Best Laid Plans Ch. 05

Chapter 5: What happens in Thortan, Stays in Thortan

I woke up to something snoring. It took me three breaths to realize it wasn't myself. It took me one second to realize who it was.

"OH SHIT!" Jeff Fucking Morrison was sleeping in my bed. This was bad. This was very bad. I checked under the sheets. I was wearing panties and nothing else. Jeff was buck naked. His dick in slumber mode. Oh fucking crap. What the hell had we done last night?

I canvassed my memory banks to the start of everything. Nolan had left after ten to go check up on his bar, and I had sat around lonely and unused till Jeff came up and offered to drive me to the bars. I refused to go to Big Bang, so we went to McNally's instead. I had so many fucking shots of Rumplemint.

"You're going too fast, sugar, slow it down a bit," he said somewhere at the bar. I took the shot knowing it would go down smoother because I was heck-a drunk and heck-a horny now that I hadn't been touched in over three days.

"I'm gonna need a few more of these if you want me to go home with you," I said shooting an umpteenth shot. I licked my lips in anticipation for the next and liking the feel of my tongue on anything. Seriously, I could rub it up against a light pole and it would feel good.

"Fine with me, Cal." Jeff rose his arm to get the bartender's attention and that's all I remembered up until we were fooling around at my house.

The memory surfaced halfway through a shower. I'd closed and locked the door hoping beyond hope that Jeff would get up and leave. After the bar, we had sat on the couch and kissed for a good half hour before he pulled me into the bedroom. His hands were everywhere, staring at my face, drawing down to the seam of my bra, and lower to the button on my Sevens. I wanted so badly to tell my past self to wake up, stop, but it didn't listen. Where was my fucking mother hen?

"So Cal. ." he giggled because he's a fucking nut, ". . get it , SoCal. Wanna get naked?"

"Na-ked." I had giggled too because it seemed appropriate. Oh God no. This cannot have happened.

"Yeah, baby, naked." His fingers slipped between my skin and the waist of my jeans, and I trembled a bit at the feel of hands on my belly. A feather would have sent me into an orgasm at this point. Jeff had always been semi-okay in the love making department. I think with alcohol it made him into a fucking porn star. His fingers grazed the lace of my panties I had put on for mystery date, thinking that I would be making love to some Brad Pitt look-a-like, but instead fooling around with some asshole ex-boyfriend. I sighed waiting till I could travel down the rest of memory lane.

Jeff's hands grabbed my hips placing me exactly where he wanted me, under him. The vivid images of him ripping a hole in the crotch of my jeans surfaced, and I cussed up a storm recalling the incident. Damnit! I liked those jeans. Jeff's snakey son-of-a-bitch fingers had traipsed their way inside of me before I could motion to dismiss. His mouth distracted mine to hush any dispute while he had me writhing with two little fingers. If he was still asleep in my bed when I got through with this shower I was going to cut them off. I remember him wrangling me out of my clothes, except for my panties which I had good drunken sense to keep on. But then his hand moved away.

"Where's that going? Put it back!" I demanded wrapping a finger around his belt loop so he knew I meant business.

"Say please," he cooed.

"Now!" I broke a fingernail trying to unbuckle and unzip him out of his pants. Jeff grabbed my hands and held them overhead while I griped about me being naked and him being clothed. His mouth found every nick and cranny on my neck and I may have agreed to spawn his young.

Jeff has always been able to hold his liquor. All seventy thousand of my brothers and first cousins can drink an entire keg before feeling the least bit tipsy, I have three shots of Rumplemint and I get sloshed. Knowing this, Jeff knew he wouldn't have to work hard at getting me naked. But he also knew if he didn't go fast enough I would pass out mid-fuck.

Jeff eased himself out of the shirt separating my skin from his. The feel of his hard frame on mine gave me goose bumps. Guys are rigid, overly firm, and sometimes I feel like I'm rubbing up against a tree trunk. I get whisker burn from their five-o'clock shadows and bruises when they squeeze too tightly. My kind of sex! Now if I could just have one goddamn orgasm with a guy instead of resorting to a vibrating egg and I'd be one content cow.

Jeff was busy groping, kissing and taking his sweet time not putting the head of his instrument anywhere near me. I was going to explode and he was more involved with my neck than anything else. I had gotten so wet that I think I'd soaked through the mattress and onto the floor below. I grabbed the base of him, flicking my best fuck-me eyes his way, and Jeff forgot about my neck. His breath was ragged. Now we were on the same page. I slid the tip along my panty covered slit hoping that this would give him the picture. But instead, probably because IT guys get as much play as John C. Reilly, Jeff suddenly froze, came all over my stomach, and passed out.

Oh thank Jesus! I guffawed in the shower remembering the whole thing now. I shut off the shower and listened for signs of life. Jeff was still snoring and I was stuck in nothing but a towel. I tip-toed towards the bedroom with the intention of grabbing the necessities and heading to work, but then someone knocked at my door. For chrissake!

My blue robe was nowhere and I had water dripping from my hair onto everything. If it's those goddamn Mormon boys I'm going to bat them off with the hockey stick. It wasn't the Mormons.

"Hey-ya." It was Kevin. He blinked when he saw my attire of towel and wet hair.

"What?"

"I don't have a dvd player." You poor thing. Kevin seemed to have forgotten the rest of his plea. I stepped out onto the porch and closed the door so as not to wake the sleeping, snoring, mistake in the other room.

"So?"

