Best Friends Forever

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A night out with best friends Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
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Robertdoc
Robertdoc
769 Followers

December 17, 2012

Having Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in my apartment would be a dream come true for most comedy fans. For a fair share of men in general, I would assume -- even if other potential duos might seem 'hotter' to others.

Still, it was certainly something dreamlike for me -- and not just because I'd been working for Tina the last several months, as she brought '30 Rock' to an end. Yet my dreams didn't involve me picking her and Amy up last night while they were drunk.

I knew Amy was coming by New York for a few days, to help Tina as she wrapped up the show -- and to crack down on work for next month's Golden Globes co-hosting gig. I wasn't aware their working process involved a drunk night on the town. Maybe Tina did it during my days/nights off...

In any case, I wound up having to get them, take them to my place since it was closer, let their friends/family/co-workers know what was happening, then wait for them to thank or bash me for it while hung over. That was a new wrinkle to the dream.

When Tina and Amy woke from their dreams into icky reality, I was halfway prepared for it. Fortunately, they took long enough with my food and water, I was able to get the other halfway there. And since Tina technically didn't have a show anymore, and Amy was on vacation for a few days, they weren't in a hurry to rush through.

However, when they were in their right minds, they hurried up with apologies for me. It was technically my job to care for Tina, but not to that extent. Then again, now that Tina was technically unemployed, she'd have less tasks for me for a while, so I'd take what work I could.

I didn't work for Amy, though, yet it was implied. As Tina's partner-in-crime, frequent co-star and best friend in the world, I took what she said as law too. Still, she wasn't pleased at the thought that drunk Amy abused that power, with aid from drunk Tina.

I was briefly confused on why they even showed up. Tina and Amy had the image of being sensible, regular women -- as regular as two of NBC's rare bright lights could be -- not party girls. I knew Tina wasn't like that -- on the job anyway -- although I knew less about Amy's real routine. I knew they got up to some stuff on those rare times their schedule synched up like this, but nothing more specific.

Of course, there were other things I knew. Like Tina wrapping up 30 Rock right now after seven years. Like Amy being four months removed from divorcing fellow comedy favorite Will Arnett. No wonder these BFF's were letting off some steam to end this rough year while they could -- and got a little too steamy.

In the sad way, I mean.

Yet as they got their wits back, they seemed sadder about inconveniencing me. Despite how Tina was the snarky one and Amy was the sunshine-y one -- at least on TV and half the time in real life -- they were still the same sweethearts at heart. I say that although I'd had more time to see this in Tina than Amy.

But when both of them stopped apologizing, they tread more carefully on what got them so worked up last night. Yet since both of them had ended all important, long term, character defining projects in the span of a few months, I still got the gist.

"You know what we need?" Amy perked up. "I think we need...a night."

"Can I finish getting the last night out of my head and stomach first?" Tina asked

"Not that kind of night. I'm saying we need...a night," Amy repeated, as if that made it more understandable. However, it did for Tina.

"Hold on, we had this year's night months ago. I thought we'd save next year's night for after the Globes," Tina replied.

"Clearly we need an emergency bonus night. We've done it before, remember?" Amy came back, even more above my head.

"You really want a night now? You sure you can't wait a month?" Tina checked.

"Can you? I thought we'd be nighting then and there a few times last night," Amy kept confusing me and enlightening Tina somehow.

"And that's why I got us out of there. If my scrambled brain isn't screwing with me one last time," Tina mentioned.

"Well, this time we can plan it out. Like we always do," Amy argued. "Besides, you can't honestly say you didn't think I'd want this. Or that you didn't want me to want it. Especially now."

"You know better, so don't insult my intelligence," Tina eased up.

"I'm one of the few that can get away with it without being called a sexist. You knew what you were getting into when you gave me that power," Amy teased, as they were at least smiling in their secret BFF language.

"I just figured...if we didn't need a night to get through this, it'd mean we were doing better," Tina said. "Guess night No. 1 just shot that down, huh?"

"We need stress relief we can be sober enough to enjoy. Other than hosting awards shows, being the headliners of what's left of NBC Thursdays, having an Internet filled with worshippers and being moms, what else we got?" Amy questioned.

"When you put it like that, what was I thinking?" Tina seemed to say sarcastically, but not dismissively. After another moment, she thought and added, "Here's something else I'm thinking."

