At My Window Sad and Lonely

Joanna and especially Dan monopolized the conversation for the rest of dinner. But Laurie didn't mind, and Jerry showed no sign that he did either. After they had settled the bill (with Laurie and Jerry both refusing the others' condescending offers to cover it), the talk turned immediately to which dance club they'd be hitting after a round of beers at Dan's favorite dive-bar. "It's half-price on drinks at Club Red," Dan noted. "But the music there sucks."

"So do the drinks, Dan," Joanna reminded him. "Remember how watery the rum and cokes were last week?"

"They just make them that way for the girls," Dan replied, and Joanna punched him on the arm. "Eighties night at Earth and Sky," he noted.

"Now you're talking!" Joanna said. "Laurie used to love that place, too, remember?"

"Yeah, I do remember," Laurie said, recalling many ridiculously late nights there in her former life. Like most elements of that life, though, she found she didn't care to revisit it now. "I don't know now, though, Joanna. It's so nice just to be out and about in a place like this where you can actually talk, you know? I'm not really in a mood to go get all sweaty and drunk just because."

"Aw, come on, Laurie, you didn't die, you only got fired!"

"Laid off, and that's got nothing to do with it," Laurie said. Turning to Jerry, she added, "Don't let me stop you if the three of you want to go dancing. It's just that I'd rather have a few quiet drinks tonight."

"That sounds great to me too, actually," Jerry said.

"Great, it's contagious," Dan grumbled with his usual smarmy grin. "Anyway, you kids know where to find us if you decide you do want to party with the grown-ups."

They parted ways outside the restaurant, with Dan and Joanna off to a bar Laurie had always avoided even back when she could afford any drink on the menu. She turned and guided Jerry down the block towards a favorite blues club -- all too fitting for a couple of down-on-their-luck singles so close to Valentine's Day anyway. "Listen," she told him. "I'm sorry if I made you feel you had to choose between them and me --"

"No! Thank you!" Jerry said emphatically, his earlier discomfort with her little show apparently forgotten. "He's been annoying the hell out of me, and no offense, but Joanna seems a little obnoxious, too."

"None taken, she always acts like that around him," Laurie sighed. "She never used to be that way. Back in college we were all rah-rah, change the world libbers. So sad to see what love can do to a person, you know?"

"I sure do," Jerry said. "Dan always has been an immature jerk, if you're wondering. All too easy to imagine he'd have that effect on a woman who's attracted to him. But I have to put up with him until I find a job, I guess."

"I can identify," Laurie said. Then, recalling the refreshing resolve she'd felt at the dress shop, she gave him a light pat on the back. "Hey, now that we've got that out of the way, let's forget about them. No need to get all depressed about their problems when we've got plenty of our own, right?"

"Too true!" Jerry agreed.

And from that moment on, it was all pleasant small talk about life in the city and where they'd gone to college and what they'd done since then. All the usual date stuff, Laurie realized halfway through the bottle of wine they split at the club, and she wondered if it felt so much like a date to Jerry, too. But that, along with what he had seen back at Joanna's place, remained off the table.

Any lingering doubts Laurie had about Jerry were erased when the act on the bill turned out to be an all-female trio and he gave no sign of disapproval. (She could all too easily imagine Dan's commentary about it, and Joanna giggling along in pseudo-agreement.) "That bassist was fantastic!" Jerry said on the walk back to Joanna's. "The way she bent those notes just enough...wow."

"Did you ever play bass, Jerry?" Laurie asked.

"Three years in my youth group band at church," he said. "But she could play me under the table. Did you play anything?"

"Flute in the marching band, all through high school. And I hate football!" For some reason that revelation struck her as hilarious, and Jerry joined in on her enigmatic laughing. Maybe it was the wine?

"I don't like football either," Jerry admitted when they had calmed down. "You can imagine what Dan always thought of that when we were kids."

"Yeah, I can all right," Laurie said. "But who cares about him or Joanna, right?"

"Right!"

They were on Joanna's block by then, and Laurie looked up to the second floor to see their windows were dark. "Still at Eighties Night, no doubt," Laurie said. She turned back to Jerry, utterly prepared to invite him upstairs for a nightcap and the consequence be damned if Joanna and Dan turned up.

