Awakenings Ch. 04

This story is the fourth episode in a series entitled "Awakenings". If you have not read the previous three episodes of this series, I encourage you do so before beginning this chapter.

I remind you again that I write cuckold stories. While I try to make them loving cuckold stories, they do depict an alternative life style. If you're offended or upset by stories about sexual attitudes and behaviors that are different from your own, I strongly suggest that you find something else to read.

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At 7:00 the next morning I was on the road. It was the 21st of August. I took Interstate 90 west and reached Rapid City, South Dakota at suppertime. Tired and ready to stop I found a Motel 6, checked in and got directions to a local steak house.

While I had a budget of one hundred dollars a day for motels, I knew that there would occasionally be times when I both wanted and needed to stay in an expensive hotel. Motel 6's were generally clean and adequate for my needs. They also usually cost less than fifty dollars a day. Every night I spent in a Motel 6 freed up fifty dollars that could later be spent for luxury accommodations

After a good steak dinner I went back to my motel, took a shower and logged on to the Internet. There was an email from Ruth with a subject line indicating that it included a letter from Jeanne. I opened it.

Dear Michael

I'm so sorry that my thoughtless actions forced you to leave your home, your work and your family. I wish it was possible to go back in time and start over. If I could do that I'd begin by spending several months exploring the world of sex with you, only you. Regardless of what I told you that evening that I stupidly and without any preparation announced to you that I was going to have an affair, you have always been and always will be the man of my dreams.

Yes, I still have the desire to experience sex with other men and I still intend to pursue that desire. I know that you're having trouble accepting this, but it really is just sex and has nothing to do with love. You will always be the only man I'll ever love.

I want you to know that I've stopped seeing Derek Fischer. Right after you left last Saturday morning I threw him out of the house. Michael, he threatened you. You effectively put him in his place, but I was still outraged. I would never have sex with a man who threatened you or was even impolite to you. When I read that I guess it doesn't sound like much, but it matters to me and I needed to tell you that.

I also want to explain that I hadn't planned to get together with Derek last Saturday morning. When we went out last Wednesday night I left my sweater in his car. It was that beautiful cashmere sweater with the pearl buttons that you gave me for Christmas two years ago. I didn't want to lose it.

He called me Saturday morning. I told him that I couldn't see him for awhile. I really did want to try to make things right with you and that was going to include a lot of loving attention. Derek told me he had my sweater. In all the turmoil of the past few days I hadn't realized that I'd left it in his car. I did want the sweater back so I told him that he could stop by the house and give it to me. I really wasn't planning to let him stay, but once he was inside the house I stupidly let him kiss me and I melted. I'm sorry Michael, I'm not very strong right now and I have to admit that I did want to enjoy Derek again. I just wanted you to know that I didn't plan to have sex with him that morning.

I'm also sorry that we used our bed. I don't know what I was thinking. I promise you that even while your gone I will never again share that bed with anyone but you.

When I got your email this morning I immediately called Ruth. During our conversation she outlined the terms of the trust funds that you set up for me and the girls. Thank you, you've left us financially secure. I do appreciate that. I also need to say that I wasn't surprised. That's the kind of man you are. It's one of the many reasons I love you so much. I know that you will always take care of the girls and me.

I only wish that I'd done a better job of taking care of you. There isn't anything I can do about that now, but when you finally do come home again I intend to make sure that you're the most loved man on this planet. If you'll allow me to do it I would like to try to suck and fuck you to death.

I was planning to try to do that Saturday afternoon. I'm sorry that it didn't happen. I was also planning to invite you to fuck my rear Saturday. I'm eager to try it. I'm curious about how it feels. Now I'm going to have to wait. I always intended that you would be the first man to enjoy that pleasure with me and now I promise you that you will always be the only man to enjoy that pleasure with me. I hope that's an incentive to get you to come home sooner.