At that point, she remembered she and Amy weren't the only two people in my home.

Turning to me, Tina said, "Once again, we're sorry we put you through this. And confused the hell out of your in our best friend code. And that you joined my team months before I cancelled my own show. For that and a few other things, we owe you."

"And it has something to do with a night?" I guessed.

"Not the drunk night we made you crash," Tina assured. "Once a year, me and Amy have a real nice night out to celebrate our friendship. It pre-dates Galentines Day on Parks and everything. Sometimes we bring other friends if we're in the mood. Today...I think the mood's good enough. Don't you, Amy?"

Amy looked me over and ultimately ruled, "You would know better than me, probably."

"Not that much. But I can guess. And I'm sure you could stand to do some guessing too," Tina came back.

"I could use a rib tickler," Amy figured. "Okay! Bring me up to speed, we'll work out the other details, and we'll meet back here in...six hours, 46 minutes and 15 seconds good enough for you?"

"Do I want to say yes?" I asked semi-seriously. The lack of details was a minus, but a regular, non drunken night with these comic icons -- one of which was already my boss -- all but turned it into a plus.

"I think you will a few times," Amy answered. I thought on that a few times before Tina and Amy left, and a few more times after that.

I stopped asking and wondering enough to actually get ready -- and then asked myself why I didn't ask if I had to be dressed up. I didn't even know where they were taking me, so I could be over or underdressed in humiliating fashion. Since I figured that out too late, I split the difference by putting on my nicest, logo free winter sweater.

I got to see how Tina and Amy split it when they came back 20 minutes later.

Tina had a purple coat on, yet it was unzipped enough for me to see the light black dress underneath. She wasn't flaunting herself with a plunging neckline or a really short skirt -- yet while it wasn't an instant, in your face knockout, a closer look made it clear there was a knockout hidden under there. Some knockout parts, like her long legs, MILF-y hourglass figure and deep brown eyes weren't so easy to hide, though.

Before I got too lost in those thoughts about my boss -- again -- I turned to Amy. She didn't have a coat, so her blue dress, her lower neckline and her own subtle lovely figure caught the eye faster.

Speaking of which, it took longer than I should have to look away from her own deep blue eyes, framed by her blonde hair and an almost knowing smirk -- the same kind of amused smirk Tina sometimes had. BFF's indeed.

"You guys look great. St. Galentine would be proud," I found my voice enough to say. "Hopefully St. Winter isn't too harsh tonight either."

"Nah, that bastard owes us a few favors, so we're good," Amy brushed aside. "Let's go show him and the New York night life what for. Without St. Alcohol's help this time."

Tina and Amy did get the help of their own limo for us, however. It drove us to the restaurant they picked out for us, and picked us up again about an hour and a half later. In between, things really went by in a blur, though not because of too much alcohol.

I wished I was better able to savor my time eating with, talking with and observing Tina and Amy. While they made every effort to include me in the conversations, and while I kept my stories about working for Tina short -- as well as my questions about Parks and Rec and the SNL days -- seeing Tina and Amy lost in their own recollection and stories together was a real highlight.

If they needed to distract themselves from their losses and life changes, I did wonder why they needed me. They seemed to have the weight of the world off of them just fine by talking together. Maybe I was just supposed to be a chaperone so they didn't get too carried away again.

Still, Amy seemed to take more of an interest in me as dinner winded down. Since I'd worked for Tina for months and since Amy was so important to Tina's work and social life, it wasn't like we were total strangers before last night. Yet now we'd finally gotten to the 'getting to actually know you' part of the assistant/bosses' best friend relationship.

That helped kill time until the limo took us to our next destination -- the ice rink in front of 30 Rockefeller Plaza.

Since 30 Rock was Tina and Amy's work home for so many years and projects, Christmas out here was old hat to them. It was still a novelty for me, however, so they indulged me -- and had three pairs of ice skates in the limo to help me out.

Tina and Amy were far more experienced at skating, or at least skating on this rink. Tina helped me keep my balance at first, then Amy went by my side when I got somewhat of a hang of it.

"Don't worry, I won't sue Tina for workplace endangerment if I fall and break something," I told her.

"You're off the clock and she doesn't have a workplace anymore. So you'd be lawyered and wheeled out of court in no time," Amy informed me.

