Backsliding: Tim's Story

Every man has a weakness, but not everyman knows what that weakness is until it is too late. The story I'm about to tell is something I'm not entirely proud of.

My name is Tim. I'm a 22-year-old college student at California State University. I'm almost at the end of my senior year studying to be an engineer. I'm also a Christian. A very devout one too. Well, at least I was one. I was the kind of Christian that went to church every Sunday, went to Bible studies, and basically followed what God wanted out of me. I had tremendous faith. Looking back now it seems that I was never truly tested before. I come from a quality Christian family who were the opposite of dysfunction. My parents were well off and everything seemed to go my way. My friends were fellow believers and we had good clean fun growing up. We weren't perfect, but we tried to live as close as possible to the ideal life that God wanted for us.

I moved away to CSU after high school. I was pumped for the new life and opportunities that God had in store for me. I moved into the dorms my freshman year and made a ton of friends. Some were believers some were not. I made sure that people knew where I stood on issues of drugs, alcohol and sex. People respected me for my convictions and many looked up to me. I joined a Christian group on campus called Crusade on Campus (CC). This group consisted of most of my friends at the time. We did everything together is safe environment free of most temptations college students go through everyday.

It was at Crusade on Campus that I started dating a nice Christian girl named Lindsey. She was extremely sweet and very cute as well. We dated for about a year and we didn't do anything more than the occasional kiss to holding hands. We were very much in love or so I thought. At the middle of my sophomore year I learned that Lindsey had been cheating on me. I was crushed. Not only did she betray me, but also she did it with a non-believer. After we broke up, Lindsey didn't show up to meetings as much and hardly to church anymore. She was with her new boyfriend who many in CC thought was also the boy that she was sleeping with. Lindsey stopped going altogether at the end of the semester. We as a group of believers prayed for her. We prayed that she would see the light and the error of her ways. We prayed that she would halt her backsliding ways.

I tell you about Lindsey because I am going through something very similar to her. The only difference is that with the exception of one person, nobody knows, so nobody prays. I'm not at a crossroad in my faith where I can chose God or continue my backsliding lifestyle.

It all started toward the end of my sophomore year. I was taking a general ed business class and our professor told us that we'd be working on a group project. We did group projects in this class already, but this time the professor decided that the groups would be random. I was kinda bummed as I had one of my friends in the class and another guy who I was witnessing too. I got over it, as it really was no big deal. It would give me an opportunity to meet some new people and invite them to a Crusade on Campus meeting.

Most groups consisted of four, but ours was of three. This again didn't bother me as I pretty much did all the work anyway on these projects. My group members were a guy named Andy who was pretty much flunking out of the class and the other was a girl named Janine who was a very cute Asian who I had noticed a couple times, but had not given much thought.

The task was to do an oral presentation of the different marketing practices that businesses employ. We could use video, slides, or poster boards to make our presentations.

Andy, Janine and I after class headed over to the library to talk about our approach for the project. It was then that I noticed Janine's very pretty eyes and attractive figure. I made a mental note to ask her about her spiritual life when we were alone.

That moment came quicker than I imagined, as Andy had to leave for work. We sent him off with an assignment and Janine and I stayed to continue to talk. And talk we did. For about 2 hours we talked about the project and the about our lives. I quickly managed to mention my beliefs and through that we went off on a religious discussion. It turns out that Janine used to be a believer. She told me that the church she was with wasn't very loving and it turned her off to the whole religion thing. The good thing was that she was seemed open to church as I told her about mine and about the group on campus. I asked if she was interested in coming that week, but she wasn't really ready. We parted ways eventually and agreed to meet again very soon.

Looking back now I can see that I was very smitten with Janine. She was very attractive with her long black hair and her thin body. She was about 5'4 with very nice size breasts. Hey, I may have been a Christian, but I still was a man. She also had a very cute face. A small little round nose and the best makeup on a girl I've ever seen. It was almost like she was studying to be a cosmetologist. Nevertheless I didn't want to admit that I was attracted to a girl that wasn't a Christian or at least a strong one. I plotted to spend more time with her to talk about God and do a little schoolwork on the side.

