Avery's Desire Pt. 12

"We'll keep that in mind." Kern looked to his partner who nodded and then walked away to make a perimeter sweep of the house. Kern thanked Mikey then went back to his cruiser.

Mikey rolled his eyes as he shut the door. "You can look all you want to." He hissed under his breath. "You won't find shit."

After making a quick sweep of the grounds, O'Brian returned to the cruiser where Kern was waiting.

"You find anything?" Kern asked him.

"Not a damn thing." O'Brian said. "It looks like every other house on the block, though if he did snatch the kid I seriously doubt he would have brought him here."

"No, I don't think he would either." Kern agreed.

"So what do you think?" O'Brian asked as he got into the passenger seat.

"Well, I don't really know. He didn't really seem surprised when I told him that the kid was missing, didn't seem overly concerned about it either."

"You think he was lying about not seeing him recently?"

Kern stuck the key in the ignition and started the car then he sat back in the seat and thought about it for a minute. "I don't know if he was lying or not, but there was something off about him. He seemed to calm and he was too ready for our questions, like he'd already had the answers worked out in his head. It seemed too rehearsed."

"Yeah I picked up on that too."

"Still, nothing we can really do without probable cause. We got no one that can put him at the scene and he has his parents as an alibi so you know how that's gonna go. Given all the facts though, my moneys on the Ex. No one else really has reason to hurt the kid."

"You know, it's possible that it was some random stranger. Maybe someone he met in a bar and took home for a quick screw. Someone could have found out that he was queer and decided to teach him a lesson. You know, this ain't one of those big cities where that kind of thing is openly accepted. There's still folks around here that are against all that gay marriage crap and two men living together. Hell, my pastor was just talking about it last Sunday. He said it's all an abomination and gay men and women are gonna burn come the end of time."

"Bible also says Judge not lest ye be judged." Kern snapped.

"Yeah that's easy for you to say." O'Brian frowned. "You ain't got teenage kids in school where they're teaching all this equality bullshit. I worry every night that my sons gonna run off with some transvestite or that my daughter might get mixed up with some grass skirt wearing, tree hugg'in, liberal."

"Steve, you really need to move into the twenty-first century."

"Hell no!" O'Brian grumbled. "I like my ass in the past when kids respected their elders, men wore the pants, and the women stayed in the kitchen."

Kern smirked. "And that, my friend, is why your wife left you."

______________________________________________

The door was unlocked, much to Kat's surprise, though after everything that had happened it seemed a moot point now.

She opened the door and was immediately greeted by a wave of darkness that blotted out the morning sun, mixed with the aroma of menthol and whiskey.

"I thought I'd find you here." She spoke softly as she made her way to the bar. Her mind had been racing all morning. When Trash had called her, she expected to hear him belittle her for walking out on the band, or beg her to come back. What he told her though wasn't anything like what she had imagined. It broke her heart to hear the pain in his voice. She thought about Rick, how he must be suffering, and then she thought of Trash, and how he must be suffering as well.

Trash loved Avery too, not in the same way that Rick loved him, but he loved him none the less. Kat supposed that she'd loved him too, in her own way. He was someone unique, someone unlike anyone she'd met before and that was something she found endearing about him. It was true that he was everyone's little brother. He had a fierceness about him, but also an innocence that nothing, not sex, booze, drugs, or even the cruelty of others could ever destroy.

Avery was a good person, with a kind heart. He went out of his way to help others, and when he loved someone, it was with all his heart. He would do anything for those he cared for, he'd give anything to protect them, and Kat knew, without a moment's hesitation, that Avery would lay his life down for those he loved. Men like that were a rare breed anymore.

They were often times over looked, forgotten about, or thought of as weak. This pissed Kat off immensely because there wasn't anything about Avery that was weak. In many ways, he was the type of person that she aspired to be like, though she'd never admit that to his face.

Trash turned his head and glowered at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Kat sighed. Normally she'd come back with some equally rude or insulting retort, or act offended, but this wasn't the time for that. Trash was hurting, she knew him well enough to read his emotions, besides that he was an open book. Normally jovial, if not a little hyper, sweet and caring, but now he was bitter, angry, and in pain.

