Apologies

The radio blaring jerked Jessica out of her slumber. She squinted her eyes against the bright sunlight pouring through the open window, and she leaned up, slapping the snooze button.

It was her day off, but she still set her alarm, not liking to sleep the day away. However, after her tiring day yesterday, she allowed herself an extra half hour.

Jess finally stood up, rubbing her eyes as she headed towards the kitchen. The only thought in her head was that of coffee.

Once there was enough for a cup, Jess poured then took a tentative sip. There was almost an instant clearing in her head. She smiled, then went about going to the bathroom and feeding the cat.

Glancing around her apartment, she decided to clean. Jess opened all the windows, letting the cool morning breeze clear out the small rooms. She threw on an old pair of jeans and a plain white tank top, tossing her light brown hair into a sloppy ponytail.

Pleased with the fact she looked hideous, she got down to business. Scrubbing, dusting, polishing, waxing. Before she knew it, she'd been through the pot of coffee and it was nearing lunchtime. She started another pot, then pulled open the refrigerator door. Deciding on a ham and Swiss cheese sandwich, she fixed it and ate in record time.

She'd just poured another cup of joe, when the doorbell rang. She glanced down, aware she wasn't wearing a bra, and that she was wearing a white shirt, but decided she didn't care. Carrying her coffee cup with her, she went to the door.

Upon opening it, she gasped.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Jessica merely gaped.

The man at the door had his forearm propped against the jam, the other hand in his pocket. "No good morning for me?"

"Good morning." Jess replied stiffly.

The man's eyes drifted over her body, quickly memorizing each curve, swell and dip. Jessica fought the urge to cross her arms over her chest to hide her breasts from his gaze.

She lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. Too big of one, and it scalded her mouth and throat all the way down. It sat painfully hot in the pit of her stomach. Right on top of the ball of anxiety.

"Aren't you going to ask me in? Or offer me a cup of coffee?" The man asked as he straightened.

"I'd rather not." Jessica's reply was clipped.

"Aww, Jay, where have your manners gone?" His tone was slightly mocking.

"They left when you did. And do not call me Jay. My name is Jessica, Jess if you must." She straightened her shoulders and raised an eyebrow at her unexpected, and unwanted visitor.

"You always did like to ride high on the horse." He smiled, then added, "Always like to ride too, as I recall."

Jessica felt her face flush at the intimacy of his words. Still, she didn't back down. "If that's how you'd like to remember it, be my guest. What are you doing here, Jon?"

"I just got back in town. My divorce was final last month. Took a while to get things straightened out, but they are, and I'm back." Jon shifted on his feet, bracing each palm on either side of the door.

"Congratulations. I hope you made her as miserable as you made me." Jessica took another sip of coffee and turned. "You might as well come in. Somehow I don't think you'll leave."

He chuckled. "Ya got that right sweetheart."

Jess heard the door shut and she asked over her shoulder, "Want a cup of coffee?"

"Sounds good. Nice place."

"Thanks. I was in the middle of cleaning." Jess reentered the living room where Jon stood, watching the traffic through the window.

"Looks like you've done pretty well for yourself." Jon reached and took the coffee, his head nodding his thanks.

"Eh. Not too bad. Could be doing better, but I had to take a month or so off a while back, and haven't really been able to get caught back up."

"Yeah, I'd heard your dad passed away. I'm sorry Jessica. I always liked him." Jon's voice held no venom. He meant what he said.

"I know. He always liked you too, though I can't imagine why." Jess got her barb in gently.

Jon laughed. "Probably because I wasn't dating him. And I didn't leave him for another woman." His eyebrow arched, and Jess couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Yes. But he wasn't very loyal, because even after you did that to me, he still liked you, ya son of a bitch." Jess smiled at the memory.

"I'm sorry." Jon's eyes held pain.

"For what?" Jessica's voice came out as a whisper.

"For everything. For your dad. For cheating, for leaving, for hurting you, for turning your life upside down. For coming in here this morning, acting like an ass. I just don't know how to act. And I thank you, for not slamming that door in my face."

Jessica was taken aback.

"I've never apologized. I'm doing it now, and I mean every word. You were my world, Jay. I had such high expectations and goals of a life for us, that I neglected to think that you might have some goals and needs of your own."

Jess felt tears well in her eyes.