At the weekly Crusade on Campus meeting I mentioned Janine to a couple of friends and asked for prayer. I of course told them that I was merely witnessing and had no feelings for her whatsoever. Maybe I believed that at the time, but I know now that was a total lie. One of the girls named Maggie overheard me talk about my situation with Janine. Maggie was the kind of girl who didn't quite fit in with the rest of the group. She was a wild one who didn't always do things the way God wanted her too. In short, there were rumors going around the dorms that she was less than virtuous. Maggie proceeded to needle me about Janine and ask me if I liked her and all about her. She was almost encouraging me to go ask her out even after knowing that Janine and I were not equally yoked.

I went home that night to my dorm that night with Janine on my mind. I kept thinking of how pretty she was and how we could talk about anything with each other with such ease. I couldn't wait to be with her again.

The next time we got together was that Saturday at the local coffee shop. Andy was supposed to join us to talk about the project, but he had to cancel once again due to work. So it was just Janine and I once again. We got a lot of work done that day and decided to reward ourselves by taking in a matinee movie. As we both walked to the theater I complimented her on her outfit. She was wearing a really cute light blue tank top with a little midriff showing. Janine also had on some jean shorts that were definitely too short for the girls at CC.

Janine wanted to see a scary horror film. I had a personal policy not to see movies that had too much violence or any nudity. This film had it all. In one of my first real compromises I relented and we went in and saw the film.

The film was horrible and very typical of Hollywood films nowadays. Blood and gore were prominent as were cuss words and all sorts of sexual situations. I was appalled and at the same time excited. Not because of the erotic things on film, but because of the way Janine was reacting to the movie. She was all jittery and jumpy. She'd grab on to me and hold me. Through the last half of the film her hand was firmly in mine. Needless to say, I didn't remember much from the movie, but was concentrating on the beautiful Asian princess that sat beside me.

After the movie I walked her home, which was nearby. The easy conversation of before was gone and was replaced with the awkwardness of two people aware of their attraction for each other. At her apartment's footsteps she invited me inside. All flustered I politely declined and told her I'd call her the next day.

The next day came and I called. The easy conversation was back and we agreed to go on a bike ride together that afternoon. It was our first real date.

Knocking on her door, Janine answered. She was wearing some tight sweat pants and a little shirt that showed off her tight stomach. We got her bike and we were on our way. We had a blast during our bike ride through the countryside. The whole time I couldn't help but notice her firm ass as she rode in front of me. I was beginning to lust after this girl. I made a note to let my accountability partner know of my problem.

We stopped at a secluded grassy area and sat down and took out the sack lunches that we prepared before hand. Janine was just radiant as she sat there on the lush green grass. I made sure she knew it too.

"I got to say Janine, you have one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen."

Janine was blushing, "Thank you Tim. If I didn't know better I'd think you were flirting with me."

"Maybe I am," I said with a mischievous grin.

"In that case, maybe I should return the favor. I'm very attracted to you as well Tim. You are so strong and kind. When I'm around you, you make me feel like a woman."

Janine then leaned over and kissed me straight on the lips. Her lips were so red and full and soft. I closed my eyes as I kissed back. It had been quite a while since I felt this way about a girl.

We didn't kiss that long. I was still a good Christian boy at that point. We were a couple from that point on. I knew she wasn't a Christian and that this wasn't right, but she was so interested in God and I knew I was the best chance she had at becoming a believer. Missionary dating is what they call it, and I was for the first time in my life behind the idea.

My accountability partner never learned of my lustful ways or the fact that Janine wasn't a Christian. For all he knew and the rest of Crusade on Campus knew, Janine was one of them, a good Christian girl.

The rest of the semester we basically kicked Andy out of the group and told him we'd do the project for him. He was ok with that of course. We'd go out on dates, hold hands everywhere and kiss. We never went farther than a kiss at that point, but boy did we love to kiss.

Lyndsey and I used to do very small little kisses. Practically pecks. My kisses with Janine were long and very wet. It involved tongues and our hands would caress each other's bodies. It was wrong, but I loved it.

