Bed, Anne, Breakfast

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Anne Heche makes things interesting.
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Expressing my envy of a family who received a surprise visitor two Augusts ago.

I own a fifteen-acre spread outside of Fresno. I raise radishes and zucchini; with a few experimental grape vines and a small patch of well-concealed refer on the side. I also do the taxes for a number of my neighbors.

I had spent that hot August day trying to fix some irrigation machinery, and was pretty wolfed. That evening I spoke to Karin, my current partner who has her own house some ways away. As was the case with the irrigation machinery, I was not able to resolve the problems I am having with her. I decided to retire early, and get a good start on the morrow. The air was warm and there was a half moon out over the valley.

I was awakened shortly after midnight by a sharp report on the side door. Someone was knocking, knocking repeatedly and loudly. I confess, I was frightened, and how. Careful not to make a sound, I looked out my window toward the driveway, thinking that a hostile local found out about my refer and I would see a police car or two outside. Nothing! Just my own Sidekick.

I don’t like owning that shotgun, but off the beaten track as I am it means security. In my haste to see who was downstairs, I forewent a fumbling search for shells. Instead I just hoped, whoever it was, would be deterred by the sight of it.

Putting a thin robe around me (I hadn’t worn anything to bed) I proceeded downstairs, a quick thought passing through my head that this was like a some horror movie. When I was able to see the figure silhouetted in the door window, however, I saw that it was not someone who looked like a malevolent midnight raider, but a woman with short hair, and not a particularly big woman at that.

My fear was starting to turn to irritation. Whatever she wants, would she please lay off the incessant knocking? Cradling my gun in the crook of my arm, I advanced toward the door and turned the outside light on, seeing that the woman was a blonde with a slightly pinched face. She was wearing a pink top. She had this look in her eyes that said she was not quite right in the head.

I turned on the kitchen light, opened the door and took two steps back, still holding on to that empty shotgun.

“WHY IS THIS PLACE CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT?” the woman demanded. “God, how am I to get home if the launchpads aren’t open?”

It was obvious the woman was completely out of it. She seemed to have walked a long way -- her white pants were dusty and her hair disselveled. But the mental hospital was quite a ways away. Seeing that she was smaller than me and probably represented no threat, I allowed her to come in, thinking that I would call the police after I got her settled down.

I spoke in a firm voice. “Ma’am, calm down, just calm down and sit there.” She followed my command, even though she did not seem to even note the shotgun. All the time she kept up a babble and gestured frantically.

“you think that Father would have left better instructions on how to get to the spaceship. I told him I would be home before midnight but the last launchpad the After all, I’ve been walking for six hours, the flight takes three and it’s cold out here....Do you have any coffee?

At last interpreting an on the level comment, I offered to make some, if, again, she would pleasecalm down. I enjoy my silences and to have a woman yak incessantly around me unnerves me.

I asked her who her name was. “Celestia,” she replied. “Well, Celeste,” I replied, missing the one syllable, “ I’m Randal and I’m going to go over there and get some coffee for you. I’m going to ask you to settle down and then you can tell me how you got here.”

She continued talking while I spooned the stuff into the percolator. “I was to take the spaceship out of the valley, return home to get my things and then fly up to Father. I’ve got a long trip ahead, and here it is already dark.” It was while my back was to her that there seemed to be something familiar in her voice, I had heard it somewhere...

Once I got the coffee going, I turned around and studied her face more carefully. Sure enough, it was the woman who I saw in “Return to Paradise” and “Wag the Dog”. And several months ago, Karin and I rented this movie called “The Wild Side” in which she played a businesswoman and sometime call girl who falls hard for Joan Chen. Their love scene together was the only good thing about the flick. Karin made a joke about how Chen paved the way for the actress’s famous affair with Ellen DeGeneres, but it must have gotten her going as well, for we had great sex that night.

“Celestia?” I inquired in the break in her conversation. “You aren’t Anne Heche?”

Her eyes rolled skyward like someone who had heard the same question many times before. “Yes, no, I’m Celestia, except when I’m Annie. I told Ellen that time and time again. When Father wants me to be Celestia, I can’t be Annie so don’t call me that.”

Well, this was not something that happens every day. I have a movie star in my home. “Why do you need to get home to Father?”

“In Father’s place I feel safe, he puts me up there among the stars. I’ve been there for a long time. You should see the view, but most people can’t go there until they die. Do you want to go there, too?

