Balls vs Boobs Boxing

"Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the wide world of almost, kind of, but not real sports. I'm your host Bob Onit joined now by my broadcast partner Harry Dick. Harry we have got quite the event in store for the viewers tonight." Bob says.

"That's right Bob. We've got a first in the world of almost, kind of, but not real sports. Tonight we'll witness the first ever balls on boobs bare nipple boxing match." Harry says.

"Our competitors tonight hail from opposite sides of the country. Our first competitor Tracy currently resides in the state of Virginia while her opponent Andrew resides in Southern California." Bob says.

"These two were at one time very good friends, but a bitter dispute between them has lead to tonight's main event." Harry says.

"That's right Harry. This fight was arranged to settle a dispute over who gets to use the names Pancho and Lefty. Both of our competitors claim the use of the names, but as we all know there can only be one Pancho and Lefty at a time. When Tracy's boobs Pancho and Lefty heard that Andrew's balls were also named Pancho and Lefty they were outraged." Bob says.

"That's right Bob. Andrew's balls were none too happy about the situation either. So despite the size and reach advantage that Tracy's boobs have over them Andrew's balls issued this challenge." Harry says.

"It truly took a lot of balls to challenge Tracy's boobs to this fight given the boobs' weight and reach advantage." Bob says.

"Odd side note here Bob. Tracy's right breast is named Pancho and the left one is named Lefty, but from talking to them I learned that Andrew's right ball is actually named lefty...apparently he's dyslexic." Harry says.

"That's very interesting Harry. The two combatants are not the only ones involved in this evening's main event. The ref for the fight, David, is a friend of Tracy's...which could give her a definite advantage." Bob says.

"Maybe not Bob. From what I hear David is a bit strange so perhaps he would lean in Andrew's favor to see Tracy's boobs take a serious pounding from Andrew's balls." Harry says.

"That's a good point Harry...David could be a wild card in this fight...he could influence the fight either way. Also at ringside tonight will be Mike....who happens to be Tracy's husband." Bob says.

"That's right Bob. Mike presided over the weigh in and will be at ringside as a special guest referee if something should happen to David." Harry says.

"I think it has to be in the back of Andrew's mind to keep an eye on Mike. If Andrew's balls start slapping Tracy's boobs all around the ring...I mean really knocking them around...will Mike get involved?" Bob asks.

"We'll find out soon enough. Our locker room reporter Ben Dover has caught up with Andrew's balls to get their thoughts before the fight....Ben." Harry says.

"Thanks Harry...I'm here now with Andrew's balls Pancho and lefty....gentlemen what are your thoughts going into this fight?" Ben asks.

"It's gonna be a tough fight. Our opponents outweigh us by quite a bit and they have the reach advantage, but we wouldn't have made the challenge if we didn't think we could win." Pancho says.

"We're going to go out there and knock those boobs around. By the time we're done they'll be crying from their nipples." Lefty says.

"Thank you gentlemen. As you can see these two are extremely confident going into the fight. Now in Tracy's locker room to get Tracy's boob' thoughts before the fight I send you now to Amanda Huginkiss...Amanda." Ben says.

"Thanks Ben. Ladies...you accepted the challenge put forth by Andrew's balls and you look pretty confident right now. Your thoughts going into the fight?" Amanda asks.

"By the time we're done with those two they'll be black and blue balls." Lefty says.

"When we win we're going to rename them Teeny and Tiny and we'll make them bow down and kiss our nipples in a humiliating show of their defeat." Pancho says.

"Thank you ladies, I'll let you get back to your last minute preparations. Bob, Harry, back to you." Amanda says.

"Thanks Amanda. Harry...the feeling I get from both locker rooms is extreme confidence." Bob says.

"Absolutely Bob...I have to wonder if Andrew's balls are having any second thoughts about making this challenge after being outweighed by so much at the weigh in." Harry says.

"Well Harry, they don't call them balls for nothing. They made the challenge so they're going to stick to it. They might get knocked around and leave here as black and blue balls, but I think they'll put up a hell of a fight despite the long odds against them." Bob says.

"Speaking of which, the odds makers in Las Vegas have Tracy's boobs as a 10-1 favorite in this fight." Harry says.

