Arlo Ch. 05

It was time for Arlo to go back to work and he couldn't say he was happy about it. Since he was now spending most of his day at the hospital, and not at home, Mama returned to her own house. He couldn't say he was glad to see her go. Mama had made him feel warm and loved, in a different way than Jake did. Jake loved him like a boyfriend. Mama loved him like family. It was something Arlo hadn't felt in a long time. The staff welcomed him back with open arms, and no one asked any questions. Arlo felt like his life was finally being pulled back together, there was only one thing left that he felt guilty about.

He had been so proud of his AA chips. He had never really liked the AA meetings, and had only gone to a few. The meetings, the sponsors, the threat of losing his job and his education, none of it really broke through. What really got through to him, were the chips. They were something hard and physical. Something he could hold on to. But now that he had relapsed, he felt like he didn't deserve them.

"What are you doin'?" Jake asked, as he walked into the house. Arlo sat on the couch, looking at his box of chips. The many colors were still clean and bright, like the day he had gotten them.

"Nothing, just moping," Arlo mumbled.

"Over what?" Jake sat down on the couch with him, still in uniform. He leaned over and looked inside the old wooden box that Arlo had kept his chips in. "Poker chips?" Jake picked on up and bit it, frowning at the piece of plastic.

"Hey!" Arlo scowled and took the chip back. "They're my sobriety chips," he sighed.

"Ah, I see. That's a lot of chips," he said.

"You get one on your first day, your three week, and then three, six, and nine months," Arlo explained, "Your one year is the big one, and then after that it's every year," Arlo said. Jake did a quick count of the chips.

"You were doing good," he said.

"Yeah," Arlo murmured. The truth was he hated being sober. Almost any alcoholic did. At least for a little while. He was miserable. He had to face reality and think about his problems, not just drink them away. He knew he would get over it. Jake had been sure to keep all alcohol from his reach and Arlo quickly fell back into his normal, non-alcoholic routine.

"It wasn't a bad relapse you know," Jake said.

"Like there's a good kind?" Arlo frowned.

"Well, no. I just mean, you knew you were being stupid and it just took a kick to the head to get you to snap out of it," Jake said. "You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You've been doing good," Jake said.

"I just feel like I don't deserve them. I messed up," Arlo said.

"Everyone messes up, Doc. I'm not going to lie and say that it wasn't your fault, because it was-"

"Gee, thanks," Arlo rolled his eyes and shut the box.

"BUT," Jake continued, "I will say that you've made an honest effort to not slip up again. I know you think about it. But all you've done is think about it," Jake repeated. When Arlo was still silent he added, "would it make you feel better to go to another AA meeting?," Jake said.

"No. They never really made me want to get sober anyways. All those religious Nazis do is make me want to drink more," Arlo laughed.

"You know, they have non-religion based AA groups," Jake chuckled.

"They always get in. They're everywhere!" Arlo said, in an ominous voice. Jake rolled his eyes. When Arlo went back to being quiet and thoughtful, Jake stood up. "Where are you going?" Arlo asked.

"Just hold on," Jake said over his shoulder. He dug around in a drawer for a minute, before pulling something out and keeping it hidden from Arlo. Arlo tried to peek, but Jake made sure to keep it close against his chest, covered by his hand. He rummaged through a few more drawers before sighing, obviously not finding what he needed.

"What--?" Arlo asked.

"I said hold your horses, cowboy," Jake said, his southern accent really coming out. Arlo smiled and watched as he headed towards the fridge. He pulled something out from the door, and then reached for a tooth pick. He worked over the counter for a minute, before blowing on whatever he had been working on for a minute or two. When he came back, Arlo raised his eyebrow at a poker chip covered in mustard.

"What the hell is this?" he asked, taking it from Jake.

"It's your relapse chip," Jake explained. Arlo noticed that he had copied the symbol that was engraved on his sobriety chips in gold. Of course this chip had it done in mustard. "I'll take these," Jake grabbed the box from Arlo's lap. Arlo pouted and reached for them, but Jake pulled them away. "You can have them back as you reach the milestones. Okay? And when you have them all back, you can throw away the relapse chip," Jake said. Arlo looked down at the mustard covered poker chip.

"Okay," Arlo nodded. Jake dug through the box for a minute, and pulled out a white chip.

