Betrayed

"You don't hate him."

"I might not actually hate him because I've been taught that hatred is a negative experience, and the opposite to the love that we are encouraged to have for our fellow man, but at this very moment I cannot find it in my heart to like the man."

"Give it time and you'll yet come to love him again."

"I don't think that will ever happen, my opinion of him now is that he is a selfish and insensitive man who thinks of nothing but his world and no-one other than himself, and until such time as he learns to consider the feelings of others I'll not give the respect that he thinks I should. You of all people should understand my feelings toward him, look at how he has you subservient to his every whim. Is that the unconditional love that Jesus would want him to show me, and you?"

"I gave my pledge to honour him at all times and in all things when we married, and I cannot go back on that promise."

"Did he not promise you the same things?"

"Yes, but I knew what he was like when we made those promises to each other. I didn't expect him to keep his."

"And still you honour yours, is not love a two way street, it is about compromise, not a selfish disregard for the feelings of the other."

"I've made my bed. . . ."

I left early on Monday morning so as not to bump into my father. When Mr Hudson arrived I knocked on his door. "Sir, Andrew, I need to talk to you."

"What is it Ruth? How can I help?"

"You were in church yesterday morning, so you will understand why it is that I simply have to move out of home."

"I felt that he was a little insensitive to your feelings. We had words you know, your father and I. He as much as accused me of seducing you into the ways of the world, an accusation that I, by the way, didn't bother to deny. My dear, you, as do I, have so much to offer this world in which we live, and we can't do that by separating ourselves from it."

"I knew that you'd understand and that is why I need some time off this morning, I'm looking for a place to live and I've seen a couple that are interesting."

"Take all the time that you need, if necessary I can get Celia to cover for you."

"Thank you. I promise that I won't be any longer than necessary."

Andrew did something that I would never have expected. He took me in his arms and kissed me. Oh it wasn't a one of those lust driven passionate kisses that I'd read about, you know the ones when the handsome dashing young lothario first sets out to seduce our heroine, it was more a paternal kiss, more like one that a father gives his daughter in moments of stress. "Ruth, since we've been working closely together I've come to look on you as a friend and not just an employee. I know that you are going through some trying times right now and if there is anything that I can do to help you, you have just to ask." With that he gave me another kiss and I don't know whether it was my imagination, but this time it was more than a father/daughter kiss.

I went to the Real Estate office and asked if I could view the three units that I'd seen in the window. A young man, Simon, was assigned to take me around. "Is this your first time in the rental market?"

"Yes I still live at home with my parents, but I have to move out."

"That's okay, it's just that we may have a few problems because you have no previous rental history. Do you have a steady job?"

"Yes, I work as an office admin officer for Hudson's."

"That's a good company. Do you think that your employer will provide us with a reference?"

"Yes, I'm certain he will."

We had arrived at the first unit. It was small but well set out, with a single large bedroom, a lounge/dining room and compact galley kitchen. The bathroom was set up with a bath and shower combo and vanity basin with the toilet in a separate cubicle in the corner. I was tempted to take it but caution told me to view the other two before making a decision.

When we arrived at the last of the three that I'd chosen to look at I was glad that I'd not acted on my impulse to take the first. This one was so much better, it was bigger than the other two, and the layout was more to my liking and it was even cheaper and by the time that I got back to the Real Estate office I had decided on that one. There was one minor hitch and that was the matter of references. Andrew came to my rescue once more. Simon had just spoken to Andrew and when he hung up he looked at me for a second or two before he spoke and in that short time I was afraid that what was said was not going to be good. "Your boss must think highly of you, he not only gave you an excellent character reference but he guaranteed that if you should get ill or something happens and you find yourself in a tight financial situation, he will make good any payments until you get back on your feet. Not many bosses would go that far."

I blushed and remembered our second kiss this morning. What was I to make of this, I know that I like him very much as a boss, and I respect him for supporting me against my father, but was I reading something into what had happened? Did he have deeper feelings for me, or was I imagining something other than a work relationship in this?

