- Reviews & Essays
- Being America's Youth
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I'm telling you right now, probably more than 50% of the teenagers from 14-19 have already had their first taste of alcohol. In fact, I'm willing to bet that more than 50% of them have been drunk. Every year around prom my high school would put out a wrecked car as testament as to what happens to those who drink and drive... I always wondered if there would be less prom night drunken accidents if students were allowed to have drinks in a controlled environment. I mean, what if they'd been drinking since they were 14, 15 or 16 like most of Europe? We already know that they have less drunken accidents, that can't be because they're THAT much better drivers than Americans after a few drinks.
Here's a thought, what if teenagers could drink - and learned how to drink RESPONSIBLY from their elders - BEFORE they could drive.
But no, America treasures its youth... we coddle and protect them and in reality, keep them from knowing what reality is.
Reality is being able to handle drinking responsibly, reality is being able to hold down a job, reality is keeping track of your finances, reality is being responsible for your own well-being.
Too many of America's youth is growing up thinking that they can all become superstars, that money doesn't have to mean hard work, that their safe little bubble is the way it's always going to be. They have no idea the pitfalls that the real world will bring to them, because adults would rather keep them from the truth... "let them be children, they'll have to grow up soon enough."
God, if only I'd been able to grow up GRADUALLY instead of being thrust into it at college.
Sure, my parents made me get a job in high school (at the tender age of 16), and man did i hate them for it. Especially since I had no control over my bank account... sure I could get money out, but only at their say so. I had to have my mother's signature for EVERYTHING to do with my bank account. Other kids at school didn't have to have a job, they just got to do school and hang out with their friends... even my parents only insisted that I get a summer job.
However, I didn't learn how to use my money then. I didn't have to have a budget... I didn't have to pay for anything other than my own self-indulgences. Eventually they started making me pay for car insurance (which I did grudgingly), but it wasn't until I left for college that they really gave me any financial control. Then, suddenly, I not only had control over my bank account, but they gave me a credit card which was to be used for emergancies only... well, that only lasted as long as they were paying for it. When mom decided that I was using it too often and that I was going to have to start paying for it... silly me who'd never had a credit card before quickly realized that I could have the bill sent to my dorm room.
No more obnoxious parents looking over my shoulder!
See, us youth, we're smart but we're dumb. I'm now in credit card debt that I'm still trying to pay off from college, because once the balance on that card ran out, I got another one. Initially I just wanted to get some of the balance off of the first one so that I wasn't getting fees for going over the balance, but then of course I "really needed" to use one of the cards for something else, and so on and so forth. And because my parents had kept my credit so high, I was getting some pretty large available balances on my new cards... by the end of my first year of college I had 3 of them.
Man was I in trouble when I got home for summer vacation and the bills ended up having to go to my house instead of my dorm room.
But I honestly didn't know any better. You might be sitting there thinking "God, how dumb was this 'smart' kid"... but I'd never had any fiscal responsibility before. I'd never HAD to. My parents took care of all of it for me... If I could go back and do things differently, I would BEG them to let me have control over my bank account much earlier. Possibly as soon as I'd gotten my first job. Trust me, it doesn't take long for kids to figure out that if they take out all the money that they've put in right away, that it sucks (if you want them to save, get them a savings account that they can't touch, but let them have access to a checking!). And then once I'd gotten used to NOT spending all my money immediately, I'd hope that my parents would see that and then get me a credit card with a couple hundred dollars for the limit.
Not enough to get myself into REAL trouble, but definitely enough for me to FEEL like i've gotten myself into real trouble.
It's about teaching youth responsibility, about teaching youth to become ADULTS instead of just big children. My parents couldn't understand how I'd gotten into the straights I was in... I mean, here I was with this 3.65 GPA, Varsity Swimteam, Drama Club, member of the church Youth Group, Chamber Singers AND church choir, and as soon as I'm out of my first year of college I'm in debt. And by the end of my second year of college I had 5 cards and was in MORE debt. And they're sitting there yelling at me because they couldn't figure out where I went wrong, they asked "Didn't you watch us? Didn't you see how we handled money?"
Well I saw PART of it, but watching is never the same as actually learning for yourself.
Today's youth are coddled, sheltered, parents want them to be kids for as long as possible... and then suddenly we're thrown into environments where we're supposed to be adults. With no one having taught us the basics of growing up...
There's very little in between time anymore. It's, "prepare for college" instead of "prepare for life", but we're suddenly supposed to be adults when we graduate high school. We can't get our own bank account, can't vote, can't do anything for ourselves pretty much until we turn 18 - even our driving is now restricted - but we're suddenly expected to KNOW EVERYTHING.
