AU Ch. 06

"Why!" Mark snapped "Did you lie to me about how bad she treated you? All the men she slept with? How about all the drinking, was that just to make me feel sorry for you! That's pathetic." Mark backed up against the door angry and bewildered.

A tear slid down Maddox's cheek. "She said I was the only one who didn't use protection. I told you about that on our first date. I'm clean, I just might have a kid. But I think it's mine, even if it's not genetically I would still want to keep it."

"So, that's it huh? You just are gonna have a baby with your wife and be one big gay happy family! What about us Maddox, did I really mean so little to you? After all I was willing to risk just to be with you and you just let your ex-wife ruin all of that! I could get EXPELLED!" He snarled before storming out of Maddox's apartment. "After all the shit and I was going to tell you about..." He growled over his shoulder. It didn't matter now that he couldn't have Maddox, he couldn't even look at him. It sure as hell didn't matter that he was about to open up to him about Noah.

"Mark please!" Maddox ran down the stairs tripping on the fourth one down...

Mark heard him crash down the wooden stairs. He knew they were causing a seen and he flipped up his hood. Warm trails of tears were cutting their path on his pale cheeks. He hated himself for wanting to turn around and help the man he heard scrambling in the gravel. He couldn't be that weak, he had to walk away now before he admitted he had feelings. That would mean he would have to deal with those feelings, which he promised he would never have.

Mark got into his car, and closed the door. His vision was blurred but he only had to make it back to the dorm.

~*~*~*~

Maddox chased Mark's car down the road until the car was out of sight. It was over. He had never seen anyone look at him like that. Hell blazing so violently in Mark's eyes. Mark's torment was his fault. Maybe he should just give him time and space. Maybe it had just been too much too soon. Some things were just not meant to be.

Maddox stopped watching the best thing that had ever happened to him drive out of his life. His heart contorted from lack of oxygen and heartbreak.

~*~*~*~

"Hey babe, what happened?" Justin looked at Mark realizing his roommate was steaming.

Mark had gone through so many emotions, he was exhausted. Anger seemed to be a safe choice and so he settled with that. He was pissed at Maddox. Pissed because Maddox had made him feel something and then decided to go back to his slutty ex wife for a kid that probably wasn't his.

"He's pregnant! He's going back to her and is so deep in the closet he found Narnia! Stupid mother fucking bastard. I bet he got her pregnant too. Pregnant! Pregnant pregnant pregnant. As in pregnant with a fucking baby... Preg-Fucking-Nant!" Mark roared making Justin jump.

"What? Mark, slow down. Come sit with me and explain please. Maybe I can help." Justin patted his new army bedspread. Camouflage was in, pink and glitter were out. He was still the femme fatal, but now he had camo, manly pink camo. As manly as pink and Justin could be.

Mark gritted his teeth and sat next to his teddy bear roommate. "Mystery man, member how I told you he was married, going through a divorce but still married to the cheating cunt?"

Justin nodded, he didn't like the word and assumed Mark must be pretty heated to use it. "Yes, I thought you said you were ok with that. I told you it would end badly but I won't say I told you so. I'm too worried you might bite my head off." Justin realized his attempt at humor was falling on deaf ears. "Sorry, continue."

"Well she is F'in pregnant and he believes the baby is his. Why? Simply because the bitch says so. Her legs work like Wal-Mart doors, opening at the slightest sign of motion and yet... nope the baby is his. It has to be." Mark rubbed his temples the thought of Maddox trusting his ex wife at her word was crazy. It was crazy.

"I'm sorry babe. Hey what are you doing for Thanksgiving break?" Justin offered brightly.

"Staying here, I have so much to get caught up on." Mark groaned and leaned back on Justin's bed.

Justin wrinkled his nose "You work too hard Mark, please? I promise I will put some meat on your bones and I'll feed you too." Justin needs to ask Mark to spend turkey day with him. At least that's what the above sentence leads me to think. But it's not written.

Mark smiled "Sorry Just, I already put in to stay. Maybe next year all right?" Truth be told Mark hadn't brought up staying in the dorm yet with the Residence Life Coordinator. He just wasn't in the mood to pretend like everything was alright for another man's family.

"Alright, I'll miss you boo boo." Justin kissed Mark on the cheek leaving a sticky pink mark on Mark's pale skin.

Mark shook his head. Justin had so many ridiculous pet names for him.

