tagCelebrities & Fan FictionBanging Big Time Is No Theory Ch. 02

Banging Big Time Is No Theory Ch. 02


Ersatz No Longer

Howard sat on Raj's couch, drinking his fourth beer, looking rather bored. Raj didn't exactly blame him; he was on this fifth blackberry cooler himself. They had a big night planed, the gang was going to be playing Age of Conan all night but Sheldon got a last minute invite to see the Cern Large Hadron collider in Switzerland and Leonard was moping about Penny again. Apparently she told him this time that she never wanted to see him again, yea right, Raj thought, heard that one before. So it was now just him and Howard. And no internet thanks to a recent quake. Thanks a lot Bhumi, some God of the Earth you turned out to be.

"I know," Raj blurted. "We could go out to that Goth club again?'

"No," Howard replied. "We were barred for faking it last time, remember?"

"Oh right, that quite chick ratted us out to the management. Who would have thought that a bunch of Goth's would be so moody?" Raj mused. "How about that dance club downtown? Or I know," he said excitedly, "how about the Kitty Kitty club? It's been a while since we've been to a strip club."

"No," Howard bemoaned, "I promised Bernadette no more strip clubs."

"Oh." Raj said dejectedly. Howard has become so whipped, he thought. "Where is she anyway?"

"She's at Penny's with Amy. Apparently Amy never had a slumber party growing up so they are having one tonight." He shook his head as he said it. "Can you just imagine it? They're probably just going to sit about in their pajamas eating cookie dough and watch sappy movies all night."

"Or getting into a three way," Raj joked.

"Amy Farah Fowler? Yea right, I'll believe that when Sheldon loses his virginity," Howard said derisively.

So they decided to watch Ironman one and two back to back. It was a good way to pass the time.

"Well," Raj said after the mini marathon, "I know we can't go to a strip club but how about we just watch 'Showgirls' then? At least I will get to see some strippers that way."

"Well," Howard mused, "she didn't say anything about seeing strippers, just not visiting their club. Alright, I'm in."

Raj quickly got out the Blu-ray and popped it into the machine, got them both another drink and sat down next to his friend. "Elizabeth Berkley is so hot in this film!"

"I know, and totally shaved! When she gives Gina Gershon that lap dance I think I'm going to pop my cork every time." Howard replied without thinking and feeling self-conscious for admitting that he looked over at Raj, but he wasn't looking back. I guess he didn't hear me, Howard thought, thank God!

Raj did hear though, and he filed it away for later consideration.

Two hours and three drinks a piece later Howard turned to Raj. "Every time I see that movie I end up with the same thought. Gods but that's a crappy movie!"

"I know," Raj replied getting up from the couch. "NC-17, my ass, it's all titillation and no balls! I always just end up wanting to watch a porno, you know, I want to see the real thing instead of that giant tease of a movie."

"Well, why don't we," Howard suggested after finishing his beer. "I'm sure you have a good stash around here somewhere."

Raj took the last pull on his own drink while thinking about what Howard said. That's not a bad idea, he thought fuzzily. "You got it. I'll grab a good one and you get me another cooler, would you?" he then quickly went into his small chest he kept next to the Plasma and pulled out the first one, it was an all girl film. No, he decided, I've been teased enough. Oh, here's a good one, 'Share and share alike' it was called. He took it out of the box and placed it into the player. "This one is great," he told Howard as he took his drink from him. "It's so hot I can never get past the first scene."

"Works for me," Howard replied as they both sat on the couch. "This won't take long then."

"That's what she said." Raj joked.

"Oh haha, very funny. I'll have you know that I can wear Bernadette out."

"Right," Raj said doubtfully as he grabbed the remote and pushed play. "I'm just going to fast forward through all the preamble crap." Upon reaching the beginning of the first scene he hit play and leaned back. This is going to be fun, he thought with his head buzzing from all the alcohol.

It was your typical fair; a slim bleached blond woman sat on a couch with her muscled, dark haired, boyfriend, making out. Soon their clothes began to come off and the woman got down on her knees between her boyfriends legs and started sucking his rather impressive cock. She was taking long slow strokes with her hand when she wasn't taking the whole nine inches down her throat. The man was groaning and running his hands through her hair. Then the camera panned toward the door to the apartment and to a window that was next to it. In that window a man was watching the pair. It cut to a shot of the man outside who started to lower his pants and took out his own large cock and started to stroke it.

