Alex & Alexa Ch. 16

Alex & Alexa

Disclaimer: Read... the... Author's... Notes. For the love of Sanguinius, PLEASE, before you comment or send hate mail. You have opposable thumbs, live up to that evolutionary gift. If characters are having sexy time, they're 18 or older. Deal with it.

Chapter 16- Here With You, At The End Of All Things

"To my dearest family...

I am so sorry I will no longer be with you. I have caused perhaps irreparable harm and cannot continue to do so. Know that I am fine and in no danger. I love you all so much and would never want you to worry about my well-being that way, since I've caused enough turmoil already.

Michael- you're a tower of strength and you inspire me. You always will. Anyone should be proud to become one tenth of the person you are, with your convictions and resolve. I will miss you so much.

Karen- my only sister, an eternity of words cannot possibly suffice in apologizing for the hurt I have caused you. It breaks my heart to need to leave, so soon after getting you back in my life. Circumstances robbed us of our lives together as sisters, and now my choices have done that again. Please know and remember that I love you, even if I cannot be here.

Alex- I shouldn't even bother trying to say anything, should I? I don't know if it's possible to stop loving you. I don't know I would try if I could. All I can hope is that you find a way to move on and live your life, becoming the person we both know you can be. I won't say don't worry about me or just forget me, we're both far beyond that point, aren't we? I'll always love you.

I'll always love you all.

Alexa."

I slowly lowered the letter, letting the words sink in. Reading it aloud with my parents sitting on the couch nearby had been tougher than I could have imagined. I felt... heavy. My body was heavier than stone, my mind numb. When dad brought down the letter, saying that Alexa was nowhere to be found, a sense of dread had washed over me. He'd given the letter to me, clearly deeming that I should be the one to read it, even if it was addressed to all of us. I guess I should be thankful that he understood what Alexa and I meant to one another.

I looked up from the letter and over at them. Dad was sitting beside my mother, his arm around her, while she had her elbows on her knees and her hands over her mouth, tears streaming down her face. My heart broke again, she looked like her whole world had ended.

"She's gone," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I just got her back, and now she's gone..."

I hung my head and squeezed my eyes shut, wrestling with my emotions. The sound of my mother trying to not break down completely was all I could hear aside from my own thumping heartbeat. I'd thought getting caught would be the worst thing to happen, but I was wrong. Even my dad seemed at a loss for what to do. That terrified me.

"I need her back," mom said turning to look at dad, her eyes glassy and her cheeks red. "My God, we have to do something."

"I don't know what yet," dad said, his hand over hers now, but he kept looking at the floor, perhaps unable at that moment to cope with the anguish that was so evident in his wife's eyes. Dad tended to look at the floor while he was thinking, or he'd pace back and forth when he was really agitated. Mom used to say he'd wear a groove in the living room floor when something was bothering him. He wasn't pacing, but only because he truly didn't know what to do. "She said not to worry about her, Karen. I think she's hoping we'll trust to that."

I said nothing, merely looking at the letter again. The fine paper seemed marred in places and I realized they were the marks of tears. Alexa had been crying at she wrote the letter. I pressed the paper to my face as I lost myself in dark reverie, trying to imagine what she'd been feeling as she wrote this. I wouldn't have had the strength. My God, she was strong.

Mom was leaning against dad, sobbing now. The depth of Alexa's and my folly was becoming increasingly clear to me with each passing moment. My head spun as the magnitude of what we'd done was out for me to examine. We'd compromised and hurt my family in ways I'd never conceived of.

I don't know if Alexa had always thought it may come to this moment, or it had just been an instinctual reaction on her part. We'd talked, of course, about what would happen when we were found out, but I don't think either of us had seen it playing out quite like this.

"I guess we'd better still have that talk, Alex..." dad said heavily.

***

It sounds silly, but it was hard to know where to begin. Obviously, I told them about our instant initial attraction to one another and how quickly we became comfortable in one another's presence. We'd been kissing while at the university by her second day here, and naked together in the jacuzzi by that night while they were away at the Stevenson's place. They both listened silently, but I could tell they were bewildered, even stunned by my revelations.

