Another Day

She didn't see him as he sat at the bar and watched her. It was a busy evening - the local rugby club had played a home match and the men had all piled into the pub afterwards, the cold smell of early winter lingering on their clothes and hair as they burst through the door.

Millie moved quietly and efficiently behind the bar, and although this was only her second night, she felt capable and confident about handling the rowdy crowd of men. They were in a good mood, the afternoon's triumph reflected in their glowing faces and loud shouts as they jostled one another at the bar. The noise level grew louder as more and more men arrived with hardly a woman amongst them. So, preoccupied as she was, she didn't notice him sitting quietly in the corner, his eyes following her as she pulled pints and chatted and laughed with her customers.

Later, when it grew quieter and she finally had time to relax, he held his pint glass out to her and smiled. "I could do with a refill..."

She grinned back at him and noticed how sad his eyes were, despite the smile on his face. He looked to be in his mid-thirties, fair-haired and slim-built. She wondered why she'd never noticed him before.

"Busy tonight," he said, taking a long sip of his beer. "You new here?"

She nodded. "Second night. I was warned we were going to be busy."

She turned away and started polishing the glasses. Something about him made her feel nervous and she could feel his eyes on her as she worked. The bar was quiet now as most of the team had moved into the back room to work their way through a buffet that had been prepared for them and she struggled to think of something to say.

"So what brings you out to the back of beyond?"

She laughed and shot him a sideways glance. "It's not the back of beyond! I love it here!"

"We'll see how long you say that when the winter sets in," he grimaced, took a last swallow of his beer and eased himself off the bar stool. "I'm Adam, by the way. Nice to meet you."

He turned and with a wave, he'd gone, leaving Mille to stare at his back as he strode to the door, a curious and unexpected disappointment making her stomach sink.

*

"Are you coming with us tonight?"

Millie looked over at Sarah, the Landlord's daughter and grinned. "Of course! I can't wait!"

"It'll be good to show you there's more to life than this dump..."

A few weeks had passed since the night of the rugby match and Millie hadn't seen Adam in the pub again. She'd become friends with Sarah who'd offered to show her the bright lights of the nearest large town.

Millie laughed. "It's not a dump! It's beautiful here!"

Sarah frowned. "You wouldn't say that if you'd lived here all your life. It may be beautiful but where's the excitement?"

The two girls laughed and Millie turned as the heavy pub door opened. She felt a jolt of surprise as Adam entered and their eyes met, his face aglow with the cold. But before Millie could open her mouth, Sarah had moved forward smoothly, her body acting as an effective barrier.

"Adam! We are honoured!"

Millie watched as Sarah flirted with Adam, their banter easygoing and friendly. She suddenly felt like the outsider she was, knowing that it would take years to achieve this level of intimacy.

Adam resumed his seat at the bar, shaking out a newspaper as he sat and Millie took the opportunity to confide in her friend.

"Who is he?"

"Who? Adam?"

"Yes," Millie hissed. "Is he married?"

Sarah regarded her with curiosity. "Fancy him? Bit old for you, though, isn't he?"

Millie blushed. At twenty she didn't feel he was too old for her, but from the look on Sarah's face, she could tell the other girl was surprised.

"Not married...no. He was though, once..."

"So? What is he? Divorced?"

Sarah shook her head. "Stay away from him, Millie. Adam's great but he's not the man for you if you're just looking for a good time."

"What do you mean?"

Sarah looked over at him as he sat engrossed in The Times. "His wife died two years ago and he took it hard. And I mean, really hard."

Millie felt a pang of sympathy. Sarah watched her reaction and squeezed her hand. "Believe me, leave well alone. He's very intense, our Adam. You need someone more your age, someone who's out for fun like you."

Adam wasn't mentioned again, but Millie could feel his eyes on her as she moved around the bar. Sarah made sure that every time he wanted a drink she pulled his pint, and Millie began to wonder if her friend wasn't warning her off something that she herself wanted.

Later, they piled into a taxi with the kitchen staff and headed into the nearest town. It was another wild night with the wind howling and rain slicing across the black sky. The nightclub was brightly lit and Millie felt a surge of excitement course through her veins. Since moving to the small Lakeland village she'd missed her friends and tonight was a welcome change from the evenings spent in the small cottage she shared with her parents. It was true that the surrounding countryside was beautiful but she was beginning to wonder whether she'd done the right thing in leaving her friends behind in the big city.

