Ægir’s Bride Ch. 12

In the end, he did too. Whether it was a minute or ten he did not know or care as he felt her melt into him. As her tongue ceased to battle and instead entwined with his in sweet surrender that took his breath away. He wanted to say to hell with it all, take her below, to his bed and show her once more just what surrender felt like.

But what would that really prove? That he needed her. Just as much as his brothers. And he was not giving her that power over him. So he broke the kiss and released her so quickly that she would have stumbled and fallen, if Mikael's arms had not caught her. But that too only enraged him. "You will wear the plug two hours each and every day until we return, dear wife. Do not test me on this one."

She glared at him, opened her mouth to say something, except Mikael spun her in his arms to face him. "You will do as he says. As we say. Do you understand us, Kirsty?"

She opened her mouth once more as if to argue with Mikael too. Sven saw her look to where Bjorn stood just a foot away. But with a sigh even his baby brother only nodded his head. Those incredibly expressive blue oceans swam in tears as she looked from one to the other of them as if seeking a buoy in a turbulent sea. In the end, she dropped her eyes and whispered, "Yes, Sirs."

"Good girl," Mikael rewarded her with a smile that Sven was in no mood to relinquish. "Remember what I said, yes?"

She nodded and stood on her tip toes as she brushed a brief kiss to his brother's lips, "I will try. I promise. Be safe and come home to us."

Then she turned to Bjorn and repeated the process, "You remember what you promised me. Please be safe," she smiled with true affection at his baby brother and his stomach tightened into knots more restrictive than he had ever used or would dare to with her. "Stay out of trouble."

She rose and brushed a kiss across his lips too. As she drew back, her voice dropped lower and he strained to hear what secrets she shared with Bjorn over the wind that was beginning to truly hollow then. He was less than pleased at what he heard, "I love you."

He had seen and heard quite enough as he turned to head up to the control room. But a small hand on his arm stopped him. "Who is leaving without saying good-bye to whom, Sven?"

He sighed and shook his head, "Adjö, Kirsten." He was not sure what to do. After what had just happened, he knew even less where he stood with this woman. He certainly did not dare kiss her farewell.

Take as she accused what she had so freely given his brothers. Instead he simply stood there, staring at the deck of the boat that he would have until days ago sworn was the only thing besides his family that mattered in this whole fucked up world.

So when he felt her body press a bit tighter against his, he looked up in shock. She pressed a kiss to his lips too. Perhaps not as sincere or as long as she had to his brothers, but even he admitted that it was more than he deserved at the moment. "Be safe. Adjö, Sven."

He sighed and replied, "Good-bye, Kirsten." There was no doubt that his wife was learning their language amazingly quickly.

He did not, could not stand to watch as she walked away. He feared if he did just then, he would chase after her. Make a complete fool of himself...the same way his love besotted brothers seemed to be.

And this woman had given no real sign that was what she wanted...not with him anyway. No, he would not risk her rejection. He could not. So he turned then, pulled away from her hand that still rested on his arm and fled, retreated, to what he knew. This boat, the sea. Ran, the only mistress that had ever lasted long with him.

***

Kirsty stared out at the water that was every bit as turbulent as her mind. The storm that had been just beginning when they left yesterday morning was now raging in full force. Winds howled a perfect song to match her dark mood. The rains pounded so fiercely that she could feel them stinging her face and hands as she struggled to keep her hood on her head. Yes, her mood was as dark as this day.

She still was not certain how she had managed to survive last night. The whole day actually. Without them, the Holding had been unbelievably quiet. Even Monika's normally rambunctious behavior seemed dampened by some unknown force. The child had spent most of the day playing alone near the flames in the fireplace downstairs. Kirsty had curled up on the sofa and alternated watching the child with reading the latest of Raquel Graffen's books.

She chuckled, the woman made all of this seem as easy as Petrine's well-meaning advice. Her mother-in-law too had tried to engage her in conversation, but she was not ready to talk about things which she herself had not fully come to terms with.

