Angela Pt. 02

"Hey, Angie, I haven't eaten yet, and I guess you didn't either. Wanna go ahead and get something? I mean, the cafeteria is right here, or maybe we could go out someplace nicer?" I guess that's the thing to do when a girl tells you that she doesn't hate you, to ask her out, even if it is just for lunch.

"I could eat," she answered, though still kind of hesitantly.

"Cafeteria food, or maybe you'd like Joe B's?"

"Simon, you're pushing. The cafeteria is fine."

With that, we walked into the cafeteria, and if it wasn't exactly the greatest place for lunch, it still wasn't bad. It was still early enough that they were serving breakfast - why on earth didn't I think that Joe B's wasn't even open yet? - and the food was, well, ordinary. Still, it meant that I got to spend time with Angela, and if it was mostly small talk, at least I was getting to know more about her. Turned out she was a bio major, hoping to get into veterinary school, and apparently, it's harder to get into vet school than med school. What I was finding out was that she was smart, a lot smarter than average, and smarter than me.

Not that I thought I was stupid, or anything, maybe on the brighter side of average, but still average.

I did keep looking around, to see if Eric was there, since he already knew about me and Angie, or Heidi, her roommate, who certainly knew, and thought I was an asshole.

I really wanted to spend the day with Angela, spend the whole day, but the 'you're pushing' line she gave me was holding me back. Breakfast would be over for us in just a minute or so, and that (probably) meant that she'd head back up to her room, and I was sure that she wasn't going to invite me up with her. She was with me, now, but it was at least half reluctantly. I mean, she knew that she had to talk to me, but she was feeling wracked with guilt for having cheated on her hometown boyfriend, the guy she had been saving herself for.

And I had to wonder about him. She had said that they both wanted to have their first time on their wedding night, and while I had no real idea how girls felt about that, most guys wanted to get laid as soon, and as often, as possible. Hell, I had been horny since, well at least 13, if not earlier. I'd grown up with other guys talking about the sex we were (not) getting, how we'd amaze all the girls with how magnificent we were in bed, you know, all of the teenaged fantasies that guys have.

Had I known at 13 that I wouldn't lose my virginity until I was 20, I'd probably have killed myself! At 13, I just knew I would while I was 14, at 14, I assumed that, man, I was entering high school, surely I'd get laid by the end of my freshman year.

Well, sophomore year.

But, of course, those years passed, as did my junior year, and senior year, and freshman and sophomore years in college. I thought that I was going to die a virgin!

Yeah, I'm incredibly average, and I don't know, maybe I had just been trying too hard, probably looking a lot more desperate than desirable, and if I wasn't exactly shunned by girls or anything, I had been very solidly locked in the friend zone whenever I did get to know them.

It was so unfair, I thought, knowing that all (?) of the other guys in high school were getting laid. Heck, even some of the ultimate nerds had girlfriends. There was even a guy who acted like the ray gun geeks from Sixteen Candles who managed to score a girlfriend, somehow, though she was a nerd girl herself.

And then it just happened! I wasn't really trying, and Angie and I were just kind of thrown together at the Farmhouse fraternity party, and somehow, even though she had a boyfriend, we wound up making love in my dorm room. I guess it must've been the beer.

There had been a silence for the past couple of minutes, and Angie's plate was empty. I had to say something. "You know, your roommate gave me your cell number, because I was pleading with her to let me talk to you." I thought, just as soon as I said it, that might not have been the best way to put it; it might just piss her off. "I'll call your cell now, so that you'll get my number locked in."

"Oh, OK." Oh, man, that was about as deadpan a way to answer me as she could give without just telling me to erase her number. I'd lost my virginity to this girl, but now I was about to lose her completely.

"Listen, Simon, I think I'm going to go back home next weekend. I really have to see Stevie."

How the heck do I handle that? "Are you going to tell him about us?"

"Simon, there is no 'us,' there's just my one huge, terrible mistake. I love Steve!"

This wasn't the first time she had said this to me, and it was crushing, but, for the first time in my life, I had a girl to fight for, and even though I was scared shitless, I was going to fight for her. "Angela, it wasn't a mistake, it was the most wonderful moment in my life. I'm just tremendously in love with you, and I want to be with you, I want there to be an 'us.'"

