Big Bang Theory - Whimsical Ducks

S. 3, Ep. 8 The Adhesive Duck Deficiency. I chose this episode because it has been labeled the best "Shenny" episode...hard to argue.

*****

Cal Tech nerd scientists Leonard Hofstadter and Rajesh Koothrappali were leaning comfortably back in their folding chairs staring at the night sky when Leonard remarked "too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us."

Raj replied, "yeah, it's just not the same without him."

Then they both broke out in laughter. Truth was they were happy to be without Leonard's pain in the ass roommate: Sheldon Cooper. He was their friend, but sometimes his arrogant, egotistical attitude was nearly too much to tolerate. It was true that he was a bona fide genius, but he was too aware of the fact and made sure everyone else knew it. His attitude could be summed up in one statement he used to reply to Leonard's question, "why do you always assume that your opinion is right?"

Sheldon had responded, "oh, it's not an assumption." That was Sheldon in a nutshell...always right, and everyone else was wrong.

Leonard, Raj and their third party member, Howard Wolowitz had driven into the dessert near Pasadena so that they could photograph the Leonid meteor shower without all the ambient light from surrounding buildings interfering. Howard had gone to "scout out" the other observers in the immediate area; always on the prowl for possible sex partners.

Meanwhile back at the apartment shared by Sheldon and Leonard; Sheldon was attempting to place a phone order for food to be delivered by Siam Palace. He was frustrated because they refused to let him order 1/2 of this or 1/3 of something else.

Suddenly he heard a female voice screaming, "Sheldon...help." Hanging up the phone, he ascertained that the voice was coming from the neighboring apartment, where Leonard's girlfriend Penny resided.

Hurrying to her front door, he knocked as usual: knock, knock, knock, "Penny;" knock, knock, knock, "Penny;" knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Hearing her distant reply, "Sheldon, help me," he entered her apartment where he heard her more clearly and advanced to her bedroom door.

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny;" knock, knock, knock, "Penny;" knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

"I'm in the bathroom," he heard her pained reply as he entered her bedroom and paused in front of the bathroom door.

"Should I come back at a better time," he asked, staring at the door.

"Get in here...hurry," Penny ordered; and as his hand went to knock, "and don't you dare knock."

Sheldon entered the bathroom and was confronted with the sight of a soaking wet Penny laying in her bathtub covered by the shower curtain that had pulled loose when she fell. His simple response was, "hello."

"I slipped in the tub and I think I dislocated my shoulder," she stated with a grimace.

"Not surprising...you have no safety mat or adhesive stickers," he observed.

"What," she replied incredulously.

"Tubs are slippery. I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub," he informed her.

"Would you help me up," she pleaded.

"They're holding umbrellas," he added.

"What," Penny asked, perplexed.

"The ducks in my tub. They're whimsical because ducks have neither the need for or ability to hold umbrellas," Sheldon explained.

"Right," Penny answered, "I need to go to the Emergency Room...will you drive me.'

"I don't drive," he answered.

Penny, becoming exasperated, "well, I can't drive."

"Seems we've reached an impasse," Sheldon surmised, "I could call you a cab or an ambulance."

"Owww, I can't wait that long, please drive me," she begged.

"Alright, never let it be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress," he surrendered.

"No one's saying that...let's go," Penny declared.

Howard returned to the nerds campsite and reported on their neighbors, "mostly science nerds, like us, except for two not unattractive middle-school teachers who invited us to join them later."

"Cool, how old," Raj inquired.

"Oh, fifties, but well preserved," Howard related.

"Oh, menopause...nature's birth control," Raj quipped.

"Yeah, they were wearing tie-dye Grateful Dead shirts and driving a vintage VW van," Howard added.

"You can't be that hard up," Leonard asked.

"Yeah, I am," Raj admitted.

"Yep," Howard agreed, "hey they gave me this big bag of chocolate chip cookies," and he held up a large Ziploc bag stuffed with fresh cookies.

"Yeah," Leonard told them, "that's what grandmothers do," and they settled back to sample the baked goods and watch the stars.

Sheldon complained as he opened Penny's dresser drawers looking for some clothes, "I see no organizational system here whatsoever. What panties do you wear on Mondays?"

"I don't need underwear," Penny told him, sitting on her bed wrapped in the dripping shower curtain, "just shorts and a shirt."