The noise of the club made conversation impossible and soon Millie was dancing in a mixed group, faces flushed with heat and excitement. It was dark and the spinning lights and pounding beat disorientated her for a second. Closing her eyes against the harsh lights she opened them again to find Adam looming over her.

It was so unexpected that Millie almost fell, her stiletto heels turning awkwardly. Adam caught her and held her close." Come on," he whispered into her ear. "Let's go and find a table."

Millie looked back at her group of friends but no-one else seemed to notice that he'd arrived. She followed him into the depths of the club, his business suit incongruous amongst the scantily clad dancers and watched as he slid onto a banquette seat. He smiled and motioned for her to sit next to him.

The music was quieter here and she sat down, her nerves growing.

"Don't look so scared. I'm not going to eat you."

Millie watched as he shrugged off his jacket and laid it next to him. She could feel the warmth of his body as he leaned closer to her.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked

"Yes...of course."

"Look, I'm sorry to drag you away from your friends, but I thought we could have a chat. Do you want a drink?"

She nodded and watched as he weaved his way back across the dance floor, her stomach tight with anticipation and nerves. Sarah's warning words came into her head and she wondered just what she was getting into. There was no denying the depth of attraction between them, but could she handle a man with as much baggage as Adam?

Minutes later he was back, a bottle of champagne in a bucket, two glasses dangling from his hands. He smiled and set them before her.

"Do you like champagne?"

Mille laughed. "Doesn't everyone?"

"That's better," he said as he poured two frothy glasses. "You look more relaxed now."

Chinking his glass against hers, he smiled. "I suppose Sarah's given you the low-down on me. Warned you off, no doubt?"

Millie blushed. "She did say that you were a widower."

He made a face. "God, I hate that word. Makes me feel older than I am." He drank his glass in one go and poured another before leaning back on the banquette seat. "Do you think I'm a dirty old man?"

"No! How old are you?"

Adam laughed and drained his glass again. "Old enough to know better." He was suddenly serious. "Millie...there's something between us...I think you know that. The question is, do we do anything about it?"

Their eyes met for what seemed an age and Millie felt her insides shudder as he took her hand. He leant down and kissed her, his mouth soft on hers, but cold from the chilled champagne. He tasted and smelt wonderful, she thought, as his tongue gently probed her mouth open and she gave in to the feelings sweeping through her.

"What are you doing?"

Adam and Millie broke apart in shock at the sound of Sarah's voice. They gazed at her as she stood before them, hands on hips. "What did I tell you? You stupid cow!" She stormed over to Millie and pulled her to her feet. "I said he's bad news," she hissed in Millie's ear. "Come on, we're going."

Millie stared at her friend in shock. "How dare you tell me what to do! We're both adults!" She looked over at Adam who shrugged his shoulders.

"She's right. Go home, Millie. Stay away from me."

Millie flung him a look of contempt before turning and walking away. She felt angry and confused but worse of all, she felt as if she'd been used and then thrown away. His plaything to tease...

*

Sarah and Millie kept away from one another over the next few weeks, always careful to be working in the pub at different times. Adam disappeared and Millie learnt to forget the events of the evening at the nightclub. It was nearing Christmas and the first snowfall made Millie's spirits rise as she gazed out at the distant mountains.

One morning she awoke to a world of white. She had never experienced such heavy snowfall before and she felt of surge of energy at the thought of exploring the surrounding countryside. Pulling on warm clothes and boots she ran outside, her breath vaporizing in the freezing air.

For two hours she walked, her camera capturing the frozen lakes and mountains. As she rounded the bend into the village she spotted Adam walking in front of her, his tall figure striding along the village street. Her heart gave a thud in her chest as she watched him enter the small village shop that sold everything under the sun. Knowing that what she was doing was madness, Millie followed him into the shop, feeling in her pockets for change. If nothing else she could buy the daily newspaper.

He was standing gazing at the array of painkillers and medicines, a pitifully small amount by normal standards but enough to last the local villagers until they could get to the nearest town. She stopped for a second but then he turned and saw her and she almost gasped at how ill he looked.