By the time that I arrived back at the office I had the lease of the property in my hand.

"How did it go?" Andrew asked as I sat at my desk.

"I've found a really nice place and now All I have to do is to get some furniture and stuff, I don't want to take stuff from home because I think my father will claim that it was all his. I will take my clothes and books, things that I can't do without."

"If you want to buy anything from the store just let me know and I'll organise finance for you."

"No, I think that I'll visit a couple of second hand shops and see what I can pick up, I want to be able to buy it and not put anything on credit. I don't even have a credit card, Father refused permission, he said that if I couldn't buy it outright I would just have to save up for it. I'll use my lunch breaks to look for stuff."

"If you need extra time, just ask and I'll let you have it."

"I really appreciate all that you're doing for me, and thank you for the reference that you gave the agent."

"It was the least that I could do, after all you are a part of our family here, an important part." He had his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

Father was distant when I got home, he ignored my greeting as I walked in the door and spoke only to Mother during the meal. He didn't even answer a direct question. I went to my room as soon as dinner was over and began to sort my things and pack those things that I would take with me.

"What are you doing?" Mother asked as she came into my room.

"I'm making a start on packing my things, I'm moving out on the weekend."

"I wish you weren't, I don't know what I'll do if you're not here. At least with you here I've got someone to talk to." There was a sadness in her voice that I'd not heard before, it was as if she was faced with the break-up of her family and didn't know what to do.

"Look, you can always come and see me, it's not as if I'll be gallivanting about, one thing that Father did instil in me was to be frugal and all of that costs money, and I don't have friends that I can invite over. You'll be doing me a favour."

It didn't take long for me to gather all of the essentials for my venture into a solo lifestyle and Andrew came to my rescue yet again. I didn't have anywhere for the stores to deliver the stuff to so he had a space cleared in the storeroom for it and arranged for a delivery truck to pick it all up and take it to my unit on Saturday morning.

On Friday afternoon I went down to the store room just to be sure that everything had been delivered and one of the men, Rob, came over as I was looking through it. "So you're responsible for all of this stuff." He said, nodding at the pile.

"Yes it's mine, I'm moving into a unit tomorrow and I needed somewhere to store the stuff. Andrew, Mr Hudson let me keep it here."

"That's okay then." I noticed him staring at me. "You're Ruth, the girl from the office. I didn't recognise you at first but the improvement is amazing, you look halfway decent."

"Gee thanks, now I know what it feels like to be damned by faint praise, it sure beats what I've been used to."

"Let me guess, based on what you used to look like, you were the one that got picked on at school? I'm right aren't I

"Don't rub it in, that's all in the past, what you see here is the new me and I sort of like it."

"I have to agree, I like it too."

I went back up to the office to finish the week's work. "Where do you want your furniture sent?" Andrew asked. I realised that I hadn't told him where my unit was and, as he was organising the truck for tomorrow he needed an address for delivery.

I wrote the address on a slip of paper and gave it to him and he put it in his pocket. "I know that I've told you several times how much I appreciate what you've done for me this week, but I'll tell you again. Andrew, you are the best boos that a girl could ever have, and thank you for all that you've done."

"It's my pleasure, what you've done for me since you came to work here deserves some sort of reward, consider it your reward for you devotion, and your help, I've come to rely heavily on you." He stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders and as I turned to tell him that he was welcome he kissed me again and this time I was certain that it wasn't a paternal kiss.

"Do you think that we should be doing this, what would Celia say if she knew what we've just done?"

"She need not know about it, it can be our secret."

"I guess so, but I don't want it to go any further, it's wrong for us to be even thinking about this."

"Do you think about this?"

The question caught me off guard and I answered without thinking. "Yes I do." I realised too late what it was that I had just admitted to. "I mean, I think about kissing a man, I dream of kissing a man."

"But not me, is that it?"

"No, I mean yes, I don't know what I mean." I was blushing furiously and trying to hide my face from him.

He took my chin in his hand and turned my face to him. "I think about it," He kissed me again, this time harder.