I continued, telling them about how we became sexual by the third day, or very close to it, rubbing on one another and even climaxing together, even if we didn't have full-on sex. We knew we were going to, and neither of us were the least bit interested in curbing the urge, even if we knew how taboo it was. Part of me was so shocked I was willingly telling my parents all this, after so many weeks of keeping it a secret. Mom's hands were over her mouth as she listened.

"I don't believe this," she said finally. "You knew better, and you still went with it. You both knew better. Alex, how could- what were you thinking?"

"I don't know," I said in exasperation, my voice perhaps somewhat terse. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't me who drove her to-"

"Alex!" my father snapped, his eyes flashing as he looked at me. "I know you're upset, but that is no excuse to talk to your mother that way! She did not cause this problem!"

No matter how angry I might have felt, my father's voice shocked me out of it and all defiance drained from me in a cold chill. I sagged in on myself. No matter how much I miss or loved Alexa, I couldn't defy my father.

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly. "Mom, I'm sorry I did that. I was angry, but that's no excuse for disrespecting you. And you're right, none of this is your fault."

Mom wiped at her eye and shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Alex. I have to take your word for it than you didn't really intend for any of this to happen. Just... I guess go on. Your father and I need to know everything. So that we have a chance of understanding."

I swallowed. "Everything."

Dad nodded. "That would be everything, Alex. The situation is serious enough that it warrants holding nothing back."

I sighed. "Y'remember that day when we went for breakfast out at the barn and then went to the provincial park? Well, we... we found an absolutely enchanting place there and we decided that would be the first place we'd make love."

"How?" mom asked. "Your father and I were right there."

"Well, we did split up for a bit, and Alexa told me she suspected of a place that you and she had walked by on the trek in. We got ahead of you guys and checked it out. It was incredible. We resolved to come back there the next day to... y'know."

Mom rubbed her face. "We thought you were begrudgingly running errands with her. You always came back with the things she said she needed."

I nodded somewhat guiltily. "Seemed like a good idea if we didn't want to get caught."

"No arguing that point," dad agreed. "At that time, we still had no suspicion of what was happening."

I nodded again. "We... we went the following day, had a picnic, but we also had sex. I took lots of pictures of her, and read a French book to her, and-"

"You were reading French lit to your aunt?" mom asked, looking at me. "In a glade? While having a picnic and sex with her?"

I shrugged. "Sounds a little strange when you say it that way. But... we were really into one another, mom. I was terrified, not just of getting caught, but how quickly my feelings for Alexa overwhelmed me. I've never known anyone like her."

"That's because there is no one like her, Alex," mom said softly. "But she is still your aunt. Go on."

I shut my eyes and collected my thoughts. "I... there was no stopping after that. We made love whenever we could, and it was so intimate. The hookah party that night, we were both terrified about the shotgun thing, but..."

"But Alexa had a workaround in case something awkward happened," mom mused. "Clever girl."

"Yeah," I agreed somewhat wearily. "But even though we didn't admit it to one another, we were falling in love. Then there was the accident."

"Oh, God," my mother said reflexively, covering her mouth and her eyes tearing over. "I'm sorry. Please go on, Alex."

"Mom, I... when dad called and told me to come to the hospital, I was in a state of sickening terror the whole drive over. I'm not kidding, I was worried I might lose concentration and spin off the road or cause an accident. I didn't know what I'd do if she'd..."

I choked back something and then took a deep breath. "It was the first time I admitted to myself that without doubt, I was in love with her. And then when I saw her charts, that she was going to be okay, I was so relieved."

"Then the whole amnesia prank," dad mused, cutting in, but his expression was neutral. "We still suspected absolutely nothing. I think your mother and I were so focused on the two of them reconnecting that we might've been blind to anything else. That or you just were doing such a good job of snowing us that we couldn't have noticed."

I shifted uncomfortably. Dad may generally sound more reasonable and conciliatory than mom most times, but this wasn't one of them. His tone was making it abundantly clear that he was not in my corner about this. Not that I could blame him. I forged ahead.