"What a nice pre-Christmas present," I rolled my eyes, in a semi-homage to Tina and Liz Lemon.

"Me and Tina got our share of bad presents this year. Sorry if we've lost our touch in giving out good ones too," Amy offered. "But at least Tina chose to get her gift cancelled, while it was still on top. I didn't...leave on top with mine, though."

"If I understand your meaning of gift right, I'm sorry," I realized.

"It's okay. I needed a night like this to distract her. I knew Tina did too," Amy said. "We've...always had a knack for helping each other with nights like this. Sometimes we need a third wheel for extra help. Or if we're just in a really fun mood."

"Which category do I fall under?" I tried to keep up.

"You're good at being the help. Like you've been since Tina hired you. Says her," Amy complemented. "Now we're getting into the fun mood part. Tina figured you'd be good for that, and she seems like a genius so far. Not a 30 Rock Season 2 level genius, but you got time."

"If I make her look like a Mean Girls level genius, I'll call that a win. Or Parks and Rec Season 3 genius, I'll take that too," I added a bit of truthful sucking up.

"Ah, no longer saving the sucking up for me, eh?" Tina skated by. "Looking to bail out for greener park pastures while you can?"

"Come on, don't make him choose now," Amy urged her.

"Right. Not now," Tina strangely said, yet it seemed to settle things in their BFF secret code. I just concentrated on not falling on the ice in front of them.

Once my knees escaped unscarred, we went off the rink, took our skates off, took some obligatory photos near the giant Christmas tree and found their limo again. I was glad to just sit in a warm limo again, plopping in the middle of the backseat with Amy right on my right.

"Where are we going now?" I inquired.

"I told the family I'd be out for the night," Tina informed. "Amy had her nap in her actual hotel room today. So we might as well wrap it up at your place." Okay. Sounded reasonable enough.

So did Amy resting her head on my right shoulder.

I didn't want to look down at her -- otherwise I'd get a better view of her cleavage, and a closer whiff of her sunshine blond hair. If that...affected me in front of her best friend, getting fired would be the best case scenario. As such, I couldn't bring myself to look at Tina either.

After about a minute, I had to do something, so I just looked down at Amy's face, seeing her eyes were open. "So you're not napping, then," I checked.

"Not that tired," Amy answered, her head still lying next to mine. "No reason to be. Not yet, anyway." Lifting her head up, she continued, "Thanks for letting me warm up, though."

Amy showed her gratitude by kissing my cheek, then spoke again before I could start trying to comment. "Great, must be tired already. I mean, I missed."

Apparently, kissing my lips twice was a direct hit.

Once again, I was unable to comment. At least Amy was smirking at me. Before that made me want to cover that smirk up, I turned to Tina. "No comment? Really?" I asked, hoping she could buy me some time.

"Hey, I'm not that mom kind of best friend. That would make a few things weird," Tina said, as if things weren't already weird. "I can escort you guys to your apartment, but I'm taking off the mom jeans after that. K?"

That wasn't just a reference to one of her SNL sketches. I didn't know what was what right now. But Amy didn't try to kiss me again, and I didn't try to ask her why she kissed me the first time. Tina stayed quiet, then escorted us to my apartment building once the limo stopped.

When we got into my home, I knew it was time for at least two of us to start talking. However, it was Tina who talked instead.

"Okay, look, I know Amy caught you off guard. There's an easy explanation, though. Then again, we've hinted at it a bunch of times already, so if you didn't get it now..." Tina left hanging.

"Look, sometimes being the fucking word mistress doesn't pay off," Amy told her. "For once, let's dumb things down for our audience. Plus I've been waiting to dumb it down with you all night, so..."

I was struck dumb, all right. Dumb, but thankfully not blind when Amy and Tina came together. Or rather, their lips did.

Once I remembered Amy kissed me minutes ago, and was now kissing her best female celebrity friend -- who was kissing back -- I felt dumb in a worse way. "Okay, maybe smarten me up a little..." I asked when they broke apart.

"Once a year we celebrate our friendship. In a special night. That helps us take the edge off," Amy repeated. "And we couldn't wait a few more weeks to waste next year's night. Especially now. And sometimes we need a third wheel when we're in a really fun mood. And you helped get us there, just as Tina said you would. Okay?"

