Angela Pt. 04

Friday, September 30, 2016 (3:30 PM)

Of course, I knew all along that Angie was planning on spending time with her down-home boyfriend this weekend, but it still hurt to have her say it again. I guess that, somewhere in the back of my mind, her just flat out fucking me, on her own initiative, had changed that, but not getting emotional about it said that no, she'd see him.

And I was the one who had insisted that, whether she chose Steve or me, she couldn't have any 'unfinished business' with the other. And that bullshit she brought up, about having both a college boyfriend and a down-home boyfriend didn't sit well with me at all. Maybe other girls do have that kind of 'arrangement,' I don't know, but to me Angela is the love of my life, and I'm not going to be cuckolded by her having a boyfriend back in Owensboro.

Then again, hadn't I cucked him by making love with Angie, by taking her virginity? I hadn't known that she was a virgin, but she had told me that she had a boyfriend back home.

Dinner at Joe B's was not a great thing. Oh, the food was good enough, but the talk we needed to have was a downer. She liked me, maybe a lot, but she loved Steve. I had no idea how I'd get over that hump. And now it was Friday, the day her mom was supposed to pick her up, and I hadn't seen Angie since our dinner on Wednesday. She had told me that her mom would pick her up around 3:30, and like an idiot, I kept looking out my dorm room window to see if I could spot her. I didn't know: maybe this Steve fellow would show up as well, but Heidi had told me that he had a job, as an electrician's helper, so that didn't make much sense. It was partly cloudy outside, though it had gotten cooler, so there was plenty of light for me to spy on this.

I felt that it should be raining.

Was Angie going to tell Steve about me? I'd told her that she had to, that that was the only way not to have any unfinished business with me if she stuck with him. She had agreed that she had to tell him, but I could tell: she was really dreading that, and maybe she could get by with never letting him know. That, to me, was unacceptable, or at least if I was Steve, and had been with her for so many years, both waiting to lose their virginity on their wedding night, and then her having screwed around with another guy before that. I'd have flipped out about that.

What if she didn't tell him, and they got married? Would he be able to tell on their wedding night that it wasn't her first time? I mean, there's plenty of reason for her not to have a hymen, with all of those years of gymnastics, but now she's sexually experienced, at least a little bit, while he isn't. Will that somehow show?

And if she does tell him this weekend, and he still wants to be with her, surely there's no way he'd agree to her having a college and down-home boyfriend! Hell, I can't believe that she even brought that up.

I know one thing: if that's what she wants, I'm not going to go along with it! Yeah, I love that girl, but I'm not going to put up with that kind of crap. Sure, maybe some guys do put up with it, but they have to be the ones just looking for a piece of pussy, not guys actually in love with their girlfriends.

Damn, the same thoughts keep racing back and forth through my brain.

Hmmm. There's a car parked right out front, in the pick-up zone. That might be Angie's mom. And like a love-sick idiot, there I was, at my window, staring down at it, wondering what was happening.

I didn't have to wait too long: there was Angie, coming out of the building, with a woman who, from two stories up anyway, looked a lot like her. She had her laundry bags with her, and her lap-top, putting them in the trunk of what looked like a newer Buick, that kind of pearl white color that was popular a few years ago.

Shit! She caught me! Just as Angie was getting in the car, she looked straight at my dorm room window, and saw me watching. She smiled and waved at me, so I knew there was no way I wasn't busted.

6:45 PM

Jake called me: there was another party at the Farmhouse frat tonight, but rush was over, so it'd be no problem if my best friend invited me. I didn't have anything better to do, so why not. I was still kind of bummed out about Angela leaving for home, but what could I do about that? Nothing!

Well, what the Hell: maybe I'd be able to find another girl there, someone who could take my mind off of Angie. Trouble was, I didn't want anybody other than Angie. Of course, it'd be a shitty thing to do to have insisted that she tell Steve about me, and then me hook up with another girl while she was gone, messing up her relationship with both of her boyfriends.

Except I wasn't really her boyfriend, was I? Still, I was resolved: I wasn't going to cheat on Angela, no matter what.

I found Jake within about fifteen seconds of arriving, and he quickly pressed a beer into my hand. That laughable sign, "Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 4,000 BC," was still up, and just as depressing as before, but this time I knew, it didn't apply to me. I'd gotten about as lucky as a guy could get last Friday, and I wasn't going to ruin that by picking up some chick.

And then I saw it, on the Farmhouse 'Wall of Fame.' A picture, showing a few blood spots on a white sheet, and a caption underneath it, "Another virgin deflowered thanks to Farmhouse beer! 9/23/2016." Holy crap, that was a photo of my bed, and those were my sheets after last Friday night.

Fuck! Who took that picture, and who put that shit up there? I was about to raise Hell, when I spotted Heidi on the other side of the room. The 'award' didn't have my name on it, but it did have the date, and if Heidi saw it, she might put two and two together. If I raised Cain about it, that'd just confirm to her whose blood that was, but if I didn't say anything, maybe she wouldn't notice it.

