Aspie in Wonderland

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The Good, The Bad and The Very Ugly - Introduction.
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If I could do one thing in this world it would be to bring an understanding that autism is not a developmental delay, although autistics can have developmental delays. It is not an intellectual or physical disability, although it can be disabling. It is not a disease, it is not caught from vaccines or anything else and it can not be cured. It is a genetic neurological condition, some would even say an evolutionary improvement, that makes you more sensitive physically, mentally and emotionally. That is it pure and simple.

Warning: This story contains swearing, fucking, violence, exposing deep dark secrets and subjects that may make you feel empathy, hate, understanding and/or uncomfortable. This story will not be for everyone.

If you want a descriptive, technically brilliant story then you won't find it here. However you will find a true story that you have never heard the likes of before, from someone who is honest and real. I am not a writer, I have no technical skills when it comes to writing. I hated English at school. I believed if I could read, write and understand then why did I need to learn a subjective subject, that I simply did not care for and would probably never need to use, except for the basics. I wish now, that I had of paid more attention. I will, however, endeavour to do my very best to tell my story.

Why write about myself? No, I am not narcissistic, I am not famous, I am not rich, others have been through tougher things in their life and I am positive there are a lot more interesting lives than mine. I am just 1 of 7 billion humans on the planet. That in itself, makes me unique, however on top of that I also belong to a group that is 1% of the population...those with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Nuerotypical and nuerodiverse people in my life suggested telling my story, so I'm giving it a go. I would like to think that it may help other autistics out there, maybe help someone who is undiagnosed to finally understand themselves, help a NT (neurotypical) get a general understanding or understand a loved one now and how they may be in the future.

The main reason I am doing this is because it is therapeutic, I am getting out all the things I have been carrying for many years. I need to process it all, now that I truly understand who I am.

I wonder if I will regret putting my life, warts and all, out there. Worst case scenario - everyone who reads about me might hate me for all my mistakes. Of course I do not want that but it is what it is. These taboo subjects and experiences can be related to autism and most autistics and autism experts would not want to talk about them. At the end of the day, I have to take responsibility for my past mistakes and I do believe I have served enough time for my every crime.

I find a lot of autistics have an innate ability to tell things how they are, sometimes embarrassingly so. If you know an autistic you may have often heard them say "What? It's true!" because they are not looking at the embarrassing side of it, merely telling the facts. It is like if I say 1+1=2 and someone has an emotional reaction to that, I would think "What? Its just a fact". This however does not mean that autistics are cold hearted or don't have empathy for that person. I will be telling my story as it is.

I wasn't diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder until I was 42. More precisely I was told I was a High Functioning Autistic previously called Asperger's Syndrome. Some autistics hate the high and low functioning labels because severe autistics can still have great talents and those at the other end of the spectrum like me have so many issues.

Me, I don't give a fuck what it's called, it is still the same thing to me. What? It is true!

I called the story Aspie in Wonderland - the good, the bad and the very ugly truth because Aspie is a shortened form of Asperger's which a lot of people with Asperger's seem to like. I do not care for the word Aspie to be honest, I don't know why? Maybe it sounds too airy fairy to me. In Wonderland because I use to wonder what the fuck was wrong with almost everyone else on the planet. Seriously! The good, the bad and the very ugly truth because there are a lot of tough things that an autistic person has to go through but there are some great advantages to being autistic and some ugly things that are frowned on by society.

I lived most of my life not knowing I had autism. This gives me a unique perspective. I have done my very best to become an NT. Also I seem to have an ability to articulate very well how autism affects me. This means I can put it in terms NTs can understand and also other autistics say "Yes, that's exactly what I've been going through and what I've been wanting to say".

Hopefully other autistics do not feel so alone or weird about themselves after reading this. If you are autistic or suspect that you are and you give this to others, hopefully it says it all for you, without you having to struggle with everything you would like others to understand. Even if you give it to them and say "Read this, at least I'm not as screwed up as this guy". That is a joke by the way. Other autistics will know why I needed to explain that.

This story is my story and every autistic, just like every person, is different. I don't have every autistic trait and the ones I do have could be more or less severe than another autistic. If your opinions differ that is ok, this story is about me and my perspective. Me too, like all humans could be wrong, but it is my opinion and my understanding.

I think if you read my story to the end you will get a greater understanding of a person who is just 1 in 7 billion, who isn't famous, who isn't rich, who hasn't had the worst life, who hasn't had the most exciting life but is real, honest and unique within that 1% of the population with autism.

Although I will be writing this analysing myself and autism/asperger's, it is not an exact, scientifically nor an academically correct study. There are no references, although for almost all, I bet I'm correct. It is my story as I see it. If you have differing views or insight that I don't have, then feel free to publish your own views and/or insights. The world needs different opinions.

I hope you learn something while reading this, even if it is just about another unique person on this planet. Make sure you don't think I'm a good person as you read the early chapters because my sins will disappoint you, try to reserve your judgement until the end. I hope you won't hate me for my sins at the end. If you do please remember I am a flawed person, just like most people and although I have made plenty of mistakes, I am at least 99% a good person like most autistics are.

Let those without sin cast the first stone.

If you search for the bad in someone you will find it, if you search for the good in someone you will find it.

Enjoy.

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