"You weren't kidding," Howard said while not taking his eyes from the screen. "This is hot."

So, Howard is into the voyeuristic thing too, Raj thought and tucked that into the back of his mind as well. He snuck a peek at Howard out of the corner of his eye and saw a rather nice bulge forming in his lime green slacks. It looked like he wasn't kidding about being able to give it to Bernadette good.

Oh Bernadette, how he longed after that woman, with her long blonde hair, petite body and giant tits. He knew that she was his best friend's girlfriend but he didn't care, he wanted to fuck her so bad that it often hurt. And with the thoughts of Bernadette along with the hot action on the screen he was getting a raging hard-on himself. He thought about pushing it down but he didn't want Howard to think he was trying to rub one out.

By this time in the movie, the boyfriend was taking the little blonde from behind, doggie style, their grunts and groans and the continued back shots to the voyeur outside the window, whose pants were not down to his ankles and he was stroking his cock hard and fast, were starting to affect Raj even more. The whole thing turned Raj on so much, even more that usual he realized, with Howard right next to him on the couch. It added that much more of a taboo element to it all. Normally by now Raj would be half way to cumming all over his chest but it was all he could do to not even touch his raging cock. He stole another glance over at Howard; his pants were completely tented now. Christ, it must be at least seven inches, he marveled. He could see that Howard was having trouble as well the way his hands were twitching. He wants to rub it so bad; I wonder how long he can go before he excuses himself to the bathroom to rub it out, He thought. I hope he does it soon; I need to jerk it myself.

On the screen the two lovers were just finishing up. That is to say he had pulled out of her and was in the process of cumming all over her face, with her mouth open like a baby chick begging to be fed. This was usually the point that Raj popped his own cork. That was why what happened next took him completely by surprise.

He was so drunk he lost track of how long he was taking his peek at Howard that he jumped when Howard said, "Hey, tag-team. I didn't see that coming."

Raj looked back to the movie and saw that the voyeur was now inside the apartment, naked and kissing the blonde. "You know, she looks a little like Bernadette," Raj blurted out.

"Woaw! What the hell, where did that come from," Howard asked harshly.

Raj looked back to Howard and defended himself, "What? She does."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"No, she does look like her. She's short, blonde has giant boobs and is pretty like Bernadette."

"You have the hots for my girlfriend don't you?"

"Of course not," Raj responded adamantly.

"Oh, this is just great. It explains so much," Howard disgustedly turned back to the TV. "I am sick and tired of... oh my God..."

Raj turned to see what caught Howard's attention and his jaw dropped. Both the boyfriend and the girlfriend were on their knees in front of the stranger, taking turns sucking his dick.

He had never seen anything like it and it was turning him on even more and that shocked him. He couldn't look away. Without thinking he started to rub his cock through his pants. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't gotten laid in over a year, but at that moment, he wanted to be that guy. Not the stranger getting blown. No he wanted to be the boyfriend sucking dick. The girlfriend had now acquiesced and let him take total control of that wonderful piece of meat while she sat on the couch playing with herself. The boyfriend was stroking with one hand while sucking the head, making loud slurping sounds. And with his other he was playing with the strangers balls and fingering his ass.

Oh my God but I need that right now, Raj thought and took a quick look over at Howard who had pressed his cock down on his thigh and was stroking it heavily. God I want that so bad. Raj, his mind fuzzed by the alcohol and his over amped sex drive, then did the unthinkable. He reached out and stroked Howard's cock thru his pants.

Howard freaked out. "What the hell!"

"Come on, you're as turned on by this as I am," Raj replied; now firmly stroking his friends cock. When Howard didn't reply he slipped off the couch and got down between Howard's legs.

"Are you crazy? What are you doing?" Howard asked all breathless and shaking.

"Shut up. You know what I'm doing." While looking Howard in the eye, Raj then reached up, loosened Howard's belt, undid the button on this top of his pants, took hold of the zipper and slowly lowered it. "You know you want this as bad as I do." He felt a thrill go through him as he knew he was right when Howard lifted his ass up off the couch slightly so Raj could pull down his pants and Spiderman boxers.

As his pants and underwear reached Howards mid thigh, his cock sprang up out of them like a jack-in-a-box and slapped against his stomach. Raj ripped the pants down to Howard's ankles, quickly reached up and grasped Howards cock. It felt so much like his own, yet so different as well. He slowly stroked it up and down.