Instead, I pulled Jake off to the side. "Man, how'd that get up there? That really needs to come down. What if Angie ever sees it? She'd kill me!"

"Dude, I think it's awesome that you got laid last Friday, that you took that girl's virginity. Why would you want that down?"

"You've got to be kidding me, Jake! Angie would freak out, and her roommate is across the room; if she sees it, and figures out that was from Angie and me, she'll spill the beans. I'm trying to stay with Angela, and this could really fuck things up for me. You've got to take it down. Hide that damned thing somewhere, will you?"

Jake slumped his shoulders, but agreed, and, checking to see if Heidi was watching, which she wasn't, he reached up and pulled the 'award' off the wall, saying that he'd stash it away someplace for me.

How the fuck did any of those guys think that 'award' was a good idea? Hell, Farmhouse was supposed to be an alcohol-free fraternity, but that seemed to go by the boards, too.

"You know, you're an asshole." That was Heidi, and I knew exactly what she meant.

"Heidi, I had nothing to do with that stupid picture being put up there. I didn't even know it existed until tonight."

"Yeah, right. How'd they get it, then?"

"Hell, I don't know. Maybe Eric took it, or Jake or one of his friends. I mean, Eric isn't in the frat, but he knows a couple of the guys here. But please, please! don't tell Angela about it. It's down now, anyway."

All I got was another look of disgust from Heidi, but I don't think she'll tell Angie about it. After all, she likes her roommate, and why would she want to embarrass her or hurt her feelings?

After that little exchange, I really wasn't in a partying mood. There were some definitely cute girls there, including a couple of really awesome redheads - and I've always had a weakness for gingers - girls I'd have wanted to pick up, if I ever had a chance, eight days ago, but now, all I could think about was Angela. I figured that it was about time to split, when this short brunette girl walked up to me and introduced herself. Her name was Mary, and she was all smiles and pretty, pouty lips, and she'd give a dead man a hard on. It occurred to me that, if Angie chose Steve, I'd have to think about another girlfriend, but I just couldn't do anything with Mary.

"Look, Mary, I've got a girlfriend, she'd just back home right now, OK? I've got to head out." She gave me a pouty look, before smiling, and as I glanced back at her when I walked out, I saw her talking with Heidi. Damn! Heidi put her up to that, to test me. That kind of pissed me off, but, fact is, I passed that test. Maybe that will get back to Angela!

Saturday, October 1, 2016

I supposed that with Angela being in Owensboro, I don't have to stick to my cafeteria 'schedule' anymore, so I didn't even get out of bed until 7:45. I wanted to ask Eric whether he was the one to took the photo of the sheets, but decided against it: he was going to be my roommate for the next eight months, and the last thing I needed was a big blow-up with him now. He might not have taken the picture, but he was the only one, other than Heidi, who knew about last Friday being the end of virginity day.

Then again, the way Angie screamed at me last Saturday morning, maybe it was overheard by others.

At any rate, I decided to just get some OJ, and head to the gym. I've just got to shape up, if I'm going to have any chance with Angela, but Hell, she's probably already seen Steve this weekend, and my chances with her might have gone by the wayside. I won't even know anything until at least Sunday evening, if not Monday morning.

Weekends are normally too short, but I have a feeling that this is going to be the longest one in my life.

Monday, October 3, 2016

I had been hoping to hear from Angela last night, but I don't know what time she got back. I tossed and turned and got maybe an hour's sleep, and laying in the bed wasn't helping matters. I figured that I'd stick to my 7:00 breakfast schedule, hoping that Angie would meet me; we just had to talk.

And, I got lucky: she was already there, waiting for me to get into the serving line. I know that I broke out into a huge smile when I saw here, but her response was much more of a wistful than a big smile. I was dreading this!

Shit! My appetite was killed, right there, but I stuck it out, getting my now-new breakfast standard of cold cereal, 1% milk and fruit, peaches today, along with black coffee. Angela got pretty much the same thing, as though she was nervous about talking to me as well. After we got our food, I led her to the far end of the cafeteria, to give us as much privacy as we could get there.

Thing is, as much as needed to be discussed, we were both scared shitless of starting to talk. Finally, I just up and asked her, "How'd it go with Steve?"

OMG, I saw a tear in her eye with that! I didn't know if that was good for me or not.

It took her a few seconds before she was able to start. "Si, uhhh, well fuck, this is hard to say," she began, and I was immediately crestfallen; this couldn't be good. "Steve isn't a virgin any longer."

There it was: she had fucked him over the weekend. I didn't think that was going to happen, given their insistence about being virgins on their wedding night. Even if it was Angie and I who wound up together, I'd still have to accept the idea she'd slept with her old boyfriend.

She had stopped talking, so I forged ahead. "So, how'd that happen?"

"Well, you see, I was going to tell him about last Friday, you know, because I just had to, but I just couldn't. He knew that something was bothering me, and he held my hands and he kissed me, and, well, things just kind of moved on from there. We'd always stopped before we got too close to, you know, and I guess that he expected me to stop again this time, but I just couldn't, it was like the dam had broken, and I had to make love to him, I needed to make love to him. He was surprised, and I guess that he chalked it up to us not having seen each other for a month, and that we'd be apart again in just a couple days, but he didn't stop us the way he always did before.