Let me tell you right now, I'm almost 25, I work full time for a health insurance company, and I still have no idea how health insurance works. Why? Because all the adults in my life have always just assumed that I would suddenly know how it goes. I'm picking things up here and there from what I hear around the office, but I'm still not totally sure what a deductible is. My parents threw that word around about auto insurance too.
The first year I had to do my tax returns, they were shocked that I didn't know what I was doing and needed help. Um.... I'm sorry, they don't teach us these life skills in high school. They're too busy preparing us for the rest of our life with calculus and physics. Neither of which, by the way, I have EVER used.
Adults are so shocked to hear the stories coming out from college campuses about binge drinking, wild parties, orgies, riots over football games... but you know what? It's just much their fault as ours. College equates to freedom... suddenly there are older youth around us who are willing to buy the alcohol - because they know that the stuff isn't necessarily evil. And that an introduction to it probably began in high school anyway, and that the only way you're going to learn is to try it for yourself.
College is rebellion, against all the rules and laws set down until we became adults.
Today's youth looks at the things that they're not allowed to do until they're "grown up" - have sex, drink, etc. and then we binge. And why? Because we're given all our access all at once, without any training. Just like with a credit card.
Um.... hello???? Does anyone remember training wheels for bikes? Why don't we get those for life????
There's a deep anger in today's youth... we WANT to be grown up and have it held back by well-meaning parents and government. We don't want to be thrown into the pond, and yet are given no choice. We are told we are irresponsible, that we can't handle certain things yet, that it'll have to wait until we're mature.
And maturity comes when?
I know some thirty year olds that I don't necessarily think should be drinking.
Society happened to today's youth. I hear us called spoiled and self-centered, immature and irresponsible... we're supposed to know how to be any different? Society spoils us, people are more worried about how kids are "feeling" instead of parenting or teaching them any responsibility. God forbid the kid feel bad about himself if he fail a class. God forbid the kid be denied some fashionable label accessory that will let her be part of the in-crowd...
All these things might hurt our poor self-esteem.
Why are today's youth angry? Because more and more we realize that no one has prepared us for the real world where no one will give a shit about our feelings, where dreams don't always come true, and where we might need our money for something more important than a Coach purse. And we grow up to realize the the world we were promised doesn't exist... and that we have absolutely no say in its making.
By the time we hit high school, half of us are still children and the other half are realizing how fucked up everything is. More and more of us see the world we're going to inheirit, with its poverty and pollution, we know the kids in school who don't have health insurance and NEED it. Our arts get taken away, our gym gets taken away, we're tested and tested and tested and know that we know nothing but what's on the test and WE FUCKING KNOW THAT THOSE TESTS ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE US WHAT WE NEED TO ACTUALLY LIVE!
And we have no say in it. Not till we're 18.
God... imagine if children were ACTUALLY trained to become adults, instead of being considered completely children until we're 18... 21. Imagine if we had a SAY in where this country is going, because we're the ones who are going to be alive in 50 years, not the politician who's 75 years old. Imagine if our schools were allowed to actually teach us, instead of having to drop any program which may nurture creativity and using tests that students are prepared for instead of preparing for life.
We are your children.
We are your future.
Look at the newspapers with their stories, with the teenagers dying every year of alcohol related incidents, of the druggies, the 14 year old smokers, the 13 year old pregnancies, the violence and gangs. On the streets where it's not just 12 year olds wearing belly shirts and tube tops, no, 6 year olds are dressed like little sluts now too. Mimicking adults without knowing what they're copying. We know nothing more than to mimick because we don't know how to do for ourselves. The anger you feel just walking through a high school. The desperation and frustration on college campuses... the riots after a football game, the frats and sororities on suspension, the students who every year are failing or dropping out.
We are your children.
We are your future.
We are lost.
And we are what you made us.
- COMMENTS
bottovarnisover 1 year agoexcellent observations! I have thought for a long time (and I've been around a long time) that the entire educational system that parents experience and their children experience is designed to re-enforce and prolong the status quo and to hide the nature of "real life" from the young. Why? Because it's messed up and complex.