I had to be honest and tell her I was a religious nonbeliever. I’ve always felt that Heaven, as appealing as it might sound on the surface, would wind up boring the socks off anyone with any intelligence, and I told her so.

“But in Father’s Heaven it isn’t so. There is no poverty, no war, no hatred. And people love each other. All the time. It’s hard for everyone to keep their clothes on,” she said with a giggle. My original annoyance at her chattiness was now replaced by curiosity.

“Well, yours certainly sounds more appealing than the Catholic one I was raised with. There Heaven seems like it’s always one long Sunday service in the suburban church in Dayton where I was raised. Lots of repressed white people are there and no one else. Not much sex,” I added with a little laugh.

“You’re from Ohio too? We’re both far from home. I know about those services, I had to go to them too. That’s probably why you don’t believe. I had a father in Ohio but he wasn’t very nice. Not at all like Father in Heaven. Whether it’s Steve or Ellen or Dave, He doesn’t care who I fuck, so long as they love me and I’m happy. He’ll tell me if they don’t love me, and then I won’t see them anymore.”

The coffee was ready. Anne took one sip, and suddenly announced, “Can I use your shower?”

I would have never assented with a stranger normally, but this was no ordinary stranger. “Sure, go ahead.”

“I’m very dirty, and I want to get washed before visiting Father. He’s rather upset if your not clean when you come to see him.” She pulled off her boots as she said this. “Jesus visited last week, and he was all dirty and bloody, and Father made him wash up. I like it when Jesus gets into trouble,” she said with a giggle. I watched, enrapt. Off came her socks, followed by her pants, without a moment’s self-consciousness. She laid them on the chair. “Jesus and I fight a lot, can you guess? Brother-sister thing. I don’t like him. I don’t like Mohammed, he’s Jesus’s friend and always coming by and criticizing me.” Her t-shirt was whipped off, revealing a pale green bra over her moderate breasts. “Buddha is nice. He lives down the street. Sometime I’ll let you meet him.” She walked toward the shower unhooking her bra from the back. “I’m going to shower now, don’t come in,” she said, sounding like a college girl daring her boyfriend in the dorm.

I took the opportunity to sneak a look into her wallet as the water started running. Sure enough, there was a California driver’s license, that said “Heche, Anne” and gave an address near Hollywood.

I dialed Karin. She was not pleased to hear from me at this hour but I had to tell someone.

“Karin, Anne Heche is in my house.”

“A what is in your house? A hache?”

“No, Anne Heche. The actress. Remember, the one who did the scene in ‘Wild Side?’”

She stopped a moment to take this in. “Anne Heche is in your house? What did you do, pick her up in a bar?”

“You know I don’t go pick women up in bars. This is the strange thing - She appeared here about fifteen minutes ago. Like she fell from the sky. There’s no car outside. She’s also acting very strange - calling herself Celestia and saying she’s got a rocketship somewhere waiting to take her up to heaven.”

“’Celestia?’ A rocket ship going to heaven? Are you sure this is Anne Heche?” Karin demanded again. The idea that a celebrity could come here and act like a nut was all too much for her. It was a lot for me to take.

“Shhh. Can you hear her?” I said, holding the phone toward the bathroom. Anne/Celestia was now loudly singing “I’m ‘en-er-y the Eighth, I am.”

“Why is she singing?”

“Well, she’s using my shower,” I burbed, and immediately regretted it.

“She’s in the shower? Is she naked?”

“I suppose so. Unless she takes showers with her clothes on.”

“Jesus, Randy,” she said, and the phone went dead.

I was irritated at myself for making the call. For want of something else to do, I cleaned up the kitchen. Then I heard, “Randal, do you have any shampoo?”

“I have some Head and Shoulders in the cabinet there.” Without hesitating I strode back to the bathroom, where the door was open. I reached in the closet and took out the shampoo, and presented it to the naked and wet Anne, who was clearly visable behind the shower stall. I caught a glimpse of her pale blonde bush. Then, being a gentleman, I left.

I took out some cookies and sipped my coffee. Several minutes later, Anne came out, a biege towel around herself, her hair soaken. It hit me, that perhaps due to being born in the Brigette Bardot era, I find women in towels to be terrifically appealing.

The water seemed to have made her come to her senses. “Randolph? Randal, you said?” she inquired. “Where am I?”

“You’re in a farm outside of Academy, Anne. Do you know how you got here? “ Are you on something?”

“Am I on something?” oh, ho, I’m on life, I’m on Father--”

“Anne, are you on something?” I grabbed her thin arm. “Have you been taking something?”