But he was shuffling his feet nervously and kicking at the curb. "Well, thanks for a really nice evening, Laurie," he said. "And listen, I'm sorry about...you know, what I saw. Before we left for dinner."

Laurie felt a surge of ticklish excitement, and she let out a shy laugh. "Did it look like I didn't want you to see it?" She wanted to take Jerry in her arms and smother him with kisses now.

"You did? I mean, you did!" He was smiling again, but he had his hands buried in his coat pockets against the chill. "Wow, I think I'm going to like the city even more than I thought I would."

Laurie opened her arms. "Jerry..."

Barely -- almost imperceptibly -- he shook his head. "Hey, thanks for everything! Can I call you this week?"

"I'd like that, a lot. But, listen..."

"I will! I'd better get back to Dan's place and clean it up a bit while I can. That never gets done when he's home and the place is a pigsty." He turned and looked down the block. "Well...good night!"

"Good night." Laurie smiled through her disappointment and shuffled up the steps.

Had she really just been rejected for first-date sex in favor of cleaning up someone else's apartment? As she climbed the stairs to the second floor, Laurie wondered did she even want him to call her if he were going to be that way? But then, it had been such a wonderful evening, and hadn't she always been similarly standoffish in the past when a guy tried to get her to go home with him on the first date? Still, why hadn't he just said no if that were all?

At least they had cleared the air on the show she'd put on. But if he'd liked what he'd seen...

...Then maybe he'd like to see it again, Laurie mused as she let herself into Joanna's apartment. A discreet glance through the curtains confirmed that he was still down on the sidewalk, looking up in her direction. He didn't see her -- yet.

With a mischievous grin, Laurie turned on the little table lamp just inside the window. With the curtains still drawn, she undressed completely. Standing naked behind the curtain, she took a deep breath and another peek to make sure only Jerry was out there. Seeing that he and only he was in sight, she pulled back the curtain and gazed down at him, hands on her hips and grinning ear to ear.

Jerry's eyes nearly popped out of his head -- whatever he'd been expecting of her, evidently it wasn't this! That was fine with Laurie; it wasn't usually her style either. Laurie stood stock still, letting him drink in her bare body to his heart's content, which proved to be only a brief but appreciative glimpse before he locked his eyes on her face instead. By then, Laurie's nervous grin had progressed to a laugh -- a throaty, nervous laugh as she struggled not to shake in case he wanted to admire her breasts and bush some more. After realizing she wasn't going anywhere for the moment, he did admire them. Though still equal parts embarrassed and thrilled, she drank in his appreciation and struggled in vain to get her laugh under control.

After one or two long minutes, he looked at her face again and waved good night. She returned the wave and drew the curtains, immensely relieved that no one else had happened along.

Feeling much too wound up to even think of sleeping now despite the late hour, Laurie flopped down on the couch and fingered herself to two orgasms. Though pleasantly tired again after the second one, she got up to go wash her pussy juices off her hands. She gave no thought to putting any of her clothes back on, and so she was stranded naked in the bathroom when Dan and Joanna came in moments later.

Laurie heard the usual pathetic attempt to keep down their boisterousness for her sake, abandoned even more quickly than usual when they saw the couch was empty. "They're still out?!" Joanna said.

"Maybe Jerry took her back to my place," Dan said. "That bitch."

"Bitch? What do you mean?"

"What kind of girl puts out on the first date? And with a kid fresh off the farm like Jerry?"

"Oh, fuck you, Dan!"

"Yes please!"

Then, of course, came Joanna's usual obsequious giggle, and they were off to her room to do just that. Laurie, taking no mind of Dan's insulting comments as they were just what she always expected of him, shut off the bathroom light as soon as she heard their footsteps retreat. Then she stepped out into the dining room and listened to be sure they were safely in the bedroom. Once she was confident that they were, she sauntered slowly out into the living room, and even paused to face the bedroom door as if daring it to open. Of course it didn't, and Laurie was soon decent under the makeshift covers on the couch.

For once, Laurie didn't have to fill in for anyone at the restaurant on Sunday. So she enjoyed a rare leisurely morning, watching the winter sunshine out the window where she had put on her show. As she worked up the willpower to get up, she wondered what Jerry had thought of her body, and if she would feel possessed to do such a thing again. Finally giving in to her newly rediscovered motivation, she got up shortly before eleven and packed up her computer to churn out the latest batch of job applications at some coffee shop. Sitting around the apartment just wouldn't do when she was feeling so alive for a change.