"I saw on a movie once that white was the first day chip?" he asked. Arlo nodded and took the chip. He held the two pieces of plastic next to each other, one a pearly white with gold engraved into it, and the other a sickly green with dried mustard scribbled into a clumsy symbol. Somehow, the relapse chip meant more to him than the others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arlo sighed as he got off work. It had been a long day. He had spent most of it treating a child who had fallen into a bed of cacti. The poor boy was covered from head to toe in spines from the plants, and it took several nurses and himself to remove them all. His feet hurt, and he couldn't help but admit that the only thing he wanted right now was to sit in a nice dark bar with a drink in his hand. He dug the chip out of his pocket quickly, and glanced at the mustard covered item. He smiled and shoved it back into his pocket. Jake was getting off work around the same time as Arlo, and they had decided that they would treat themselves and go out to dinner together.

Jake had let Arlo pick the place, and he chose his favorite Italian restaurant. It was a bit expensive, but they agreed to split the cost so it wouldn't hurt them too bad. Soft music played in the background, and the place was nearly empty. They ordered and their food was brought out to them quickly. Conversation was slow, but finally Arlo brought up the subject that he had been thinking about for awhile now.

"Jake, you've been so nice to me. There's... there aren't words to say how thankful I am for everything you've done. You've given me a place to stay, and helped me stay sober, and your mom just welcomed me into the family like it was nothing." Arlo took a deep breath. "And I appreciate it, all of it. It means more to me than you could ever guess," Arlo said. "But I think it's time I moved out and found my own place again. Donovan can keep the house, I don't want it anymore." Arlo shook his head. "But I'm sure you want your own place back. It's not exactly big enough for all of us," Arlo said, counting the dogs Jake lived with. When he finally stopped rambling, Jake only stared at him.

"Doc..." Jake's skin took on a bright red blush. "Do you really think that I want you to move out?"

"You mean you don't?" Arlo asked, stopping his fork just a few inches from his mouth.

"No, I want you to stay with me," Jake said. "I know I said I didn't think you were ready to be in a relationship, but I also said that that didn't mean I didn't want one with you." Jake reached a hand across the table and placed it on Arlo's. "I love having you in my house. Before, that's all it was. A house. With you there, it feels like so much more. It's a home with you there, Arlo. I understand if you want to leave, I just want you to know that I want you there because..." Jake's skin turned an ever brighter red. "I love you, Arlo," he admitted. Arlo nearly swooned at his thick country drawal. He smiled, and opened his mouth, but no words came out. "You don't have to say it back, not yet. You still have a long ways to go before I think you're better," he said. "But you're well on your way, Doc." Arlo giggled. "What?" Jake frowned.

"You said my name," Arlo smiled.

"Whad're ya talkin' about, Doc?" Jake asked.

"You called me Arlo. You never call me Arlo," he smiled. Without warning, he leaned over the table and kissed Jake passionately. When Arlo pulled away, Jake whistled.

"If that's what I get everytime I call you Arlo, you can expect it more often," Jake winked.

"Sounds good to me." Arlo smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arlo was smiling to himself all day at work. The dinner last night had been followed by lots and lots of snuggling. Arlo was pretty sure that was his favorite thing about Jake, he loved to cuddle even more than Arlo did. Since that night when Arlo had slept with him on the floor, he hadn't slept alone. Jake always made sure he invited Arlo to sleep with him, so he wouldn't ever feel awkward about having to ask.

"Arlo, we have a car accident coming in," Ronda said, as she listened to the radio that the medics always called in on.

"I'll get room 1 prepped," Arlo stated, and got to work. He was getting a small group of people ready to treat the incoming patients when his cell phone chirped. He usually didn't carry it with him, but because of the recent Donovan situation, he decided it was for the best. He picked it up and, expecting to see a text, realized it was actually ringing. He answered it.

"Hello?" He frowned, realizing he forgot to check the number.

"Doc? Look, don't treat the patient coming in right now," Jake said.

"The car crash guy? Why not?" Arlo frowned.

"Because he's-"

"Here!" Ronda called out. Arlo turned and shoved the phone in his pocket, saying a quick goodbye to Jake. He jogged to meet the paramedics at the door, as they wheeled in the unlucky guy. Arlo began working on him quickly. He attempted to talk to him, but soon realized he wasn't responding.

"Who is this guy? Do we have any records on him?" Arlo asked the nurses around him. Someone tugged the wallet out of his pants, and read through the information quickly.

"Donovan Cohen, I'll go check," she said, and ran off. Arlo stared down at the bloodied man. Through the matted hair, wounded face, and bloody clothing, he knew it was true. This man was Donovan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Doc?" Jake called out, as he ran into the hospital. "Doc!" he called out again. The young doctor was sitting in the hallway on a bench, with his head between his legs.

