Almost Pt. 01

There are times I wish I were a child again. That place where blind innocence and unconditional trust of family and friends was the norm. No troubling thoughts or confusion of the mind. A beautiful state of ignorant bliss. But with that great desire to be a grown up and do all the things adults do, we run in haste to discard our childhood tranquility. And with it...life in the magic kingdom can throw some serious punches that hurt like hell. The untimely or timely death of a family members or friends. Serious illnesses of people we care about. Financial hardships and all the rest. But the worst pain that almost complete destroyed me was delivered by a young woman I fell in love with. Yeah, go figure.

I suppose introductions are in order. My name is Alexander Daniel Hamilton. Dan to my friends. I am 23 year old white male, 5'10", 175 lb., brown hair, blue eyes, fit, and some say I look a bit like Jake Gyllenhaal. Anyway, I get that a lot from people I meet.

The family background on both sides is English, Irish, Scottish, German, and Dutch. Another American Heinz 57 success story. The folks are decent, good, kind people who brought up my sister and me to respect and not to judge others on color of their skin, religion, or appearances. And while we didn't have a lot growing up, we had it better than others.

My mother was always willing to demonstrate for my sister and me examples of compassion. When passing a homeless person on the sidewalk, Mom would always drop a coin with a smile on her face. She would follow up after walking a bit by giving my sister and me a serious look but smile saying, "We have no idea what happened to that person that they ended up living on the streets. Only God knows that. Terrible things can happen to a person that damages and changes them inside so much they are not the same. It's not always easy but try to look for the good in people." I was a kid and really didn't understand how something could happen to someone to hurt them inside so badly, but it sure seemed pretty scary. But that's mom, forever looking for the good and not the bad in people.

My Dad was always the guy willing to lend a helping hand to anyone. I saw with my own eyes my Dad buy a pair of shoes for a kid of less fortunate family down the street hit with hard times. He brought them home scuffed them a bit and gave them to the boy telling him they were old shoes my mine and we were just going to throw them away. He even made of show of throwing in the outdoor trash can. He was always looking to do something good for someone. Another thing he would do is shovel the snow for the next door neighbor old Mrs. Wright during the winter. The old man's running joke was because it was the "right" thing to do.

Those are the just a couple of examples of life lessons given by Mom and Dad. It's like they were trying to fix the world with what little they had. We all went to church together growing up but we were not really a religious family, just regular folks with good hearts. That's how I grew up thinking the world worked.

My sister Deb is 3 years older and we fought like normal kids do growing up. But we love and confide in each other as only siblings do. Deb is now finishing her Doctorate in Phycology and wants to go into marriage counseling. She has a lot of mom and dad in her as she enjoys helping others so her occupation of choice is natural and fitting. She's a terrific person with so much love to give. She's been too busy with school and pursuing her dream that she hasn't found her other half yet. I worry about her sometimes. If anyone did something to hurt her I would kill them. Ok, that sounds a bit over the top but you catch my drift. I like to think I would badass anyway.

The years flew by and when it was time to go to University, I decided on one couple hours away from home. I didn't want to live on campus and was looking to find someone share an apartment with. While signing up for an elective class, "Movie Criticism" I hit the lottery when I met Brian. It's always a bit of luck finding a good roommate but I hit gold with Brian. How so? We were we shared 2 main qualities. (1) We totally respect each other's personal space and property (2) We're both financially responsible and lived within a budget.

Brian is taller (6'4"), bigger, outweighs me by 35 or 40 pounds, good looking and confident. He is also has a black belt in some martial art. He is outgoing, jokes all the time, and is pretty casual about everything. Basically a genuine good guy who hides it behind a very dry and coarse sense of humor reserved for close friends. He treats me like I was someone's younger brother who didn't know better.

It was through Brian I met his girlfriend Cheryl. She was not only pretty hot but genuinely a sincere, honest, sweet and kind person. You can't fake those qualities very long if that's not who you are... and really...what more can a guy hope for? You could see they were both totally devoted to each other. If you see them together you can almost feel the love. It's a beautiful thing to behold... and I'm happy for both of them... But...