"Well ladies and gentlemen the moment we've been waiting for has arrived...the fighters are going to come out of their respective locker rooms to get this fight underway. We go now to ring announcer Gee String....Gee." Bob says.

"Ladies and gentlemen from California in the white jockstrap Andrew's balls!" Gee says.

Andrew's balls come out of the locker room.

"And from Virginia in the blue bra Tracy's boobs!" Gee says.

Tracy's boobs come out of the locker room. Andrew's balls slip out of their jockstrap and Tracy's boobs slip out of their bra and they go to the middle of the ring.

"Okay, I want a good clean fight. This fight is scheduled for 15 rounds. If a knockout is recorded or one of the fighters cannot continue the fight will be over and the other fighter will be declared the winner. If both fighters are still standing after 15 rounds the fight will be decided by the judges scoring of the individual rounds. The winner will get to retain the names Pancho and Lefty and the loser will have to stop using the names. Now...bump balls on boobs then go to your respective corners and when the bell rings come out fighting." David says.

Andrew's balls bump Tracy's boobs, they return to their corners and when they bell rings they both come out fighting.

"What an amazing blow by Tracy's boobs, they almost split Andrew's balls in two." Bob says.

"Yeah Andrew's balls were stumbling around for a moment there, but they stayed upright and have fought back nailing Tracy's right boob with a wicked left hook." Harry says.

"Oh and there's a stiff jab to Tracy's left boob. The boobs are on the ropes...this fight could be over before it even gets going." Bob says.

"No...there's the bell signaling the end of round one. Tracy's boobs will have a chance to regroup before coming back out for round two." Harry says.

"I think that last blow really let Tracy's boobs and everyone else know that Andrew's balls are serious contenders in this fight despite their weight and reach disadvantage." Bob says.

"There's the bell for round two and here they come again. Tracy's boobs appear to be taking things a little more serious now. They seem to realize that this isn't just going to be a cake walk, if they're going to win they're going to really have to knock Andrew's balls around." Harry says.

"Oh and that will be a good start. Tracy's left boob just suckered Andrew's balls into thinking a jab was coming while Tracy's right boob came in from the side with a powerful right hook. I don't think Andrew's balls know where they are right now." Bob says.

"That blow by itself probably won't win the match, but it's doubtful that Andrew's balls will fully recover from a shot like that during this fight, which gives Tracy's boobs another advantage." Harry says.

"And there's the bell signaling the end of round two. Andrew's balls didn't really do much in round two the round was obviously dominated by Tracy's boobs." Bob says.

"They appear to be making up for it now as the bell rings to start round three. Andrew's balls came charging out and hit Tracy's boobs almost before they had a chance to get out of their corner." Harry says.

"Can you believe the intensity of Andrew's balls right now? They've pushed their way between Tracy's boobs splitting them up and now they're swinging back and forth as hard as they can sending Tracy's boobs flying." Bob says.

"Tracy's boobs are bouncing off the ropes and coming back in only to be pounded again. They're just praying for the bell right now." Harry says.

"And there it is. Tracy's boobs look a little woozy as they head back to their corner." Bob says.

"Yes they do Bob, but Andrew's balls look a little winded...did they expend too much energy in that round? Will they have the stamina to last all 15 rounds?" Harry asks.

"If they can keep on the attack like that this fight might not last 15 rounds." Bob says.

"Well there's the bell to start round four. Both fighters come out slow...they both appear hesitant to be the one to take the offensive this time as they circle around the ring sizing each other up." Harry says.

"Tracy's boobs finally move in to try an overhead shot to Andrew's balls, but Andrew's balls respond with some vicious uppercuts to the soft underside of Tracy's boobs." Bob says.

"But seems to have only pissed Tracy's boobs off Bob...look at that impressive right hook followed by a left cross...Andrew's balls are leaning against the ropes...they need to get off the ropes before Tracy's boobs come in for the final blow." Harry says.

"Andrew's balls are saved by the bell as the 4th round comes to a close. Harry so far we've seen some impressive punching from both fighters, but nobody seems to be defending any of their opponents' shots." Bob says.

"That's just inexperience Bob. These two combatants were so confident going into this bout that they didn't think they'd have to defend so they only concentrated on their offense. Whichever fighter is able to come up with some kind of defense in these next few rounds could decide this fight." Harry says.