Sven's words...and his mother's...had haunted her day. Could she? Was it as simple as he said? A package deal that she simply needed to accept him as he was, give up all hope of reaching him, or sharing with him the true intimacies that she did with his brothers? Could she truly do that even?

The truth was that her times with Sven while every bit as sexually satisfying as Mikael or Bjorn, if she were being honest at moments more intense, his assertions about experience were much too close to the truth sometimes, while they were just as satisfying, they left her feeling dirty. Used. Whether as sub, his whore or especially nothing more than an incubator for his child.

She felt the hot tears spill over her cheeks then. That was not helping either. After a horrible night of first dallying in Monika's room until she knew she was keeping her daughter awake, even then she could not face that room alone. She had thought about going back downstairs, perhaps sleeping on the couch but what if Monika needed her in the night? Even with the app on her iPad, it was not the same as being able to hear the child's screams.

She chuckled, perhaps some part of her even had hoped for the girl's nightmares. They would be a distraction from her own. Except her nightmares had not waited for sleep to consume her. Worries had plagued her day. What if something happened to one of them? Even Sven. Being so far away there was nothing she could do to help, as if she could even if she were there, she chided herself.

She had tried laying down in her bed but that had ended tearfully with memories and thoughts of all that had happened there the past few days. Days...fucking days! How could her whole damned life have been upended and turned on its head in a matter of days? It still boggled her mind.

Love. The idea that she could come to love not one but two men in such a short time had plagued her thoughts as well. Until she had realized, she was half in love with them before she had met Sven. That line of thought had sent her scurrying to her inbox and all those hundreds of emails, chat transcripts and the challenges. She swallowed just thinking about how easily they had gained her obedience, her submission.

She had re-read many of them. She had been right. She could so easily know which had written each one. Except for...those messages. The challenges. Some were brief, terse like Sven. Others, dark and demanding as her bad boy. And some...deep, intensely personal yet every bit as commanding and controlling, perhaps even more so. How had she never seen it before? The differences?

Yet she had obeyed them all...without question. Just as she obeyed them today, she shifted uncomfortably at the reminder of the plug in her ass pressing against the cold, wet wood of the dock. She wanted to be angry at them all.

Maybe a tiny bit of her was. Not so much at Mikael, he had made his position clear to her. He was determined to that bridge between her and his eldest brother Of course, she was angry with Sven, that was easy...and justified. What surprised her more was that she could also feel compassion for him. Perhaps Mikael had gotten inside her head just a bit with this one. She could certainly understand how overwhelming it all felt. Her own emotions were on the roller coaster ride of a life time. Even more so now.

But Bjorn? His nod might have seemed reluctant, but the truth was that in the end he too had nodded. He had given his assent and support to his brothers in the battle, not to her. That hurt. More than a bit. The fact that they had had no time to discuss that before he left only made it worse. Much worse. She was left alone with her thoughts to try and make sense of it all.

Her only solace had been the brief video chat that she had shared with Mikael shortly after Monika went to bed. He had called to see how they were doing. Bjorn was on watch he said and Sven, of course, was locked tightly in his cabin as usual. Of course, he was interested in how his daughter, their's now she reminded herself, was doing.

But after her assurances that all was well with the child, he had been much more concerned with her. Had she dropped? Was she absolutely sure? He knew that this was not easy on her. He was so incredibly proud of her for how she handled the good-byes. He thanked and praised her for how hard she had tried with Sven. She could tell though that he was tired. They had been up half the night before. Tomorrow it would be Bjorn, who called he assured her. If she needed them, she was to message, no matter what.

Maybe that was what she should have done this morning. Instead she had cried alone in that huge bed as the cramps hit her, doubling her in pain. But what confused her most was that it was not the excruciating physical pain that hurt her most but the ache in her heart. The knowledge that this time at least there would be no baby.

She shook her head as her hands covered her lower abdomen. The pain was pretty much gone. The tablets she had taken took care of that. But not even the last hour standing here and staring out to sea after them had begun to lighten the ache in her chest. She cursed herself for being silly. She should be glad, she told herself. It was too soon. She needed time to adjust to this life, this place, them.