"Stop this, please, you're confusing me. I like you, I like you a lot, but I can't fall in love with you, I won't fall in love with you, it's not right. Please can we stop this so that I can finish here and go home to my parent's place for the last time."

"Very well, I'm sorry for confusing you like this."

Still in my confused state I went home to my father's cold shoulder and my mother's tears.

I woke early the next morning and called a cab. When it arrived I loaded my stuff in and was about to leave when Mother came out of the house. I stopped and waited for her to come to me. "Good-bye Ruthie, I'm sad to see you leave like this, without some form of reconciliation with your father, but I understand how you must feel, God knows I've had the same feelings myself but I haven't had the strength to make a break and leave him. Please take care of yourself, I know that I don't need to say that, but it makes me feel better just saying it." She kissed me and gave me a hug and turned to walk away. I stood and watched her as she walked slowly to the front door. It was then that I noticed the curtain of the living room window fall back into place.

The cab arrived at my new place and the truck was already there, someone must have got out of bed early. The door opened and I was expecting one of the delivery drivers to get out but instead Andrew jumped down from the cabin. "What are you doing here?"

"That's a nice greeting I must say, here I am, giving up my day of decadent idleness to help my favourite employee move house and she asks me what am I doing here."

"I was expecting one of the drivers."

"This is a cost saving measure I'll have you know. If I got one of the drivers to do this I'd have to pay him time and a half. By doing it myself, because I'm staff and not on wages, I come free of charge."

"I'm not complaining."

He came to me and kissed me and I still wasn't complaining. "Let's make a start, we'd better unload the cab or he'll charge a fortune." We grabbed my stuff from the cab and set it down on the pavement. Andrew stood guard over it while I opened up ,and each of us grabbing as much as we could carry, he followed me inside. I was thankful that I chose a ground floor unit, no stairs to climb.

"This is nice, you've chosen well." He put his load down and looked around the room. "I approve, you'll be comfortable here and having parties before you know it."

"I think not, I won't be able to afford to throw parties for the time being, not that I want to, parties and I don't mix."

"They don't mix with the old Ruth, but I can see this becoming party central."

"Dream on, it'll never happen."

"And I was looking forward to an invite to your first party."

For the next hour we carried stuff in and set it up. My new queen sized bed had to be assembled and Andrew proved very capable in that area. When he had finished and we'd placed the mattress on it he picked me up and lowered me onto it. "How does that feel?"

"Much better than my old single bed at home, I can spread out."

"Or you could invite me in." He didn't give me a chance to respond, throwing himself onto the bed beside me, he kissed me, this time there was no doubting his passion.

When I was able to free my lips from his I protested. "Stop that this minute. We shouldn't be doing this, what about your wife, what about Celia?"

"I'll let you in on a secret. Celia and I aren't married and do you know why?"

"No."

"Because we can't get married because she's my sister, that's why."

"What? How is it that I was told on my first day that she was your wife."

"We were new in this town and I found that we had both attracted attention from the locals, I had women accosting me in the street and Celia was getting phone calls from men wanting a date. So we spread the word that we were husband and wife and the harassment stopped. Everyone accepted it, we were living in the same house but what they didn't know was that we each had our own space in that house. Oh we ate together but that's where it ended. We agreed that if either of us found someone that we liked enough to contemplate marriage with, we'd explain the charade." He kissed me again. "Am I forgiven?"

"You're forgiven." I kissed him hungrily on the lips (thank you Mills and Boon). "Are you thirsty, I know I am. Would you like something to drink?" This was moving way too fast for me, I had to gather my thoughts. I jumped off the bed and almost ran to the kitchen to put the jug on and make us a cup of coffee (instant, but that can't be helped).

"Did I frighten you?" Andrew had come into the room and I noticed a bulge in his pants, (had I done that?)

"Yes, I've never been in this situation, I've never been intimate with a man in my life, I don't know what to do and it scares me."