"Oh, Hell, don't be stupid! We fucked, you busted my cherry, OK, and now you think you're in love, but you don't know me, we don't know each other. Everybody gets stupid about the first person they sleep with, and you don't have any idea what you really know or want or feel. Steve and I have known each other our whole lives, we've been in love with each other for years, we were just meant to be together. That's all there is to it."

"If everybody gets stupid about the first person they sleep with, does that mean you've gotten stupid about me?" I was desperate.

I'd also caught her off guard. It took her a second before she answered. "Yes, I've gotten stupid about you. I should hate you, I want to hate you, I screamed at you that I hate you, but I don't, I can't."

It was the boldest (sober) move of my life, as I took her hands in mine. "I messed up your life, and you want to hate me, but you can't. Angela, that means we have a chance. Please, let's take that chance."

Her eyes, those gorgeous hazel eyes, watered up a bit, but not quite enough to be actual crying. "I can't, Simon, I just can't." And with that, she got up, taking her tray to the disposal line. She stood before I did, and walked away, in a clear act of dismissal, but then I saw it, just one tear making its way down her left cheek, as she turned away.

oo0oo

I had let her walk away, not that I had any choice. I had been right on the edge of what some people would call sexual harassment, pushing myself on a woman who wished that I'd just go away, who wished that we'd never met. But I was not going to give up, I couldn't give up, though I had no idea how to proceed.

Still, at the moment, there was nothing to do but head up to my dorm room. Eric was still there.

"So, dude, how'd things go with Angie? You make up to her?"

I plopped down on my bunk, just looking at my roommate, not sure if he was the guy I wanted to talk to about my love life, but, then again, he was the only one available.

"I guess so, but it's pretty fucked up. She's got a boyfriend back home, and apparently they were 'saving themselves,'" I put my fingers up in air quotes, "for their wedding night. She thinks she ruined everything, and maybe she did, but at least she said that she doesn't hate me."

"Wow, she doesn't hate you, that's one heck of a thing to say."

"Well, it's better than when she screamed that she did hate me, when she took off out of the room this morning. At least I don't think she's going to say I forced her. But she's going back home this coming weekend, to be with her boyfriend."

"She gonna tell him?"

"Shit, I don't know, I don't think she knows. She's feeling really guilty about it, and I don't now how badly that's going to eat her up when she sees him, and if she can hide it. She was a gymnast in high school, so she's got all of the excuse she needs for not having a hymen, you know, so she really could keep it from him if she tried. Thing is, she tries to be all self-controlled, but doesn't do that all that well, kind of wears her emotions on her sleeve at times. If she doesn't tell him, eventually he's going to figure out that something's different, unless he's just clueless.

"Of course, there's another thing. Heidi told me that she wasn't on the pill and we didn't use anything last night, so she could have gotten pregnant. Heidi suggested that maybe she was heading to Student Health to get a 'morning after' pill, but she didn't do that, at least not yet. I don't know how long she has to take one before it won't work."

"OK, let me Google it on my phone." After a minute or so, Eric told me, "Looks like she's got maybe five days to get one, if that what she wants to do."

"Really? That long? I figured it'd only be a day or so."

"That's what it says, though maybe it's not as effective the longer she waits. You gonna 'remind' her of that?"

"Oh, not just no, but Hell no! I mean, I don't want her to be pregnant or anything, but pushing that on her would make me seem callous. Thing is, I really, really like her." I didn't want to tell Eric I was in love with her, 'cause that would sound too sappy, especially since he knows that she's my first.

"Dude, that's just nuts. Yeah, she's the first girl you fucked, so what? There are a lot more fish in the sea, and now that you've gotten that first piece of pussy out of the way, you'll start getting a lot luckier, a lot more often. Hell, there are 15,000 girls at UK, and most of them are cute, and down to fuck."

You know, that's kind of how I thought things would be when I first started college, and kept wondering why I couldn't score. But now, having made love with Angela, my whole perspective has changed. Yeah, maybe there are thousands of cute coeds around here, but I just know I'll be happiest with just Angie. In a way, the way Eric put it kind of pissed me off, but I didn't say anything about that.