A pearl of pre-cum began to ooze from the head, so he leaned forward and licked up like a cat. Howard shuddered. It tasted so good, sweet yet salty. Raj could wait no longer; he took that lovely cock into his mouth. It was like a hot piece of iron covered in velvet and it tasted amazing. He worked his tongue along the underside while sucking hard; he wanted to taste more of that pre-cum.

Taking a cue from the movie, Raj used his right hand to stroke Howard's cock as he sucked and took his left and began to fondle his balls. Howard moaned. On inspiration Raj quickly stopped massaging the balls and brought his left hand up to his mouth. Taking is mouth momentarily off that lovely dick; Raj licked the middle finger, coating it with saliva, and then went back to sucking Howard's cock, taking it as deep as he could. He lowered his left hand back to Howard's balls and circled his ass with his slick digit before ever so slowly pushing it up Howard's ass. Howard groaned and thrashed about like a man possessed. This was the most amazing thing Raj had ever experienced and he didn't want it to end. The only thing he wanted at that moment was to make his friend cum.

They were both so into their new experience that neither of them heard the gentle knock at the door, nor the second a moment later. They didn't even hear the door open and they didn't hear the diminutive voice softly call out if anyone was home. What they did hear was that normally small voice, shout. "What the hell is going on here?"

The cock made an audible pop as it slipped from Raj's mouth when he looked up at the shout and saw Bernadette standing in the doorway with her mouth agape. She quickly closed her mouth and quipped, "metro sexual my ass."

She left the doorway and entered the room, closing the door behind her. Raj began to scramble to his feet but was stopped by a shout from Bernadette. "No! You get your ass back down there. I wouldn't want to interrupt you two." The then turned, locked the door, and turned back with a smile. "In fact I insist. I want to see every moment of this." When Howard started to get up and say something, she pointed her finger at him and yelled. "You shut up!" then pointed back at Raj, "And you, get back to sucking that cock."

She slowly approached them and Raj did as he was told, he slid back to his haunches. He reached out and took Howard's cock again, looked Bernadette in the eye and with a smile, slowly took his best friend's tasty dick into his mouth and sucked hard. Howard closed his eyes, thrashed and moaned.

"Yea, that's it; suck that cock you dirty boy," she purred in her diminutive voice. She was clutching at one of her large tits through her fussy sweater with her right hand and with her left she was rubbing her pussy through her short pink skirt. "Oh yea baby," she cooed. "You like sucking his wonderful dick; I can see it in your eyes."

Howard again piped up, pleading for forgiveness. "Please honey, UHG, you know I love you, OH GOD." He thrashed again and his hands reached out and grasped Raj's head but Raj shook him off, he didn't want to lose his eye contact with the lovely Bernadette.

"Be quite, honey." She said matter-of-factly. "Your friend is giving you a wonderful gift. Just lie back and enjoy it." She then lifted her skirt and Raj saw that she wasn't wearing any panties. Her pussy was wet and swollen. Her fingers danced across her clit and labia, then she plunged two fingers of her other hand into herself. She shuddered lustily.

Howard opened his eyes and looked at her. She was a goddess of lust; her blonde hair was in disarray, her chest was heaving, her fingers were deep in her pussy and her eyes were ablaze with lustful exuberance. Howard could take no more. With a grunt, his balls clenched and he came. The blast of cum took Raj a bit by surprise but he drank it down with abandon. He reveled in the taste, salty and slightly bitter, but it was amazing.

Raj drank down almost all of it, but with his inebriated state he was aggressively charged. He quickly stood, stepped to Bernadette, took her in his arms and kissed her, sharing her man's cum with her. Their tongues danced, his hands caressed her tits and she moaned into his mouth.

Their kiss lasted less than a minute before Howard began to weakly protest as he was coming out of his orgasmic daze. Bernadette gently, but firmly, pushed Raj away. "Let's not get greedy now, Raj my dear." She then caressed his cheek, "We have all night." She slowly walked around the back of the couch and ran her fingers through Howard's hair. "Come on, boys. Let's take this into the bedroom." She reached around behind her as she sashayed toward Raj's room, and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor. She stopped at the doorway, her bare ass slightly red as if it had been repeatedly spanked not long before. "Well, come on you two. I've had my fill of eating pussy tonight and now I need to get fucked." She giggled and entered the room.