"I know I tried to sound put out, but that was a cover, of course. We made love in her hospital room, and-"

"Alex," mom gasped, her eyes wide. "She might have had a concussion! We weren't sure yet!"

I struggled to keep talking, not to shrink in on myself. "I know, mom. But I can say with complete honesty that I didn't initiate those times in her hospital room."

"Times?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I forced myself to keep talking. "At least twice. I showered with her at one point, it was pretty intense. But that was also when we admitted to one another that we were in love. And also, the beginning of our first real conversations about how the two of us could never truly be together. We... didn't know what to do."

"You knew all along what you were doing, but when you admitted you were in love to one another, that's when you started talking about how you couldn't be together," mom said evenly. "Is that right?"

I couldn't readily answer her then. Why did everything sound so stupid when it was given context?

"Alex," she said softly. "My baby sister has run away because of this thing you two had. She's gone. I need you to help me understand everything."

I could have felt a snap of irritation or anger at how she put everything squarely on Alexa's and my shoulders, but she was right. We'd broken a societal legal and moral taboo and done it willingly. This was in no way, shape or form my parents' fault. It was all on Alexa and me, choosing to not control ourselves. No anger, no irritation at her words, only... guilt, and loss.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "it's just hard to pony up to that."

"I know, baby," she said. "Take a moment and then go on."

"We agreed to see other people," I finally continued. "She saw Jeanie and I started seeing Heather again. It wasn't clear to either of us if this had any chance of working, and we didn't really want it to, deep down."

"Her date with Jeanie, when we concluded she was a lesbian," dad sighed. "We were really thrown off the trail, then. Even though we hadn't been on it to begin with. So, she was having sex with Jeanie and you were back with Heather."

I nodded. "Sex was good, of course. I enjoyed Heather and you can't not enjoy sex with Jeanie."

"We know," mom agreed evenly. "Go on."

"Well, it didn't help that we were still living together under one roof," I said. "Seeing each other like that, of course we ended up in one another's arms, falling more and more in love."

Mom rubbed her face again. She'd stopped crying for now, but her eyes were still red. This had to be so hard on her. "And we insisted she stay with us, excited that we could finally justify in expanding the house. Continue."

My accounting of the situation was feeling listless and even pointless to me, since they already knew that we were in love and shouldn't have been. But they had a right to know whatever they liked. Thinking back about all the times Alexa and I could have been caught at the university or other locations... how it would have reflected on my parents...

"This next part is really hard to talk about." I murmured.

"Oh, God," mom said, going pale. "She's not... Alex, you didn't get her-"

"No," I blurted, shaking my head. "No, nothing like that, I promise you. What happened next is even weirder, or at least it will seem that way to you."

My parents said nothing but merely looked at me, waiting for me to get the gumption to follow up on my statement.

"Freja knew at this point," I forced myself to say. "Alexa never keeps anything from her. They're soul-mates that way. So she watched us make love one night over Skype."

"Are you about to tell us that there's an unsecured Skype video of you making love to your aunt all over the internet?" mom asked.

I shook my head again. "No. Pretty sure you two'd know by now if that had happened. No, Freja was a part of things now, at least indirectly. One night when we went out to run errands, Alexa and I returned to that glade I told you about. It was the most beautiful scene you could imagine. Clear sky, the moon shining in on us..."

"Uh-oh..." dad said quietly.

I steeled myself. "In that glade, Alexa and I married one another."

My parents said nothing for several seconds. Finally, my mom asked the question that was on her mind. "Just the two of you physically present?"

I nodded, knowing what she meant. "Didn't feel like we needed anyone else. And aside from Freja, there was no one else to tell."

"When two or more are gathered in My name, I am there with them," dad said quietly, pinching his eyes. "You married your aunt."

I nodded slowly, unable to verbally answer him.

"Alex," he said patiently. "I'm going to ask you to do something absolutely terrifying. I want you to step back from yourself, from your perspective, and look at the big picture. And then I want you to tell me what you see."

I knew what he meant, and I admittedly didn't want to do it, not one bit. But I couldn't defy my father. I squeezed my eyes shut again, allowing myself to look over the whole drama that had unfolded since her arrival. Even though things had happened since the point in the narrative I had reached for them, this was the crux of it, the moment where I threw always all possible logic and married my blood aunt.