We dated into the summer and got increasingly intimate. Our make out sessions got longer and longer and she began touching me in places that a non-married couple shouldn't touch. I of course kept my hands above the waist concentrating on her full round breasts.

At the end of summer things went a little too far. We were in her apartment alone. Her roommate was gone and we were on her bed talking. Before I would have had warning signs going off by now, but I didn't notice anything wrong.

I leaned in for a kiss. My lips slowly touched hers. I felt her tongue enter my mouth as we began to engage in another hot French kiss. Out tongues danced together as my hands caressed her tits. I kissed her cute button nose and began kissing her neck. Janine's hands were exploring my chest and moving southward. She reached under my shirt and ran her long fingernails over my chest hair and arousing my nipples. We were going at it pretty good up top with the kissing. This was the hottest we've ever been. I should have stopped, but I didn't.

Janine was an animal. I always knew she got hornier than a normal girl, but this time she was unstoppable. She proceeded to slowly take off my tee shirt exposing my muscular chest. Lying on my back, Janine began to kiss and lick my nipples. Her hands went through my hairy chest as her mouth began to wander down to my navel. Her tongue was teasing and pleasing me as my eyes were closed and my mind in wonderland.

I then here the snap of a button and the sound of a zipper. These sounds should have awoken me to the fact that I had gone too far with this girl. I should stop this. I'm the Christian, I need to be strong and show her an example of how a Christian couple should behave.

I didn't wake up. Janine's pretty Asian face was now between my legs as my jeans were completely off. All that was left was my white briefs. Janine began kissing my thighs and licking them sexily as I watched her pretty little head. Her red fingernail polished thumbnails dug under my underwear band and began to peel away my last piece of major clothing. Out sprung my cock, all hard and vein. This was the hardest I'd ever been. I remember watching Janine's eyes as she just stared hungrily at my 7-inch beast.

I moaned at the very first touch. Janine kissed the sides of my penis and slowly worshiped it. Her pretty red tongue slapping the sides of my cock as her hand slowly massaged my balls. I remember watching her close her eyes as she engulfed my manhood. It was like she was praying as she tasted and swallowed my aroused penis. In and out of her little mouth my cock went. Her tongue was like a windmill caressing the sides of my dick. I was in bliss, my eyes closed and breathing hard. A sweet little Asian girl swallowing my big cock so gently and yet so fast. I moaned a warning to Janine that I was going to cum. Her eyes finally opened as if to say, "Give me all you got". I did just that seconds later as my cock exploded. I was in heaven as the pulsating orgasm swept through me. I heard slurping noises as Janine was bravely swallowing as much of my load as she could.

I was exhausted as I lay back on the bed. Janine still had her mouth on my cock like it was a pacifier. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She let my flaccid cock drop out of her mouth and came toward me. She attacked my mouth with her tongue as she kissed me deeply. Her mouth still had some of my cum in it and I tasted it. It wasn't all that bad. I remember thinking for a split second about only homosexuals enjoy male cum. I quickly dismissed the thought as I had a horny, hot, sexy Asian woman with me.

As we kissed I had the sudden urge to return the pleasure that Janine had given me. I proceeded to sit her up and take her top off as well as her lace bra. Before me was my first live female breast. It was wonderful. I sat staring at it tracing it with my fingers. This must have tickled Janine as she let out a sweet little giggle. I gently laid her down on her back and began kissing her tits. I noticed for the first time while my face was buried in every man's dream, that she had some little scars around her breasts. I paid no attention, as I wanted to thank her for the wonderful blowjob she gave me.

I licked and bit her enlarged nipples as she "oohed and ahhed" the whole time. I spent my time getting to know her tits before venturing south to explore new territory. I remember getting to her navel and exploring it with my tongue as she squealed with delight. I unbuttoned her jeans and slowly slid them to her knees while tonguing her belly button while pinching her nipples. I viewed her little white lace panties and began to pull them down to get to her and my reward. I saw a little bit of hair protruding as I peeled away slowly her panties. I remember my mouth beginning to salivate at the thought of licking and tonguing a hairy, wet pussy. As I continued exposing more hair before my prize, Janine suddenly sat up and screamed.