Howard and Raj looked at each other. "Did she just say what I think she did?" they said in unison.

"Dude, her ass is all red like someone's been spanking it." Raj said excitedly. "You don't suppose..."

"That their slumber party became a SLUMBER PARTY?" Howard said with a childish smile.

"HOWARD! RAJ! GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE!" Bernadette yelled from the bedroom. They both scrambled to do as they were told, Raj getting there first, as Howard had to kick off his pants or he'd fall on his face.

Raj stopped at the doorway and was amazed by what he saw. Bernadette had turned the rooms overhead light to show off her now naked glory. Her hair hung about her shoulders and her glasses were on the side table. She was lying on her back with the pillows piled up behind her, pinching one of her erect pick nipples with one hand and again fingering herself with the other.

"Well what are you waiting for sweetie?" she said to Raj. "Strip out of those clothes and get over here and fuck me like you've always wanted to."

Howard pushed Raj into the room. "What do you mean you want him to fuck you?" Howard asked in disbelief. "What do you mean 'like he always wanted to'?"

"Oh hush, Howie." She said sweetly. "We all know that Raj has been in love with me for a long time now." She held up a hand to forestall Howard's angry burst. "You know it's true, honey, but you don't have to worry. I love you and you know that. You're my little Howie bear. And I want him to fuck me because his cock is about to tear through his slacks and we both know that you're not going to get heard again for several minutes. And I need to get fucked now!" She turned to look at Raj. "Come on now honey. I care for you deeply and always will but I'm not in love with you. But I do want you to fuck me for all your worth and this may be your only chance."

Raj quickly shed his clothes and Bernadette seemed to drink in the sight of his golden, tan skin and her eyes widened and she smiled at the sight of his thick seven inches of Indian dick. Howard handed him a condom he had pulled from his pans that he was holding. Raj grinned at his friend and began slowly stroke his dick as he approached the bed, before opening the package and rolling the rubber onto it. He mounted the bed and crawled up between her open legs. Her pussy was dripping wet and he could smell her light, lusty aroma. He crawled up her body, lightly kissing her tummy then breasts as he did and then gave her another passionate kiss.

Breaking the kiss, he sat back on his haunches in-between her legs, with his cock just inches away from her pussy. "How bad do you want this," he asked playfully.

"Badly," she replied with a playful whimper.

"How badly" He asked, his dick was now rubbing up and down her wet slit.

"So badly," she pleaded. "Oh fuck me, please fuck me baby."

"Oh yea, you want me to fuck you?"

"Put that fucking cock in me, already!" The yell shocked Raj for a moment but he shook his head and with a grin he plunged his dick into her. She groaned deeply. "Oh God I needed that." He slowly pulled his cock out until only the head was still in before slamming it back into her.

She grunted and moaned with each thrust. He leaned down and bit her neck, continuing his assault on her sweet, sweet pussy. It was all he had imagined and more. Her face was a mask of lust and her grunts drove his ardor.

"Howie," she panted between her moans, patting the bed next to them. "Bring 'Little Howie' up here so I can bring him back to life."

Raj felt the bed move as his friend climbed on. He pulled away from sucking her neck to look to his left but didn't let up his thrusting in and out of the angel beneath him. He watched as Howard crawled up right next to them, bringing his now slowly hardening cock up to Bernadette's mouth where she took it between her lips.

The room was filled with the sounds and smells of sex, Raj grunting, Bernadette moaning, Howard groaning.

Raj was going crazy as he fucked the woman of his dreams and watched her suck his best friends cock only inches away from his face. It was driving him wild, seeing Howards cock slide in and out of her luscious lips as he fucked her. He wanted to experience more, so he leaned forward ad licked his cock as it slid from her mouth.

"Oh, you want more of Little Howie, do you? Go ahead, suck him again. I want to see how long you last sucking and fucking at the same time," she chuckled as she began to clench her pussy, grasping his cock with each thrust.

He didn't last long. Within less than a minute he trembled, grunted and came; Bernadette shuddered and came with him.

Bernadette glowed in the aftermath of her orgasm but her still burned with lust. She wanted more. She looked at Howard's still rock hard cock bobbing in front of her face and then looked at Raj. "You know Raj," she purred, "it's not exactly fair that you got to fuck me but you have no girlfriend for Howie to fuck."

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