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She laughed a throaty sound that was most pleasant. He wondered what kind of trouble he had stirred up this time and if there was someway of changing his career by getting into something safe like snake charming.
- COMMENTS
Bunnymaster10 months agoHere is some helpful criticism (I hope):
It’s you’re not your unless you’re referring to a possession.
Keep character names straight; what was Darren’s cousin’s name, Jimmy or Tommy (you used both names)?
Marklynda212 months ago'And the winner is...'. Another well thought out and written chapter. I look forward to reading the next. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.
Anonymousover 8 years agoI agree with everybody who says it's a bad ending and that's a shame because verything went well until this chapter. The idea was great: Aurora (beautiful name btw) getting so caught up in this hypnotic mind game that instead of reviving her marriage, she ruins it. But this chapter just has too many supporting characters (Hubert, Sharon) taking over. And it's as if Daren is becoming the main character all of a sudden. But the story isn't about him, it's about Aurora and I want to read what happens to her! If the story ends with her being a sex slave to her boss, so be it, but then just end it right there. Everything that happens to Daren afterwards is totally irrelevant.
DesireeFoxalmost 11 years agoand Aury got caught in a trap of her own design, though it would be a waste of her talents if the boss did not keep her on in her original position and then dress her up at night and weekends taking care to keep her identy safe so he could keep such a valued worker and save money too
