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Click hereShe laughed a throaty sound that was most pleasant. He wondered what kind of trouble he had stirred up this time and if there was someway of changing his career by getting into something safe like snake charming.
- COMMENTS
Bunnymaster10 months agoHere is some helpful criticism (I hope):
It’s you’re not your unless you’re referring to a possession.
Keep character names straight; what was Darren’s cousin’s name, Jimmy or Tommy (you used both names)?
Marklynda212 months ago'And the winner is...'. Another well thought out and written chapter. I look forward to reading the next. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.
Anonymousover 8 years agoI agree with everybody who says it's a bad ending and that's a shame because verything went well until this chapter. The idea was great: Aurora (beautiful name btw) getting so caught up in this hypnotic mind game that instead of reviving her marriage, she ruins it. But this chapter just has too many supporting characters (Hubert, Sharon) taking over. And it's as if Daren is becoming the main character all of a sudden. But the story isn't about him, it's about Aurora and I want to read what happens to her! If the story ends with her being a sex slave to her boss, so be it, but then just end it right there. Everything that happens to Daren afterwards is totally irrelevant.
DesireeFoxalmost 11 years agoand Aury got caught in a trap of her own design, though it would be a waste of her talents if the boss did not keep her on in her original position and then dress her up at night and weekends taking care to keep her identy safe so he could keep such a valued worker and save money too
StoryTeller07over 13 years agoAuthorThere is another chapter which has laid dorment for a year or so. Other projects got in the way. I'll dust it off, soon.
LadyPartsover 13 years agoThis was a very interesting story that had me hooked by the time I finished the first chapter. Auror's dreary life, so disconnected from her husband, the pull of the impossible potential as the effects of the hypnotism seduce her... really good stuff.
It seems like you tried to go for a happy for all ending, or happy enough. But there were some clear transgressors that I was hoping would reap their just desserts. I was hoping to see her witless spineless husband being thoroughly emasculated by Sharon; and of course always a sucker for a happy ending, would have liked seeing Hubert show some sort of promise for being a good caretaker, capable of tenderness. And Darren... Darren should have been beaten to a pulp as he tried to defend his car and not the woman who sought his help.
After all, it was Auror trying to spice up and save her marriage that led to her tragic downfall at the hands of her husband and finally Darren; men she thought she could trust. She really didn't deserve the ending you gave her.
But alas, this was your story to tell. With the exception of the ending, I enjoyed every bit of it. Thanks for a good read.
Anonymousover 14 years agoI loved the rest of the story but the ending does not do it justice, please write an alternative ending
Anonymousover 14 years agoBad finish. Yes, the mind can think of many endings and writers of old used this type of ending, it was popular....a looooong time ago.
After reading five chapters, only one of which was really exhiliarating, I would have thought that you would define an ending. But no, you lack in any imagination, damn you...five chapters...go to Hell!!!
Your low score was because of the insult you gave us in not defining a good explicit ending. Your story just became so much dribble.