~*~*~*~

Todd's cell phone started vibrating violently in his pocket. "Hello?" He asked already knowing by the screen that it was Maddox.

Maddox inhaled sharply. He felt as though he had just been pulled from an ice bath and his lungs were just starting to regain function.

"Madd, you there man?" Todd asked hearing only breathing.

"He left. He left again."

Todd nodded "Hang on; I'll be over in a bit."

Like a true friend Todd was in his car and driving. It would take Maddox a long time to get over this guy.

Maddox was still huddled on the steps where Mark had left him. "Come on, let's get you upstairs and cleaned up."

Maddox walked with Todd into his house. "He's really gone"

"You made the choice dude. I know you are doing the right thing but you have to deal with the aftermath." Todd poured Maddox some cranberry juice. "Here, take slow sips."

Maddox hiccupped and held the glass with both hands. "I know I did the right thing, I just didn't want to loose him. He's better though right?"

Todd didn't make a habit of sugar coating things. He knew Maddox cared about this Mark kid but he was in pieces over it. He hadn't gotten this emotional in the entire time Todd had known him. "He'll get there. You said he was sweet and good looking."

Maddox smiled "Smart too. He's the only one passing my chem class right now."

Todd opened up a coke "Triple threat"

Maddox took another small sip of the bitter juice. "He'll meet a guy, fall in love, and have a great life right?"

"Yeah, Madd he'll be ok." Todd flicked on the TV for background noise. Maddox had gotten it all out, now time for phase two, distraction.

~*~*~*~

Two weeks later and Maddox still didn't seem to be doing any better. "Alright, I am sick and tired of this slump you have yourself in. I found a gay bar and you are going to go and get numbers so that you can't crawl back into the damn closet." Todd hauled his friend up by his bicep. "See you are even getting soft. When was the last time you worked out?"

Maddox pulled his arm away "Lay off. I am working on my lesson plan."

Todd looked down "No, you are gazing at your ex boyfriends test. Now, we are gonna do your laundry, work out and go to a gay bar. The only reason you have to not go is that you are afraid I will get all the cute guys."

Maddox jerked his arm away "You know for a straight guy you sure do think you can get a ton of guys."

"No, I am secure in my masculinity and my sexuality enough to say stupid shit to cheer you up."

Maddox looked at the test. "I'm just not into it. It's too soon and saying hey, I'm newly out, not divorced from my expecting wife and planning on being a single father is not a great pick up line."

"You can't just give up. You could turn all those things into positives." Todd tried, still a stain of hope in his voice.

"I think I'm just better being single right now." Maddox looked the test over and smiled "Only A in the class."

Todd patted Maddox's back. "That's great man." He hated seeing him like this. Todd glanced at the last name making a mental note.

~*~*~*~

Cassie nudged Mark with her pencil "Hello, earth to gay man!"

Mark looked up from his doodle and sighed. He just wanted to be left alone. Was it really that hard for Cassie to be quiet for one day? "What?"

"Jesus you are out of it." She rolled her eyes "How the hell you are making A's is beyond me. Maybe I should blow the teacher."

Mark jolted "I'm not doing that! Someone might hear..." Mark looked around the chem room to see it was empty. "Class is over."

Cassie laughed "Yeah, five minutes ago. Listen, I know it is none of my business but are you ok?"

Mark rolled his eyes "Yeah, I'm fine."

Cassie arched an eyebrow "You don't look fine, neither does Dr. Cotedivoux. Seems like the past two weeks both you guys have been flying on auto pilot."

Mark didn't reply. He couldn't seem to get his body to move, but he was not even going to acknowledge that he noticed Maddox seemed upset. That would mean he would have to think about why and he knew it was more than likely his fault. He couldn't be there for Maddox and Maddox had decided to play happy family with a bitchy skank.

"Did you two have a lovers' spat?" She asked resting her hand over Mark's clenched fist.

"We aren't together." Mark snapped. Cassie really seemed to know which buttons to push. Her chatter and nosiness was becoming unbearable.

"Right" Cassie looked a little hurt that Mark wasn't going to admit she knew the secret. It meant he really didn't trust her. "Well... Um, did you and your man have a lover's spat then?" She tried a little less sure of herself.

Mark knew he wasn't going to get out of this conversation easily. "I'm single. I dumped him because he wasn't there enough. He has his own shit and I have mine. No need to weigh each other down." Simple, it was the line he had told himself every night since he drove away.

