Alice Finally Goes To The Moon

An imaginary visit to 328 Chauncey Street in Bensonhurst, home of two of American television's favorite couples.

Alice Kramden was bored out of her mind, as usual. No television, no phone, no kids, no pets and no life. Her marriage was headed for the rocks, that much Alice was sure of. Ralph was becoming less and less affectionate toward her, and yelling at her more than ever, if that was possible.

It was just past noon, so Alice decided to run upstairs to Trixie's place and shoot the breeze. Leaving the apartment made it seem like she was doing something a little different at least, and Trixie and Ed's apartment was so much nicer than her dump.

Trixie was doing housework when Alice arrived. At least the Norton's had a fan which made their place a heck of a lot more bearable than the steambath Alice had just left. Trixie seemed happy to see her and Alice went around the place with Trixie and helped her do the chores.

While Trixie did the dishes, Alice dried as they talked. Alice happened to notice that Trixie wasn't wearing a brassiere under her housedress. Alice occasionally went without one too while working around the house on hot days like today, but would always put one on before Ralph got home. That was something that would get Ralph hollering about his wife running around showing everybody what she had.

Alice hadn't realized how busty Trixie was until seeing her like this. Alice had always assumed that they had similar builds but Trixie's breasts seemed to be considerably larger once freed from their restraint. Alice saw that Trixie's nipples were stiff and clearly visible through the cotton fabric. Alice wondered what Trixie would look like naked, that is until Trixie started waving her hand in front of Alice's face, which startled Alice back from her trance.

"Gee Alice, I thought you were hypnotized or something, the way you were just standing there staring like that" Alice said with a questioning look on her face. "Is there anything wrong?"

Alice felt her face flush as it was clear that Trixie knew exactly what she was staring at. How humiliating!

"No, I'm sorry Trix, I was trying to think of something to make Ralph for dinner. I don't have much around the house so I'm going to have to go to the store, I think. Is there a Raccoon Lodge meeting tonight Trixie?" Alice asked.

"No, that's tomorrow night. Tonight is Captain Video for us, at least for Ed. After he watches that he's usually horny as hell from imagining he's co-piloting the spaceship or something" Trixie said chuckling.

"Watching Captain Video makes Ed horny?" Alice asked.

"Everything makes my Ed horny, Alice!"

Alice laughed at the thought but then realized that she was in no position to make fun, after mentally undressing Trixie like that. Alice took off and went down to the store, where she got some sausage and peppers and made supper.

Ralph got home late and was in a lousy mood because the weather was hot and the riders on the bus were miserable. Alice dreaded the rest of the night because she knew she would be the one paying the price for Ralph's bad day.

They ate the sausage and peppers in silence, and after dinner Ralph went down to the pool hall with Norton for a quick game of billiards. Alice went upstairs to see Trixie, dreading what was going to happen when Ralph got back. Trixie answered the door in her bathrobe and let Alice in.

"Ralph and Ed went down to play pool. He had a lousy day and now when he comes back, he's going to want to... you know, relieve some stress" Alice said while rolling her eyes.

"Oooooh! I know what you are talking about you lucky gal, hubba hubba! Alice is gonna get laid tonight" Trixie said giggling.

"No Trix, you don't know. Whenever he comes home in a mood like this he either falls asleep right away, or he wants to...., well he wants to fuck me in the ass, if you must know!" Alice said bitterly.

"Ralph gives it to you in the poop chute? Hmmm, that's not something my Ed likes very much. Ed always says, "I spend all day at work in the sewer wading through shit, I'm not going to do it at home while I'm fucking you!" Me, I don't mind it every once in a while, because he's got a nice sized cock for the job. Not too big, just right."

Alice shook her head. "Well I wish I could say that too, but Ralph's thing is... well let's just say he's big all over Trix, if you know what I mean."

"Oh Alice, I never thought of Ralph in that way. Ralph's got a big cock? Exactly how big is he?" Trixie asked with growing interest.

"Gee Trix I don't know. I was only with one other guy before Ralph so I don't know if he's real big or not. It's about like this long" Alice said, holding her hands about ten or so inches apart, then after looking at her hands, pulled them wider apart.

"Oh Alice you lucky gal. Is it thick? Can you get your thumb and index finger completely around it? Gosh, I'm getting goose bumps just talking about it" Trixie gushed.

Alice thought for a second and shook her head. "Thumb and index finger? Are you kidding? There's no way Trix, not even close! That's why it hurts so much."