Edith Montgomery called me last night. I gather that you told Charles about our problems. Since you're going to be gone I suppose that you had to give him some kind of an explanation and the truth is always the best option. In any case, I'm glad you told them. I was surprised when Edith told me about their history. I love the idea of getting slutted up and I would have loved to have been one of the four harlots. I hope that hearing Charles tell you that he eventually learned to enjoy the lifestyle might help you.

When I talked to Ruth today I told her that Edith called me so she told me about Julia Ann, Diamond Foxx and Roxanne Hall. I looked them up on the Internet during my lunch break today. I have to thank you. Julia Ann is a beautiful woman. While you're gone I hope that you watch lots of her movies and imagine that it's me enjoying all of those handsome studs. Please don't be offended by that. I hope that like Charles, you will eventually learn to want this life style as much as I do. Sex really is fun. It took me forty-nine years and the help of my daughters to overcome the inhibitions that were drilled into me when I was growing up. Now that I've finally been able to do that I want to enjoy sex. Michael I don't just want to look like Julia Ann; I want to be Julia Ann or at least the movie Julia Ann. I want to be a slut. I know that's a crude word, but it doesn't have to be.

My only regret is that I didn't include you at the beginning of my journey. I know why, I was still too inhibited. What really upsets me is that when I was finally able to overcome my inhibitions about sex I still didn't include you. I should have taken you by the hand, back tracked and guided you through the early part of the journey. It was a part of the journey that I'd already completed, but you're my partner. We needed to go through the entire journey together and I didn't do that with you. I wish I would have let you teach me how to give a blow job. We could have experimented. You could have told me what felt good and what didn't feel good. It would have been so much fun. Instead I let the girls teach me with a rubber cock. Even worse, once I learned how to do it properly another man was the beneficiary of my newly acquired skill. Michael I will forever be ashamed about that. You're the love of my life. You should always be first. While I really don't know how to make it up to you, I promise that when you return I will spend hours sucking your cock and licking your balls.

I already miss you. I hope you won't be gone too long. When you are ready to come home give me a little warning. I'll want to buy a new dress and get my hair done just for you.

The girls send their love. They feel like they upset you when you talked to them on Thursday. I tried to assure them that it was me you were upset with and not them, but they still feel like they hurt you. It would be nice if you could send them a message telling them that you still love them.

They both wanted to write letters to you. I wouldn't let them do it. It's clear that you need some time away from the anguish I created for you. We're going to respect that decision and leave you alone. Please don't misunderstand that. We're not forgetting you. We will never forget you. All three of us will be thinking about you every minute of every day.

Michael I love you. Always remember that. Take the time you need, but as soon as you're ready please come straight home to me.

Be safe.

Love

Jeanne

I sat back in the hard motel chair, closed my eyes and sighed. While Jeanne's letter made it clear that she was continuing her plans to pursue a life style of free love, it was equally apparent that she was still deeply in love with me. I didn't know what to think.

I smiled. That was why I was sitting in a Motel 6 in Rapid City, South Dakota. I needed time to figure all of this out. I sat up straight and opened a new email to Ruth.

Ruth

Please forward this to Jeanne. Don't forget to delete my email address.

Jeanne

I also wish that you'd back tracked so that we could have started at the beginning of this journey together. You didn't, so now I have to take the initial part of the journey by myself. I'm sorry, but that means that there isn't any guarantee that we'll end up in the same place. I will promise you that while I'm gone I'll try to watch a Julia Ann movie as often as I can. As to the fantasies that I have while I'm watching them; that remains to be seen.

I love you and I already miss you too.

Michael

After I sent the email to Ruth I poured a glass of scotch and sipped it while I thought about everything that had happened. Eventually I reached the inarguable conclusion that life was confusing.

Deciding that I needed to do less thinking, I down loaded a Julia Ann movie from the Internet and sipped another glass of scotch while I watched it. When the movie ended I went back to a favorite part and masturbated. As Jeanne's interest in sex had diminished over the previous several years I'd become quite accustomed to giving myself my own relief, but this was the first time I'd been interested in doing it since Jeanne had made her announcement that she was going to have an affair.

It felt good. When I was finished I climbed into bed and quickly fell asleep.