"Here we go with round 5. Andrew's balls come out strong. Oh my god Andrew's balls just hit Tracy's left boob so hard that it smacked into her right boob and they both went bouncing off of the ropes. Can Andrew's balls follow up on that shot?" Bob asks.

"They're trying to...they're up between Tracy's boobs punching both ways again, but oh that's got to hurt. Tracy's boobs just delivered a powerful shot to Andrew's balls at the same time. Andrew's balls were smashed together between the force of Tracy's boobs." Harry says.

"There's the beel for the end of round 5. After that shot they just took Andrew's balls might not make it back out for round 6." Bob says.

"That was an impressive recovery by Tracy's boobs after taking that enormous shot early in the round." Harry says.

"Here we go with round 6. Again both fighters come out slow. Tracy's boobs come in with a few jabs and Andrew's balls block them. That's the first real defensive move we've seen tonight." Bob says.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure Andrew's balls are doing that by choice. That shot they took in round 5 might have left them unable to muster any offense of their own for a little while." Harry says.

"Tracy's boobs don't seem to be affected though as they are really giving Andrew's balls a good licking in this 6th round. There's the bell. Harry, Andrew's balls didn't throw a single punch in that round." Bob says.

"No they didn't, but they did survive the round and were able to defend most of Tracy's boobs' major punches." Harry says.

"There's the bell for round 7. Again Tracy's boobs take the offensive and Andrew's balls keep backing up defensively. Andrew's balls are throwing a few little jabs at Tracy's boobs just to hold their ground a little bit. Harry, could Andrew's balls be hurt and are just trying to survive to keep their dignity intact?" Bob asks.

"Those two do have a lot of balls Bob. If anyone was going to fight through an injury to keep their dignity, it would be these two. I'm not sure they're hurt...I think they're just still a little dazed by the shot they took earlier. If they don't step it up in the next few rounds though they'll be too far behind in the judges' decision so they'll have to score a knockout to win." Harry says.

"There's the bell to end round 7. In Andrew's balls' corner their trainer Andrew's penis is giving his fighters a pep talk. For their sake I hope whatever he's saying is inspirational." Bob says.

"There's the bell and round 8 is underway. It appears as if Andrew's penis has inspired Andrew's balls to pick up their game. They're still defending Tracy's boobs' punches, but they're delivering some shots of their own this round." Harry says.

"Right you are Harry. They're standing ball to boob with their opponents right now and neither is giving an inch. It's like each punch they throw is a challenge for their opponent to throw a harder punch. Oh and there's the bell ending a highly competitive round." Bob says.

"Andrew's balls really stepped up in that round, but they the judges will likely be split on that round which means Tracy's boobs are still probably ahead in the scoring. There's the bell for the start of round 9." Harry says.

"I think Andrew's balls understand that they are behind in the judges' scoring because they've come out fast and hard in this 9th round. Tracy's boobs weren't expecting this kind of offense from a pair of balls that they had on the ropes just a few rounds ago. Tracy's boobs are not able to defend the quick powerful blows delivered by Andrew's balls and as the bell ends the 9th round Tracy's boobs are visibly shaking as they return to their corner." Bob says.

"Andrew's balls really needed a dominant round like that to get back into this fight, but with 6 rounds to go this is still anyone's fight." Harry says.

"There's the bell for the start of round 10 and Andrew's balls again come out strong. They're bouncing Tracy's boobs around like balloons." Bob says.

"And look at that...they're also attacking Tracy's boobs' nipples." Harry says.

"That may be a dirty trick, but it's completely legal in this bout. There's the bell and we've got 10 rounds in the books. So far this looks like anybody's fight. In the last two rounds Andrew's balls have really gotten back into the fight as far as the judges' scoring goes." Bob says.

"Yes they have Bob. These next 5 rounds will be a test of the conditioning, stamina, and determination of our combatants. Both look pretty winded and both have taken a lot of abuse here tonight." Harry says.

"Indeed they have Harry. Andrew's balls have taken a pretty good licking to this point and Tracy's boobs have been knocked around quite a bit. Here's the bell for the start of round 11." Bob says.

"Oh and Tracy's boobs may have just won this fight. Andrew's balls were not expecting Tracy's boobs to come out and deliver a blow like that in the 11th round. Andrew's balls are down." Harry says.