"Jake?" Arlo looked up and when he saw it was who he thought it was, he stood up and fell into Jake's arms.

"I'm sorry, Doc. I tried to warn you I just- I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Jake asked, pulling Arlo away so he could look at him.

"Yeah... I didn't know it was him until one of the nurses...." Arlo trailed off and looked lost. Jake pulled him back into a hug. He wasn't crying, but he was obviously stressed by the whole situation.

"What happened?" Jake asked.

"I was going to work on him, cuz I didn't know what you were talking about on the phone." Arlo sat down on the bench, and Jake followed. "We were just getting started when I found out. When I heard his name I had a panic attack. I've never freaked out around a patient before," Arlo whined. "They pulled me from him and sat me here. It's kind of a rule that you don't work on people you know," Arlo said.

"I know. Here," Jake said, and handed Arlo a bottle of semi cold water. He accepted it thankfully and took a long sip, before screwing the cap back on. "Are you sure you're alright? You're really pale," Jake said, and felt his head for a temperature.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Arlo said, and took a deep breath. He stood up and Jake saw he was visibly shaking.

"No you're not, come on. You're taking the day off," Jake said.

"Jake, I'll be fine. Really," Arlo said. "I don't want to just sit at home. I want to keep busy... and be near him," Arlo admitted. Jake paused.

"Do you still have feelings for him, Doc? After all he's done to you?" Jake was beginning to get angry.

"It's not like that. I mean, I'll always have feelings for him, but not in that way. We were together for a long time and even if he was a jerk, you can't do anything to get rid of all that time," Arlo tried to explain. Jake sighed.

"I don't understand," he admitted.

"I know. But I'm not asking you to understand, I'm asking you to deal with it. Okay? For me?" Arlo asked. Jake nodded.

"Okay. Do you need me to stay here with you?" Jake asked.

"No, I'm already feeling better. I think I was just in shock," Arlo said.

"Okay... I'll see you at home. Call me if you need anything," Jake said. Arlo nodded. He turned and left, leaving Arlo in the hallway alone.

Arlo spent the rest of his day milling about, trying to keep busy. He did little tasks and worked in the clinic for most of the day, dealing with colds and broken bones. But every time he had a free moment, he went and checked on Donovan. The man was obviously hurt badly, and they had struggled to keep him stable, but now that they had Arlo was beginning to calm down. He looked so much smaller and weaker in the hospital bed than when he had towered over Arlo with his fists raised. Arlo didn't know what he felt for Donovan anymore, but it wasn't love. He was beginning to think that it was never love. If it was, it was never returned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arlo dreamed of Donovan. Sometimes they were good dreams. Other times they were bad. He woke up three times in the night, and each time Jake had been there to comfort him. After the third time, Arlo got up and went to sit at the bar in the kitchen. Jake followed him quickly and sat with him.

"Want a drink?" Jake asked. Arlo looked at him like he was crazy, and Jake held up the little container he had grabbed before sitting down. "Hot chocolate. Mama used to make it for me when I had nightmares. That and..." he stretched and reached into the light fixture above the table, pulling out a package of Oreos.

"Why are you stashing Oreos?" Arlo rolled his eyes.

"Because, if you have them all the time, it ruins the magic." Jake smiled and set the bag down on the counter. He made them a cup of hot chocolate and sat down with Arlo. He took one, twisted it in half, and then let both halves float in the large coffee cup.

"You're such a weirdo." Arlo laughed, and just bit his cookie.

"What are you doing? You can't eat an Oreo like that! You're mad. I'm going to have to leave you for this. Get out of my house," Jake said, shaking his head sadly.

"It's just a cookie," Arlo laughed. Jake scoffed.

"It is not just a cookie! These," he held up the bag, "are Oreos. Milk's FAVORITE cookie. On top of their fluffy, creamy insides, they have the chocolate on the outside. Which means they go perfect with hot chocolate." Jake dipped a full cookie inside his hot chocolate and let it sit there for a moment, letting it get mushy.

"Then what's with that?" Arlo pointed at the gooey mess that had become of the cookie Jake had tossed in the hot chocolate.

"Simple," Jake finished a third cookie, and then drank the majority of his hot chocolate in a very precise manner, so that at the end he had a tiny bit of hot chocolate, with swirls of chocolate powder and warm cookie to drink.

