Baxter the Sex Droid

Author's note: This is just a short vignette that came to me. I hope you find it as funny as I do.

*****

"Baxter!" The gruff voice shouted. "Baxter! Get your ass in here!"

The faintest sound of whirring servos preceded the Human Personal Service droid as she walked, no sauntered into the boss's office. At this particular moment her appearance was that of a redhead with an hourglass figure of 38-24-38. Her DD cup breasts were barely contained in the tight red mini-dress that was the standard uniform of the HPS workers. Her sythna-flesh breasts jiggled just right as she walked. The man felt arousal just looking at her.

"Yes sir, what can I do for you today?" her voice synthesizer purred.

"I just got another complaint on you! Do you know how many that makes?"

"Yes sir, 62 complaints since coming online."

"Damn right it's 62! It should be zero! Do you know what you did wrong this time?"

"I am sorry sir. You told me to accede to the customer's requests, and I did that."

"What did the customer ask for?"

"The customer asked for the standard 5 credit oral sex package sir."

"So what did you give him?"

"I gave him the standard 5 credit oral sex package sir."

"Uh huh... so how did he end up with a traumatic penile amputation?"

"He told me to suck harder sir."

"Goddamnit Baxter!"

The grizzled human paced the small office. "And last week, the man who ordered a virgin experience? You remember what happened to him?"

"Of course sir, my memory files are intact. The customer ordered a virgin. But he was dissatisfied with the experience. He stated that I was not tight enough."

"And you crushed his fucking dick!" the boss shouted! "And before that you fucked a customer so fast that he got friction burns! And then there was the incident at the bar mitzvah, and before that it was the Hospice Center..."

"Yes sir. But the bar mitzvah did not have any associated injury. Only a conduct complaint. And the terminal patient at the Hospice Center was already dying."

"Damnit Baxter! You were supposed to fuck the boy in private! Not in public!"

"But sir, no room was available and the customer stated that he wanted to 'do it right now'. And the veterans desired that their friend die happy. I met their request. There was a DNR on file and he expired during his orgasm."

The boss sat heavily in his chair and hung his head. Well hell, if you're going to go, might as well do it right, he thought.

At that moment another HPS droid entered. "Sir we have a customer complaint from last night. A woman with second degree facial burns."

"Oh shit..." the boss looked at Baxter. "Another one of your's?"

"I believe it is sir."

The man rubbed his face and sighed. Looking at Baxter, he could see why she was so popular. She was one of the best looking droids in his lineup. She could change her hair color, style and length in a minute , as well as her eye color and skin tone. Although her height was fixed at 5'8", she could alter her figure's primary dimensions several inches on request. But it was her face that kept him enthralled. Yes, she was a pain in his ass. (He made a mental note to never use that phrase around her.) But she was one of his favorites. Naturally he had tested her personally when she was brought online. And she was very good. Very good indeed. Well worth every credit of her rather high purchase price. This model was typically bought by the rich and found in the penthouses and secluded estates of the elite. Not working as a "For Hire". He had wanted to improve the quality of his lineup. But there had to be something wrong in the coding, although the techies had been unable yet to locate the problem. He didn't know how long he could keep her working like this though. Sooner or later the State was going to come along and demand she be recycled. That would be a damn shame. He looked at her large breasts and wondered if he could by the bar-tender add-on and use her in the club...

"Well, what happened?"

"She requested a hair color change to bright red. Then as she was performing cunnilingus she said that my hair wasn't bright enough. She stated that it needed to be flaming red. So I complied."

"And lemme guess, you ignited your pubic hair as well..." The boss hung his head in despair. "Oh hell... I wonder how much this is going to cost me."

"I might add sir, that the 'Golden Shower' option worked well to quench the flaming bed linens."

"BAXTER!"