"No, no, we can't do this. Tim, no please we can't."

I was shocked and a little afraid at what caused this emotional outburst.

"What's wrong Janine, I thought we were enjoying this?"

Janine quickly hopped out of bed and gathered up her clothes and fled to the bathroom. Behind the door I could hear her saying sorry over and over again.

"Janine, was it something I did? I'm new at this, just tell me what you want me to do."

"Tim please! It's not you. We shouldn't be doing this. You should leave. I'm so sorry Tim."

"Janine, I thought we both wanted this. Janine I love you, please come out and talk to me."

"Tim you don't want this, trust me. I love you too, but you don't deserve me. I'm not what you really want."

"Janine please!"

"Go home Tim, please. Go home."

"Janine!"

"Go home!"

There was no consoling Janine at that moment. I was totally clueless as to what the problem was. Looking back there were signs, but I chose to ignore them. I left her apartment confused and scared. Later that night after my hormones calmed down I felt guilty.

I thought it all made sense at the time. Janine knew I was a good Christian and she was corrupting me. In a sense she was right, but I loved her so much. I wanted to be with her emotionally and physically. I kept asking myself how something that felt so right could be so wrong.

The next couple of days were tough. I tried calling Janine many times, but no answer. She refused to talk to me. I wanted to go to her apartment, but I was afraid. I was alone with nobody to talk to. If I told my problem to some people at CC they'd look down on me. I thought of talking to my ex girlfriend Lyndsey, but I remembered doing the same hurtful things to Lyndsey after learning of her unholy relationship. I was at a loss. Then it hit me. Maggie. If there were anyone that might understand and be able to give me advice it would be her. If the rumors were true she'd experimented with sex for a while now. She couldn't look down on me, at least I hoped not.

After that weeks summer Crusade on Campus meeting I asked Maggie if I could talk to her alone. I needed advice from a person that understood and had been there.

I drove Maggie home to the dorms and we sat in my car and talked. I was nervous as telling her my problem meant letting somebody know that I wasn't perfect. Maggie is a natural beauty. Most guys would kill for a girl like her. She had long dirty blonde hair; she's tall with legs that don't quit. She's got a nice rack and is in awesome shape. She's basically the best looking girl at CC. She'd be the best looking girl in most groups she attended.

"Maggie, I need some advice and at this point you are the only person I can turn to."

"Me? Why me? Aren't there a lot of better people you could talk to?"

"You are the only one who will understand. It's about Janine and I."

"What she wants to kiss you and you are freaking out about that?" laughed Maggie.

"I'm not that much of a prude. At least not anymore. And it is a lot more than a kiss."

"Really? You go Tim. Moving on to second base now, huh? Be honest, the reason you want to talk to me because you think I'm a slut. Right?"

"No, I have no reason to call anyone that anymore. I have heard stuff, and that is why I thought you could help. If I'm wrong, then sorry."

"I'm not saying you are right, but unlike other people I'm not going to judge you and not help. Tell me Tim what is up?"

"Janine and I have been fooling around lately. A couple of days ago we really went at it and she went down on me. I wanted to do the same for her but at the last minute she freaked and kicked me out. Now she won't talk to me. I'm in love with her Maggie. What can I do?"

Maggie sat there smiling at me. I was worried she'd throw this whole thing in my face for the times I had been unintentionally rude to her. I remember one time when I made a comment about her shirt. She was wearing a midriff tee shirt that showed off her amazingly taut abs. I made a comment about maybe she should get some new shirts as the ones she has now are shrinking. It wasn't a very funny comment, but others at CC laughed. I never really felt bad about that remark until right now.

"Tim, did she say anything why she wanted you to stop?"

"Well she told me that I don't want to do this. I think she feels bad for corrupting me. I told her I don't care and that I wanted her."

"You gotta talk to her somehow. Have you gone to her place, wrote a letter, done something other than a phone call?"