"You make things way too complicated." Arlo laughed and downed his hot chocolate, before eating another cookie.

"An abomination is what you are!" Jake pretended to tear up and run away, arms flailing. Arlo laughed and followed him, leaving the cups and cookies behind. He found Jake in bed, pretend crying.

"I'm sorry, Jake," Arlo said, with fake sincerity. "I promise next time I'll eat Oreos your way." He smiled. Jake looked up, forcing his lip to quiver.

"Promise?" he asked, like a small child.

"Promise." Arlo burst into laughter. Jake smiled and pulled Arlo into a big hug

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yeah," Arlo smiled, not letting go of Jake. "Thank you."

"No problem," Jake shrugged, and smiled down at Arlo with care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donovan woke up the next day. Arlo was already at the hospital, working, and so he only had to walk down the hall to see him. All he had to do was walk, but that wasn't what he did. His shoes squeaked on the floor as he slid around a corner and took off again to reach Donovan's room. As soon as he arrived at the doorway, he stopped. His heart pounded in his chest and he was out of breath. But that wasn't what made him freeze in place, it was Donovan's eyes that met with his. Arlo hadn't seen him since the day he put him in the hospital.

"Hi," Donovan said.

"Hi." Arlo couldn't help it when his voice cracked. He didn't know if it was from relief, fear, freedom, or any of the other 300 emotions he was feeling. "Are you okay?" he asked, without even thinking about what he was saying.

"Yeah. I guess I am," Donovan said.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Arlo mumbled.

"Maybe it is," Donovan replied, voice filled with sorrow.

"Don't say things like that, Donovan," Arlo said. Donovan stared at him for a long moment.

"I'm sorry, Arlo. It's just... since you left... I don't know." Donovan shook his head.

"Since I left? Like you gave me a choice?" Arlo felt his anger flare.

"I didn't make you leave," Donovan frowned.

"You didn't? Really?" Arlo crossed his arms, and Donovan sighed.

"You're right. I did," Donovan nodded. "I've missed you." Arlo remained silent. "Did you miss me?" Donovan asked.

"Honestly?" Arlo asked, Donovan nodded. "No, I didn't. It's been nice being able to get a full nights sleep and not waking up sore, or with bruises everywhere," Arlo said seriously.

"Look, I said I'm sorry, okay?" Donovan asked.

"No you didn't. You've never said you're sorry, and meant it." Arlo added the last part to be clear.

"Well I mean it this time. I'm sorry I hurt you, Arlo. Forgive me?" Donovan asked. Arlo stared at him for a long time before nodding.

"Yeah, I forgive you." Donovan beamed. His eyes lit up and his smile was wider than Arlo had ever seen it.

"Thank you so much, Arlo! You won't regret this, I've changed I promise! I'll get sober again, I'll go to AA meetings! Everything! We can get a new house, leave all those bad vibes behind. We can-"

"Donovan," Arlo interrupted him. "I said I forgave you, not that I would go back to you," Arlo clarified. Donovan frowned.

"But... Arlo..."

"No, Donovan. I have to do what's best for me now. I can't let you ruin my life anymore," Arlo said. When he had come in, he had told himself that he wouldn't cry, but that obviously wasn't happening. He felt hot tears stream down his face as he continued. "I'm happy, Donovan. I'm happy, and I'm in love, for the first time in a long time." Donovan stared at him blankly. "I'm sorry. I really am. But I can't hurt myself again by going back to you."

"Just give me one more chance, Arlo, please," Donovan begged.

"I've given you too many chances already. You blew it, Donovan. I'm sorry." Arlo turned and walked out of the room. He only made it around the corner before he began sobbing. He held onto the wall for support, and cried. When he felt large hands wrap around his shoulders and slowly massage them, he looked up. Jake stood behind him, his gentle face smiling softly.

"Jake? What are you doing here?" Arlo asked.

"I told the nurses to call me when he woke up, I wanted to be here for you," Jake said.

"How long have you 'been here for me'?" Arlo asked.

"I may have eavesdropped a little..."Jake admitted. Arlo scowled.

"That was a private conversation," Arlo said.

"I know, but I worry. I'm sorry," Jake apologized, and hugged Arlo.

"It's okay," Arlo said. "Can we go? I really just want to be with you right now," Arlo said, hugging Jake possessively.

"Yeah, I can get the rest of the day off. How about we make a thing of it and go to the movies or something? Maybe go hang out at the park?" Jake asked, as they left the hospital. It was still pretty early in the morning, and they had time. Lots of time.