Joanna and Dan were still shut away in the bedroom when Laurie made her escape, so there were no embarrassing questions about what she and Jerry had gotten up to last night. They were, however, both there to greet her when she got home shortly before dinnertime. "I hear you had a heck of a night!" Dan said in lieu of a greeting, and Laurie's stomach turned over as she hung her coat in the closet. Surely Jerry hadn't told him everything?!

"Yeah, we did," Laurie forced herself to say. "Jerry's a really nice guy."

"He likes you, too," Dan said. "I checked in on him for lunch today, and he wouldn't shut up about all your walking and talking and how he can't wait to see you again. So tell me, did you really not even kiss good night, or is he just being a gentleman and not telling?"

"If he won't tell you, why should I?" Laurie was flush with relief - of course it was only Dan being Dan!

"Couldn't agree more, Dan, it's none of your business," Joanna said. To Laurie, she added, "I'm really glad to hear you guys had a nice time. You didn't miss anything at the club. It's always the same songs they play every Eighties Night."

"Oh, you had a wonderful time!" Dan protested, and Laurie's business was promptly forgotten as the two of them set to arguing.

Laurie had always volunteered for the breakfast shift on Monday. It kept her on the manager's good side, it meant she was free for the rest of the day from about eleven o'clock onward, and after all, she'd had no reason to stay up late on the weekend until now. Dan and Joanna knew the drill, and so he went home and she retired to her room early on, leaving Laurie blissfully alone in the living room.

That had always been her cue to go straight to bed so she'd have a fighting chance at being halfway awake when she got to the restaurant. But now, the privacy was too precious to waste. The moment Joanna had said good night and shut her bedroom door, Laurie sat back on the couch and gathered her nightgown up around her waist, and then after a moment's thought, took it off entirely. She stood up and cast a wary glance at the bedroom door - what if Joanna had forgotten something?

Then, with a thrilling stab in her gut, Laurie realized she almost welcomed that!

She worked herself into such a wonderful lather with both hands that she wasn't at all sure she'd have been able to stop if Joanna had happened to open the bedroom door. After three orgasms and a moment to catch her breath and assess the wet spot on the couch, Laurie turned to the window where she'd put on her show the night before. Once again the curtains were drawn.

Laurie imagined herself tearing them open and gazing proudly down at passerby in the street and, feeling freshly aroused, she got up and stood before the drawn curtains with her hand still nestled in her bush.

Catching her breath, Laurie took another peek out to make sure the coast was still clear, and seeing that it was, she did open the curtains. A delicious prickly feeling enveloped every inch of her body as she looked out upon the deserted block, and she even let a few nervous laughs escape as she took in the scene and gave herself over to it. A stirring in the corner of her eye proved to be a man unlocking his car door down the block, and Laurie reflexively reached for the curtains with both hands...and then stopped. With both curtains still clutched in her fists, she felt more on fire than ever as she fixed her gaze on the man. He took no notice of her that Laurie could discern, even after he turned on his headlights and started the car. It was at that point that Laurie finally drew the curtains.

After one last orgasm, Laurie picked up her nightgown from the floor...and decided against putting it back on. She tossed it onto the chair by the window, and slid under the covers nude.

"Don't we look chipper!" Lois teased the next morning as Laurie grinned effortlessly over every cup of coffee she poured. "Out to rub everyone else's nose in it over Monday?"

"Oh, it was just a nice weekend," Laurie said, keeping to herself for the hundredth time at least what it really felt like to watch all the busy men and women on their way to the life she used to lead, and pleasantly surprised that for once she didn't much care.

"Got laid, did you?"

"Well, he said no. But next weekend, for sure!"

"Laurie!" Lois snapped. "Totally inappropriate for you to share that!"

"You asked, Lois."

"I'm the boss. You're supposed to show some decorum."

Laurie smiled through her irritation as she collected the latest round of pancakes and eggs for the quartet of businessmen at the corner table. Just another reminder that she had to get out of here one of these days...but it didn't sting like it usually did, as she thought of Jerry. How nice to have something to look forward to again!