Truth be told, I'm a bit envious of their relationship. They are so good together. They're both young, good looking, and fit perfectly together. Story book romance stuff but in reality. Sometimes when we all hang out together, I just observe them interacting. The way they looked at each other. It's nice. Wholesome. Good. And occasionally this brings to the surface my buried feelings of loneliness. I realize I am missing an important part of life. I had a couple girlfriends in high school but nothing serious. And University? Forget it. I'm majoring in software design and it's a tough. Good grades do not come easy for me. After studying all day and working a part-time job, stick me with a fork, I'm done. I don't have the energy to put my best self out there. Besides I have no game when it came to meeting woman. Add all that together and you get the picture. Loser. I sure did. As Beck sang, "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me...double barrel buckshot".

As the old saying goes, if life gives you lemons, make sure you have a bottle of Vodka handy. So that's how I handled Friday and Saturday nights on the weekends. Brian would be getting ready for a night on the town with his honey ...and I...would be getting ready for hammer time. My favorite hammer was a shot of vodka followed by a beer. I sat on the couch in my shorts and a t-shirt channel surfing while numbing myself with alcohol. By the time Brian was heading out the door I had already had a couple shots and chasers. While heading out for the night, Brian would shoot some parting dumb ass wise guy thing like, "I know you're alone tonight so I left a box of tissues and some lotion on the bathroom counter. Feel free to use them. " That was my bud. Fucker.

This was our weekly routine for the next 10 or 11 months. Brian would head out and I would stay home and get smashed. I became quite the expert in alcohol abuse. Then one Friday evening as he was getting ready to walk out the door Brian looked at me dead serious and ask, "Dan, don't be offended or get mad at me for asking, ...but are you gay?"

I thought Brian was just messing with my head before going out but then again he had a look of sympathy or pity or something in his eyes. After a few moments of silence I realized he was asking a serious question.

"WTF man! Not no... but hell no! Jesus Brian, where this coming from?"

Brian put his hands up and laughed, "Hey bro, I don't care one way or another but Cheryl keeps asking me about you and who you're dating. You know me... I don't pry into another guy's personal life unless he brings it up. But since we've be living together you've never mentioned any significant other. So I told her you might be gay and I'd ask if you were. "

Now I want to make this absolutely clear, I am NOT homophobic and I believe in live and let live, but asking me if I am gay? Jesus H Christ! Friday nights alone sucked enough. At that moment I don't know what I felt more of, pissed off or bummed out. Not really at Brian for asking me if I was gay. I still couldn't tell if he was screwing with my head or what. I was out of sorts because I know I'm not a ladies man, but was I coming across to people as gay? Fuck me!

"Dude! Do you really think I'm gay???? Damn man that's insulting. Do I act gay? Am I throwing off some fucking gay vibe to give you that impression??? Fuck man, between my classes and the shitty part-time job I have, I don't have time or energy to meet a girl!"

Pausing for a moment to think of something to say, "Anyway, fuck me man, it's not in my cards right now. Shit! So yeah, but no I am NOT gay

Brian was having a good laugh now. I poured myself another shot, held it up in one hand and said, "Cheers to you Brian! Now get your pussy...assed ...whipped... self over to Cheryl's and piss off! I have serious drinking to do all by myself."

Looking at the floor for a moment while rubbing the back of his neck Brian looked up and said, "Dan, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just put it out there. Cheryl has got this thing about matching up single woman with single men. I don't know if it's hobby for her or she's on a mission from God. Whatever. And there is some bad news, good news stuff. Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is that once she gets in this mode, once you're in her sights, she's like a woman possessed."

In a much more upbeat voice, "The good news is, you're a good guy Dan. I hear what you're saying about school and work. You may get lucky. Anyway, she has it in her head she is going to start playing matchmaker for you and there is nothing I can do to stop her. In other words, don't hold this against me. OK?"

I looked at Brian, shook my head and laughed. "Well...you could tell Cheryl I'm gay and she'd drop the whole thing. OK?"

"Not hardly, she would find just find some gay guy for you to bend over for."

"Brian... you fucking cocksucker..."

"Dan, this is not about me and my life choices, it's about yours. So what do I tell Cheryl? Women? Men? Maybe a cross dresser so you can experience the best to both worlds?"

