Affair

He hugged me gently. "I know all about your former marriage and affair. Yes, I investigated you, invaded your privacy. Understand, I was falling in love with you and couldn't comprehend why such a beautiful and desirable woman was still single. So, you made a horrible mistake. But it seems you accepted responsibility and the price that goes with it, and that counts for a lot with me."

He got up, going into his home office, coming back with a small box and a large envelope. He handed the envelope first. "Read this. If you don't object after you're through, open the box."

Before I asked for a pen, I read the papers inside the envelope twice. I signed on all the designated places and gave them back to him. I had just signed an agreement stating that I was on a twenty year probationary period, but if I fulfilled the requirements, it would be void at the end of the term. The contract had only one clause. That I be a loyal and faithful wife. I dropped the box on the coffee table twice before I got it open, crying as I slipped the ring on my finger.

So then, I entered my HEA era. Happily Ever After. I didn't deserve it, but I learned to live with it, and made damn sure over the years he knew I would never let him down.

I went back home for a school reunion recently and ended up sitting with my ex and his wife. At first it was strained, but it had been fifteen years. We ended up talking openly. I apologized one last time. He accepted it and told me he had long ago forgiven me because the anger and pain were just too much to carry around. I told him it had taken more than a few years to forgive myself, but I finally accomplished it. We spent the rest of the evening talking and showing pictures of our children. We had two, both girls, and they had three boys.

This is the moral of the story. Sometimes good people do stupid things. Even if they didn't mean to, even if they don't get caught, it will follow them for the rest of their lives. There will always be a little voice in the back of their brain that whispers, "What if this is the day they find out?" I was arrogant because I truly believed in the back of my lizard brain that if I got caught, Hubby would forgive me. You all see how well that worked.

I watch my girls like a hawk, and when they get old enough to understand, I'm going to tell them about my past, and hope they have the maturity to learn from it and forgive me. I'm also going to tell them a story about scars.

That's it. My therapist was right. It feels good to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, and if I helped you made a decision that will stop you from creating a life-altering event, then good. If I didn't, well, that's all on you. If you consider it, think about how well you'll be able to carry the scars.

............................................................

Like the lady said, that's it. I wrote this after reading an essay written by a woman and posted anonymously on the web. You could feel her pain, and it left an impression on me. Some of the story, like the division of friends, the responsibility of telling the parents, and the breaking the relationship into eras came from her. If she had given a name, I would have given her credit. I wrestled with publishing this, but it's a story worth telling. If she should read it, I would thank her for her honesty and inspiration.