Maybe, she thought as she folded her share of the garish pink napkins and slipped the Valentine's Week specials into the menus, she would even do something special for him for Valentine's Day. She'd never done anything like that for the guys she'd dated in her old life, but maybe this was one way in which her life had changed for the better. For once, she wasn't feeling cynical at all as the big day approached.

The whole morning shift went like that. By the time she went off duty just before the lunch rush, Laurie had made up her mind to call Jerry. No sense in being shy after what he'd seen Saturday night and how wonderful he was making her feel even in his absence, after all! But when she retrieved her purse from the staff lockers and switched on her phone, she was delighted to find two messages waiting.

The first was from Jerry, whose name and number she had already saved. "Hi Laurie...I don't know quite how to say this, but...thanks for the show, Saturday night! It was beautiful! I don't really know how to follow up a thing like that, but I hope we can talk about it this week. Give me a call if you're free for dinner sometime. God, this is awkward, isn't it? I hope it's okay just to say I really liked it, and I like you. I'm guessing that is okay, though, after what you did. Wow! Yeah, talk to you soon, I hope."

Laurie grinned at the phone as she pressed three to save the wonderfully endearing message - she had a feeling she'd be listening to that several more times before she did call him back to accept the invitation, accept though she certainly would.

But first, there was the other message, from a number she didn't recognize. It was a consulting firm she had applied to the week before, offering her an interview.

After returning the call to arrange an interview for the next day and churning out another batch of applications just in case, Laurie bought a four-pack of wine coolers to celebrate. When Joanna got home, she found Laurie happily tipsy, dressed only in a white blouse she had unpacked while ironing some other business clothes. "I got an interview tomorrow!" she exclaimed.

"Congratulations!" Joanna said, and after Laurie had set down the iron she gave her a congratulatory hug. "Is that why you're barely dressed, dear?"

"I'm trying on my suits, to see which one looks best for the interview. They all look good with this top, so I've just been leaving that on." With a shy grin, she added, "Wondering which one Jerry would like best, too. I'm definitely going to take him out for dinner afterwards to celebrate."

Joanna looked sad all of a sudden. "Oh, Laurie..."

"What do you think, pants or skirt? I haven't worn a skirt in so long I'm a little bit afraid I'll flash someone when I sit and stand! But I feel so much more confident in one. Makes me feel in charge, you know? You can bet Jerry would prefer that, too, of course."

"Laurie..."

"Yes?" Laurie was surprised: her friend was giving her a tender look the like of which she hadn't seen much of since Dan had come into the picture. "What? All I asked was, pants or skirt?"

"Laurie, Dan doesn't want you seeing Jerry again."

"Excuse me?" Laurie's goodwill vanished. Even for Dan, this was low.

"Dan is very protective of his family, you see. Always is. Jerry's so young, right out of college and on his own in the city for the first time, and..."

"And Dan just can't stand that Jerry might not be as helpless and naïve as he thinks."

"Laurie, that's not fair! Look, I love you, but your life has been a bit of a wreck since you got fired-"

"Laid off!" Laurie corrected.

"Same diff, and in any case, Dan just doesn't want his cousin around so much negativity. He's worried you're a bad influence."

"Bad influence? What would Dan know about that?!"

"That's not fair! He's a little immature, but he's a man, what do you expect? And he's a good man."

"He's an asshole," Laurie corrected, going back to work on her gray blazer with the iron.

"Laurie, you know you're welcome in my home, but I won't have you talking about the man I love like that."

Laurie set the iron upright again and glared at her old friend. "What's he got on you, Joanna? What did he do to make you act like such a fool for him? Is he dynamite in bed, is that it?"

"Laurie!" Joanna gave her a disgusted look and then retreated to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

There was ironing left to be done, and so Laurie poured her fury into imagining she was torturing Dan with the iron. By the time she had finished ironing, she had decided on two things: she would wear her navy blue skirt-suit for the interview, and who the fuck was Dan to think he could tell her or Jerry what to do? She remained furious that Joanna had felt compelled to go along with his nonsense. But that was her problem, not Laurie's.

After hanging up her clothes, Laurie had calmed down enough to call Jerry and let him know she wasn't to be pushed aside by Dan or anyone. She shut herself in the bathroom in case Joanna came out of her room, and dialed his number.