"Oh Alice, I'd like to get a peek at that thing sometime. What do you think Alice? If Ralph saw me in this outfit, do you think that would get him hard?" Trixie wondered aloud.

Trixie took off her bathrobe and showed off her nightie, or what there was of it. It was yellow and there was precious little left to the imagination. It was barely long enough to cover her pussy and you could see her breasts clearly through the shear silk, firm cantelope sized breasts with large dark red nipples. Alice tried to look away but without much luck.

"Trixie, you look beautiful. I can't get over what an incredible body you have. Gee, if Ralph ever got a look at you I'd lose him for good." Alice finally managed to say, staring with admiration at her beat friend's shapely figure.

"Oh Alice honey, that's sweet of you to say but I think it's mostly the outfit that makes me look good" Trixie said while turning from side to side.

Something caught Alice's eye that surprised her. Trixie had little wisps of light brown hair under her arms.

"Say Trixie, doesn't Ed complain about the, uh, the hair under your arms?" Alice asked nervously.

"Complain?" Trixie said while raising her arm and running her fingers through the fuzz. "Heck, it's his idea. He's the one that told me to let it grow. Remember that movie we all saw last year with that Gina Lollabrigida in it? Once he saw that Italian girl's armpits he asked me, asked hell he begged me to let mine grow. He loves it, even though I don't have nearly as much hair under my arms as she does. It makes him so happy and it doesn't bother me one way or the other" Trixie said shrugging.

Alice remembered that movie and how Ralph threw a fit when Norton had mentioned how cute the girl was while they were on their way home. She recalled how he went on and on about disgusting it was. Alice recalled Ralph saying "If Alice ever tried any European crap like that with her armpits, BANG! ZOOM!!!" Alice thought if he ever had seen Trixie in that outfit he would change his mind in a hurry.

Those heavy footsteps coming up the stairs probably meant that Ed and Ralph were home, so Trixie put her bathrobe back on and started walking Alice toward the door.

"Gee Alice, I'm really sorry about what you're probably gonna go through later" Trixie said sympathetically. "I'll be thinking about you."

I'll be thinking about you too Trixie, Alice thought. I'll be thinking about you in that outfit Trix, while I'm getting a salami rammed up my back door. At least that might help take my mind off the pain.

The door opened and Norton stood in the doorway holding a dandelion. Ed took off his hat and bowed elegantly toward Alice.

"Mrs. Kramden, don't you look lovely this evening!" Norton said with gusto. "I believe your husband will need some special cheering up tonight, since I beat your Ralphie boy three straight games tonight, and he's a little upset."

Alice groaned as she walked out the door and down the stairs. "That's great. My exhaust pipe can hardly wait!" Alice said sarcastically.

Norton started to ask Trixie what Alice meant by that, but when he turned around Trixie took the bathrobe off. Norton saw what Trixie was wearing underneath it and promptly forgot the question, slamming the door closed behind him.

Alice felt like she was walking to the electric chair. She opened the door quietly and moved around the apartment as quietly as she could. Ralph wasn't in bed yet, and Alice could hear him in the bathroom washing up. There on the night stand by the bed, already out and ready to go, was the gigantic jar of petroleum jelly Ralph kept under the bed.

Alice sat at the kitchen table sipping a glass of water, dreading what was about to come. Alice heard Ralph leave the bathroom and rustle around in the bedroom until finally the loud squeaking and creaking of the bedsprings announced Ralph getting into bed. Alice knew what was coming but still held out a glimmer of hope, until....

"Alice, come to bed!"

Alice got up and slowly walked toward the bedroom, turning off the light behind her, and began undressing. In the light coming in through the blinds, Alice saw Ralph rubbing the jelly liberally all over his cock, which was already hard and ready.

Alice got into bed and tried a diversionary tactic, quickly hugging him and trying to grab his cock in hopes for a regular screwing. It took only seconds for Ralph to make the necessary counter-moves and before Alice knew it, she was on all fours assuming the position and Ralph was sticking first one, then two stubby greased up fingers roughly into her ass. This was what amounted to setting the mood as far as Ralph was concerned.

Ralph then knelt behind Alice, rubbing his thick swollen member at her lubricated opening for just a brief second before pushing forward with fury. Alice let out her customary scream as he entered, feeling the incredible girth of his cock test the boundaries of her insides.