"What's the matter?" she asked. "You look terrible."

"Flu," he muttered, turning back to the shelf. "I need some paracetamol."

"Is there anything I can do?"

He looked at her and his face was so sad and lonely that Millie's stomach lurched. "No, I'm fine. I just need to spend a couple of days in bed."

An image of them both in bed flashed into Millie's mind and she turned away in embarrassment. She made her way to the front of the shop and picked up a local paper, her mind whirling with thoughts of how she could help him. Handing over her money, she saw him approach and smiled.

"Let me make you something to eat...please. It's the least I can do."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "No, no...don't worry. I'll be OK." He shook the box of painkillers at her and managed a weak smile.

Something inside Millie couldn't let him go and she put her hand on his arm. "Adam...please. I can't leave you like this."

He looked at her and she felt that familiar shudder again. His eyes were so intense as they gazed at her and she wondered just what had happened in his life. Eventually he shrugged. "Alright...if you insist."

Minutes later they were at his home, an large, imposing Georgian fronted house that stood at the end of the village. In the kitchen she switched on the kettle and made them both a cup of tea, her hands trembling slightly as she found cups and milk. Adam had gone to sit by the fire and she could hear him coughing as she moved around the kitchen.

She carried the tea in and set it down beside him. He had his eyes closed and his breathing was shallow and fast.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asked, noticing his pale, clammy skin.

He grunted and Millie wondered what she could do. The house was quiet, only the sound of the crackling logs could be heard and she tried to imagine this beautiful house filled with laughter and the sound of children's voices.

"Come on, Adam. I think you should be in bed."

He grunted again but allowed her to help him up from the chair and up the stairs. His bedroom was tidy but impersonal and as he undressed she turned back the covers and drew the curtains. There were no photos or mementoes, just a wardrobe, drawers and the large bed that stood in the middle of the room.

Adam climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He was trembling and Millie looked at him anxiously. "Is there anyone that can come in and look after you?"

"No," he replied, opening his eyes to look at her. "I'll be OK."

Millie sat for a minute longer but as she was about to get up and leave, he caught her hand. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm sorry about the other night...in the club. I'd had a bit too much to drink."

Millie stared down at him as his eyes closed again and he fell instantly asleep.

*

The next morning, Millie walked the short distance to Adam's house and knocked on the door. There was no answer at first and she looked up at the bedroom window to see the curtains still closed. She knocked more loudly and waited and this time she could see his outline as he came down the stairs. When he opened the door she gasped in shock. He looked terrible, his fair hair sticking up and dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He gave her a faint smile and waved her in.

"I'm sorry," Millie murmured. "I thought you might be better today."

"Not really. I can't seem to shake this off. Come up. I'm going back to bed."

She watched as he slowly climbed up the stairs but instead of following him she made her way into the kitchen again. The least she could do was make him something to eat and drink as the kitchen was just as she left it the day before and it looked like he hadn't eaten a thing.

When she entered his room with a tray of food and drink, he opened his eyes and smiled. "This is really good of you. You don't have to do this, Millie. You must have plenty of other things to do today."

She smiled. "I want to...always had a secret yearning to be a nurse!"

Millie set the tray down and sat on the bed. He hadn't shaved and stubble covered his chin. "I look a mess, don't I?" he said and ran his hand over his face. Could you get me some warm water and I'll try and have a quick wash. Might make me feel better."

She did as he said and carried a bowl and a towel back in. He only wore a pair of boxers and she turned to go.

"Don't leave," he rasped. "Can you help me?"

Millie felt a shot of arousal at the thought of helping him wash. She blushed as he stared at her. "Of course."

Adam struggled to sit up and Millie squeezed the sponge until it was almost dry and washed his face and hands. The intimacy of her actions made her ache and he didn't take his eyes off her once as she washed him.

Feeling uncomfortable, she tried to think of something to say. "Have you any friends who could help?" she asked.

"Yeah, but they're too busy. You know how it is..."

"What about work?"

He laughed. "I don't think any of my staff would want to do this, do you?"

"What is it that you do?"

