A Year Ago Ch. 04

This is an evolving story of sensual investigation. Please review the first three parts of the first Phase . . .

*

When I returned home the evening I had visited the Mall the exercise gear I'd ordered was waiting. Once in the house I saw myself in the mirror at the entry. Only a week ago when I looked into a mirror I'd made the leap, not out of narcissism but curiosity. I now reconsidered the issue that Cynthia stirred months ago. It had been present, lying concealed until I'd seen that video. Her comment 'so beautiful you could almost call him Michelle' wasn't the only hit. It had been more of the same. I'd heard similar things while in high school, and once in College I'd been in a theatrical presentation of "Twelfth Night", playing Viola. It hadn't bothered me when the girl I was dating informed me about the character.

"Michael, Viola is usually played by a woman who crossdresses, not a boy."

"Well how is that different, whether a guy or a girl plays the role?"

I had enjoyed the complexity of acting the dual character; the various wardrobe issues weren't even on my radar. To my view Cesario was the prime character not the female incarnation. Now I was seeing things differently. Now considering Esther's comments last week I wondered about how I was seen by other people, especially the women in my life. Her words weren't exactly the push but she had inspired the run to the Salon. There the stylist had opened my mind; her seeming unawareness of my gender suggested to me that I could pass.

Her near bland discussion of my face and hair, my body was beguiling. She acted as if I was a girl, yet several of her statements were perplexing.

"Some of these euro based models have this genderless characteristic. That's how this cut can help with your new look. You're thin and your chin line is very lovely. There are some other details you may want to address."

I had allowed her to discuss her gender politics during the hour while she did my hair.

"We could have your nails done as well, it's in the details, maybe the 'nude' look? Your cheekbones are so high, you might try a bit of blush."

"The coloring will be essential, too white and the other girls will see through you."

Now a week of experimenting with clothes, makeup and especially the voice exercises had changed what I was. Practicing walking about in the heels, sitting and other body movements had become a pleasant part of my day. Only the work issue was difficult.

After removing the new face Theresa had applied I sat and checked the new garments. The sizing of the Lulu Speed Tights was good and the light blue top worked but the sport bra seemed just a smidgen loose. The big issue of the day had been my inability to slip back to a male voice. The sound was wonderful but I needed to reconcile the nature of Sara with everyone close to me. Many of my male friends wouldn't understand. Some in the bike club might but it would be dependent upon how I came out.

Just that phrase seemed weird. I may be wearing a dress and heels but I didn't see myself as a gay man, but as a female. I wanted to love women, be nearer to them and live as one. Was I possibly a lesbian; that didn't register except when I'd walk by the mirror. I slipped off my heels and went to pour some wine. On the sofa with my iPad I started considering the question. I had done so much in such a short time. Was this rush to change sensible? Was I just releasing an un-tapped reservoir of desire? Why did I enjoy the changes so very much? The new garments and the effect on my sense of self; this voice was the tip of the pyramid. I wanted to explore my world, but as Sara. She could be more than a new start, maybe I could see a future where I would have breasts and, I stopped the thought.

The falsies were more than a little problem. I would have to address the world knowing I wasn't real. The silicone forms reminded me at almost every step. They didn't feel right. But the surgery to create a vagina seemed well outside my boundary, at least right now. I considered the alternatives of implants or possibly using hormones. Doing the research did uncover an temporary alternative: using an adhesive to attached the breast forms!

Moving to the bathe I removed the skirt and blouse, I was surprised I hadn't soiled the white material with all of the makeup Theresa had used. Removing the cincher was a small relief. Each day I was losing just a bit of tummy fat. I returned to the hall to get the heels and the new boxes. In front of the tall mirror I removed the pantyhose and thong. Standing naked excepting the bra my penis was happy to be released as well. The testes seemed to just drop and I marveled again the allusion I, with the help of others, could create. The day's activity had brought sleep quickly after my shower.