Still none of that filled the ache in her heart. She had been broody for the last year, ever since her twenty-fifth birthday party her desire for a baby had intensified. She had flitted about the pub that night from one group of friends to the next. Some of course were young, single and getting more than a bit loud and drunk. But it was the married couples and especially the babies that drew her most.

After that she had begun to drop subtle and perhaps not so subtle hints to Raj about perhaps taking things to the logical conclusion. Getting married and starting a family. The man had gotten the hint, just not with her. Of that she was grateful.

But the past six months of her ruminations about wasted time, giving her youth to man that had never loved her, worse yet that she had never loved, they had eaten at her as that ache and need grew with every wedding and baby shower she attended. Every Christening. Every time she visited another friend in the hospital, glowing and basking in new motherhood.

She wanted that. A child. A family. And yes, there was no doubt that she had those feelings for Monika. It had been even easier to love the child than it was her father and uncle and that had been surprisingly easy. Still she wanted, almost needed, the whole package...pregnancy. She blushed at the memory of Mikael's very naughty fantasy about drinking milk from her as he rubbed her fecund belly and fucked her slowly. Oh, he could sometimes be such a very bad boy. But she wanted it all...beginning to end.

Once more she assured herself that it was too soon. Despite the tales of unplanned pregnancy, it usually took most couples months or even a year or more to conceive. She frowned as her friend Roz came to mind. At thirty-seven the woman had been trying for almost a decade, drugs, surgeries, even IVF. Nothing.

Kirsty sighed as a new worry mounted atop her others. What if she too could not conceive? Her cycles after all had never been completely regular. She could be anywhere from twenty-one days to sometimes as much as two or three months between them. Her GP had assured her that while it might take a bit longer, she should be able to conceive naturally without a problem. But what if like Roz she could not?

She swallowed back the foul taste in her mouth. She supposed that would put quite a damper on Sven. She started to laugh hysterically. Not because it was funny, but because the very thought hurt more than those first cramps had. The vice around her heart tightened even more as a future stretched out in front of her...no sons or even more daughters. No Kelly green eyes that could be laughing one moment and intensely dark the next. No, steel grey ones of anger or determination, no molten silver of passion and love either.

Would Sven insist on 'divorce' the way that Roz's husband was? It would not even be as complicated for them. Simply drop her back in Tilbury as easily as he had stolen her. No courts, no fights, no houses, property and alimony. Just a final good-bye. But more permanent...Farväl. Farewell. She could hardly breathe at the very thought of it.

Then she felt a soft arm about her shoulders, "We have been looking for you," smiled Petrine.

"Do you need me? Is Monika all right?" she asked.

"No, everything is fine. I, we were just worried about you. I know how hard this all is. I really do. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it never does. Not even when it is your sons and not your husbands. It is still hard. You just learn to manage I suppose," replied her mother-in-law.

Kirsty nodded as she stared out at the rolling waves of the sea. Her mind seemed fixated on the worst. How would she manage if something happened to Bjorn or Mikael the way it had this woman's Lars? Could she survive with the same grace and dignity? Even Sven...yes, damn the man, even him. At least, Rachel had had her sons to comfort her, Kirsty would not have even that not now.

"Are you droppy again, sweetie?" the woman asked as she squeezed her shoulders tighter.

She shook her head, "No, I don't think so. Nothing so dramatic, just plain old PMS." She tried to smile but her earlier thoughts came back to haunt her. What if she never had sons to see off. She felt herself losing the battle with the tears once more.

"Oh sweetie, I know. Honest, I do. I understand that one too." The older woman wrapped her in another of those uncomfortable, comforting hugs. She held her for a long moment before drawing back. "I have just the thing. Cherry Garcia ice cream and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

She chuckled as she led her away from the pier, "Cheating little bitch, she could have handled it. Would have been way more fun if she had just left those other six snooty little bitches in town. She was already doing the hard part of the job. Cooking, cleaning and getting those men in line. Oh, just wait until you see Monika. My grand-daughter might not be able to talk but she knows every word to 'Sobbin' Women.' "

Even as Kirsty looked over at the turbulent seas that seemed to have swallowed them into its darkness, she could not help but smile as she imagined the child singing along. She frowned, why had she not thought of it before. Of course, the way that the child had hummed along with the songs on her tablet. That was the answer...music.