"Brian...you really need your own comedy show. Jesus man, your killing me here. Tell Cheryl I'm interested in only women. And not fat ones!"

Brian smirked, "Don't get your panties in bunch Danny boy, I'll pass along your request. No guarantees though. You know, you get what you pay for." With that, out walked that dick I call my roommate.

The following week Cheryl came over. Usually I would head out or go to my room because...well...three's a crowd right? But when I started to leave Cheryl asked me to stay and hang out with them for the evening. That was weird. I looked at Brian standing behind her in the kitchen for some kind of sign on what to do. Leaning against the counter he looked like he wanted to laugh but just smiled and rolled his eyes. Cheryl saw me looking at Brian and turned around to face him. He became all serious, "Yeah, we can all hang out tonight, order in a pizza, and watch a movie or something. Sound like a plan? " Cheryl turned back to me, "Hey that sounds like fun. What do you think Dan, would that be ok?"

I grinned at Brian. Smartass wasn't so smartass around Cheryl. She had just looked at him and he folded. The end. Pussy. Seriously, Brian could kick my ass up and down the street any day of the week, but to see him bend for his honey...priceless.

"Yeah, that er ...sounds like a good time...", and walked over to the closet to hang my jacket. Brian got on his cell, ordered the pizza while Cheryl pretty straight up explained to me she had some girlfriends interested in going out with me. I decided to just go with the flow and we all ended up sitting on the couch watching Netflix with Cheryl in the middle.

Cheryl started casually "interrogating" me to find out what my interest are so she could find the right "fit". In all honesty, I was quite grateful for her poking around trying to find me a date. Cheryl was really an attractive looking woman. Out of my league, but I did the math anyway. I figured good looking women are usually friends with other good looking women.

Cheryl in a cheerful upbeat manner turned to me, "Dan I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend already. You're intelligent, nice, funny, and did anyone ever say you look like Jake Gyllenhaal? Brian, don't you think he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal?"

Brian turn from the TV, looked my way to consider this a moment before turning back and dryly said, "Yeah...I can see it. If Jake Gyllenhaal were gay. You may be wasting your time Chery."

Cheryl turned to Brian and punched him in the arm. "BRIAN! Be nice! What's a matter with you?!! Jesus! I'm trying to do something good here! " Then she hit him again and turn to me with a composed smiled, "Never mind Brian, he suffers from Tourette's syndrome occasionally."

Brian didn't flinch. He faced me from behind Cheryl's, made his hand into a gun and pointed it at his head pretending to shoot himself. Cheryl seeing me look over her shoulder, turned to look at what Brian was doing but before she could speak he turned to her and sincerely said, "I'm sorry Cheryl. I know you like helping others with this matchmaking thing and Dan...well... really does need all the help he can get."

Cheryl squinted her eyes closely examining his face to see if he was serious. Brian was wearing his poker face of innocence, but I knew he was still fucking around. It is who he is. Like the mobster said before whacking his friend, "Personally Tony, I like you, but it's just business, nothing personal." Then Bang... Bang... two shots to the back of the head. That was my relationship with Brian. Nothing personal, jerking my chain was just guy stuff.

Cheryl turned to me again and rolled her eyes gathering her thoughts, "Dan, Brian and I are going out this Friday and I think I know someone you would enjoy meeting. But before I ask her, I need you to commit. Would you be free Friday evening?"

I looked over at Brian. He was leaning back in the couch now with his eyes closed pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. I could see this conversation was starting to grind on him and just too weird for him to be a part of.

"Well can I ask you a bit about her?"

Cheryl smiling looked at me with the expression of a teacher explaining a simple concept to a student, "Oh Dan... that's the whole point of a blind date. It's the surprise of meeting someone you know nothing about."

"I'm not really good with surprises. Is she fat?"

With that Brian got up to leave. Cheryl turned, "Where you going honey?"

"I'm going to the bathroom to throw up...you guys carry on."

Turning back with a cheerful smile Cheryl leaned forward and touch my hand, "Anyway... Dan..., I don't give any details to either the guy or the girl about the other, but please trust me you're going to be really pleasantly surprised. And she's isn't fat...ok?"