"Can I borrow yours?" Kevin asked toeing at the welcome mat and keeping whatever he was holding behind his back.

"Borrow what?" Jeff asked popping up behind me and wrapping two unwanted arms around my waist. I shoved him away to put some space between his throat and my hands.

"Did you let him watch?" Kevin asked keeping things fresh by making it awkward.

Jeff's eyebrows raised, "Watch what?"

Oh holy Jesus.

"Watched her masturbate?" Kevin asked removing the items from behind his back. Just my luck, it was porn. Jeff's eyes got big and round. I could almost see into his dark black soul.

"What?!"

"I'm really going to need you two to leave now," I said shoving past Jeff who was wearing boxers and socks. I could throw his clothes out the window. It would be like a drive-thru.

"Lucy, you've got some 'splaining to do," Jeff grabbed my arm holding up the towel. It jostled out of my grip and floated to the ground. Kevin dropped the dvds and Jeff grinned. I wanted to punch him.

"Nice ass!" a bystander shouted. I fingered the entire block, my front porch included, pulled away from Jeff, and tramped into the house.

We sat on the couch, I had every item of clothing I owned covering me. Kevin thumbed through his smut collection and Jeff. . . . ., well Jeff was still here which was a problem. He was still one good tug away from being naked as a blue-jay.

"I'm going to be late for work." I announced to no one.

"You let Kevin watch you-," I held up a hand to stop Jeff from talking. It didn't work, "You let him watch you vibrate yourself. Did she come?"

"Oh yeah!" Kevin answered.

"Get over it." I shot back.

"You never come. I've never seen you come during sex. She never comes," Jeff said shaking his head towards Kevin. He was explaining my sexual frustrations with one sentence.

"I'm really going to be late for work!" I shouted.

Jeff held up his hand this time, "You hate your job. You said that over and over again last night. you said you were going to quit and you hadn't even started yet."

"I was drunk! I could have said I was going to turn into a Santa Clause and you wouldn't have held me to it!" We really weren't going anywhere fast. I looked toward the window and watched a jogger pass. I really wished I was running right now.

"You've never come during sex. I wanna see you come!" Jeff griped.

"Yeah, we want to see you come!" Kevin chimed in because he had nothing else better to do. God help me, but I actually thought I needed it. I'd just let my good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend jizz all over my stomach, flashed the entire block, and let Kevin back into my house. If anything, I needed a good juicy orgasm.

"FINE!" I yelled over their chants. What could it hurt. I was getting hot sitting there in two sweaters and three pairs of sweat pants.

They followed me into the bedroom, Kevin taking his spot in the desk chair which I will never be able to sit in again because it has Kevin cooties. Jeff found a spot in the corner where he belongs. I tried to pull both sweaters over my head at the same time, and got caught on my big Irish head. I felt two helping hands guide it up and over my nose, but paused to grope my nipples which had gotten hard from the change in temperature. I kicked that someone in the shin.

"No touching," I said pulling the rest of the sweaters off and recognizing that it was Jeff who'd grabbed me. Big surprise.

"You couldn't get enough of me last night," he said returning to his corner.

"Until you came on my belly and passed out," I shut Jeff's mouth. Kevin smirked and I was getting cold. I remembered the last scenario, but didn't want to waste time with the duct tape. "And no touching yourselves either."

"Whatever," they said in unison.

I had to dig through the drawer to find Barney, giving the boys one long good look at the ass they'd never touch again. It was strange having observers. Kevin was muffling a hum and Jeff had taken baby steps forward to get a better view. Just get this over with Callie, than I can go on to living a loveless life.

I turned on Barney, who buzzed happily in response. I was nowhere near wet though. So I spread my legs a little wider to help out the peanut gallery. Kevin rolled the chair forward. I sped up Barney. The vibrations were giving me tingles all the way down my toes. My heels connected as if magnetized and pushed my hips skyward. I forgot about Kevin and Jeff for almost two minutes until I felt Jeff's fingers once again prodding me in places they weren't allowed. He'd licked his finger and was pushing it into the tight opening. But instead of the normal aggression that spills out of me when he's around, I was welcoming everything he did. My cheeks clenched tight as I felt him tickle the right spots inside because with the added effect of the vibrator, I was getting twice the pleasure. Whenever I'd stuck a finger in the nether regions I usually scraped it against soft tissue and vowed never to touch myself again. Jeff's fingers weren't gentle, but they didn't have nails.

A moan escaped my mouth and instantly I wanted to pull it back in. Jeff's eyes twinkled. There was no denying it. I was loving this. I felt my free hand being placed on top of Jeff's hard on, and I pulled it away. Sorry, Jeff. This is about me, not about you.

I climaxed with Jeff's fingers helping to ride out the waves. He bent over to kiss a nipple and I smacked him away. Kevin had stayed put in his chair this time, but he'd forgotten to muffle his humming. I was laying there practically post-coital listening to a bad version of Grease Lightening. Jeff and I shot each other a befuddled look and shrugged our shoulders.

Two hours late for work and Jeff had to drop me off at my car near the Hoop which to no amazement hadn't been broken into or vandalized because a '95 Saturn Coupe is a joke of its own. We'd been silent since we left the house. I was trying to kick all memories of the incident out of my head, he was probably lingering onto every moment.

"See you around," I said hopping out of his truck and turning to slam the door.

"You really should consider it. You could get a pretty good income with a website like that," Jeff said before I slinked away.

"I'll think about it." I slammed the door and didn't look back. Somehow, this time, I actually did think about it.