In the morning I woke intent to step out on my walk but the rain pushed me to the treadmill. The study last night of the various toning exercises and balance drills seemed similar to a yoga workout so after a three-mile fast walk I paused to considered an alternative. I had arranged another video chat with the woman who offered on-line speech and voice training for 10am so I did forty minutes of yoga following a TV coach. The coach was stressing the midriff with focus on the abdominal muscles. I'd measured my waist at 29" the day before and felt I wanted to get to a twenty-six, just below my cinched waist. I knew my diet would help but hadn't visited the market as of yet.

The email alert sounded and I moved to see the message. It was from Avery:

"We need to discuss what's happened to Mr. Norton. Seems we'll have a new landlord."

The building I use as an office was part of group owned by Mr. Norton. The manager had informed me several weeks earlier that he wasn't well. The rent was moderate but included full services, including a cleaning service. Mr. Norton had insisted on being presence when I'd signed the lease. He hadn't appeared well then.

I replied via return email that I would call her or Madison later today to discuss any new issues.

The video coach had given me preparation instructions after our third session and I needed to get focused. After a quick shower I did my face, hair and dressed in a suitable outfit. Though the chat would focus on my voice the coach requested that I be presentable. The skills I picked up last evening were helpful even for my day look. I slipped on a clean nude thong and matching bra, some sheer pantyhose and a half-slip. The new dress was a navy stretch knit with half sleeves and an above the knee hem. I went to the dresser and slid the bangles onto my left wrist. I looked at the medium black pumps and slipped my foot in, checked my makeup and moved back to the desk and turned on the cpu camera. Cathy was already on-line. She was pleasant looking, with graying blonde hair that fell to her shoulders. She had spent most of the first few workouts on my respiration and air control.

"Sara, today please don't say anything until I've completed the review, don't even say hello. I can see you, you look rested today, quite lovely, I like the your makeup work. It's a nearly perfect daytime look. Now please stand and spin about."

I pushed back the stool and stepped back a few feet so that Cathy could my outfit.

"Yes, a every good selection, but I suggest you need a bit redder lip color though. I'll pause and could you see if you have one?"

I stepped away. Her notes had prepared me for the review and the silence. Returning after I'd applied a deeper scarlet lipstick, I smiled and settled myself again, adjusting my posture carefully.

After her today's lesson I was amazed. Previously she had helped me bring my pitch to a neutral range and the lesson now focused on reducing my dynamic range. We spent an extra thirty minutes simply talking of the days news to help me become accustom to the new sound and phasing.

"I suggest you definitively get out and about. Have lunch with a girlfriend and practice!"

I told her of my intent to meet with Avery and my planned trip to the market.

"But she's not my girlfriend, more of an associate."

I also asked about slipping back to my previous voice.

"That's a tough one Sara. I recommend not doing so, unless you're troubled. The best thing is to remain in this register. Your plan for this afternoon is good. Having goals is helpful Sara. Let's review once more," we ran through the exercises again.

She signed off at just after eleven. I checked my outfit and face again before getting in the Audi for the ride to the store. I needed a great many items to fulfill the new diet Cathy had suggested. As I stepped from the car my hem rose nearly to my panty and I saw the boy collecting the carts smile. I pulled the dress quickly into place and turned back to check my face in the rearview mirror when I noticed a familiar car. It was empty but it was Sheila's Camero. She rode with the club, mostly on the shorter rides. This wasn't what I wanted. She wasn't a close friend and the possibility of being noticed; even a question just wasn't a good idea.

I got back in and went to another market. Along the way I ran through a list of significant people with whom I'd planned to share this adventure with. It was an odd set of eleven. The two co-renters would now be first. The last would be Lynn. I thought she should find out from me rather than the grapevine. Actually every person on the list was important for the same reason. Hearing it from me would potentially deaden the consequences.