"My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident," Sheldon informed her.

"One was already in an accident," Penny replied, rolling her eyes.

Sheldon responded, "that doesn't mean one won't be in another...especially if I'm driving."

Reaching the end of her patience, Penny yelled, "Sheldon...I need clothes."

He quickly grabbed a pair of shorts and shirt from the drawer and offered them to her, "here."

Wrinkling her cute nose, Penny asked, "seriously, those shorts with that top."

"Alright," Sheldon mumbled and reached for a different top."

"No," Penny rejected the choice; and then "no" again to his next choice. Finally, "oh that's cute," and she stood to get dressed.

"We should have you checked for a concussion," Sheldon grumbled.

"OK, you have to help me put these on...but don't look," she instructed.

"Don't look," Sheldon questioned her.

"I don't want you to see me naked," Penny stated.

"Oh that's understandable," he agreed while closing his eyes, "you may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa...they always look and it never ends well."

"Yeah that's great," Penny said, "now you have to help me get my arm into the sleeve," as she struggled to pull the shirt over her head. Standing in front of Sheldon, his eyes closed, Penny was surprised to feel his long bony fingers squeeze her naked right breast. "Is that my arm," she asked sarcastically.

Hesitantly, Sheldon admitted while continuing to fondle her tit, "it doesn't feel like an arm."

"Then maybe you should let it gooo," Penny suggested.

"Alrighty...," Sheldon complied, withdrawing his hands and wiping them on his shirt.

The trio of stargazers was beginning to feel the effects of the "hippie cookies" as they relaxed in their sling chairs and Leonard remarked, "the stars are so pretty."

"Way up in the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky," Howard stated.

"Oh dude, that's so beautiful," Raj complimented him, "you should write that down. It's almost as if you can feel the earth moving."

"Oh...I can feel it," Leonard agreed, "hey, we should take these cookies home and share them with Penny and Sheldon. Penny loves cookies."

"Yeah even Sheldon eats cookies," Howard agreed, "they must be approved food on his planet."

"You're right Leonard...let's go," Raj shouted, getting up and grabbing the bag of hash-laced cookies. They all ran down the hill and piled into the car. It would be morning before they remembered that they had left all of their equipment and laptops in the desert. The return trip took three times as long because none of them could concentrate on the road ahead; their minds kept drifting as well as the vehicle.

The trip to the hospital interminable as Sheldon complained and had to adjust every accessory in the vehicle. When he inquired about the passenger-side mirror, Penny informed him that it was in a parking lot in Hollywood. In pain, she urged him to go faster, "warp speed Mr. Spock."

"Spock did not pilot the Enterprise, he was the Science Officer," he informed her, "but if he had been piloting the ship I'm sure he would have pulled into a service station if the engine light was on. By the way, why do you have the Chinese symbol for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?"

"It' not "soup," it's "courage," Penny corrected him.

"I beg your pardon, but I am quite familiar with the Chinese language," he in turn corrected her.

"Hey, wait a minute, how do you know what's on my right buttock," she inquired.

"I told you," Sheldon admitted, "there is a long history of the hero peeking."

While filling out the required paperwork at the hospital, Sheldon could not help himself from staring at Penny's chest. Her bra-less breasts wobbled inside her shirt and knowing she wasn't wearing any underwear seemed to inexplicably excite him. He tried to dismiss his novel feelings by being particularly logical, but the stirrings kept surfacing. When they arrived back at Penny's apartment, she was in a much better mood due to the medications that had been prescribed. "Now remember you've been given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxant," Sheldon reminded her, "so don't operate any heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool," he added as he turned to leave.

Penny, completely impaired by the strong medications, objected, "wait, you have to help me get into bed." Giggling uncontrollably, she repeated, "Sheldon has to get me into bed...I bet you never thought you'd hear me say that."

"Yes," Sheldon replied drolly, " the candor of your drug addled humor knows no bounds," and they headed to Penny's bedroom; but not before she snatched a bottle of wine from her coffee table. As she walked, she slipped a few more muscle relaxant tablets into the bottle.

"You know it's not a good idea to mix alcohol with prescription medication," Sheldon scolded her, "it says so right on the pill bottle."