Still, I was going nuts trying to figure out what to do. Angie made it clear that she didn't want me getting too pushy, so I had to give her some space. Yeah, she was going to go back home next weekend, to see her boyfriend, but that still left me six days to spend more time with her before she left.

Of course, if I leave her alone for the rest of the day, that means I'm passing up Saturday night, date night if that means anything anymore. So much of things now are just hook up culture, with guys and girls hanging out, and pairing off, but I didn't have any more experience with that than I did actual dating.

I guess that maybe I'm overthinking stuff again, but I decided that I'd head down for the cafeteria for supper at six, which seemed like about the time most students eat, and try to get a table close enough to the serving line that I'd see Angela, and she'd see me, if she came through. Of course, that doesn't mean she'd sit with me . . . .

Well, dinner came and went, and I didn't see Angie at all. I was hoping that if I didn't see her, maybe Heidi would show up, and I could ask her what was going on with Angie, but I didn't spot her, either.

Around 7:30, Jake called me. "Yo, dude, we're having another party at the house tonight, if you want to come. I heard that you got lucky after last night's party. You ought to come on over, and try your luck again."

"Jake, I know we're friends, but you do realize I'm not rushing a frat, right? Kind of poor manners to show up and drink y'all's beer if I'm not rushing."

"Shit, don't worry about that, man, you're my friend, and I can get that by. Besides, everyone's proud of you for scoring last night."

I wondered what that meant, but I didn't ask. Yeah, I took Angie home last night, but how the heck did the frat know that I 'scored?' "Nahhh, Jake, I think that I'll just stay in tonight. But listen, do me a favor, if you do see Angie there, call me!"

"Sure thing, bro. See ya!"

oo0oo

I tried studying last night, after Eric went out, and got absolutely nothing accomplished. Jake never called me, so I guess that means Angela didn't show up at the party.

All I could think about was Angie, and I tossed and turned for hours before finally falling asleep, I guess thanks to just plain exhaustion. And when I awoke this morning, yup, there she was, Angie front and center in my mind. I decided that, fuck it, maybe she didn't want me to be pushy, but if I did absolutely nothing, there was no way I was going to win her as my girlfriend. When she wasn't in the cafeteria for breakfast, I decided that I'd call her, at 11:30, and ask her to go out to lunch with me.

The call went to voice mail.

Was she really not by her phone, or was she deliberately ignoring me? A lot of times, I just hang up at that point, but figured that I had to leave a message or seem rude.

Hey, Angie, it's me, Simon. I'd like to take you out to lunch or dinner today, maybe Joe B's, if you like Italian, or someplace else if you'd prefer. Call me! Bye now!

I had tried to sound upbeat and chipper, but really, my mood was kind of black at this point. I couldn't shake the idea that I was being deliberately ignored. I thought about just going upstairs and knocking on her door, but decided against it.

Thing is, I realized that I had sandbagged myself. By telling Angie to 'call me' in the phone message, I kind of foreclosed me calling her back. That would be pushy. But what the heck was I going to do if she didn't call me back? That would mean just giving up, leaving her to her down home boyfriend.

Well, Hell, nothing to do except try to knock out some homework. But opening my books and laptop, I was about 4% mentally engaged, getting really nothing done. I was going from a down mood to starting to feel sorry for myself, and that wasn't good.

So, what did I have? I'd finally lost my virginity, something I'd been wanting to do since junior high, and not only did I manage that, but it seemed like I'd done a bang-up job in pleasing a girl in bed, even if the aftermath of it was awful. If Angela decided to just avoid me, to keep her relationship with her boyfriend, there wasn't much I could do about that. I was here, in the same dorm with her, while he was in Owensboro. I thought that he was a hundred miles away, but when I Googled it, I saw he was closer to 200 miles away; that was even better. It also meant a longer round trip for Angie to get home and back, which meant she had less time to spend with him.

Not that it mattered: if she chose him over me, well, like Eric said, there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Maybe now that I had burned my V card, I'd have more confidence, and more luck with other girls. Too bad that wasn't what I really wanted.