If only it was all as easy, if only reaching him was as simple as it had been with Bjorn, Mikael or Monika. If only, he would bend...just a bit.

***

Bjorn was putting finishing touches on the stew he had made for their dinner. It was nothing fancy, not his best cooking. Then again without her to impress what was the point. He was so busy just trying to focus on not burning the damned thing that he did not even hear him come until he cleared his throat. "So what is for dinner?" asked Mikael.

"Fish stew."

His brother chuckled, "Of course, what else."

Bjorn twirled around to face him, the spoon in one hand, the other already fisted and ready to go. "Make your own damned dinner then, Mikael."

His brother held up both hands in surrender, "I was not complaining. You know that you get stuck with this damned job most of the time because you do it better than either me or gods forbid it Sven." He chuckled, "The man sets even the microwave smoking."

Bjorn shook his head. The truth was that it was not cooking or the menu that was bothering him. It was her. And them. Sharing his wife with his brothers was not as easy as he thought it would be. "I'm not sure which is worse. How he treats her like something just to be used or you. You love her, don't you?"

His brother nodded, "Yes, probably just as much as you do. And it is not any easier for me." He chuckled and shook his head, "Maybe harder after..."

His brother's voice trailed off. Bjorn nodded, there was no need for Mikael to continue. They both knew what he meant...after Greta's betrayal. Once more, he was left feeling like the most selfish shit in the world. He ought to be happy that she could put the smile back on Mikael's face, not green with envy. "So what the fuck are we going to do about it?"

His brother sighed and crossed the room, taking bowls from the cabinet and ladling up the stew. "I'll do the dishes since you cooked," Mikael offered as he handed him the other bowl and motioned for them to sit down. "She asked me to talk to you."

He nodded, "Yeah, she asked me too."

"So what do you say, baby brother? Truce?" Mikael said as he extended his hand across the table.

Bjorn shook his head. What choice did he really have? Despite everything he had learned the past couple of days, the secrets they had kept from him, he loved his family. This brother, who had always been there for me especially. He smiled as he remembered that fort that was falling down now, but still managed to withstand the storm. That was them...their fucked up family. They would find a way somehow to get through this one too, just as they had with Greta.

Perhaps just as his father and uncles had with their mother. Who was he to judge what they had done to hold onto the woman they loved? He knew already that there was nothing, absolutely nothing that he would not do to hold onto her.

"Truce," he said as he clasp it tightly across their plates.

When they let go, Mikael picked up his spoon with a smile as he brought it towards his mouth, "So what is this fucked up shit with 'my sweet Freya'?"

Bjorn laughed and felt the tension break for the first time in... A very long time. Perhaps not since the night that Greta had tried to seduce him. His brother's wife...the other one. And while he was not about to reveal that betrayal to the man, not now that his brother was finally beginning to heal, he was thankful that Kirsty had done this...for them. Brought his brother back to them. His niece too. And for the first time since he had seen their small family slipping from those woods, he did not feel like an outsider looking in.

***

Sven stood just outside the galley doorway listening to them talk and laugh. His brothers it seemed had put away their differences. He should be glad since that would make his job much easier, except that he knew they would now be united...against him.

He frowned as he thought about yesterday morning on the boat. The way that Mikael and even reluctantly Bjorn had backed him with her. He was not sure whether he was grateful or resentful. He did not need their support to correct their wife. He had just as much right as they did to set rules for her.

Yet here again, he stood on the outside looking in. He had done it his whole life it seemed. But then again maybe that was his choice too. He had been the one that begged, pleaded and almost demanded that he be allowed to go to sea with his uncles when he was a mere child of seven. Had it been some misguided attempt to replace the father he had never known? He was not sure, who knew what things little boys thought.