Another Day at Work

She glanced at the clock on her computer. 12:32. 12:32? How was it possible that only 12 minutes had passed... incredible really how long a day can seem when cooped up behind a desk and, even worse, staring at the computer. Lord. She felt like screaming... screaming at the top of her lungs. Would anyone even notice? As she thought about it she began to doubt it. She felt invisible, as if she didn't really exist. Was this even an existence anyway?

She glanced down again. 12:34. How was she going to stick it out until 5:00? She thought about leaving. She could just leave. Walk out. Who would care? She got up. She began to walk over to the door and ducked into the bathroom instead. She didn't hate her job. It could actually be very interesting when she focused on it. But her mind tended to wander more than she would like and it made work nearly unbearable. She walked into a stall and plopped herself down. She didn't need to go to the bathroom at all. She wanted to find a place where she could just sit. She wanted to sit and stare at the door in front of her and attempt to think about nothing. Just relax. Was it really that difficult? She closed her eyes. She heard someone come into the bathroom. Damn. She flushed and unlocked her door. She left her stall and headed to wash her hands.

As she reached her cubicle again she flipped through her CD's. Music was the answer, today at least. She finally found the CD she was searching for... her favorite CD really. Hardly uplifting, but it helped her take her mind off of work. She set the CD into the CD player attached to her computer, skipped to track 6 and began listening. The instrumental started and she closed her eyes for a second. Then the lyrics... and as if on cue he entered her mind... nonchalantly, as if he belonged there. But he didn't.

She didn't know him... or rather, she knew him only briefly. But she knew what she was doing when she put in the CD... she knew. She wanted to think about him. She loved thinking about him. Remembering him. Had they ever been involved? Sometimes she forgot. Had they ever said these things she was thinking out loud? Had they ever touched? Kissed? She began to get blurry. In her dreams maybe? She knew that she dreamed of him. She shouldn't. She would probably never see him again. Did that bother her? She didn't want to let it bother her... but parts of her ached to see him again... if only from afar... spot him as he crossed the street... anything really. But why? Why see him again? It was too late to do anything. That time had passed. To be friends? Could she even be friends with him? Was he even interested?

She knew hardly anything about him and yet... and yet it felt like she could have known him for years... should have known him for years. There was just something about him that drew her in. It was more than physical attraction, although the chemistry between them overpowered her sometimes, there was something about the way he spoke to her. The way he said her name... how he challenged her to do more... to be more. She enjoyed being with him... talking with him... writing to him.

It had been so long since they had actually seen each other that her fantasies about him became just as real to her as reality. She wondered what it would be like to see him again. What he would say if he could read her mind. What she would say if she could read his. Had fate thrown them together years ago... meaning for them to share one night? If so then she had certainly blown it. She wondered sometimes if she even believed in fate anymore. She used to be such a romantic. Now though... now she was a little too grounded in reality... except when it came to him. Fantasies of him kept her sane... made her imagination more colorful and her reality more real. Sometimes she wished that when they had met she had been able to commit to something... to anything really... what could have happened? He probably could never live up to the build up... who could?

She was beginning to daydream. She didn't catch herself in time. She began to drift back in time... suddenly she was there again... dancing by the bar with a group of her friends. He came up to her... how did this go again? They recognized each other right away... that night they were inseparable. She glued herself to his hip... her friends began to get worried... the bar was closing... she had never felt more comfortable and more excited in her life... she wanted to... but she couldn't... or did she?

Maybe she went home with him that night... maybe she gave her friends the slip. She tried to remember. Could she have taken a cab with him back to his apartment? They could have ignored his roommates as they stumbled into his bedroom... and could feel him now... he was touching her... first lightly. He gently traced the outline of her breast with his fingertips... his mouth closed down on hers and they were kissing. His mouth was so warm... he began to move downward... moving his mouth down her neck and over her chest. His breath was hot... it seemed to fill her up... she ran her hands though his hair as he moved further downward... toward her thighs... his hands moved slowly... would he ever touch her... she began to gasp... his mouth was moving downward... she opened her eyes as she heard the familiar ring of incoming email coming from her computer. It was a rude awakening from her dream. She looked down at her computer and dove back into her work... trying desperately to push these thoughts from her mind.

She had never wanted something so much... and yet she really didn't know what it even was that she wanted. She looked at the clock. 12:54. How was that possible? She grabbed another file and continued her routine. Really what else could she do?