And I couldn't even begin to justify how stupid it all looked.

"It doesn't matter, dad," I said finally, opening my eyes. "I love her."

***

I wasn't being defiant, and my parents knew that. I was merely stating how lost I was, how this entire mess, though it was entirely my fault, had overwhelmed me. I understood now exactly how sublimated my entire being was to the limitless reality of being in love with her. It was stupid, and maybe it was even wrong, but there was nothing I could do about it.

"At least I understand fighting a hopeless fight," dad offered. "I couldn't have given other women a second thought after I knew I'd fallen for your mother. She was the most beautiful and extraordinary person I'd ever met."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"She also wasn't in any way, shape, or form related to me, Alex," dad continued, his voice indicating we were not in the slightest agreement about my quandary. "This is something entirely different."

"I know." I sighed. "And before that was the barfight where you got stabbed, and that pulled us even closer, terrified that something like that could happen to one of us."

"And I understand your terror in that circumstance," mom murmured, nodding slightly. "I remember once being worried sick when your dad and I travelled to and attended an Antifa rally. He was tanking while I was organizing demonstrators and there ended up being some really ugly fight with the Nazis we were there to oppose. Your dad smashed a lot of them, but he ended up with a few lacerations and cracked bones himself. I was worried sick."

"I remember that, although I was at summer camp, so I only had to go on what you told me." I said. "I was so proud, bragging to all the kids around me about how my parents would beat up Nazis. But yeah, that incident really scared Alexa a lot, and we got married soon after that in the glade."

They simply looked at me, listening. My hands flexed as I tried to think of things to say. "It was about that time that we found out about you guys and Jeanie. Jeanie then caught us making love in our assigned office."

"Oh, Lord," mom said, pinching her eyes. "Are you insane, Alex? Not only could you have been caught by absolutely anybody, but you got caught by Jeanie. You know I adore her, but she's an idiot. She'd forget not to tell anyone the moment she walked back out the door."

"I guess we got lucky," I admitted. "She was really devoted to the idea of the two of us and she managed to keep her word."

"I can't believe you did that in the faculty office," mom sighed in exasperation. "What if you got caught?"

I couldn't go on a counter-offensive, because I had no right to do so, but I was so desperate to take the attention off my idiocy, even for a moment, that I tried a little gambit. I needed something. "We were pretty dumb about it. We made love in the hedge maze more than a few times late at night. One of our most terrifying moments happened in there."

"Someone nearly caught you?" mom asked, her tone unimpressed.

"Yeah, you two," I replied. "We were on the other side of a hedge wall when you both came in and began fooling around. We heard the whole thing, two feet away from us, and were petrified. The race to beat you back to the faculty had my heart ready to burst out of my chest."

My parents said nothing. Having nearly been caught themselves, by their son and sister, was giving them pause. I took advantage and drew several deep, quiet breaths, trying to compose myself. I was still wholly miserable, but at least I wasn't short of breath anymore.

"Well played, Alex," dad said finally. "Needed a moment, I take it?"

"You have no idea." I sighed heavily. "And then we went to the wedding in Gatineau and things were comically awkward there."

"Did you and Alli find time to get it on there?" mom asked.

I nodded. "You nearly caught us when you barged into my room naked."

Mom blinked. "That was Alli under the bed? Alli was pretending to be a Finnish girl you just met and were having sex with?"

I nodded sheepishly. She flopped back into the couch, looking at the ceiling. "This web is so tangled," she lamented. "That incident in the jacuzzi was the first time we noticed something about Alli. She was jiggling her breasts at you a little too eagerly, I thought. Not just enjoying teasing her nerdy nephew, but almost... needing to, I guess."

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to look." I muttered.

"But you just kept staring directly ahead, looking embarrassed as Hell," mom continued. "And then your wonderful performance where you got up and almost stormed out, and we sent Alli to retrieve you. I didn't think too much of it, because she was having sex that weekend with that woman. And you have a session or two with that uber-distant relative girl of ours."