He gathered me into his arms (and yes I could feel the lump in his pants) and hugged me to him "I'll slow down, I got too excited, forgive me, I didn't mean to frighten you. We'll take it slowly for now on, but let me tell you I'm thinking of telling Celia that it's about time to tell the world that we're not husband and wife."

"You might be ready for that step but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I think that I'm in love with you, but my experience in this field is confined to romance novels, and I'm afraid that they're nothing like the real thing."

I had made him coffee many times at work so I didn't need to ask how he liked it. I poured water on the powder and stirred in his one spoon of sugar before pouring a little milk into the cup. He took a sip and put his cup down. "Ruth, I don't know whether you're going to church tomorrow but I won't be there, I have resigned as Treasurer. I couldn't face him knowing how badly he's treated you."

"I don't want you to give up church because of me."

"It's not just because of you, I've been thinking about this for some time. You see, I've found out certain things about him that have caused me to question my association with him."

"What sort of things?"

"I can't say any more at this time, let's just leave it at that."

Now I'm worried, what had my father done? Was it illegal, or immoral, did it involve him being unfaithful to my mother. What was it? I had to know more. "Tell me, was it something that could see him sent to prison? Was it something that would see him lose his ministry? Just how bad is it?"

"I can't tell you the details but it's nothing illegal. I shouldn't have mentioned it, but I had to explain to you that my leaving the church isn't your fault. I have lost my faith over something that he's done, it wasn't a big deal, but it just caused me to lose my faith."

"I can understand that, I'm questioning mine at the moment. I sort of expected someone who preached love as the core of his ideology should at least show love to his daughter. He hasn't"

We finished unpacking and putting everything away in cupboards and drawers and the fridge had been turned on. The last job was my bookshelf and contents. I had opened the box of books and was passing them to Andrew. "Don't you ever read anything other than these books?"

"No, I know they're silly mushy romantic rubbish, but I needed to escape from reality and they're about as far from reality as you can get. I thought that they'd tide me over until the real thing comes along."

"If you believe these you'll probably not recognise the real think when it does come along."

"Like you and me, is this the real thing?"

"I'd like to think so."

"Can you make do with that thought for a little while?"

"I guess that I'll have to, won't I?"

"If you have any feelings for me, then yes."

"My feelings for you have been strong for some time now, and that is why I wanted you to change your appearance. I Know that you'll think it selfish of me, but when we are ready to be recognised as something more than work colleagues, boss and employee, I wanted you to look like the woman that I would be proud to be seen in public with. Before you protest, I would have been proud to be with you the way that you were, but people would get the impression that I was taking advantage of your innocence and naivety, that I was some sort of Svengali, and I didn't want that."

"I realise that, I can imagine the whispers; and what does he see in that timid little mouse? Who does she think she is, she's way out of her depth with him. She must be good in bed if she can land someone like him. He can have any woman he wants, and he's with her. They will not stop until they get an answer and by changing my appearance you have saved me from such questions. Now it'll be that you're Professor Higgins and I'm Eliza Doolittle, the Cockney sparrow that he turned into a graceful swan, I can handle that."

"Do you see yourself as a swan?"

"But of course! Once I was the ugly duckling and now I'm a swan, and for that I can thank you."

"I never look ugly duckling, there has always been the swan in you, it was just hidden by those hideous clothes that you were forced to wear."

"And the hair, don't forget the hair."

"Yes, there was the hair, I have to admit that the hair did hide a lot of the real you."

The whole time that we had been talking we had been moving closer together, both physically and emotionally, and when he bent to kiss me I was more than ready to give in to him, his caresses. His lips on mine were soft and gentle, the tip of his tongue was barely felt as it pushed against my lips. My lips responded by parting to allow his tongue to enter and touch mine. Our mouths opened wider as my passion matched his and one hand that had held my face to his dropped to my breast and began to caress it. My voice struggled to say 'no' and gave up the struggle. The words of Mills and Boon were leaping off the page and telling me that this was the love that I had searched for and that it hadn't lied to me over my years of devoted reading.