The next day I stopped at a souvenir store in Deadwood, South Dakota. I bought two post cards. On The back of each one I wrote:

I love you, I miss you. I don't blame you for anything. Please understand that I need a little time to process everything that's happened. I look forward to seeing you when I return.

Love

Dad

I sent one to Tricia and one to Jodie.

I spent the rest of the morning touring the Black Hills. After lunch I headed west. The next night I stayed in Buffalo, Wyoming.

That night I downloaded another Julia Ann movie. The previous night I'd tried to avoid thinking about Jeanne while I watched the movie. It wasn't easy. This time I didn't try. I didn't fight it. I let myself imagine that I was watching Jeanne. Julia Ann is actually a talented actress. She's able to make me believe that she's truly enjoying herself. As I watched her suck her costars cock I remembered what Jeanne had looked like while she was licking Derek Fischer's balls. There wasn't any doubt in my mind that she'd been enjoying herself too.

At first I was jealous. Occasionally in the past Jeanne had grudgingly agreed to suck my cock. Unfortunately her obvious distaste about what she was doing almost always ruined the experience for me.

As my jealousy was turning into sadness I recalled what Jennifer Rawlins had said to me in the Cosmopolitan Lounge; "My husband had me on a pedestal. I was his wife, the mother of his children and his ideal of feminine perfection. It was a status that I enjoyed and one that I wasn't willing to risk. I didn't dare admit to that wonderful man that I occasionally had an insatiable desire to be a nasty cock sucking slut."

I remembered what Jeanne had said in her letter; "It took me forty-nine years and the help of my daughters to overcome the inhibitions that were drilled into me when I was growing up. Now that I've finally been able to do that I want to enjoy sex."

I started to understand.

I watched the movie. I imagined that it was Jeanne sucking that big cock. I can't say that it aroused me. While watching a woman suck a man's cock certainly excited me, I still had mixed feelings about watching my wife do it. I did however have a reaction that surprised me. It was fun to imagine Jeanne enjoying herself so much.

I remembered what Charles had said to me the previous Saturday afternoon. "During the days before her weekend getaways Edith was actually giddy with excitement. It's fun to see the woman you love that happy."

Mixed feelings aside, I loved Jeanne and I had to admit that imagining her enjoying herself did make me happy.

After finishing the movie that night I went back to a scene where Julia Ann was eagerly sucking her costars cock. I watched it a second time and masturbated. When I was finished I slipped into bed and slept peacefully.

I spent the next several weeks sightseeing in the Rocky Mountains. I continued to stay in regular email contact with Ruth. In our emails we would often tease each other about our mutual burgeoning appreciation for erotic cinema. Ruth and her husband David were still enjoying Roxanne Hall movies on a regular basis.

Near the end of September I was at a Motel 6 in Boise, Idaho. After dinner I turned on my computer. There was an email from Ruth. I opened it.

Michael

I have something I want to discuss with you. I'm afraid that it's going to be a little personal. I'm writing to you about it because I trust you and in many ways it seems to be related to your situation with Jeanne. I hope I don't embarrass you.

Last night David and I were watching one of our Roxanne Hall movies. We now have an extensive collection. At the time I was actually the only one watching the movie. David was going down on me. I assume you understand what I mean by that. David loves giving me head, especially while we're watching a movie and frankly I enjoy it every bit as much as he does.

Halfway through the movie David took a break. He looked up at me and asked if I ever fantasized about actually being with the men in the movies. The man in the movie we were watching was amazingly well endowed, so of course I was fantasizing about him. Not wanting to lie to David, I cautiously told him that I did. His reaction surprised me. He just smiled and said good and then he went back to pleasuring me.

I thought about all of this for a few seconds and then I tapped the side of David's head. When he looked up at me I asked him if he ever fantasized about other women.

He told me that he didn't. I was a little surprised by that, but I was even more surprised by his next revelation. He told me that all of his fantasies were about me with other men.