She had no idea what to do or say to ease that pain though; she didn't how to help people, or even talk to them when they were hurting. Her emotional response had been turned off and buried deep inside a long time ago and she wasn't really sure how to access that part of herself any more. Despite that though, she had this overwhelming need to comfort him. Maybe it was the nurturing side of her that all women were supposed to have, or maybe, it was something more.

"When you called me," She said as she sat on the empty stool beside him, "And told me what happened, I felt sick inside. I've been worried about Avery all morning and just thought maybe, I could help out somehow. Have you heard any news yet, have they found him?"

"Why do you even care?"

She tipped her head to the side and looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "I care." She whispered. "I may not always show it, but I do care."

"Yeah, well, you couldn't have fooled me." Trash hissed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry." She said as she opened her eyes once more. "I know that walking out on you guys was a real shit move. I'm not trying to make excuses for how I acted. I'm not even asking to be forgiven, I just did what I thought I had to do, what I thought was best for me."

"Yeah, for you," He growled. "It's always about you isn't it? Don't you ever stop to think about anyone else besides yourself?"

Kat shrugged. "I've been on my own for so long, relied on myself and took care of myself for so long that I think I forgot how to act around other people. I know I come across as a selfish bitch sometimes, but there is a reason, it's just not something that I share with a lot of people."

"Yeah well right now I don't really care about your problems. I'm not in the mood for show and tell."

Kat nodded, "Fair enough." She sat quietly for a few minutes, twisting a lock of hair around her finger until the silence between them became too much for her to bear. "How's Rick holding up?" She asked finally.

Trash glared at her with disdain. "How do you think he's holding up?" He practically yelled. "How do you think any of us are holding up? Avery is missing; he's probably laying dead in a ditch somewhere and there ain't a damn thing that any of us can do about it so how the fuck do you think we're doing, huh?"

Kat shook her head. "Trash, don't say that. You don't know that he's dead. He could be just...just...hiding out somewhere, waiting till it's safe for him to come back."

"You really think that?" Trash narrowed his eyes as he glared at her. "You really think he would stay hidden someplace, not call, and not let any of us know where he was or how he was doing? You think that Avery of all people would let us sit here and drive ourselves insane with worry if he were able to get up and get to a phone?"

"Not really..." Kat hung her head down sadly. "He'd find some way to get in touch with Rick at least."

"Yes, he would!"

"Is...is there anything that I can do?"

Trash rolled his eyes angrily. "Just go home." He snapped at her.

"Trash please, I just want to help."

"Well we don't want your help!" He shouted suddenly. "You made it perfectly clear when you walked out on us that you didn't want to be a part of this. It's not your fight remember? You wanted to be a 'guitarist for hire' so fine, you're not a part of our band, and you're not a part of my life. Just go away."

"You don't really mean that." She touched her hand to his shoulder gently but he shrugged her off.

"Oh I mean it." He growled. "Just get out of here, before I say or do something that we'll both regret."

Kat smiled softly. "You don't scare me Trash Albrum, there's not a mean bone in your body."

"Then, you don't know me very well." He breathed.

Trash picked up the half empty bottle of whiskey to his right and refilled his shot glass. He quickly downed the drink then slammed the glass back on the bar.

"What are you going to do?" Kat asked him, growing a little angry. "Drink yourself stupid?"

"I'm going to drink until the hurt goes away."

"Well that's real smart. How is that going to help Avery?"

Trash sighed and looked away. "It's not like I could help him sober."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?" He sneered. "Avery was getting the shit beat out of him by Mikey and where was I? At least Rick had an excuse, he was at work. But not me; no I was at home getting wasted, like every other fucking night. If I'm not with a woman then I'm drinking myself into a drunken stupor. What if Avery had tried to call me for help? I wouldn't have been able to do shit. I'm as guilty for what happened to him as if I was there with Mikey kicking the kid while he was down."

"That's not true and you know it." Kat narrowed her eyes and stared at him hard. "Trash there's nothing you could have done. There isn't anything that any of us could have done. No one knew that this was going to happen. We were all shocked when we found out."