She tossled her hair. “Yes, it’s the shit, I took some this afternoon. Stop grabbing me. I’ve been going through a lot.”

“What have you taken?”

“Estascy. Have you tried it?”

“No,” I confessed. “I grow some refer. Except for that, I am a total square as far as drugs are concerned.”

“You’ve got some refer?” she said eagerly. I brought her some. After all, she was not behind the wheel or anything. Grass would mellow her out. Besides, I wanted her to stay. Fortunately, there was some in the cabinet right behind.

“I suppose you heard all about me and Ellen,” she said, taking her first drag with one arm while holding the towel to herself with the other, and then handing the refer back to me.

“I don’t pay much attention to what goes on in Hollywood,” I said, feeling the wetness on the refer and wondering if I would ever touch saliva from a movie actress again. “I go out to a movie maybe about once a month, and rent one maybe once a week. You folks might have gone over to ritual cannabalism for all I know. I’m too busy up here.”

“Well, it’s been all over the news. I’ve left Ellen, and a hell of a lot of people think it’s this big crime, and others are making a big deal about it. I spent a lot of time with a cameraman on a project of hers, wound up getting involved with him, I’ve had a lot of work to do, and no time to get things really straightened out. So, yeah, I took some shit this afternoon. I’m just coming down.”

“I thought you were really good in that movie I saw recently...’Come Back to’ I mean, ‘Return to Paradise.’ And I remember I told Karin, you could Vince Vaughn to play me, if anyone wanted to do a story of my life.”

“Yeah, but he was a pain in the ass to work with. And I had to get into a bathtub with him! What else have you seen me in?”

“’Wag the Dog,’ and uh, ‘The Wild Side’”.

“That project was such an embarrasment. It was better when it was never released.”

“Yes, I generally stay clear of movies that feature Christopher Walken in a bad wig,” I said with a little laugh. “But I have to say I thought you were sexy. Not just because you had a love scene, you made it seem as if you, or your character, was really turned on by Joan Chen. Not many actresses could have played it so well. ”

She curled her small feet together at this complement. I noticed her towel was just covering her crotch. “Yeah, it wasn’t hard, she’s a cutie.”

I pushed my foot against hers. She pushed back. Just then there was a sharp rap at the door.

I pulled open the door. Karin strode in, to find Anne still wrapped in that towel, and the scent of weed in the air. She pushed me aside; my feeble explanation was cut short, which was probably for the best. It would only have added stupidity to embarrassment.

“Yes, it is you,” she said, looking over my visitor. “So, Ellen wasn’t enough for you - you had to drive out here and find a commoner. One with a cock.”

Karin walked toward Anne, who got up. She backed Anne up against the counter. Anne again had a wild look in her eyes, as did Karin, who it was clear, was not at all in awe of being in the presence of a movie star. It registered to me that Anne looked incredibly vulnerable there, facing a hundred and twenty pounds of dark-haired, 5’ 9” angry Fresno lab researcher with just a towel around her. “You told Randal you were looking for a - spaceship to heaven.”

“I - I was.” Anne replied.

“You’ve been taking something?” said the perceptive Karin. “Or you think you have a connection with the Almighty?”

Despite my trepidation at Karin’s anger, I was thrilled, I didn’t want this moment to end. “Tell her - Celestia - what your told me. I deserve it for my hospitality to you.” I said in as calm a voice as I could.

“Yes, I stay in heaven,” Anne replied, clutching the towel to herself. “Father’s up there. He loves me very much. More than Jesus. More than anyone. And I was supposed to be there right now, instead of here.”

“Oh, now, why would you want to leave? What is wrong with this place?”

“I’m scared, right now.”

“-Scared of whom, Annie Heche?”

“Of you.”

“Why, there’s nothing to be scared of here, right, Randal? I wouldn’t harm a fly.” While saying this, Karin was but an inch away from her face. “We have everything here for you. We have coffee, we have pot, we have a - shower, obviously. What does heaven have that we don’t have, that you would want to go there?”

“In heaven, in heaven there is no war, no poverty, no suffering, only love.”

“We don’t have any poverty here, do we, Randal? You can see that the cupboards are fully stocked. And there is no love here? Why I love Randal. (This was the first time I had heard this in a while.) I might even learn to love you, our guest. It all depends as to what you define love in your heaven. Is it like this?” Karin asked. She moved her face forward, and touched it against the corner of Anne’s mouth. She then moved over and kissed her full on the lips. “Does that feel like heaven?” I realized that she had her hand beneath the Anne’s towel and she was fingering our guest over her golden curls. Karin’s mouth moved back and she gave Anne a longer, lingering kiss. My penis was becoming uncomfortable beneath my bathrobe. “Am I like the angels up there?”