Basic economics should be taught beginning in middle school, Alcohol should be gradually introduced with appropriate precautions and education etc. The whole culture needs to wake up or the status quo will remain.
dclovealmost 5 years agoyes today teens are out of control only as parents we do not teach them the right to act we give them every thing but one thing true GUIDANCE give all the toys to keep them out of our way
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoWell, I am not an American, but an Indian. And in 2015, urban India pretty much resembles America today, and the countryside resembles America…in 1930. I did well in high school( I mean in tests) and got admission in a good college in the city. Coming from the countryside( where nobody gives a fuck about plastic money and online shopping) to the city (where if you use cash to buy a gadget the shopkeeper almost thinks you are not ready to use it) was a bigger change than you think it is. Thankfully, my parents did not give me a credit card, they gave me a debit card…and I have managed to finish it’s balance in the first 15 days of the month and had to loan money from my roommate just to buy a decent meal ( though I did not run into a real debt, a silver lining). My parents thought drinking is a social taboo; and my classmates think if you don’t drink, you are not cool enough to hang out with. So, after all those all-night-long parties and cool debates and drama meets, I am so underprepared for my semester exam that I don’t think I will be able to pass even if I read 24 hours a day. So, here I am, surfing porn sites 14 days before my semester exam and come across your essay and learn that my problems are not exclusive, actually they are universal and people can deal with them. I can’t really say how much that means to me.
P.S- I still don’t know anything about tax return and insurance (cause my parents still do those things for me) but after reading this I will make sure I know everything about those before I graduate…I really don’t wanna screw up that bad.
cittranabout 11 years agoNot at the content. That I completely agree with.
No, I'm kinda shocked that, of all places, I found something this...insightful...on Literotica.
Seriously, what the hell is the world coming to when PORN SITES are more educational than our schools are?
Oh wait, that's right -- it's coming to crash down around the current generation.
Mine.
Anonymousabout 11 years agoHonestly this was amazing. You shouldn't be working at a health insurance agency - you should be writing full time! Or be a politician! Except writing won't get you anywhere in life, and you're far too realistic for politics. Such is society. I applaud you for expressing in prose what the youth of America thinks, but usually cannot express as eloquently as a talented writer like yourself - at least the youths that understand what life is actually like.
The Thoughts of a 16 Year-Old Woman
AmeliePoulainover 12 years agoI graduated from high school last year and now I am living in China on my own for a year. Now this is an extreme choice, and I have had to grow up a lot in a short amount of time. I definitely wish my parents had not sheltered me so much and had let me fall a little more. For the most part I have done pretty well. I have a full time job, an apt, and almost completely support myself. I have been pretty good about watching my money and dealing with freedom to drink. In China I can legally drink so I have been trying to not let it get out of hand. I did have an older brother who taught me how to drink the right way and so far I haven't taken it to an extreme here.
However I realize that I have many shortcomings. I lack a lot of self motivation. I had a lot of trouble with job interviews and doing what I need to do without having pressure to do so. My reaction is still to call home when things go wrong. Tell my mom this is hard and I don't want to do this. This essay really spoke to me, and I think I want to extend this to two years. This time with a more realistic idea of how things work and standing more on my own two feet. Not expecting my mom to pick up the pieces of my messes. I just messed up my visa extension and it could have been a very expensive mistake. Thankfully the police let me off with a warning but this could have cost me half a month's salary to fix and forced me to ask my mom for more money.
Anonymousover 12 years agothey always say high school is the best four years of your life, but that doesnt do justice to the huge wall between graduation and the point where most of us are screwed. Id say 80% of this essay matches up with the conclusions ive drawn on life 6 years after graduation.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoI completely agree with you. I'm still in college and I'm not sure if I'll be prepared when I finally get out: I don't know what a deductible is either.
Wulfwinterabout 15 years agoI'm typing this comment in March of 2009, after the USA banking implosion and economic bust. I agree totally with what you wrote -- today's youth are not taught the important things in life. School has always been about theory, and not practicality. Unfortunately, most curriculums focus around what the pundits "think" should be taught, not what is best for the youth.
The heart of the economic troubles mirror what you wrote -- today most people (not just the youth), expect the big house, fancy SUV and all the perks that suburban life bring. The banks collapsed as a result of bad "sub prime mortgages". What does this mean? It means banks were lending money to people to buy houses that they really couldn't afford to buy. Blame who you want -- the republicans for not watchdogging the banks better, the democrats for forcing the banks to lend to anyone who wanted a loan (all in the name of trying to stop discrimination). The reality is, WE are to blame. We wanted the big house, two fancy cars, computers, plasma TVs, etc. etc, etc. Shame on us. My grandparents are probably rolling in their graves.
The last few generations haven't been through a real economic crisis. The last real recession in the U.S. was in the 1970's. We've had a few bad years here and there, but nothing like we are seeing now. Our grandparents (or great grandparents, depending on your age) lived through the Great Depression. During that time the stock market lost 90% of its value, unemployment in the U.S. hit a whopping 25%. That's one out of four of your neighbors unable to feed his family. We're talking bread lines thousands of people long.