Cheryl is honestly a very sweet, caring person and I know she believed what she was saying. But I was having reservations about going on this blind date. I already mentioned I have no game but there's more...

Ok... damn... this is embarrassing, but at 23... I have yet to have a sexual relationship. In my defense I have watched a lot of porn and truly believed I know what to do... IF...I could get my hands on a naked woman. The issue was getting a naked one in my bed. People would say, "Just be yourself Dan and you'll meet her." But I'm pretty sure there is more to it than that because that wasn't working. I kept that bit of information to myself because I was too ashamed to admit it to anyone. And it ate away at my self-confidence. In my mind, whoever I met would have lots more of experience with everything. I was positive she would know it once we were intimate and she would be disappointed. Then she would tell her friends that I was terrible in the sack and then everyone would know.

Cheryl was still holding the sympathetic enquiring face of a patient teacher waiting for my answer. At the moment of truth I was about to say forget the whole thing when Brian walked in. "Jesus aren't you two finished yet? Cheryl, here's the deal. I'll bring Dan on Friday to the pub early at 6:00, you bring your friend, and we'll meet up and take it from there. The end. Now where is that pizza I ordered? Aren't you guys' hungry yet because I'm starving?" And well...that settle that.

The week flew by. I was getting pretty pumped up and when Friday afternoon came I started getting ready. I asked Brian what he was going to wear.

"Why Dan, did you want to wear matching outfits or something?"

"Come on man, cut me some slack. It's been a while since I've been on a real date and I just want to make a good first impression."

"Dan, Dan, Dan...you're going to fuck this up anyway so relax."

" Fine, screw it. I'm not going...I knew this was a mistake from the start. It's still plenty early. Call Cheryl and cancel for me."

Brian raised one eyebrow as he walked over and gently putting his hand my shoulder, "First, that's not going to happen. I'm not calling to cancel and neither are you. Cheryl would chew my head off if you didn't show up. Second, will you relax some? Whoever she is, she's just a woman. Third, what do you think? You're getting laid tonight? Straight up, that's not going to happen. Fourth and most important, get pair balls and man up. She's probably is as nervous as you are."

"Fine... Casual good? Jeans and a sports coat fine?"

"Yes... Dan... jeans and sports coat are fine. Do you want some help picking out your clothes?"

"Well...if you wouldn't m..."

"Get the fuck out and dress yourself already! Jeans and sports coat are fine! Sheesh!"

The pub was only a 10 minute walk away but Brian wanted to drive his car. Fine with me. I was sweating enough already. We walked in, found a booth and sat opposite of each other. We order a couple of beers while waiting for the girls. When the waitress left, Brian leaned over the table and said, "Dan take it easy man... I know it's been a while since you've been on a date, but we'll have our beers, the girls while be here in a bit and we'll all have a nice evening. Ok?"

"Brian...I'm not like you. You always seem to know what to say or do. Anyway, everyone can see you and Cheryl are really great together. You get each other. I'm not sure there is a women out there who will get me."

Brian leaned back and studied me for a moment. "Dan let's get something clear. I don't mean this in any homo way, but you're a nice looking guy. I have actually heard some of Cheryl's friends commit on that Jake Gyllenhaal look you have going. I don't get it but they think you're a "good looking" guy. No accounting for taste though. Another thing, we've been roommates for almost a year and during that time, Cheryl and I have gotten to know you pretty well. We both agree you're a stand-up guy... a bit naïve at times but no crime in that." Then pausing to reflect a second, "Dan you've always been solid with me and I trust you around Cheryl completely. And Cheryl's an excellent judge of character. She has to know a guy is a trustworthy individual who respects others before she would even consider introducing her friends them. That's the only reason this is happening tonight. So be yourself." Looking around added, "Where's that waitress already? Is she brewing that beer in that back herself?"

This situation would be laughable if it was happening to someone else. As calm as I appeared, my stomach was doing flip-flops. I hope whoever she was would like me. Man I sound like a wimp. When the beer came I wish that I had ordered something stronger. I took a big draw and ordered another before the waitress left. When she did Brian looked at me, then in the direction of the door behind me, smiled and under his breath said, "Dan the man... its show time."