"Sweetie, you take your pills your way and I'll take mine my way," Penny informed him as she stumbled into her bedroom. "You know people think you're this weird robot-man who is so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but you're like that movie Wall-e at the end, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs." She sat on the edge of her bed, kicked off her flip-flops and swung her legs onto the bed.

"That's a fairly labored comparison but I appreciate the sentiment behind it," he thanked her as he pulled the covers over her long shapely legs, once again noticing how her breasts swayed beneath her flimsy shirt.

"Sing Soft-Kitty to me," she requested, referring to the children's song Sheldon's grandmother sang to him when he was sick.

"Soft-Kitty is for when you're sick," he objected, "you're not sick."

"Injured and drugged is a kind of sick," Penny pouted and patted the bed next to her.

Reluctantly sitting beside her, Sheldon began, "soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."

She interrupted him and suggested, "let's sing it as a round...I'll start and then you come in. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purrr, purrr, purrr." When he didn't join in, Penny threatened, "I've got all night Sheldon." He immediately started singing and actually enjoyed their duet.

However after several rounds of the soothing song, Sheldon beseeched her, "aren't you sleepy yet. What will it take to get you to fall asleep?"

Penny took a couple swigs from the wine bottle and declared, "my shoulder really doesn't hurt at all. You know the doctor said there was really no damage, just some pain because the muscles and stuff had gotten stretched when it popped out of place." She proceeded to remove her sling and tell Sheldon, "you need to give me a massage so I can relax and go to sleep." The wine and additional muscle relaxants were quickly taking affect as she tugged her blouse over her head and turned over on her stomach, "there is a bottle of baby oil on the night stand...let's go...chop, chop," she giggled.

Having seen her naked breasts for a second time that evening, Sheldon was stunned into silence as he automatically reached for the baby oil. Being careful not to splatter the oil on his Batman t-shirt, he squirted baby oil on his hands, rubbed then together and placed them firmly between Penny's creamy shoulders. Leaning over her prone body, Sheldon began to rub her back in circular, overlapping motions, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin against his girlish hands. It was only natural for the obsessive Sheldon to attempt to spread oil on every inch of exposed skin, and he massaged Penny's sides all the way down to where her ample breasts flattened out beneath her. "Ohhh, that feels so good Sheldon," she moaned, her body wriggling.

Sheldon was startled when she raised her torso ever so slightly, allowing him to caress her incredibly soft breasts, gently massaging baby oil into her wonderful mounds. Her nipples felt like gumdrops as his slender fingers roamed across them. "Oh Sheldon you have magic hands... like Merlin, right...wasn't he a famous wizard," she exclaimed, laying back down flat on the bed.

"Umm, yes Merlin was a mythical wizard, you made a correct analogy," Sheldon assured her," are you getting sleepy yet." Since her soft chest was no longer accessible, he continued to rub her back, running his hands down to where the top of her round ass cheeks were visible because her loose fitting shorts had been pushed down by her movements in bed.

"Do you think my ass is too big," she inquired.

"Too big for what," Sheldon asked, "you must quantify your question. It seems the perfect size for your pants...and is definitely proportional to the rest of your body; if that's what you mean."

"Oooo Sheldon you old sweet talker," Penny chuckled, "did you just pay me a compliment. Did you just say you like my ass?"

"Oh good Lord," Sheldon blushed, "I merely said it was a good size for you. Where do you come up with these ideas, and why would you ask me a question like that."

Her words were slurring slightly now and Sheldon hoped it meant she was close to napping, but she surprised him (and almost pushed him off the bed) by flipping over on her back, exposing her beautiful breasts to him for the third time that night. "Because you are the smartest person I know and I value your opinion," she informed him. If she had been more lucid, she would have realized that there was no easier way to stroke his ego than to compliment his intelligence. Reaching up to cup her own tits, she asked, "what do you think of my breasts. Leonard says they're perfect, but I think that's just because I let him play with them...and suck on them...and run his hard cock between them...I miss Leonard."

"Yes, we all do," Sheldon responded, slightly embarrassed.

"So, Mr. Merlin Wizard, what do you think of my breasts," she mumbled.

"Well the areola are a tad asymmetrical, but certainly nothing to worry about; they are also proportional to your body."

"So you like my tits," she giggled, "would you like to touch them."