It was 2:00 in the afternoon, and Angie still hadn't called me back. Lunch was obviously out, leaving only dinner. My feeling sorry for myself meter rose higher. What the Hell, might as well knock out my laundry. And there, as I stripped my bed, staring me dead in the eye, were the blood stains on my white cotton sheets. I had no idea how much there should have been, but really, it was just a few spots, each about the size of a quarter; I hadn't really even paid attention to them when I went to bed last night. I actually got stupid and Googled it, how much blood does a woman show for this, because I'm stupid and nerdy and just fucking obsessed. This was fairly normal, apparently. Then my stupid ego got in the way, and I started feeling inordinately proud of myself, for doing what just about every other guy does in his life. Yeah, I was the man!

Right. Maybe I hadn't realized it to begin with, but I guess that I had ruined things for Angela and her boyfriend. Sure, she had wanted it as much as I had, but she was drunk. A month away from her boyfriend, and if she was a virgin, they might still have been doing stuff to keep down each other's horniness, and that meant she had been a month away from that. Whatever, at any rate, I'd caught her when she was vulnerable, and yeah, I guess that I'd ruined things for her.

Still, if I had known everything before Friday night, would I have stopped before making love with her? Probably not, because I was horny and selfish. She had told me that she had a down home boyfriend, told me that before we ever left the party, and I still didn't try to respect that. Maybe I was the asshole that Heidi said I was.

But still, after all of the crying, Angie said that no, she didn't really hate me. Thank God, that was something.

And then my cell phone rang!

I grabbed for it so fast that I knocked it on the floor, but that didn't stop it: the call was still coming through, and it was Angie!

"Hi, Angie, glad you called me."

"Yeah, I guess that we do have to talk. But listen, I go to the fitness center around four, so if you want to join me, let's do that, and then we can eat, if that's OK with you. How about just the cafeteria? If you're in your room, I'll come down right at four, OK?"

"Sure, I'm right here, it'll be great to see you." Then I got stupid pushy again, and added, "I love you, Angie."

"Let's just calm down about that, OK? See you at four."

oo0oo

Time had dragged about as slowly as it could. Angie wanted to see me again, but she'd definitely put a damper on any romantic stuff, and I really didn't have any idea how this was going to go. Naturally, I overthought everything, trying to find the right gym clothes, since I didn't actually go to the gym here.

Then, just a couple minutes to four, Angie knocked on the door. I'd overthought this one, too, yelling, "Coming," as I waited four seconds before opening the door I could have opened the second she knocked. Yeah, I was being stupid; no wonder I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20!

Oh, man, she looked good. She was already dressed for the gym, in a sports bra with an artfully ragged sleeveless T over it, and some black yoga pants. Her gymnasts' bod was on display, in all its glory.

I didn't confess that I had no idea where the fitness center was, just following her lead. Trouble was, this was definitely a challenge: she was in awesome shape, and I guess had been for years and years, if she did gymnastics throughout high school. Me? I wasn't a total couch potato, but I had fifteen pounds that I'd happily donate to a starving kid in North Korea, and I was only averagely athletic. I hadn't been on any teams in high school, and I hadn't lifted.

Oh, shit! What if her boyfriend back home had been a jock? Was I competing with someone way more than my match in the gym, without even knowing it?

I was just fucking doomed.

We got to the fitness center, and Angie began a series of warm up stretches, and I just copied her. She laughed at me, "You have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

What could I do, other than tell the truth, since the truth would be obvious enough. "None at all. I haven't been in a gym since sophomore phys ed classes." Yeah, I was fucking doomed.

Angie gave me a total up-and-down appraisal, and I was afraid that that was it, my chances with this woman were totally gone. "OK," she said, "looks like you've got about twenty-five pounds of useless flab we've got to get rid of, and a lot of muscle to tone up and get hard."

Twenty-five pounds? I'd figured fifteen, but still, whatever the number, I wasn't just being dismissed out of hand.

"Let's get you over to the weights, and start there. She led me over to the bench press, which I was dreading, and said, "Let me show you the proper form." With just an empty bar - but one she said weighed 45 lb - Angie demonstrated proper form, pointing out the right way to do things. After a brief lesson, it became my turn. "Empty bar to start, and do twelve reps."

Well, that wasn't bad at all, so then she added ten pounds to each side, to get the weight to 65 lb. She was clearly testing me! By the time we were done, she had me up to 75 lb. I could have lifted more, I thought, but not get a twelve-rep set out of them.