"And when you let me know you had other plans, I was enraged. All I wanted was for us to be together, for us to have a life together. Build a home. Have kids. Have grandkids. I didn't want you to work, I didn't want you to have to want for anything. I wanted to take care of you. But when we fought that night, and I found out you wanted a career and a job and wasn't ready for kids and weren't ready to settle down..." Jon paused, and Jessica thought he might cry. "I was crushed. So I figured I'd find someone who wanted those things. So I did. And I left."

Jessica felt tears slip from her lids, her mouth hanging at his confession.

"The day I left, I watched you through my rearview mirror, waiting for you to run behind me, calling me back. I thought it might've jarred something inside of you. But it didn't. I watched until I couldn't see you anymore, but still I hoped. The reality set it that you weren't coming after me, and I'd've been damned if I was going back.

"I'm back in town. I know I hurt you, I know I wronged you. I know you probably don't want anything to do with me. But I've missed you. You probably don't believe me, but I've thought about you every day since then. When I married Maggie, I wished it was you. I wished it was you that wanted the things I had to offer. Her and I made a pretty good pair, but it didn't feel right. It didn't have the same appeal as you and I did."

Jon looked up into her eyes and finished his speech. "I don't know if you're seeing anybody, I don't know you anymore, but dammit, I want to. I want to get to know you all over again, and I want us to be friends. If nothing else, I need your friendship. I'll do whatever it takes to get you to smile at me and mean it. For it to reach those pretty green eyes of yours. Are you interested?"

Jessica gasped. She couldn't hardly see him through her tears. Jon, her first love, her only love, was back in town, divorced, and wanted to get to know her again. She was overjoyed. But knew there was a lot of ground to cover.

"Jon.... Eight years is a long time. People change. Things change. I don't know if we'd be as good together as we used to be. We're both different... I don't know.. I just.. I don't know." Jessica was beside herself with emotion.

Jon stepped forward, his fingers brushing her tears away. Jessica shut her eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath. His fingers moved to her jaw, and he tipped her head up to him.

"Look at me, Jay. Open those pretty eyes."

Jessica did as she was told.

"Tell me its worth a try. Tell me that you're the slightest bit interested. That's all I want right now. I'm not proposing marriage, and I'm not saying we should call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Just a trial period, to get to know each other again. Please Jay, tell me it's worth a shot." Jon's voice took on a ragged edge, and he sucked in his breath, waiting for her answer.

Jessica's eyes flittered back and forth, searching his. For what, she didn't know, but she did know she was interested. She wanted Jon to be in her life. No matter what the status, she needed him to be.

"I'm interested." Jessica's words squeaked out.

Jon's mouth swooped down on hers, and he crushed her against his chest. Jessica felt dizzy. His familiar mouth teasing hers; his tongue tasting hers. She never wanted it to end, but it was too soon. The emotions were too raw.

"Stop." It came out a whisper against his mouth, barely convincing.

Jon groaned and dragged his lips from hers. "You're right."

"I know. Ain't I always?" Jessica smiled for the first time, and Jon felt it deep in his stomach.

"Of course." Jon stepped away, putting some distance between them.

"Where are you staying?" Jessica tried to change the subject, surprised at how a single kiss could have affected her so much.

"With my parents until I find a place of my own. I'm going to start that search tomorrow."

"There are some apartments available here." Jessica cringed inwardly. Why had she said that?

"Darlin', that's mighty interesting." Jon grinned and raked his hair back off his forehead.

Jessica looked around and realized she'd set her coffee down at some point. Picking up the mug, she took another drink, trying to calm her nerves.

"Well, I better get out of here." Jon looked like that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Yeah, I better get back to cleaning."

"Yeah." Jon hesitated, not ready to leave her presence he'd longed for so long.

"Okay then... well... it was good to see you. I'm sure we'll see more of each other now that.. Well, now." Jessica flushed as she stumbled through the sentence.

"Yes, we will." Jon placed his coffee cup on the table, and straightened.

"I- it was good to see you." Jessica took a few steps forward and laid her hand along his cheek.

"You too. More than you know." Jon put his hand on her hip, and leaned in. He pressed a brief, chaste kiss on her lips, and spun quickly, heading for the door.

"See you." Jessica's hand had lifted to her mouth, as if she was holding the feeling of his lips.

"Not if I see you first." Jon stepped through the door, and it shut quietly behind him.