Alice's scream must have been louder than usual, because it prompted Mrs. Mannicotti to pound on the floor from upstairs and scream at them to shut up. This only seemed to inspire Ralph to increase the force and speed of his thrusts, pounding Alice's skull into the headboard without mercy.

Mercifully, within a couple of minutes Ralph slowed his pounding and let out a loud and sustained moan.

"WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!! Ralph moaned, which signalled the start of a seemingly endless series of ejaculations exploding from Ralph's cock into her ass. This was the lone enjoyable part of the experience for Alice, for not only did the cum feel soothing blasting into her aching rectum, but it also meant that the brutal pounding was over.

Sure enough, Ralph rolled off Alice onto his side of the bed and grunted something that sounded a little like good night, but was virtually indecipherable. Almost immediately, Alice heard Ralph's breathing pattern begin to indicate sleep was imminent. That was it.

What bullshit! Alice thought. No kiss good night. Not even a "Baby, you're the greatest!" When was the last time she got one of those?

To Alice's dismay, Ralph wasn't through quite yet. Suddenly Ralph let loose with a series of loud vibrato-laden farts, each one more sloppy and obnoxious sounding than the one preceeding it. The flatulence festival reached its zenith with a bracing blast that sustained both pitch and volume longer than Enrico Caruso ever dreamed possible.

"Fuck this!" Alice muttered angrily as she struggled to free her legs from the bedsheet they were tangled up in. She finally had to practically throw herself off the side of the bed and tumble to the floor, so urgent was her desire to escape the vile cloud of methane mist that threatened to overcome her.

Alice staggered naked into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. Pins and needles, needles and pins; it's a happy woman that grins, my ass! What the hell am I doing in this relationship? If anybody's butt had a reason to howl it was hers! Alice could almost sense the noxious fumes following her so she went over to the kitchen window and stuck her head out, the aroma of chinese food coming up from Hong Kong Gardens a much more pleasant alternative.

Amidst the city sounds that came up to her window came some other noises. Human noises, coming from the floor above. It sounded like Trixie moaning and wailing, probably getting a great screwing. If Alice had had any clothes on she would have liked to have climbed the fire escape and either joined them or just watched, she thought.

Right then Alice made a vow, actually two vows. One, was she was never going to make Ralph sausage and peppers again. Second, and most importantly, she was going to pay a social call on Trixie that very next day.

Meanwhile, one flight up, Trixie was contentedly lying in Ed's arms, with Ed at her breast dozing off. Trixie kept thinking about the way Alice had been looking at her, both earlier in the day and just a little while ago. Could Alice be thinking strange thoughts? Deviant thoughts? The same forbidden thoughts that Trixie had always dreamed about Alice? Those things kept Trixie's mind company as she drifted off to sleep.

The next day Alice made Ralph a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and threw them in his lunch pail as Ralph got ready for work. Ralph seemed like he was in a better mood but Alice certainly wasn't.

"What's the matter, my little buttercup?" Ralph asked her. "Is there something wrong sweetie?"

Alice looked at him like he was the man from space again and told him "Everything's fine. Here's your lunch, don't be late for work."

Ralph seemed happy with that so he kissed Alice on the cheek and left for work. All morning Alice paced the floor, trying to summon up enough courage to go upstairs. What would she do and say when she got up there? What if Trixie got offended and got mad at her? They were such great friends, after all.

Alice decided that it was work the risk. She spent the morning getting ready, brushing and primping to look her best. She picked out a nice summery outfit and went up the stairs to Trixie's place and knocked on the door. Her dress was already soaked with perspiration from the walk up the flight of stairs. That and nerves, because Alice was trembling with fear and excitement.

Alice knocked again and started to feel relief. Trixie had gone out, and all that worry and everything were for nothing. Just then, the door opened and Trixie was there in her robe, dripping wet.

"I thought I heard someone knock. Come in Alice, I had just gotten into the bathtub" Trixie said as she walked back toward the bedroom.

"Er, uh, no I'll come back later Trix" Alice stammered."I didn't mean to bother you."

"Well it will bother me if you leave and I got out of the tub for nothing Alice. Come keep me company honey, I won't be that long. It's just so hot! Boy, you look extra nice today, do you have something special planned?" Trixie asked.

Alice said she didn't and came in, closing the door behind her. She moved over next to the bathroom door and started talking to Trixie from there.

"Alice, I can't hear you out when you're out there. Come in, gee we're both women you know!" Trixie exclaimed.