I very much doubt we'll see that this time around, but that situation taught our elders to live below their means and to save for a rainy day. Those aren't just cute sayings for them -- it was a scary reality. I hope that this current economic situation forces young people to realize that financial success can be fleeting, and that true financial stability comes with living below your means and saving up.
Next time your wife or husband says "let's buy that big house a few neighborhoods over", or "I'd really like a lexus SUV with all the bells and whistles", think twice.
By the way, if you think the mortgage crisis is bad, economic pundits are saying the credit card crisis looming on the horizon is ten times worse.
All in all though, good story -- hopefully it'll make people think about raising their kids to be more self-sufficient.
lildragonover 15 years agoI have been you. I unfortunately racked up 6 credit cards while a freshman in college and ended up declaring bankruptcy by the age of 24. I went wild at 19 after finally getting out from under the thumb of my stifling parents and ended up doing a weekend in jail. All of this could have been avoided with some teaching. Even though I know I can only blame myself for getting into trouble in the first place.
Anonymousover 15 years agoI felt this a lot when I was a teenager. Many of my classmates were resonating with the same idea - why weren't we learning enough about life skills? why wasn't there a compulsory subject on fiscal matters, like there is for computing? Why did we know nothing about anything important, and yet we were on the cusp of adulthood? Were we meant to somehow learn by intuition the responsibilities of adulthood? Or have some 'common sense'?
Thank you for writing this. It's brought to surface one of the most important issues in the world.
Anonymousover 15 years agoVery good article!<br><br>
"Your children are not your property. They are the arrows you shoot at the future." Khalil Gibran.
I don't know if I got the quote right, but this is the gist of it.<br><br>
I completely agree that it's madness to expect children that never have had the opportunity to learn to cope with life's challenges and disappointments to turn into responsible adults overnight. Parents and teachers have the sacred duty of preparing children for life, and the only way to learn about life is to live it!<br><br>
Parenting has a lot to do with respect. I think that as a parent one should respect the child as a person.
That certainly does NOT mean giving in to every wish! Pampering and spoiling a child gives it a clear message: "you're not capable of doing this yourself." That's deadly for a child's self-esteem. And I strongly believe that a healthy self-esteem is needed to grow into a responsible adult.<br>
No, respecting a child means granting it both freedom and responsibility, expecting it to perform a few duties suitable to its age and capabilities, praise the child for a job well done and express disappointment when he/she performs less than he or she can. Children have an acute sense of the worth of their performance, and they (rightfully!) resent both undeserved praise and undeserved critique. And they respect a parent - or teacher - more when they are granted the respect of attention.
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That is how my parents raised me, my brother and my sister. It worked pretty well, I dare say. All three of us are fairly succesful in life - good education, good jobs, good friends, getting along well with neighbors, and a strong sense of family belonging.
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About a year ago I had a relationship with a woman from overseas. She had a 4 year old son. The relationship didn't last - sad story, no villains, only victims - but for a couple of weeks they were living with me and I was at least partly responsible for the little boy.<br>
I treated him as a person. I expected him to behave like a four year old - almost five - I praised him when he made progress, I chided him when he relapsed. I played along with him when he was playing in his fantasy world, baking imaginary pancakes in an imaginary kitchen and so on. I listened to his questions and answered them as well as I could. I was strict when his behavior called for strictness, lenient when the situation called for leniency.
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Of course, I made some mistakes too. But immediately after realizing that I made a mistake, I apologized to the kid and cleared up the mistake.<br>
Apologizing for a mistake did not diminish my authority. On the contrary. The kid knew very well that I had been wrong, and by apologizing and rectifying I made sure he knew that he could trust me and rely on me, gaining his respect by respecting him.
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In those few weeks that he was living with me he made tremendous progress. He almost completely stopped wetting his bed at night - quite an accomplishment for a 4 year old boy! - he got a far better grip on his temper, his play grew in complexity, and he made friends at kindergarten.
Those few weeks confirmed to me that treating children with respect and expecting them to live up to reasonable standards is a good way to prepare them for adulthood. Those few weeks also confirmed to me that one of the greatest joys in life is aiming those arrows Gibran wrote about, letting them go and watching them fly.
Anonymousabout 16 years agoI completely agree with this. It's incredible how many parents expect their kids to suddenly know exactly what they're responsibilities are and how to carry them out once the clock strikes midnight and they turn 18. I'm lucky because my parents have slowly taught me how to keep track of paying the bills, dealing with my money. They've let me make mistakes- overspending, over-drafting- and have made sure that i know how to avoid going that route. So i completely agree with what you wrote, parents need to teach their kids how to survive once they're legally adults, otherwise we'll just have a lot of big kids running around in huge debt.