"I should have done something." He shook his head. "I should have been there with him or called to make sure he was okay, something. Anything would have been better than doing nothing."

"What could you do, follow him around 24/7? Trash that's not even realistic and I doubt very much that Avery would have even allowed it."

"It doesn't matter anyway." Trash whispered feeling defeated; his head was pounding but he didn't care. The pain in his head made him forget the pain in his heart, at least for a moment or two. He poured another shot and down that one as quickly as he had the last.

Kat instantly snatched the bottle away from him and set it on the bar behind her. "That's enough of that!" She snapped at him.

"Give me back my bottle!" he growled.

"No! I'm not going to sit here and watch you drink yourself to death."

"Then leave!" He yelled. "I told you that I don't want you here anyway! Can't you get that through your thick skull? I don't want you; I don't need you, so just leave!"

"You can rant and rave all you want but you're not fooling anyone, you need me, you want me, and you don't really want me to leave." She reached out to touch him but he quickly slapped her hand away.

Trash leaned his arms on the bar and ran his hands through his thick hair. "Don't try to make me feel better." He spoke in a low, quiet, tone. "Just leave me here to rot in my own disgrace."

"The disgrace isn't yours, it's Mikey's. He's the one who did this Trash, not you."

"I tried to be strong. You know, at least for Rick's sake, but not anymore. I just can't hack it."

Kat put her arms around him, resting her head on his back and held him tight. "You don't have to be strong now." She told him. "You've got nothing to prove to me."

Trash fought back his tears as long as he could. He'd never cried in front of a woman before but he didn't care anymore. He turned around and pulled her to him, crushing their bodies together as he buried his face in her chest and let the tears come.

Kat cradled his head in her arms. She was crying too. "Let it out." She sobbed softly. "Just let it all out, it's okay to cry."

"I let him down." Trash groaned. "He looked up to me, like a brother, and I let him down."

"You didn't." Kat told him. "You've been by his side every time he needed someone. You and Rick have defended him against Mikey, you've stood up for him, and you accepted him for who he is. That's more than a lot of people would have done. Avery appreciates everything that you've done for him, and I know that he wouldn't want to see you sitting here drowning in a bottle and blaming yourself for something you had no control over.

Trash, Avery loves you, and he knows that you love him. You never once let him down so please, stop blaming yourself. You, Rick, and Boomer are the most important people in Avery's life. He wouldn't want this; he wouldn't want to see you this way. And when they do find him, he's going to need all of us strong for him."

Trash looked up, locking eyes with Kat. "Us?" He asked her.

She nodded, forcing a small smile. "I'm done walking away from the people I care about. What Mikey did to Avery is horrendous, and it pisses me off, but most of all, I can't just turn my back on a friend in need. I don't expect that you guys would want me back in the band, so please don't think that I'm begging to get my job back, I just want to be there for my friends, and help them through this.

When we get Avery back, I want him to know how much he's loved, and I want him to know that he has a whole family of people who are there for him, supporting him, and helping him through this. I want to be a part of this, I really do. I hope you understand that no matter what I've said or done in the past, I would never wish something this terrible on anyone. Even though Avery and I have had our difficulties I do respect him and care about him. So please, let me be a part of the family at least, let me be there for you."

Trash smiled some through his tears and nodded. "I think Avery would be really psyched to see you." He said. "I don't think he ever really believed that you'd be gone for good."

"He's a smart kid." Kat said.

Trash nodded in agreement. "He is. He also has a heart of gold. He can get mouthy at times but it's just because he doesn't let people walk all over him. He stands up for what he believes in, and he'll fight to protect what's his. He's had some bad luck over the years but for the most part he really believes that people are good, and he looks for the good in everyone."

"Even in me?"

Trash grinned. "Yeah, even in you. I think he came across as harsh because he saw something in you that the rest of us didn't at first. He just wanted you find a way to bring out the better part of yourself. That's what he does; he looks for and brings out the best in all of us."

"Yeah..." Kat wiped at her eyes. "He brought out a part of me that I didn't even think existed anymore."