“Yes. Your kiss is sweet. You could be an angel if you wanted.”

“But you are not here to be served - Celestia. Why do you think your Father in Heaven led you here? Randal and I haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks. I’m sure Randal told you. You think He - your Father - likes that situation?” Karin’s fingers were under the towel and manipulating Anne’s cuntlips with a surprising deftness. Anne’s hand clung to Karin’s arm as her eyes closed in pleasure. “Do you? Can’t you understand He sent you here? Do you know what He wants you to do here?”

“What?” Anne said, barely audible. “How can I please Him?”

Karin put her digit inside our guest, then slowly eased it out. She stepped back. The towel had slipped, and I could see one of Anne’s tits. “Here, Celestia. Start by pleasuring these,” Karin said, and she pulled off her black T-shirt. Her own heavy boobs wavered into view. Karin cupped her right one and Anne moved forward to touch it to her lips. She gave several kisses around the nipple, then took it into her mouth. “oh, yes, oh, yes, oh yes,” Karin purred. She has very sensitive breasts and this had to be a treat.

Anne switched to the other of Karin’s breasts as she clutched the towel over her snatch with the other hand. Hhhhhmmmm, hhhhhmmmm, Karin said as the sucking noises continued. I couldn’t take anymore. Trying to be as soundless as possible, I slipped the bathrobe from my shoulders, and approached the two.

“GET BACK!” Karin snapped at me. You’ve had our fun with her, and she with you. It’s my turn.”

Anne rose. “I really, should go...” she said.

“no, noo, “ Karin said in her softest voice. “Here, Celeste, you gave me some of your Heaven. Don’t pay attention to that man. Now, I’ve got a surprise for you.

Quick as a wink Karin undid her belt and pulled down her beige shorts, pulling off her sneakers as well in one motion. She hopped up on the slicing board in the middle of my kitchen, and smoothly drew down her cotton panties. “What do you think of that, Celestia?”

“Wow...you don’t shave do you? Not even to wear a swimsuit?”

“No. I just leave myself bristling out. --Go ahead, I like feeling someone’s fingers on the hair. Randal thinks I’ll get arrested someday for showing so much pubic hair, but you should see how he fucks me after I wear a bikini to the ocean.”

“Maybe I’d like to fuck him too, Kathy.”

“Karin. I thought you had fucked him.”

“We haven’t. Actually, Randal’s been very nice to me.

“No, I think I’m going to leave his cock where it is. He’ll stick it in your twat, he’ll want to stick it in my twat. His cock gets enough attention. This is the part that deserves your attention.” She guided her cunt up into Anne’s face.

It was terrible, a beautiful movie nude star just a few feet away sucking off my partner. And if I stirred from my chair, it all might be broken.

“Randal is over there stroking his cock, Anne. I don’t know, this is too much for him, he’s going to shoot off his wad before he even touches you. He’s got to, he’s got to be happy that you and I.....that you and I...” Karin’s voice trailed off as Anne’s practiced tongue caught Karin where she wanted it. “Hmmm, that’s good, that’s good.

Oh GOD, FUCK, FUCK FUCK, GOD DON’ STOP--” Karin’s body shook violently as she was brought off. She slid off the cutting surface as Anne stopped her from having a violent fall. “God, oh god, let’s get to the bedroom. Randy, go find some candles for us.”

It took several minutes before I dug up the candles in my half-thinking state and a holder. With trembling hands I got them lit.

I open the door to find Karin reciprocating the pleasure. Her two hands were holding Anne’s body, while her mouth was pressing away at her portal. One thing I immediately noticed was that Anne, like Karin, never shut up while aroused. “yes, yes, I like that, I do, I want more, I’m so glad I’m here Karin.” Her arms flailed wildly behind her, catching the bedstead, the pillows, everything. She arched her back and took in a delicious orgasm from Karin’s tongue.

I set down the candles. As I hoped, Karin finally motioned me to join them. Or her, at least, motioning me on the left side of the bed.

At last, I lay down on the queen sized bed beside them. Karin motioned me behind her, and maneuvered Anne beneath her. My penis slid into from her behind. I was looking forward to fucking our guest, but Karin’s relationship was more important.

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