Momentarily flustered, Sheldon quickly recovered, "if you mean will I massage your chest...I guess that would be acceptable." He reapplied baby oil to his hands and placed them firmly on top of Penny's magnificent 35 C breasts. They really were a work of art, and even Sheldon noticed how pink her areola and nipples were. As she lay on her back, her breasts flattened out slightly on her chest, but were incredibly firm. He massaged them in perfect circles, watching them jiggle under his touch. Sheldon had never responded to sexual stimulus like a typical male, but even he felt a stirring between his legs as he caressed Penny's wonderful tits.

"That feels so nice sweetie," she purred, "would you sing to me again."

Without even objecting, he began, "soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."

Suddenly they heard Penny's front door burst open and Leonard's voice, "Penny...Sheldon are you here, we tried the apartment but no one was there. We brought you some amazing cookies."

Leonard, Howard and Raj froze for a second as they heard Sheldon's voice coming from the bedroom, "happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purrr, purrr, purrr."

Their heads were already fuzzy from the cookies and they just stood there staring at each other for a couple minutes before Leonard headed for the open door of the bedroom, "Penny, are you OK." When he reached the bedroom, he saw Sheldon with his hands on Penny's naked tits as she lay back on her bed. "What the...," was all he could verbalize, as his mind was bombarded by numerous scenarios.

Penny looked over, saw Leonard standing there with his mouth open and immediately jumped out of bed, dumping Sheldon on the floor. She ran across the room with her arms out, her incredible tits bouncing, and yelling, "sweetie, my hero...you came to rescue me. How did you know I was hurt. My psychic says that soul mates just sense when something is wrong." Jumping into his arms, she smothered Leonard with kisses. Just happy to be received in that manner, Leonard returned her embrace and squeezed her perfect ass in his hands.

"Yeah, that's it...I sensed something was wrong," Leonard fibbed, "and also I brought you cookies."

Howard and Raj stuck their heads through the doorway and Raj asked, "is everything OK, we thought we heard Sheldon in here."

Penny released Leonard and went running to the door to greet them, her magnificent tits flopping against her chest, "you came to rescue me too...you guys are my heroes too."

Their eyes threatened to bulge out of their sockets as they watched the half-naked blonde goddess approach them with her arms wide. It was evident that Raj was under the influence of the cookies when he was actually able to talk to Penny, "it is so good to see you too, Penny...and I do mean see you."

She hugged him tight and then moved to Howard, throwing her arms around him and pulling him close. Without the wine and medication cocktail, she would never have even touched Howard, who she considered creepy and sleazy, but she hugged him tightly. Not wanting to seem obvious, Howard ran his hands up over her ass and hugged her waist, keeping her close to him even after she began to pull away. When she was done with her greetings, Penny returned to Leonard's side, took his hand and led him to the bed. As they sat, he finally asked, "sooo, what's been going on here."

"Oh it's a long story," Penny began and before she could continue, Sheldon interrupted:

"did someone mention cookies?"

Howard held up the bag and Sheldon snatched it, "Oh goody, goody...cookies...gimme."

"Oh if you guys are thirsty, I have wine," Penny offered, grabbing the bottle off the nightstand and handing it to Raj.

"I'll go get some glasses," he volunteered and headed toward the kitchen. When he returned he brought some empty jelly jars for glasses and poured everyone, except Sheldon, a full glass.

Munching heartily on the marijuana-laced cookies, Sheldon began, "I wouldn't drink that wine if I were..." Before he could finish his warning, everyone had gulped down the entire contents of their glass. "I don't know why I even bother," he sighed.

Penny picked her discarded sling up off the floor, kind of like a grade-school "show & tell," and began to relate the entire night's saga. Neither she nor Leonard seemed to think it was even the slightest bit out of the ordinary that she was regaling them on her adventures while completely topless. Raj and Howard were attempting to concentrate on her voice, but could not take their eyes off her magnificent breasts, that were jiggling with every move. By the time she was finished, everyone in the room was under the influence of at least muscle relaxant, wine and hippie-recipe cookies (add in strong pain killer for Penny). Sheldon's intoxication was solely due to the special cookies, but sense his system was so intolerant, he was completely impaired. "...and that's how Mr. Merlin Wizard came to the aid of a damsel in distress," Penny concluded, "and you know what, my shoulder doesn't hurt a bit...at least I can't feel it," she giggled.