Cassie squeezed Mark's hand "Come on Mark, don't insult my intelligence too. You may be able to fool the rest of the people but not me. Now the truth lets have it."

Mark sighed. Why not, Justin knew the Noah secret Cassie knew the Maddox secret might as well tell her the baby thing. "His ex wife is pregnant."

Cassie waited "And?" She pushed knowing Mark was going to need a shove.

"I hate you sometimes. And... he is going to take responsibility for it. Even though she cheated on him he is going to sign the birth certificate. He doesn't want to let her deal with it or take a paternity test. No questions asked just sure honey I'll be the dad, screw my boyfriend. He's just a piece of ass on the side."

"Mark, I see the way he looks at you. Poor guy looks like this beat dog waiting for you to throw him some kibble. You know you looked at him for like a fraction of a second and he perked up for a good ten minutes."

Mark was silent. There was no way mister perfect was still interested. Sure he had been Maddox's first anything male, but he was sex god drool worthy. A man like that didn't stay single long. He was done talking.

"So what is the real reason you two aren't seeing each other?" She pressed.

"I don't know, I thought it was because of the baby." Now he wasn't sure. Was it really that bad? Maddox had only said he wanted to raise the baby. He hadn't given him a chance to even explain why.

Cassie looked at the door noticing people coming in. "Come on, I have a feeling this is going to be long. I'll treat to lunch and coffee at the student center."

Mark crammed his things into his backpack not caring if something was ripped or damaged in the process. "Why do you care so much anyway? You gonna use this for some story?"

Cassie laughed "Mark I write fiction. Why would I take this and write it when it isn't my story to tell?"

Mark nodded, that made... some sort of sense. The cold November air ripped through Mark's thin Jacket. He had been kind of a hermit since the talk with Maddox and even Justin seemed to be getting annoyed. He was always trying to get Mark to go out.

He had asked him to crash a few Halloween parties and had tried to hook him up with a few one night stands.

"So where do you want to start?" Cassie's heels clicked against the brick walk way. It was the only thing breaking the silence between them.

"I don't know. It is all just so damn complicated." Mark's hands were freezing and he pushed them into his pockets. "He told me his wife is pregnant."

Cassie grabbed the door for Mark and held it open. He seemed too distracted to even notice he was about to walk through it. She steered Mark to the Golden Brew line as he talked to her.

His hands drew complicated diagrams in the air. "I mean, he said he was going to divorce her. I don't usually kiss and tell but he even told me she was a slut so we used condoms. I suppose it could be his. I mean clearly the parts match up and what not. But I mean it's a baby like a whole baby and he just believes her. I think, he said something about her not wanting it. I don't remember. Point is his current wife is pregnant and she was supposed to be his ex wife soon." Mark was too busy talking in circles to realize Cassie had ordered them both drinks and bagel sandwiches.

"Alright, so why does him having a baby bother you?" Cassie asked taking a long drag of her caramel macchiato.

"It doesn't, it's just that he really believes the baby is his. No questions asked. She cheated Cassie, we... we used protection because he could have a SIT or STD for all we know. Plus what if he doesn't divorce her?"

"Did he say he wouldn't divorce her?" Cassie asked taking a bite out of the ham and cream cheese bagel.

"Not really. I mean he said... he said" Mark tried to remember. Something about wanting to be the dad so he could have rights to the baby.

Cassie shrugged "So you are not talking to him because he is trusting?" Her mouth was full and she washed it down with another gulp, insistently pushing a steaming cup at Mark.

Mark shook his head "No... maybe." He seemed surprised by the warm cup touching his hand. He took a small bite out of his sandwich not even tasting it.

Cassie patted Mark's black denim covered thigh. "So he's a good guy, maybe he just wants to give the baby a father and since his wife told him it was his she probably thinks he's the best candidate for the job."

Mark tensed. He really shouldn't have talked to Cassie about this. She had the ability to see right through you and right now Mark didn't want to have to think about that. "She wanted to put the baby up for adoption so he didn't even have to get involved. He wanted to!" Yeah, slowly but surely Mark was realizing what Maddox had really said didn't match up with the mini movies he played in his spare time.