Okay, add sex and same sex best friend kissing to those words, and...yeah. Like in their shows, I got even more out of this on a second review.

"Seriously?" Didn't mean I believed it right away, though. "You two are...you?" I directed at the married Tina. "And you, even when you were..." I directed at the divorced Amy.

"That wasn't why it happened, trust me," Tina assured. "But she still needs help. She wanted me to help her early...so I figured she needed even more help, just to be safe. It's not like she's someone you'd want to pass up helping, right?"

"Of course not!" I defended -- not just because it wasn't wise to tell her I didn't want to fuck her best friend. Or help Tina fuck her. Wow -- and I thought this morning was screwy.

"Good. You might want to find room while you can," Amy said. "I'll do what I can, but I teased Tina long enough already." She wasn't the only one.

Tina jumped back into action by kissing Amy, indeed leaving little room for me to jump in. She backed Amy up against the wall, pinning her against it as she went down to kiss her neck, giving me a little window of opportunity.

With Tina now on Amy's left, I could go to her right. She arched her head back to give Tina more room, and me as well. Noting that Tina was kissing the left of Amy's neck aggressively, I gave the right a long, slow kiss, while moving to lower the right strap of her dress. That forward move balanced it out nicely, especially as my hand drifted down to her chest.

Tina caught up and lowered the left strap, with Amy soon playing her part and wiggling her arms out as well. Before long, we had the top of her dress lowered to expose her round, firm looking breasts.

Her right one felt firm enough on my lips and right hand, though -- and I assumed the left one felt the same on Tina's lips and hand. "Oh, you haven't missed a beat," Amy obviously said to Tina. "You got beginner's luck, too," she followed up with me.

My luck fueled me to fondle and kiss her nipple, then kiss down to her underside. I didn't see Tina's tricks, but one or both of our tricks made Amy hiss out a "Fuck." She grasped the back of both of our heads, leading us to suckle each boob down harder.

In the meantime, my right hand went onto Amy's waist, only to trail down lower and lower. "Mmmm...lower," Amy still said. She then hissed again and I saw Tina beat me to it, placing her hand right between her legs.

After rubbing her for a few moments, Tina backed up. "I'm gonna need easier access here," she explained. Getting the idea, I took my mouth off Amy's breast and backed up, as Amy gave easier access by getting the rest of her dress off.

Once it went down to the floor, Amy was left in nothing but blue panties. Although it was obvious now that Tina was used to her being mostly nude, I was new to it. However, as I took in Amy's nicely shaped form, how age and motherhood had curved her in all the right places, and how her pretty face, eager smile and bright blue eyes were flushed with anticipation, I saw how Tina could have gotten used to it.

"You look great," I told her for the second time tonight. "I guess you know Tina thinks so too."

"I worked it in once or twice before," Tina confirmed. "You haven't even seen the best part. Bear with me while I reacquaint myself, okay?"

Tina dropped to her knees and started to get Amy's panties down. However, I couldn't watch the end result once Amy kissed me, and once I started kissing back.

Amy groaned into my mouth as Tina obviously began working her down below. Nonetheless, I was content to work up further up, kissing and Frenching her mouth while Tina did the same to her pussy. I also put my hands on both her breasts this time, as Amy leaned back against the wall.

My right hand soon went up into Amy's blond hair as my left glided across her chest. Amy's own hand went onto my chest, trailing down to the bottom of my sweater. Getting the hint myself, I backed up to get it off for her.

Now that I had some distance, I could see Tina's head buried between Amy's bare legs and crotch. I saw Amy enjoying it, sparing some appreciation for my upper body. "I can work with that," Amy approved, cuing me to walk back over to her.

Amy's hands went down my chest -- then her small right hand went down further. Right into my pants.

"Seems workable down there, too," Amy continued, right as her hand got into my underwear too. Her left hand finally got a good grip on me, while her right went onto Tina's head. With her hands occupied and my cock getting covered, I covered her mouth back up next.

We kissed faster and more passionately as my hands went back to her tits, stroking them as Amy stroked my cock and Tina's mouth stroked her pussy. My hands did go down her body before long, with my right going around to grasp her backside -- pushing her crotch forward against Tina's face.

Robertdoc
Robertdoc
769 Followers