A cute young worker was bagging the groceries of the customer ahead of me when the cashier asked to review the woman's license. She needed to check anyone's when they purchased wine or beer. I realized I would need to figure a way around this for a few weeks. I hadn't selected any on this trip but I would need some soon. The young girl doing the bagging was talkative.

"So many younger types like you buy almost no meat anymore. Maybe that's why your dress looks so good on you. I can't seem to stop drinking beer with my various boyfriends. Now I've got this belly. Do you exercise Miss?"

I realized then that she had been addressing me and not the other worker. "Humm? Oh, me? I just walk and a bit of yoga now and then."

"Well you're about the same age as Katie there and her and I are at least twenty pounds heavier than you."

I smile and rolled the cart toward the door. Less conversation than I needed but it was something to be speaking with other women without being questioned.

The DrugFair was on the way home and I picked up the adhesive I discovered last evening. No sign of Esther today. After a simple salad for lunch I tried to set the forms on my chest. An hour of minor errors and I was content with the location. I immediately went on-line and ordered a second set, just a little bigger. I figured I needed a backup in case something happened. The weight on my naked upper body was curious. I didn't need a bra, could I forgo wearing one? The notes from the new pair suggested using cosmetics to conceal the feathered edges. Still naked but with the forms in place and concealed I called Avery at the office.

"Hello, is Avery available?"

It was Madison, she said she was out for a few minutes, "May I make a note for her please?"

I stumbled, "ahh, well, it's, I mean, it's me, Michael."

There was a pause. I could hear her breathing but not speaking. "Michael? Oh yeah, Avery mentioned that you might call, got a bit of a cold? It didn't sound like you."

I had anticipated the events that were taking place, "Well no but I'll see you both in about an hour OK?"

She paused again, "Of course dear, we'll be here until 5pm today. Bye for now," I heard the click of the receiver being put down.

There was no mistaking my voice for what it was after this morning's training. I sounded like I hoped I looked, like a woman. I was now anxious.

I went to the bathe and reconsidered my outfit. The navy dress seemed too simple. I removed it and tried my new grey suit with the jacket. The fit was great. I removed the jacket and pulled a soft pink blouse into place. I released the skirt stay and zipper to get the tail properly flat. Now I felt better, the color brought the color of my nails forward. Oh, I'd forgot my new gold and rhinestone hoop earrings. Getting the earring through the small holes still was a challenge. I then reconsidered the heels; keeping with the lower 3" pair seemed smart.

It was just past three when I turned into the parking behind the office. I knew the girls could see me if they cared from their suite. There was a large German sedan with a driver idling near the back stair doorway. I smiled to the middle-aged driver; he must be a chauffeur for he had on a hat. Entering this way instead of from the Main Street had been my way in since I had been dressing. In the dark of evening no one could see me. Now I had exposed my new self to at least three people (if the two girls were in fact watching for me).

On the stairs and a bit more aware of the noise I moved upward with more care than yesterday. I stepped passed their door and entered my office. I put my bag down and checked the servers and updated my email. I moment later I heard some loud laughter from the next door. I knew it was time to face the women, gathering myself I used my compact to check my face, and walked to their suite. The door hadn't been tightly shut so I simply pushed it opened to see three women speaking and laughing about something.

Avery turned first and being the closest to the entry, smiled as I watched Madison and the third turn toward me. Avery's face wasn't what I expected, her head tilted slightly, "Can I help you Miss?"

I stalled not knowing what I should do, forgetting my planned speech when I saw the third person. I turned slightly thinking I should leave, should run out the door and down the stairs.

Avery seemed to sense this and was stepping closer, "Don't leave Miss, What can, can I , "

She was near my right side and was reaching to halt my exit, "Oh my, it's you Michael. Michael, wow, you look, I mean this is simply amazing dear," she turned smiling to the others.

I quickly looked at their faces, Madison's had a worried expression, the unknown woman seemed to be very interested in the event that was my outing. I completed the turn toward the door. I felt certain I couldn't handle what was about to occur.

