inside me? We could have been so good together. Didn't you know how much I loved you? How I adored you and worshiped the very ground you walked on?

I knew you were scared but I never really understood what you were scared of. Me? Was I too pushy? Did I show my love for you too much or not enough? Or were you afraid you were not man enough to cope with my needs?

Did you not realize that my love for you could have released that man that I could see was crying out to be understood? Did you know that when I looked into your eyes I could see the loneliness and emptiness of an unfulfilled soul? I could have helped you to overcome your worries, shown you how to open your heart and unlock the passions buried deep inside you. I could have shown you how to give and receive love, proved to you that you are all the man you ever hoped you could be!

Do these thoughts of mine reach out to you in the dead of the night? Do you hear my cries? Do you understand that my tears are not only for me but for you too; for the cruel waste of a man that was always there, but you let the spirit die. You let the one thing that could bring you alive, slip away from you.

You once told me you loved me. How will I ever know if that was true or just empty words said because that's what you thought I wanted to hear? That's why I cannot move on, because even if the truth would have hurt me I needed to know it.

Why is it that the one I need the most, the only one who could take away this pain, has to be the one who caused it? Did you ever really know or care how very much I loved you? I think you most likely did know but will I ever have the privilege of ever knowing if you really did love me?

Somehow I don't think I ever will! so maybe the times come for me to try to say GOODBYE.