"Oh my god." Jessica dropped onto the couch and stared at the doorframe.

~*~*~

Jess hummed happily as she set the table. Six months had passed, each one getting better than the last. She and Jon were seeing each other every day, having coffee, going on dates. They had gotten to know each other again, and they both liked what they saw. In fact, Jessica liked him more now than she did then. The thought made her giggle. They hadn't upgraded into any kind of serious relationship, though they did hold hands and hug, and kiss. And those kisses... she shivered at the thought.

Jon was due to arrive any minute, and seeing how he lived only a few doors down, she didn't have much time. Jessica went to the mirror, fluffing her hair. She made sure her make up was in place, and she blew a kiss to herself, giggling as she did so.

He had matured. When he first showed up at her door, his speech still seemed practiced, but she figured it was worth a shot, to see if he'd really changed. And in the past months, she realized he had. They'd fallen into a comfortable friendship, and Jessica had decided she wanted more. And tonight was the night she'd tell Jon that.

She had just headed for the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. It was unlocked, so she yelled for him to come in.

Jess was standing at the stove, dishing the spaghetti sauce into a serving bowl, when a rose appeared in her vision, and the smell of Jon's cologne drifted into her nose. She smiled and took the rose, intending to turn around to greet him.

Jon's arms moved and clasped at her hips, holding her still, and he nuzzled her neck. Jessica smiled and leaned back against him, relishing the feel of his warmth.

"Good evening gorgeous."

"Hello handsome."

"That smells good." Jon reached and brushed her hair away from her neck, placing gentle kisses along her throat.

"So do you." Jess tipped her head back, welcoming his attentions.

Jon lifted his head, his hand gently urging her to turn. She did, and her arms came up to rest around his neck. Jess leaned in against him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Thank you." Jon leaned in slightly, his lips brushing across hers in a hello kiss.

"You're more than welcome." Jessica's hand moved to trace his jaw, bringing his face closer to hers for a proper kiss.

Once they were satisfied with their reunion, Jon stepped back, looking for a vase for the rose, and Jessica turned to the stove once again, finishing what she was doing.

The couple found themselves seated at the table, enjoying the meal and the conversation. They mostly discussed their individual days, then plans for that coming weekend. Once the meal was finished, Jon started to clear the dishes, but Jessica caught his hand.

"Later."

"Okay. I'll get the coffee."

They retired to the living room with coffee mugs in tow, settling onto the couch with the television playing quietly in the background.

Jessica decided to jump in feet first.

"Jon, we need to talk."

His coffee cup clattered onto the table. "Jay?"

"This isn't easy for me, so I'm going to come right out and say it." Jess took a deep breath.

"Don't. Just don't. Save the speech. Jay, I thought we were doing great! Hell, I thought- You're laughing. Why are you laughing?"

"I am so sorry! I could have put that in less dire sounding terms. Jon, relax." Jessica smiled and scooted next to him, grabbing his hands. Her eyes still twinkled with mirth.

"Don't smile. My heart is stuck in my ass." Jon chuckled in spite himself.

"Jon, do be serious." Jess kissed his cheek.

"Okay. I am serious."

"I am in love with you. I don't think I ever stopped being in love with you. But it's better this time. I like you more than I used to. You've changed, you've grown, you've matured. You're more than I ever expected you to be. I know we aren't officially a couple, but I want to be."

"Jay! You're serious?"

"I am. Do you need a piece of paper so you can circle yes or no?"

"No. But I can't tell you how glad I am for you to say that."

"Good. Now. Part two."

"Uh-oh." Jon swallowed hard.

"I want you. I want you to move in. I want you to sleep with me."

"Wow, that's a lot to throw at a guy."

Jessica started. That wasn't the response she was expecting.

Jon grinned, then launched himself at her, pushing her down onto the couch. "Are you going to buy me a diamond?"

"If you're a very good boy I might."

"This has all been very backwards. You were kind of manly just then. I feel emasculated." Jon laughed.

"You don't feel emasculated to me." Jessica lifted her hips against him knowingly.

"Hmm, come to think of it, you're absolutely right." He smiled, then his face grew serious once more. "Are you sure?"

Jessica reached up and cupped his face in her hands, and held his gaze.