"He knew it was there, and so did I." Trash touched the side of her face. He brushed his thumb over her cheek and looked into her bright blue eyes. "The first time I saw you, when you came here for an audition, I knew there was something about you, something amazing. The more I got to know you, the more I realized just what an incredible woman you are."

Trash brought his face closer to Kat's but she turned away from him.

"Trash, I..."

"Tracey." He told her softly.

"What?"

He smiled. "My name's Tracey."

"Oh..." Kat blushed. "Tracey." She said his name softly and with affection.

"Don't misunderstand me." Trash told her. "The feelings I have for you are sincere. I'm not looking for cheap thrills or a one night stand. I care for you, a lot."

"I know that but..." Kat took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she looked into his eyes.

"I'm not ready to get into that type of a relationship with anyone. It's not that I don't like you because I do, more than I've allowed myself to like any guy in a long time. I'm just not that great with romances, they usually end badly and I don't want that to happen to us."

"I understand completely. I'm not that great at being in a relationship either. I never wanted to be tied down to just one woman before but since I met you, I don't want anyone else. I think about you all the time. Kat, you're the only woman for me. I know that now. If you don't feel the same way about me, or if you're just scared, it's okay. I'll wait. I'll forever if I have to. I just want to be with you."

Kat smiled as the blush to her cheeks deepened. "Let's just take it slow." She told him.

Trash smiled. "I can live with that." He agreed.

"Good." Kat brushed a bit of unruly hair back behind her ear. She placed her hand on Trash's and smiled warmly at him. "Where's Rick?" She asked.

"At Boomer's place," Trash told her. "The apartments a mess and it's still technically a crime scene so the cops told him to find another place to stay for a few days."

"Do you think Boomer and his wife would mind us stopping by?"

Trash shrugged. "I doubt it. In fact, none of us think Rick should be alone right now so they'd probably welcome some company."

"Great." Kat grabbed her purse and stood up. "I'll ride over with you, if that's okay?"

"Sure thing," He told her. "Just let me lock up and we'll get outta here."

"I'll meet you in the truck." Kat gave him a quick wink then turned and went outside. Trash put the whiskey back and turned off the lights.

He wasn't exactly sure if Rick was up to seeing anyone but if there was ever a time for everyone to band together it was now. Boomer had mentioned that Cole, his wife, and their kids would be stopping by, and Trash had called a few other people that knew Rick and Avery, just to let them know what was going on. With all the people coming over and calling to give their sympathy, the day was turning out to have the eerie feel of a wake. Trash just hoped that whenever Avery was found, they would all have a reason to celebrate, and not a reason to mourn.

_______________________________________________________

Rick had been lying on the bed in Boomer's guest room when Kat and Trash showed up. He was surprised to see Kat with him, but he figured it wasn't all that unusual. She did have a heart despite her obvious rough edges, and she had gotten pretty close to the boys in the band while she was a member.

He thanked her for her concern though his demeanor was robotic and cold. He moved around the room as if in a trance, greeting people with same dead pan stare and monotone voice that he'd adopted shortly after arriving at Boomer's house. It was as if his mind had reached its breaking point and was now starting to shut down all unnecessary systems to prevent an emotional over load.

Hanson had gone to follow up on a few leads. There were at least three John Doe's reported but so far there was no word on if any of them were Avery. Rick began to wonder if the next time he saw Avery would be in a morgue when he was called to identify the body.

He tried so hard to push those images out of his mind but as soon as he dismissed one ugly thought, three more sprouted up in its place. He could picture him lying helpless somewhere, alone, scared, and begging someone to come find him. That was the least disturbing of the scenarios that his mind had conjured up. The others left a sick feeling in his stomach and an unfathomably painful ache in his heart.

Rick made his way into the kitchen and then sat down at the small, oval table that sat against the wall across from the sink. The kitchen was bright and cheery with a sunflower theme. The walls were a soft yellow; the tile floor was white and shone with a bright gleam of cleanliness. The stove was spotless, sunflower burner covers were in place and a row of similarly depicted pot holders and oven mitts hung on a rack beside the sink.