"We were up in the hayloft at his parents' place" - I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear any freaking details about this - "and we just kept on, you know."

"Yeah, I guess that I know. How'd he take it when you told him about us?" That was a kind of dangerous question, because more than once she had insisted that there was no 'us.'

Angie looked at me, with her big, beautiful hazel eyes, and I just knew that he 'forgave' her and said he still wanted to marry her. But that wasn't the answer I got.

"Si, I couldn't tell him, I just couldn't." That came out at almost a whisper. "It would devastate him, he'd be crushed. He went on and on about how wonderful it was that our first time was together and how we'd be together forever and all of that romantic stuff."

"So, he still doesn't know."

"Oh, I don't know, I don't think so, but I just tossed and turned all night, thinking that maybe he'd put things the way he did as a kind of hidden question as to whether I had been faithful while I was off at college. But he couldn't know, could he?"

This conversation had gone really downhill. It was no longer me trying to find out if my girlfriend (?) had broken up or stayed with her old boyfriend, but her seeking reassurance that her decision to stay with Steve and keep the truth from him was the right one. I had lost her to Steve, no doubt about that. I guess that I never really had a shot.

"I don't know, Angie, there's certainly no one who does know who'd even have been able to tell him. Could he have figured it out on his own?" Now that was a stupid question, not because the question itself was dumb, but because I'd slipped back into the stupid mode that had gotten me friend-zoned by every other girl in the past.

"I don't know, I don't know. I mean maybe, because we just didn't stop when we were making out, the way we always did, and it wasn't like we'd always stopped at the brink before, you know, but that we'd always stopped before we even got close." You know, that was information I really didn't need!

"Simon, what am I going to do?"

Well, there it was! She was actually leaving it up to me, to tell her how to handle her love life. Her eyes were really wet, but tears hadn't quite started flowing down her cheeks yet.

I reached out, and took both of her hands, and a million thoughts ran through my mind. Foremost among them was the stupid idea she'd raised last time, about having a college boyfriend and a down-home boyfriend as well, and I knew, just knew, the only answer I could give her.

"Angela, I love you, and I'll always love you, and I want you to be with me, forever. But I just can't do this.

"If you want to break up with Steve, and be with me, it'd make me the happiest guy on earth. That you slept with Steve over the weekend, that doesn't matter to me, it's not important. But I'm not going to share, Angie, I can't be just a part-time boyfriend, I can't be in the shadows, wondering if you're ever going to give up your high school boyfriend, and I sure as Hell can't stand by and watch you go home every so often, knowing that when you do so, you're going to be making love to Steve.

"I love you, Angela, and I'll never, ever forget you, but I can already tell: the decision you can't take has already been taken: you're in love with Steve, and I guess that isn't going to change. Did I get all of that right?"

Now the tears were out of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. What she had been unable to put into words, I had put into words for her; she was still in love with Steve, and was going to be with him, not me.

Now, I won't pretend that I'm some sort of noble hero in all of this. Remembering last Wednesday, in the shower, the devil on my left shoulder was telling me that hey, I could still enjoy a nice fuck with this gorgeous woman, but the angel (?) on my right said that no, that could never work, that it would be cheap and tawdry, but, most of all, it would hurt Angela in the end. If I really loved her, I couldn't treat her like that.

"Yeah," she finally started to answer, "I guess you did."

Well, that was it! Somehow, a "See ya!" wasn't the way to break up this horrible talk, but it wasn't much more than that. We parted with the usual 'we'll always be friends' and 'I'll never forget yous' but while we never would forget each other - no one ever forgets his first lover - we would never be much more than acquaintances, two ships who passed in the night.

Sunday, August 24, 2017

It was move-in day for the dorms, as the Fall Semester was beginning. It was a hot, 84º, humid and sunny, with a thousand students all trying to get in at once. I had a bunch of new shit for this year, supposedly my last, that was piled up on the sidewalk outside the dorm. My father couldn't make it today - after all, he had to play golf on Sundays! - but my mom had driven he to Lexington, and was 'helping' with all of my junk. There was more than one load, so I took one load up while mom stayed down and guarded the rest; between the two of us, we could get the rest up in the next trip.

It only took me a couple of minutes to dump my stuff in my dorm room for this coming year, and I was back down the stairs, and there was mom, talking to this gorgeous, summertime tanned girl, maybe 5'6, with long blonde hair, in the nicest pair of Daisy Dukes I had seen in a long time . . . and there were always a lot of nice pairs of Dukes to be seen around UK during hot weather.

"Hey, Simon, this is Carmen. Her parents couldn't stay, and kind of just dumped her stuff here. I told her we'd help her get her stuff up to her room, if that's OK with you?"

I took one look at Carmen's clear, blue eyes, the bluest eyes I had ever seen . . . .