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

Jon's lips came down on hers, searching, molding. It was tender and exploring. His tongue swept across her lips and they parted. She drew his tongue into her mouth and rubbed her own against it. It was slow, leisurely. They didn't have to hurry. They had forever.

Jon settled himself more firmly between her legs, and Jessica hiked her knees up, opening herself to him. His hand moved up and brushed her hair back from her face, then rested on her neck. He could feel the beat of her pulse with his thumb, and it almost met the speed of his own.

"Touch me Jon.." Jessica's back arched as she pressed her hips up into him.

Jon, Jon and his wonderful fingers. His hand slid down and brushed across her breast. She gasped, and her nipple hardened under his fingertips. He trailed slow lazy circles around it, then moved over to undo the buttons of her shirt. Once undone, he unsnapped the front clasp of her bra, and he leaned back so he could enjoy the view.

"God, Jay, I have waited for this for years." He scooted down and took one nipple into his mouth. It was already hard, but he pulled back and blew on it lightly. Jessica shivered, a small moan escaping her lips. He moved on to the other side and gave that one the same attentions.

Jessica swept her hands down the muscles of his back, then back up his sides. Her hips wriggled beneath him, feeling how hard he was through the layers of their jeans. She wanted more. Reaching down, she tried to unfasten his pants, but their hips were too close.

"Let's go to the bedroom. I need room to work." Jessica smiled and pushed up against him.

Jon stood, then helped her up. Once in the bedroom, she stopped at the edge of the bed and turned to face him. Her hair was tousled, her shirt undone, her breasts swaying free. Jon thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

He stopped in front of her and her hands went for his pants. Once undone, he helped her slide them down his legs. Then down his boxers went. When he straightened, Jessica's eyes grew wide. He was larger than she remembered. Jon chuckled, and reached for her jeans.

"I think you're overdressed."

"Says the man still wearing his shirt."

Jon paused and stripped the rest of the way down.

Jessica pushed her jeans down her legs, and her thong followed soon after. She let her shirt and bra fall off her arms.

For a moment the pair just stared at each other. Then Jon dropped to his knees in front of her, lifting one of her legs over his shoulder. Jessica reached down and balanced herself with his other shoulder. She gasped as she felt his tongue lap along her inner thigh. He placed light kisses up her leg until he came to the center of her. The tip of his tongue traced along the seam of her lips, then plundered in deeply. Jessica whimpered as her body shook.

Jon lifted his hands to her hips to steady her, and he let his tongue seek out, then find her clit. His lips sealed around it, and he sucked, flicking his tongue across it. Jessica's knees almost buckled. She was already wet, but at this attention she felt a whole new rush of moisture. When she felt his fingers gently probing entrance, her whole body quivered.

"Jon, that's enough.. I need.."

He gave her clit a graze with his teeth and she whimpered again.

"You need what?" His tongue lapped out to drink in her essence.

"You.. God, Jon... please.."

Jon pulled back and set her leg back down. She turned and crawled up onto the bed on shaking limbs. He crawled up right behind her.

"How do you want me?" Jessica's body was thrumming with unfulfilled want.

"On your back."

She rolled over and he came up between her legs. He caught her under her thighs, and pushed them back so they were almost level with her shoulders. His cock was at her entrance, gently probing. Jessica's hips writhed and pushed, trying to get him inside of her. A startled yelp escaped as he thrust his hips and embedded himself fully on the first stroke. It didn't hurt, but she felt him hit her womb.

"Oh my god.. Yes.. Jon.."

Jon set the rhythm. He kept it shallow for a time, then started pulling out farther. She clamped her muscles around him each time he withdrew and Jon moaned. He shoved her legs up higher, and she tilted her hips so he hit bottom each time. Jon started moving faster. He could feel it building, and it wasn't going to last much longer. He released one of her legs and moved his hand to her pussy. Spreading her wetness up, his fingers slipped over her clit. Jessica's head tossed restlessly on the pillow, and her hands tangled in the sheets.

"Come on baby.." Jon's fingers pulsed against her clit, then rubbed circles. His hips thrust faster. He wasn't going to cum without her. He didn't have long to wait. Her back arched as she moaned, her hips jerking up against his frantically. Her pussy clasped around him, quivering. Jon groaned and gave a few last pumps with his hips, gasping at the force of his orgasm. The entire time he came, Jessica's muscles clamped and released, milking every last drop from him.