"They've got a 10 count to get back up....and they get back up after a count of 4." Bob says.

"Yeah, but they look like they're out on their ball sacs. They're stumbling around trying to avoid anymore abuse before the bell." Harry says.

"Tracy's boobs aren't going to let them get away though...they move in to deliver some body shots and oh....what a vicious hit. Andrew's balls....out of pure desperation swung as hard as they could and they've left Tracy's boobs seeing stars." Bob says.

"Now both fighters are stumbling around the ring like a couple of drunks. There's the bell and they both return to their corners. Can either of these fighters get their heads clear enough to concentrate on finishing this fight?" Harry asks.

"They're balls and boobs Harry, they don't have heads." Bob says.

"Good point Bob. There's the bell for round 12 and both fighters stagger out and start exchanging jabs. Neither is being aggressive...this round appears to be more about survival for both of them." Harry says.

"You might have spoken too soon Harry. Andrew's balls just delivered a solid right hook that sent Tracy's boobs bouncing off the ropes. Tracy's boobs are still trying to right themselves as the 12th round ends." Bob says.

"That shot by Andrew's balls was impressive. Neither Andrew's balls or Tracy's boobs seemed to have much in them for that round, but Andrew's balls mustered the strength to deliver that one punch that could have given him the round in the judges' scoring." Harry says.

"There's the bell for round 13 and again both fighters look unsure of their ability to stand, let alone fight. This round does appear to be a little more active though as both fighters are punching wildly trying to knock whatever's left out of their opponents." Bob says.

"Yes, but are they using up what they have left to do it? Remember this fight was put together pretty quickly they didn't have a lot of time to train...stamina is coming into play right now." Harry says.

"The bell rings ending the 13th round with neither fighter having a clear advantage. We're down to just two rounds to go now. Harry, if you had to pick a winner right now who would it be?" Bob asks.

"I think I'd have to go with Tracy's boobs right now...With their size and reach advantage they can keep Andrew's balls far enough away that they can't inflict anymore damage. That will be crucial in these last two rounds." Harry says.

"Here's the start of round 14 and it appears that you're right Harry. Andrew is on the attack, but Tracy's boobs are keeping him far enough away that his punches aren't making solid contact." Bob says.

"As the round ends Andrew's balls are hanging low and they look beaten and tired. Tracy's boobs on the other hand appear perky and confident. It seems that they think they have this fight won." Harry says.

"There's the bell for the 15th and final round. Oh and Tracy's boobs are down! Andrew's balls are using everything they have left. Tracy's boobs are down again. They get back up and are trying to run away from Andrew's balls, but Andrew's balls knock them down again. Tracy's boobs muster some final shots of their own and Andrew's balls deliver one last shot. Tracy's boobs are stumbling. There's the bell...the round and the fight are over." Bob says.

"And Tracy's boobs are out cold. They have collapsed in the middle of the ring. Andrew's balls recorded the knockout...unfortunately for them it came a few seconds after the final bell." Harry says.

"It appears as if this fight will be decided by the judges' scoring. We go now to Mike who will read the judges' decision." Bob says.

"The judges have scored this fight 8 rounds to 7...the winners are....Tracy's boobs." Mike says.

Some of the crowd cheers and some of the crowd boos.

"What a close fight we had...Andrew's balls lost by one round...and were just a few seconds away from winning by knockout." Bob says.

"And look at this Bob. Andrew's balls' trainer, Andrew's penis, is so disgusted by the judges' decision that he's throwing up." Harry says.

"My goodness Harry, Andrew's penis is throwing up a large amount of a white sticky material...and to make things worse...he's throwing up all over Tracy's boobs who are just regaining consciousness." Bob says.

"They don't even know they won the fight yet, all they know is that they are being drenched in large amounts of a thick gooey white material vomited upon them by Andrew's penis." Harry says.

"I guess in this fight Tracy's boobs are winners and losers." Bob says.

"And perhaps in some way Andrew's balls will take some satisfaction in seeing their trainer throwing up on Tracy's boobs, who defeated Andrew's balls in this fight." Harry says.

"On behalf of my partner Harry Dick, I'm Bob Onit, thank you for watching and goodnight." Bob says.