"I run a building firm. Can't really imagine one of my hairy builders giving me a bed bath, can you?"

Millie smiled and rinsed out the sponge. "Is that OK?"

He looked at her and placed her hand on his stomach. With his hand over hers they washed his body and Millie trembled at the closeness they were sharing. There were no words spoken and when he pulled his boxers down, she looked away in confusion.

"Millie...please."

Very gently she lathered up her hands with the soap and stroked his semi-erect cock. It twitched beneath her fingers and Adam groaned and lay back on the bed, his eyes watching her. "That feels so good, Millie. It's been such a long time since anyone touched me..."

She washed all around his cock, loving the feel of him, their eyes on each other as she soaped his skin, and then rinsed him off with a sponge. Tenderly, she dried him and then waited.

"I feel terrible," he muttered. "Too terrible to do what I'd love to do to you now...but promise me you'll come back tomorrow and help again?"

She nodded and pulled his boxers back up. She covered him with the thick quilt and then stooped to kiss him. His skin was warmer now and had lost that clammy feel but she could feel his breath catching in his chest.

"What about the rest of today? Will you be OK?"

He nodded. "Sleep. That's all I want to do."

Millie looked at her watch. "I'm working at the pub tonight, but I can come over tomorrow afternoon. Will that be alright?"

"Of course," he said. "What is tomorrow?"

"Christmas Eve."

Adam smiled. "Well, perhaps you can bring me a stocking then..."

*

The next afternoon, Mille knocked on the door of Adam's house, her heart beating furiously. Ever since she'd left Adam the day before, she'd been thinking of him, imagining the two of them together, but nervous because of what Sarah had told her. Adam wasn't the sort of man who would be just a casual fling. For one thing he was around fifteen years older than her, had been married before and his intensity frightened her; the last thing she wanted was to hurt him again. That terrible sad and lonely look he sometimes wore had the ability to make Millie's heart ache.

She waited for him, worried that he was worse, but after a few seconds she saw his figure in the opaque glass in the door and breathed a sigh of relief. When he opened the door she was glad to see that he looked a little better, but was still pale.

"Come in." He smiled and Millie felt her stomach flip. He was wearing a dark green dressing gown and his hair was still sticking up all over the place.

"How do you feel?"

He shrugged and led the way up the stairs. "A bit better but still weak. You're not going to take advantage of me, are you?"

She laughed and the atmosphere immediately lightened. "Only if you want me to."

In the bedroom, he jumped back into bed and watched as she moved around the room. "It's a bit unfair of me to ask you to come back on Christmas Eve. I realised that after you'd gone yesterday."

"It's OK," she replied going over to the window. "My parents are fine with me being here. They're glad I've found a friend."

"A friend?" Adam laughed. "Do they know who your "friend" is?"

Millie turned to look at him. "Would it matter if they did?"

He shrugged. "Some people would think you were mad, getting involved with me. Me and all my baggage."

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

He gazed at her and Millie felt her heart beat faster. "It's complicated," he said, turning away.

She went over to the bed and sat down. "I keep getting only part of the picture, Adam. What happened to you?"

There was silence for a few minutes and Mille began to wonder whether she'd said the right thing, whether it had been right to push him.

He took her hand. "My wife died...I suppose Sarah told you that?"

She nodded.

"You know Sarah's holding a torch for me, don't you? Had been even before I was married to Gina. Teenage crush that never went away, I suppose..."

Millie was silent. She fiddled with the hem of her blouse imagining Adam and Sarah together. The thought caused a shot of pain deep inside her.

"Nothing ever happened between Sarah and me. I'd only been married for a year and then afterwards..." He shrugged. "Gina was very much like you, Millie. And I killed her."

She gazed at him in shock. His face was a picture of misery and his eyes were wet. "I didn't kill her intentionally, of course. It was an accident. In our car, just before Christmas. But the guilt will never leave me, Millie. Even though it's been two years."

"This time of year...is this why you're alone?"

He shrugged again. "I suppose so. Never thought about it."

"How did the accident happen?"

He turned away again. "I don't want to talk about it, Millie. It was my fault, that's all you need to know. I never thought I'd get over her but then one evening I walked into the pub and I saw someone who...finally... managed to chase those bad memories away."