Alice took a deep breath and went inside the bathroom. Trixie was back in the tub, which was filled with bubbles, and smiled at seeing she had come in. Alice couldn't get over how nice their bathroom was compared to her shabby one, which looked like a throwback from the civil war era.

"It was so hot I couldn't stand it anymore Alice. You look hot yourself, and this tub is plenty big for both of us if you want to join me. It's so cool and refreshing" Trixie said provocatively.

Alice managed to stutter a thanks, but no thanks answer while turning a beet red. That water did look cool and refreshing and why exactly DID she come up here for anyway? Trixie just gave her a perfect chance and she screwed it up!

"Okay Alice, but would you be a dear and wash my back for me?" Trixie asked.

Alice knelt beside Trixie with a wash cloth and slowly rubbed Trixie's back. Trixie sighed deeply and held her hair up off her shoulders to keep it out of Alice's way. Alice scrubbed Trixie's soft shoulders and back for way longer than was necessary because it felt so good to feel Trixie, even through the cloth. Several times Alice tried to peek around to see what Trixie looked like up front but the bubbles blocked the view.

"Alice, when we were in bed last night we could have sworn we heard something that sounded like a cow mooing? Did you hear that too?"

Alice had heard it alright. "Yeah, that was after Ralph got done pounding my rear. That's the noise he makes when he finishes. I heard noises coming from your up way last night too."

Trixie suddenly stood up, her back still toward Alice. Alice cupped water in her hand and poured it on the bubbles that clung to Trixie's back and legs. Trixie had very shapely legs, Alice thought, and her bottom was firm looking and creamy white, making Alice wonder what Ralph would do to those little buns.

Trixie stepped out of the tub with a towel and, while still turned away from Alice, asked her if she would mind drying her back.

Alice was so nervous, she hoped that Trixie wouldn't feel her hands shaking as she dried Trixie's back.

"You know Alice, when you came up yesterday afternoon, I could have sworn that you were staring at me, staring at my breasts to be precise" Trixie commented.

"Well, no. Er , I you know I was just daydreaming and I... er... you know I'm sorry if it seemed like..."

Trixie abruptly swiveled around to face Alice. The towel flew out of Alice's hand and into the tub while Trixie grabbed Alice by the wrists firmly.

"Don't apologize Alice, because I wanted you to look. I loved watching you look at me, why did you think my nipples were so hard? Open your eyes and take a better look now" Trixie said softly.

Alice raised her head and looked at Trixie, who was dripping wet and naked. Trixie took Alice's hands and placed them on her breasts, squeezing them toward her.

Alice was amazed at their firmness, feeling Trixie's nipples become erect in her hands. Alice kneaded the fleshy globes on her own now, as Trixie let go of Alice's wrists and began to unbutton Alice's dress.

"Oh that's nice Alice, so nice. You don't know how long I've waited for this moment. That's it squeeze the nipples, oh yes like that, oooh they're so sensitive" Trixie said breathlessly, as she pulled Alice's dress down off of her shoulders and unhooked her bra. Alice's pert breasts bounced out of their harness, free for only a brief second before Trixie's hands cupped them in her hands.

"Oh these are real beauties Alice" Trixie said before diving down on them, sucking on the puffy crimson nipples. "Come, let's go to the bedroom dear" while taking her by the hand.

"I...I... don't know what to do Trixie. I've never done this before" Alice said, her voice quivering.

"I'm not sure either, but I know what I like and you know what you like so let's go from there. Right now I'm dying to see if the hair between your legs is as red as the hair on your head" Trixie said while pushing Alice back on the bed.

In no time Trixie had Alice's panties down to her ankles and had buried her face deep into the thick red jungle that guarded Alice's womanhood. Alice tasted delicious as Trixie probed inside a woman for only the second time in her life. She had been seduced by her roommate back when she was nineteen, but it was nothing like this. Trixie heard Alice moan and felt her begin to squirm under her while thrashing and clawing at the sheets, until she cried out with raw animal passion.

When Alice had calmed, Trixie rotated around and slowly lowered herself so that her light brown triangle was above Alice's face. Trixie was going to lower herself the rest of the way, but Alice beat her to it, grabbing Trixie by the buttocks and pulling her down to her face. Alice was a quick learner, Trixie discovered to her immense pleasure, as she felt Alice's tongue quickly find the target. This afternoon was still young.