While I was shocked, I was also excited. Remember, David had just been going down on me. I pulled him up so he was sitting next to me and asked him if he'd like to see me with the man in the movie we were watching. He nodded and told me that he'd like that very much. He then asked me if I was excited by the size of the guy's cock. I'm sorry Michael, I don't mean to embarrass you. I just don't know how to explain what happened without using words like that.

You know David. He's not a big man. He has small hands and feet. He also has a small penis. I love him so it's always been enough for me, but I have a confession to make. Before I met David I was kind of a free spirit. I experienced a number of different men and several of them were well endowed. I have to admit that sex with some of those men was amazing, really amazing; so yes I was excited by the size of this guy's cock.

Still I didn't want to hurt David, so I tried to be diplomatic. I said that it was a big cock. David wasn't satisfied with that answer, he pressed me. He agreed that it was big but wanted to know if I found big cocks exciting.

I didn't want to lie to David, so I told him that I didn't want to hurt his feelings; but yes, big cocks did excite me. He told me that it was okay. He knew I loved him and he knew that I enjoyed his cock. Big cocks were a fun fantasy and it was all right with him if I wanted to enjoy that fantasy.

That made me feel better. I asked David if he enjoyed fantasizing about women with large breasts. He told me that he didn't and then he repeated that his favorite fantasies all involved me with other men, men with large cocks.

I was about to ask him another question, but he stopped me and slid back down the bed. As he repositioned himself between my legs he told me to imagine that he was getting me ready to enjoy the man in the movie and then he started licking me again.

Michael I had an unbelievable orgasm and that's saying a lot because since David and I started watching the Roxanne Hall movies I've had some real whoppers.

After my orgasm was over David got on top of me and started fucking me. While he was fucking me he whispered that he was imagining that the guy in the movie had just finished fucking me and he was now getting slippery seconds. He asked me if I was too stretched out from the other man's huge cock to feel him.

At that moment I was so aroused that I jumped right into the fantasy and told David that after my lover's big cock I really couldn't feel his little penis. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. The last thing I want to do was hurt my wonderful husband's feelings.

Amazingly, I didn't. In fact that answer seemed to excite David even more. He actually thanked me for allowing him to fuck me too and then he went at me with a passion that I'd never before experienced from him. While David was fucking me I had another massive orgasm and when he came he must have pumped a gallon of semen into me. It was the most amazing sex we've ever had.

Michael, I once again apologize for being so graphic, but this is the only way I can accurately describe what happened. I have to talk to someone about this and you're my best friend. Also, in a way this is kind of related to the problems you're having with Jeanne.

This morning, when I thought about what we did last night I got incredibly excited; but it also made me feel ashamed. I'm the mother of two teenagers. I was raised to be a proper lady. I go to church every Sunday. Suddenly my husband and I are fantasizing about me being a slut. Right now I'm feeling terribly confused.

But that's not all. Last night, after we were finished, we were lying in bed cuddling. I sensed that David was sad. I asked him about it. He told me that he was ashamed about what he'd just told me. He was certain that I was now disgusted by him. I assured him that I wasn't. I told him that he was the strongest man I knew and I loved him deeply. We were simply playing with a fun fantasy, a fantasy that excited both of us. That made him feel better. We cuddled together for a long time before we both finally fell asleep.

Sex certainly can be confusing.

Again, I'm sorry if this email is too graphic. I really needed to talk to you about it. I didn't know how to do that without being explicit.

Your friend

Ruth

After I finished reading the email I sat back in the motel chair and shook my head. My wife, my daughters, Charles and Edith Montgomery, Jennifer Rawlins and now Ruth and David; it seemed like extra curricular sex was becoming the norm rather than the exception. I laughed to myself, the night Jeanne announced to me that she was planning to have an affair she suggested exactly that. Maybe she was right. Maybe most married women were getting a little extra on the side, or at least fantasizing about it.

Tired from the days drive, I turned off my computer and got into bed. As I tried to fall asleep I thought about Ruth and David. At least they were talking about it first. That had been Jeanne's biggest mistake. She didn't prepare me for it. She just dropped it on me.