"Mim, I mean Michael, please, don't run off," Avery had stalled my exit but I was facing out to the hall as she spoke.

"Dear, clearly something, I mean you've change somewhat, but we're here, as your friends," she must have turned to look back to Madison. I hear the soft tapping of another pair of heels approaching as I stepped away from Avery and headed toward the stairs.

I got to the stairs when Avery again stopped me. I looked back to see Madison standing at the doorway. Her expression was now changed to empathy.

"Please Michael, let's sit. We need to sit down and discuss, talk about what is new, OK?"

I looked to her face, her eyes near tears, "But not here, I can't." I said as I started down the stairs.

She turned back to Madison, "Can you keep Mrs. Norton company for a few minutes, OK?" She followed me down to the street.

I was nervously moving on the bluestone walk, sort of in a paced circle.

"You got to let me say something first, Ok Michael?" I paused and looked at her. Her hands were steadying me. It wasn't the heels; it was what I had just done.

"Michael, you must know, you look amazing, simply gorgeous, OK? Can I get you to sit, maybe over on the bench there? You can tell me then what is happening. It has to be a great story, please? I wish my suit fit this well," her hand now on my hip. She had started moving us toward the bench, the click on stone of two pairs of heels very apparent.

"What did I just do," tears were forming in my eyes.

She grabbed a tissue and carefully dried my face. "The makeup will be fine dear, you're quite skilled, you do understand. If I didn't know I was to see Michael this afternoon I would never have guessed it was you."

"Sara,"

"What was that Michael, did you say Sara?"

I shook my head yes, "It was Hallie but I like Sara, can you call me that please? Michael does feel right, you know?"

She smiled and moved closer taking both of my hands into her own, "Sure Sara, I like the name. Your eyes somehow didn't get messed with the tears." She was reviewing my face with more intensity.

We just looked at each other for a moment.

"I started changing some things about a week ago Avery. It was a bit rash, but each day it felt more and more correct. Can you allow this allusion of a girl to be your friend? I'm not certain I will ever be Michael again. Maybe it is as I started out, just an adventure, but I'm in no hurry to see the other person anytime soon." I paused as she absorbed my statement.

"Well, I can assure you, Madison and I will easily support your 'adventure'. There may be some issues we can specifically be of help with. But that's for much later. Can I ring her or can you return with me?"

I liked that she offered these alternatives. "Who was your friend upstairs?"

"Oh her,? That's your new landlord sweetie. Mr. Norton's second wife; she's inherited his entire estate. You must have seen her car and driver in the lot? That's why I was trying to reach you over the passed few days."

Meanwhile Madison had settled Mrs. Norton on the sofa in the lounge portion of the girl's suite.

"What can you share with me about what just occurred dear?" Mrs. Norton was seating with her legs crossed near to Madison. Her Spade bag and Zara heels were the focus of her near black suit with a below the knee hem. Her medium blonde hair was up in a knot. She was still wearing her wedding diamonds.

The woman was dressed for a business meeting but somehow still managed to seem beautiful. She had been a senior buyer for a major design house on the east coast for ten years prior to meeting her husband. They were introduced in Paris when Angelica had turned thirty. For the last seven years she had slowly understood his enterprise and applied herself to assuming control. She was about 5'-8" tall and kept slim by training daily with an instructor.

"Avery called that young woman 'Michael', but that can't be her real name, can it? She appeared quite upset by something. I hope I wasn't intruding with my visit." She realized that she very possibly may have been and stood, picking up her bag.

"I'll leave now. Please let's arrange for a meeting on Friday, say 3pm Ok Madison?"

Avery and I were still on the bench when the car with Mrs. Norton drove passed. "Let's go upstairs Sara. Madison will get us some tea."

To be continued,

Sara will meet Mrs. Norton very soon . . .