"I swear all the good men are gay or married!" Cassie laughed a little "Repeat what you just said in your head. You are mad because he is trusting and mad because he is an upstanding man willing to take responsibility for a baby that may or may not be his. He could have lied to you or hid it from you and let her put the innocent baby into the system. Be adopted or be in foster care."

Mark winced, yeah he knew all about secret keeping and foster care. Maddox didn't know about Noah. He didn't know that Mark had scars from abuse in foster care, the very thing he was trying to save the baby from. He didn't know that Mark considered himself married, still even with his lover in the clouds.

"Hit a nerve?" Cassie asked.

Mark nodded damn her being able to see into people. "Yeah, Maddox would make a good dad."

"You keep secrets from him too don't you? I saw you squirm when I said that." She pointed out.

"Yeah, I do. He told me the truth about being married, maybe having a STD and the baby. He trusted me." Mark felt horrible. What had he done?

"I think there is another reason you dumped him." Cassie continued, and I think you know it too.

Tears came to Mark's eyes. "Can we go somewhere?" He asked. Mark hadn't actually cried in a long time and he sure as hell wasn't going to let the waterworks flow in public.

Cassie nodded "Yeah, I haven't skipped anything yet and I think you need me more than writing 101 does."

Cassie wrapped up Mark's hardly touched sandwich and handed it to him. She watched him deep in thought not even noticing his skin was prickled with the cold November air. He walked to the residence side of campus like a zombie, head down and not noticing anything. He didn't even react when they came to Cassie's dorm. She swiped her card and they were engulfed in the warmth.

Cassie led Mark to her tiny room in the all girls dorm. It was the oldest on campus and her room was barely big enough for two people, so Cassie's parents had paid for her to have the entire room to herself. It had a classy look with white lace and country quilting. "I have the room to myself so pick a bed."

Mark sat on the quilted one and felt Cassie's Blue x-ray eyes on him. He figured he might as well start talking. "I have to show you something." Mark lifted his shirt over his head.

"Just so we are clear, I am not the type to get a crush on my gay BFF so showing me your chest isn't going to get me into bed. I prefer the big strong blonde type." Cassie teased.

Sarcasm was one of her many weapons. Mark relaxed a little, talking to the babbling female suddenly felt easier. "I know I wanted to start with these." He said gesturing to the paw prints.

"Okay, NL and MJ" she read.

Mark nodded "They stand for Mark Jameson and Noah Langley."

"Brother and lover?" She asked.

Mark shook his head no "Lover and me. I took Noah's last name after..." Sound left Mark and his eyes spilled over with the pain he had been holding back. "After the car bomb, Noah was in the military." This was the first time Mark had opened up about Noah. He had told Justin vague details, but Cassie was about to get all of it.

"We grew up together, he was the boy next door and I was the problem child of the neighborhood. Even back then Noah left hand prints all over my heart. He changed me for the better. Without Noah I would have ended up a drug dependant drop out. We were best friends. When we were ten I kissed him. I don't know why I did it but I did. All of the other guys at school bragged about kissing girls and their girlfriends."

The tears were coming in full force now. "I gave him a ring, on Valentines day and we kissed. The school found out and we were expelled."

Cassie pulled Mark's sobbing form into her body. Letting him just get it all out she rubbed his back.

"Noah was shipped off to military school and I was put into foster care so believe me I know the baby would be better off with Maddox. I'm so selfish for wishing that on anyone, especially if the baby is half his."

Of all the people Mark thought he would tell this too Cassie had not even been on the list. Now however he was happy he had chosen that seat the first day of class. "I told him I would never love another man. I made him a promise to a future we never had!"

Cassie shushed Mark "Mark, I'm so sorry. I know Noah dying was hard but he never left you."

Mark laughed "Yeah he did. I don't even think about him as much as I used to. I was too busy thinking about... him."

"So the real reason you dumped Maddox was because you were falling in love with him. He presented you with conflict and you took the easy way out."

Mark tensed love, was he really in love? "He would want to get married sooner or later. When that happens... Noah's name will be gone. He won't want me to have someone else's last name. I promised Noah, I was forgetting him."

Cassie shook her head "No you weren't Mark, you were living. Noah loved you. He would want to see you happy and doing well."

Mark nodded "But I was happy, I am going to be a doctor like he wanted and help people."

"Maybe Noah sent Maddox to you to fill in the rest of the holes he left behind. I believe in fate and that our loved ones are looking down on us. If Noah wanted you sad and lonely you would never have met Maddox."